Puke, Poop, and Lots of Love

Here lately I have been on a serious de-cluttering mission. I have just got to where, I don't need it or use it I am sure someone else will. Louden's baby clothes were in that mix as well. I have a friend that is due March 9th (Same DD as mine just a year later!) with a little boy so most of the clothes went there. I was sad going through the 3 totes of stuff but kept 1 tote for me as a memory set. Kind of like what I did with Victoria. Its good to see their clothes get used again. Another thing was I cut all my hair off! Yup, sure did! I was getting to the point either it went it or I was going to go it. But also it was long enough that I could donate it to the Locks of love!It was super sweet that the salon I had it cut at does the cut and style for free as well as send it in to the Locks of Love. I don't care about recognition so it didn't bother me for them to send it, all I car about is a kid that needs a kickin' hair style is going to be sporting some serious hair. Gives ya that warm fuzzy feeling =) 

Bye bye hair! I hope you enjoy your new life!

As well as the de-cluttering, I have been trying to get our food budget under control. Here lately I have really been turning to The Pioneer woman Cooks. She has some really good cheap recipes! Of course I have to pick and choose but her stuff is awesome! Last night I made her whiskey glazed carrots minus the whiskey and while Matthew, Louden and I gobbled them up, Victoria just licked the glaze off. Ahhhh the beauty of having a picky eating 2 year old.... Thank goodness this is just a phase. I really enjoy cooking and its nice to have my daughter help me, because I hope that it will in turn teach her how to cook and be creative with her cooking. I just plop her little butt up on our small counter (my biggest regret about this townhouse, the kitchen) and we do it together. Its a great way to help teach colors and counting along with veggies and HOT!
 Well I suppose it is time to get my day started. I have a lot to do and really don't want to do any of it. One perk for the day is a much needed play date at the mall and I can finally pick my necklace up that has been sitting there since December. Cheers (with coffee) to keeping warm and having fun!

Its been a while since I posted something so it is due. Just want to share a little something that happened to me today. I was on my way to the moms group playdate at a mall playground and was in the elevator when a man and his wife hopped on as well. The guy was talking to the kids about Santa Claus and was saying how cute they are when he asked me how much longer did I have on # 3. I politely told him that I was not pregnant and that this was left over from those two. He then continue to say, instead of just shutting up, that good, 2 is enough anyhow. Really? Wow. The nerve of some people. But truth be told this is a well earned body from 3 babies. So this is where my story really begins. I moved to Charleston, WV in February of '05 and by April I was pregnant with Matthew's and I first child. I was ecstatic and scared shitless at the same time. We both were working in a restaurant doing management stuff  and neither one of us knew what we were going to do but we had each other and that is all that we needed. My pregnancy was a shock to many, as a matter of fact the first time I met his mother we told her I was pregnant. Talk about first impressions. We were due January 26th, my mother in laws birthday. Everything with my pregnancy was going great and I was gaining weight pretty good, probably more then I should, but the baby was healthy and striving! This is our first ultrasound. June 20th 2005.
Just a squirming away. I had a nice little bump and feeling good. On July 27th I had some bleeding and went to the ER. After 5 nurses trying to find the heartbeat they FINALLY did an ultrasound. With an intern in the room we were given the news that there was no heartbeat. The baby has died. They sent me home. Later that night, I bled and bled and bled. We went back to the ER and from there things were a blur. I remember that I had no color and my BP was extremely low. I lost a lot of blood and had to be sent for a emergency DNC. This was the worst day of my life. I remember asking the nurse after I woke up what was the baby,a boy or a girl. She told me a boy. I don't know if she lied to make me feel better but to this day, he is still remembered as Crash Kimble to me. Matthew and I use to joke that is what we were going to name him if he was a boy. They put me on the DEPO shot before I was able to leave the hospital, and since I was too drugged up Matthew had to sign the forms. It was something about their policy that I had to be on some method of BC before discharge. Bullshit. I gained 50 pounds between the depression and the shot. I am 1 in 4 and I still celebrate his birth/ due date and I mourn July 27th as if I wish it never happened. Life has a fucked up way of happening. Everyone would say "oh it happened for a reason, or it was Gods plan" Bullshit, they never lost a baby. He would of been 5 the 26th. To have something make such an impact on your life in such a short period of time amazes me. My son, my angel. I still think of you and I know you are watching over your little sister and brother. I will meet you one day.

Fast forward a few years, married and in Texas. Sept 06 2007, a big fat positive! We have been trying hard core for the longest time to get pregnant and that day finally came! A huge flood of emotions that would scare anyone out of trying again but it is soooo well worth it. Through the heartache, pain and loss we were going again. By the end of my pregnancy I was 5 1/2 feet around and measuring 45 weeks. I had a road map of stretch marks and even though I took pics of my belly with clothes on, I wish I had some of my belly and all its deep red stretch mark glory.

