It's 6 h 17min away from book in. Book in has never been a pleasant experience for me but being posted to SGC jus made it worse. At least SisPEc and tekong had transport to and from camp. here it's tucked away in some uber ulu corner that i dunno if it's still considered part of singapore. Even the cemeteries are more accessible! As if that is not enough, we go in to be verbally AND physically abused by our instructors.
Since BMT, I've heard enough of my commanders comparing again and again my platoon with previous batches that they have taken. Once again A levels vs Poly blah blah blah. "Good with theory but not very practical - did u take physics?" Give us a break! It's the first time we broke track and we were playing around with the tools, trying to get used to the process and there u had to be passing such judgemental comments, as if we are absolutely useless. We dont even get a chance to familiarise ourselves and these people, who are most seasoned of veterans, shoot their mouths off at us. If you are unhappy with the system (or with signing on for tt matter), go tell the top brass, dont take it out on us. If you think A levels shldnt take on such duties, go tell the bigwigs - we have no say in many things! Why can't our commanders take us for what it is and evaluate us more fairly and not be comparing us to the good old days or previous courses. Every course is different and they shldnt superimpose stereotypes or their views on us. Training objectives have to be met but the approach is really diff for diff people. haiz. If there is one thing all of my commanders need, they need patience and less of a smothering touch. Sometimes, i dun even know how i can go back wk after wk and survive. Seems like the system has ingrained something in me. Im a proud product of the syst.
On a lighter note, Gaius and it seems Jim are coming over for AIOCC. can my next PC be someone tt i know? at least it'll be easier to get along and there will be less of not seeing eye to eye....i think. haha
One Day I'll Fly Away -Moulin Rouge OST
I follow the night,
cant stand the light.
When will i begin,
to live again?
One day i'll fly away,
leave all these to yesterday.
What more could your love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends...
One day i'll fly away,
leave all these to yesterday.
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends...
One day i'll fly away,
Fly, fly away.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Some people really go unnoticed in life, not till you become less obsessed with your life.
The SFI aunties boarded our chartered book-out bus when we waited for some guy who forgot his trainee pass. Of course, like bernard i was rather peeved cos we had to wait but when i saw this SFI auntie clamber on board, my heart kind of went out to her. at her age, she really shouldnt be serving food to a whole bunch of ungrateful NSFs, standing all day long washing dishes and clearing all the tonnes of uneaten leftovers and swill that accumulate jus becos NSFs nowadays are too pampered. and the supervisors who mus be breathing down their necks to stick to prescribed portion sizes or not working fast enough or not cooking enough food. and all of us jus work through each meal, 3 times a day dismissing them as the aunties who ought to serve cos they are paid (a pitance though, i think) by SFI, whose absence would not be missed. come to think of it, she's serving NS too, just that for her, there's no ORD or ROD. i feel really really sorry for them. people treat them like robots who would most routinely scoop food onto our platters every meal. and think of the number of people they have to serve. It's really not easy being an SFI aunty. we go outfield once in a while, they prepare for battle 3 times a day, not taking into consideration night snacks. if our training is tedious, theirs has no end. SAF should give them an honourary 3SG rank at the very least.
Then there are the caregivers to the elderly. My family hired a maid specially to look after my ailing grandma. Since she is warded in hospital now, i went to visit her earlier in the day. It was rather depressing to see a WHOLE ward of old people being put together, staring into space. i think ah mah would not have liked the environment very much. ah mah today is a far cry from my memories of her when i was young. i used to live with her and our daily routine of marketing, cooking, studying, playing and story-telling is still etched in my mind. She was an omniscient presence compared to my parents back then, who were always working. Now, she lies in the hospital bed, too weak to walk. and her mouth moves incessantly, like chewing on something that can never be broken down. worst of all, she cant even recognise me or remember her own name now. So Rosaly's main job was to take care of her and so along she goes to CGH when ahmah was admitted. It was amazing listening to Rosaly giving my father a report of what ahmah did before we arrived and what she helped her do. and looking ard the ward, at almost every other bed, there was a foreign domestic helper looking after the sick. even most of the nurses were not locals. It's amazing how these women can put down everything back home, come to a foreign land and dedicate their lives to total strangers. something most locals would shun totally due to the long hours. is it merely a case of "money makes the world go round", or the prospect of providing a better life for loved ones back home?
While the latter may be a great driving force, I still must salute these women, for making such huge sacrifices, to care, cook and clean for their charge, 24/7. It is definitely more tiring than a 28km route march with an end pt in sight. The black sheep aside, how can there still be cases of maid-abuse coming out every now and then? are Singaporeans an ungrateful lot? or is it due to the superannuated mindset of paying for one's slave, which they are not in the first place? Whatever the case, i think most of us would appreciate a good maid when we see one.
When specific names get mentioned for contributing to nation-building and cohesion, for being "ordinary people who do extraordinary stuff", think of all these people and more, without whom, many things in our little bubble would not be possible. The people who get mentioned may be deserving, but those who remain in the shadows are the ones who we should really give our thanks to. Somebody announce SEVEN public holidays in their honour!
***************************************
It was enlistment day for mono-intake armour yesterday. Saw many recruits who looked totally blank and sad, as I mus have had on my first day. Heads shaven and not shaven. Civvies and admin. Doing chin ups before meals. Annoyances that still bug me now. On my way to being an SAF commander, i really dont know what i will become. i cannot imagine brandon or wenhao spewing expletives over every little thing. or kp for that matter. anw, to all new enlistees, welcome to the army. jus as how knowledge is never returning to a point of not knowing, being conscripted is a pt of no return - you are ensnared by the SAF for the next 12 years of your life. :)
The SFI aunties boarded our chartered book-out bus when we waited for some guy who forgot his trainee pass. Of course, like bernard i was rather peeved cos we had to wait but when i saw this SFI auntie clamber on board, my heart kind of went out to her. at her age, she really shouldnt be serving food to a whole bunch of ungrateful NSFs, standing all day long washing dishes and clearing all the tonnes of uneaten leftovers and swill that accumulate jus becos NSFs nowadays are too pampered. and the supervisors who mus be breathing down their necks to stick to prescribed portion sizes or not working fast enough or not cooking enough food. and all of us jus work through each meal, 3 times a day dismissing them as the aunties who ought to serve cos they are paid (a pitance though, i think) by SFI, whose absence would not be missed. come to think of it, she's serving NS too, just that for her, there's no ORD or ROD. i feel really really sorry for them. people treat them like robots who would most routinely scoop food onto our platters every meal. and think of the number of people they have to serve. It's really not easy being an SFI aunty. we go outfield once in a while, they prepare for battle 3 times a day, not taking into consideration night snacks. if our training is tedious, theirs has no end. SAF should give them an honourary 3SG rank at the very least.
Then there are the caregivers to the elderly. My family hired a maid specially to look after my ailing grandma. Since she is warded in hospital now, i went to visit her earlier in the day. It was rather depressing to see a WHOLE ward of old people being put together, staring into space. i think ah mah would not have liked the environment very much. ah mah today is a far cry from my memories of her when i was young. i used to live with her and our daily routine of marketing, cooking, studying, playing and story-telling is still etched in my mind. She was an omniscient presence compared to my parents back then, who were always working. Now, she lies in the hospital bed, too weak to walk. and her mouth moves incessantly, like chewing on something that can never be broken down. worst of all, she cant even recognise me or remember her own name now. So Rosaly's main job was to take care of her and so along she goes to CGH when ahmah was admitted. It was amazing listening to Rosaly giving my father a report of what ahmah did before we arrived and what she helped her do. and looking ard the ward, at almost every other bed, there was a foreign domestic helper looking after the sick. even most of the nurses were not locals. It's amazing how these women can put down everything back home, come to a foreign land and dedicate their lives to total strangers. something most locals would shun totally due to the long hours. is it merely a case of "money makes the world go round", or the prospect of providing a better life for loved ones back home?
While the latter may be a great driving force, I still must salute these women, for making such huge sacrifices, to care, cook and clean for their charge, 24/7. It is definitely more tiring than a 28km route march with an end pt in sight. The black sheep aside, how can there still be cases of maid-abuse coming out every now and then? are Singaporeans an ungrateful lot? or is it due to the superannuated mindset of paying for one's slave, which they are not in the first place? Whatever the case, i think most of us would appreciate a good maid when we see one.
When specific names get mentioned for contributing to nation-building and cohesion, for being "ordinary people who do extraordinary stuff", think of all these people and more, without whom, many things in our little bubble would not be possible. The people who get mentioned may be deserving, but those who remain in the shadows are the ones who we should really give our thanks to. Somebody announce SEVEN public holidays in their honour!