That was on my official due date and still no baby. Yes, I was miserable. Its flippin hot in Texas late May. I went in for my visit on the 30th and my OB set me up to be induced that night due to the size of the baby. My little girl, Victoria was born healthy at 3:30pm May 31st 2008 after 45 minutes of pushing and laughing while pushing. She had the cord wrapped around her neck twice and Dr. Adkins had to cut it in order for me to push her out. She didn't cry when they laid her on my chest, but she was staring at me with those big blue eyes and my world spinned so hard that it was better then any drug ever! My baby. Mine. Here in my arms and healthy. God, thank you. I couldn't ask for more. That year flew by. I lost the weight but I had a hard time dealing with my body. The 3 inches of extra skin on my tummy, the deep gouges of stretch marks, the separated ab muscles that will never see flatness again and then I found this site that a friend of mine pointed me to. The Shape of a Mother. This helped me so much, knowing that there were in fact others out there like me. That had the marks, the so called flaws as I saw them then. Now I see each and everyone of them as honor badges. I carried a 9 lb 9.9oz baby and I EARNED every single one of those bad boys. You will never catch me in a bikini but that is ok... I never wore them anyhow! Even after giving birth to Louden, I gained the weight but lost it within a month, just like Victoria. Thank you Breastfeeding goodness, I have a bare belly pic with Louden but I am saving that one for his birthday post!  I am happy with how my body looks. There is always room for improvement and it will happen but right now I am content being a size 11 jeans and 168 pounds. So Mister, that can't keep your rude comments to yourself, I have two beautiful babies and I am one proud momma and if you don't like my body, well I never asked you to look in the first place.

Ok I am seriously getting sick of hearing that...  A year of new beginnings... I pray so for some. The pain that they felt in 2010 shouldn't of been something they had to experience. There are a few people that I am thinking of for this. One is my best friend, another is my father in law and step mother in law for a totally different reason. They are dealing with every parents worst nightmare... their kid and drugs. This just hasn't been going on the past year but for years... same thing over and over... anyways, that really isn't something that I want to go into. Matthew's brother, mentioned above, was suppose to get in the car and come back with us to start his road to recovery and a new life away from the so called friends that supply him with the drugs. Yeah, didn't happen. I wish I knew why. I don't know if it is because he got scared or because he isn't ready to get away from the drugs that is killing him and his parents. I noticed something when I got back. I didn't take any pictures of him. Subconsciously I think it was because #1 he looks like shit, now when I say that I mean it. He looks like one foot in deaths door. And another is because I do not want my kids to see a picture of him like that. This isn't something I want them to remember him like. So it may of been a day of 2 that he hasn't done anything when we saw him at New Years but still the evidence of what the drugs have done is there. I am praying that here in a few days his dad will have him packed up and on his way here. I really hope so... That is a little of my beef with that. I know I could go on for a lot longer and one heck of a rant but I won't. Not the place or the time besides we had lots of fun in Charleston over the weekend! We just pretty much hung out with family and relaxed. Did a bit of drinking on New Years Eve and recovered the next day... On top of being sick I might add. I am so glad Louden takes a bottle when needed. The weather was beautiful on the 1st. Victoria and I took a long walk and I got to satisfy my photography itch by taking just a few pics but most of all, I enjoyed walking with her and talking about sticks and water and rocks.

We were soon joined by Paw Paw and she really liked that. This little girl loves her some PawPaw. It was funny, because she got up this morning and asked for him. It wasn't long that she grabbed his hand and was walking beside him.


Well we are back home and I am seriously trying to curb the Two-itude. That would be the two year old attitude that has over taken my daughter. She blatantly ignores me even when I am right in front of her... Ahhhhh! I just have to step back and remember she is 2.... The potty training is going good EXCEPT she is pooping in her panties! So frustrating! I am trying the bribery method now and hoping that it will work. I am so tired of hand washing crap out of her panties... trust me tho, more than one has ended up in the trash can. Yuck! Louden in all this is sick and snotty as can be and just miserable. Poor thing :( I had to hold him down yesterday to shoot some saline up his nose and suck it out with the blue bulb thing. Gross and cruel I know but he couldn't breath he was so stopped up. When it comes to just wiping his nose it is a fight! That boy is strong! On a sad and happy note, I am starting to plan his first birthday. First birthday! Really! wow! But yeah, we are planning it for March 6th weekend so we are hoping all our family can come up and celebrate it with us. It is fun planning it but really, a year old... I still can't believe it.

So to start this new year out right, I am sick and both the kids are sick... blah. But I have a big ol' pot of Northern Bean soup starting and the house smells wonderful. Getting ready to do the first cleaning of the new year and just really hope to get this house organized. I am hoping to de clutter my house and get it painted. First project of the month is the small hall bathroom! Paint and tile! Ok it may be vinyl tile but oh well! It is better than blue carpet, especially since it has had poop on it and pee and blood from the cat Cooter. Ok it just needs outta there. I have a bookcase down in the garage I need to finish stripping and painting but that may be a spring project. So much to do, I am ready to make this house our home with our styles. New changes for this year and lots of love carried over from the last.