***************************************
It was enlistment day for mono-intake armour yesterday. Saw many recruits who looked totally blank and sad, as I mus have had on my first day. Heads shaven and not shaven. Civvies and admin. Doing chin ups before meals. Annoyances that still bug me now. On my way to being an SAF commander, i really dont know what i will become. i cannot imagine brandon or wenhao spewing expletives over every little thing. or kp for that matter. anw, to all new enlistees, welcome to the army. jus as how knowledge is never returning to a point of not knowing, being conscripted is a pt of no return - you are ensnared by the SAF for the next 12 years of your life. :)
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Not going to OCS was perhaps the best thing that happened to me in nS, until i was asked the reason why in my final interview. I was caught off guard, totally unaware that it was coming. i was expecting things like research, the industry and even climate change and how it'd affect our resources and then i got asked that. Increasingly annoyed at the question, i shot back with, "there's nothing wrong with that," in the midst of verbal diarrhoea. It was an attempt at trying to disguise my shock but i guess if i went on it'd have made matters worse. But heck with that. i went on to say that specs and offrs knew the same stuff, jus that the offrs were more involved in planning and administration(more detached) and i liked being on the grd, interacting with people. It makes me feel, not that i like being in muck and green everytime but at least i can empathise with the rest and have a better sense of what is going on. And then they shot back, each claiming to be what? Col(NS), Maj.(NS), LTC(NS) and even a lowly LTA(NS). OOPS, big mistake i made. what was i then? a mere PTE back then, passing out to be a CPL (only, it seems to them).
"Perceived to be lacking in command." Right. it's all a matter of elitism that has gripped our nation-state without signs of loosening its hold in the near future. Not when everything has to be the best. look at how many awards are given to "the best" or "top" or "gold with honours" or "distinctions" compared to good progress awards and those of that nature. well at least we are not as pressurised as those in Nihon. Both offrs and specs have their places in the system. and we need good ppl in both roles. and even though i know that there are really deserving ppl in OCS rite now, i've also heard of ppl who have escaped the system, jus as it was in sispec. The system will always be an ideal and what happens in reality will nvr be that. if not, why will ideals exist when it can actually be achieved? Warrant Teo said at the start of the course that those who made it to OCS were merely more lucky than us who ended up in sispec, not better in any way.... Well, it depends on how we look at things and for me, being assigned to golf was the best thing tt happened to me. motivated to achieve is much better than being whipped to produce results. and i disagree with the luck thing. We are jus meant to do different things in life and to do it well, without regrets, to the best of our ability.
Met with kp eugene at vincent's yesterday. RISK is a long-drawn affair and i suggest we set a time limit the next time we play. and kp said russell pereira was his PC at 1gds,HAHA. it's a small world after all. yes, that 6th AERIUS house rep, russell, who was also from soccer and prom king 2004. kp said tt he sucked big time, always NATA and being sarcastic. Daggers in his smile. haha, and i was like, how bad can a house rep be? i mean i saw khalid, glenn and jian hong at PS course in sispec and they seemed to be really amiable.
well, perhaps it's an OCS thing, the products coming from there have not really been up to standard as of late, or so says a survey by DSTA. we all concurred that warrants are so much better. like how kp's PC helped to wash the boot-washing area when they were all rushing to book out. I can NEVER imagine a commissioned officer doing that. perhaps it's something that happened in OCS that caused them to be like that: cold, aloof, condescending even. or maebe they became so disillusioned with their unit lives that they become cynical and unfeeling sometimes towards their men. or maebe it's jus a facade of professionalism at work, a barrier erected to prevent personal feelings from mixing with work. and tt's a way to protect oneself. I really hope that the people(ARE YOU ALL SEEING THIS?) who i know in OCS rite now will not turn out to be tt way. it will be a pity... A rank will always jus be tt but as a person we can be much much more. I dont want to be a draconian martinet but jus me, who talks sense(help me with this) and get things out of the way ane me, who cares.
****
I hope i get the letter of offer soon. i really cant rest easy till i see for myself what is on the letter. SMSes are not good enought. and not least till we've signed the contract. i mus be really desperate to "fly away, leave all these to yesterday." haha. and i knew since i was sec 1 wow. something in me jus wants to go and i dont know why. perhaps it's escapsim, which i hope it's not. or maebe it's a novel idea that somehow did not die away. and vincent said tt such processes are very inefficient. does no good to anxious, panicky me. well, tmr is reporting day at ATI also. jus adds to the excitement doesnt it?
"Perceived to be lacking in command." Right. it's all a matter of elitism that has gripped our nation-state without signs of loosening its hold in the near future. Not when everything has to be the best. look at how many awards are given to "the best" or "top" or "gold with honours" or "distinctions" compared to good progress awards and those of that nature. well at least we are not as pressurised as those in Nihon. Both offrs and specs have their places in the system. and we need good ppl in both roles. and even though i know that there are really deserving ppl in OCS rite now, i've also heard of ppl who have escaped the system, jus as it was in sispec. The system will always be an ideal and what happens in reality will nvr be that. if not, why will ideals exist when it can actually be achieved? Warrant Teo said at the start of the course that those who made it to OCS were merely more lucky than us who ended up in sispec, not better in any way.... Well, it depends on how we look at things and for me, being assigned to golf was the best thing tt happened to me. motivated to achieve is much better than being whipped to produce results. and i disagree with the luck thing. We are jus meant to do different things in life and to do it well, without regrets, to the best of our ability.
Met with kp eugene at vincent's yesterday. RISK is a long-drawn affair and i suggest we set a time limit the next time we play. and kp said russell pereira was his PC at 1gds,HAHA. it's a small world after all. yes, that 6th AERIUS house rep, russell, who was also from soccer and prom king 2004. kp said tt he sucked big time, always NATA and being sarcastic. Daggers in his smile. haha, and i was like, how bad can a house rep be? i mean i saw khalid, glenn and jian hong at PS course in sispec and they seemed to be really amiable.
well, perhaps it's an OCS thing, the products coming from there have not really been up to standard as of late, or so says a survey by DSTA. we all concurred that warrants are so much better. like how kp's PC helped to wash the boot-washing area when they were all rushing to book out. I can NEVER imagine a commissioned officer doing that. perhaps it's something that happened in OCS that caused them to be like that: cold, aloof, condescending even. or maebe they became so disillusioned with their unit lives that they become cynical and unfeeling sometimes towards their men. or maebe it's jus a facade of professionalism at work, a barrier erected to prevent personal feelings from mixing with work. and tt's a way to protect oneself. I really hope that the people(ARE YOU ALL SEEING THIS?) who i know in OCS rite now will not turn out to be tt way. it will be a pity... A rank will always jus be tt but as a person we can be much much more. I dont want to be a draconian martinet but jus me, who talks sense(help me with this) and get things out of the way ane me, who cares.
****
I hope i get the letter of offer soon. i really cant rest easy till i see for myself what is on the letter. SMSes are not good enought. and not least till we've signed the contract. i mus be really desperate to "fly away, leave all these to yesterday." haha. and i knew since i was sec 1 wow. something in me jus wants to go and i dont know why. perhaps it's escapsim, which i hope it's not. or maebe it's a novel idea that somehow did not die away. and vincent said tt such processes are very inefficient. does no good to anxious, panicky me. well, tmr is reporting day at ATI also. jus adds to the excitement doesnt it?
Thursday, June 01, 2006
This one week leave seems so surreal. The world is whizzing past and i am just sitting there, watching. I liked breakfast today with wx, golden rays cast on green foilage and people scurrying to work. How i wished everyday was like that. NS really reduced me to a drone, as if everyday had the same routine, with slight variations in the "lessons". And so i was bored at home. Then i decided to go find diana at her workplace. surprise surprise, it was a sight to behold. and she still cannot make good latte yet. i guess she'll learn, before flying off to King's college for Law. It's amazing but i nvr imagined her doing that. The world is a cruel place. Then somehow, i randomly met up with michelle and ylang. they happened to be shopping in the area and were trying to get purple jello for aerius parteh on sat. it felt good seeing people that u haven got a chance to see or properly talk to for sometime. Those 2 were, according to themselves, bumming ard all the time. haha. and kai ru came along aft work. Seeing people move on made me feel a sense of loss, as if there was something that i didnt get to do. and the sch term is starting soon. University, the next phase in life...for some. I felt really ancient at that thought. like somehow being left behind in time and space. Whoever said being adults were free? i say they are saddled with much more responsibilities. OK im talking very randomly here. me thoughts are disorganised but i cannot help it since it's been like a month since i last blogged. nvr knew how i wuld feel if i had to attend school where i really dun want to go. it has nvr happened before i hope it will nvr happen ever. If the army has given me anything, it has taught me to live by the day. and is that really a bad thing? i dont know. i jus dont want to think so far ahead cos it's causing a HUGE migraine. maebe that's a reason to downgrade pes...
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