clinging and movin on.

Why is it that some things donch seem to matter as much until they happen to you?

Left diana's yesterday too early. bulk of the crowd wasnt even there yet. hmm. kinda disappointing but wad to do? there's only so much i can do with so little time. And weiming's was short-lived too, thanks to AHM / SBR today. oh well but at least it was still enjoyable. really want to go back and see wad cathigh has become but stupid course wont end till early oct. long way to go, esp when the 40th BSLC ppl are going to be sgts like 3 wks aft we pass out. bummer. 3 mth gap becomes 1 mth............

SBR today was rather enjoyable actually, had it not been for the rain. kelvin HAD TO run 10 km so we got totally drenched after the 7km mark. if we had done 6, we'd prolly be dry and thankful under the milo umbrellas like nicholas and cheesiong. What i REALLY dun understand is why bother herding all non-competitive runners together towards the end pt? makes things SOOOOo frustrating when the queue is slow-moving and im really hot(ok soaked) and tired. they should have jus made it more open. and we couldnt leave rite aft we came back, which made matters worse cos we were jus huddling under the milo umbrellas or standing outside those, a small dot in a sea of green padang. helplessness abounds.

Still have to book in tonight. and bobby said that tmr is a SAF-wide off-day. wadever happened to us? as usual all our offs wad not got taken away! snatched! robbeD! and being on course is NOT an excuse. sometimes they are jus out to get us. btu at least i get to skip all of this week's SOC. hehe

Went back for PastVSPresent in NJ today. It was pretty much a flop but it was gooood to see my ex-gpmates and council friends. It's like everyone represented a fragment of a memory, waiting to be relived. Alas, moments can never be relived - somehow, something will be different. It's not fair to our memories to try and recreate it. Love 'em. hate 'em. I think the most pathetic thing is to be apathetic. Good + Bad + what my mind chose to remember = me. The i-couldnt-be-bothered mentality jus means a life lived for nothing, wasted.

And i met 2 gps of friends for lunch and dinner. It felt wonderful to be able to satisfy my cravings and hunger and to know that people are moving on with their lives at the same time. Hall life, prelims, promos, PW. and yes, NS. The things that are yet to be seem so exciting and those that have passed simply hold many beautiful memories. what would i do without them? maebe i'll jus be another product of a sterile, and indifferent mechanism.

It's been 7 mths since i left NJ and ppl are already going to university. It's all so exciting and so saddd at the same time. Stuck in NS, on course somemore, that's sad. but no matter. somehow, i've got past 7 mths - hopefully it'll get better. If only i could erase all acts and thoughts of aggression from the world. with an eraser.

Basic Main range was quite slack actually, save being part of ammo party. Hated the noise from the main gun and MGs. Guess i'll nvr like live firing at all. it's too violent and im jus meek ol' me. and it's not easy identifying targets. SGT andrew got scolded by KOH cos apparently i was shooting at the Left limit at night. when the dntss couldnt even tell tt it was the left limit!

am currently displeased with another KOH. all the kohs are mean, mean boys! robbed us of our half day AND wanted to put the other half on the day before we leave for ROC. when it's supposed to be there already anyway. bunch of cheats and liars. personal time is especially important to NSFs. how dare u snatch it away just like that?! a million and one things i could say but shall stop here for now.

Outfield on fri was tough. maebe becos i haven been outfield for a long time. and the BX 25 is really stuffy and hot, even with the fans on. Hopefully i can go thru next wk's laggering peacefully. and pass the SBC. why are there stupid and weird requirements to pass course? as if staying in and burning weekends for the course shows not enough determination and committment for us to pass. they just want to make things difficult, SOC, IPPT and what not. 3 days of R&R in ROC cannot compensate for 3 weekends burnt too. :(

My WPN got pilfered when i was mounting OVM onto the vehicle. and it's not even mine, it's a spare one, which was parked so far away. had the orignial been there it wouldnt have happened cos EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING THE SAME THING AS WE DID. and i shld have jus let them take away the other 4 weapons, silly me. thankfully, the book out was late and the confinement ended eaRly. so early that we had to wake the DO.

Start of sch is always so exciting. even though im not attending, knowing from friends who have attended orientation make me want to go SO much. i miss schooling AND the perks of being a student. at least there's more freedom out there. and the environment is more friendly. i guess i'll nvr be able to leave sch behind completely. I have a feeling working life is not v diff from NS. :(

Saw grandma at CGH today. mymy was she thin. 28.5 kg. how to weigh so little. and apparently it's an increase alr, from 23. haiz. kinda resigned to see her bony arms wrestling around in restlessness. at least she can still reply in teochew. have and never will understand dialect me think. completely foreign at times, and somehow other things i can make out. weirdness.

oh and plans to blow up planes midair have been foiled. it's great really as it has meant we have stopped loss of innocent lives. But the aftermath is that travelling has now become a chore. even the most innocuous SAF water bottle cannot be brought on board, for fear of containing highly explosive liquids. the next thing we know suicide bombers will swallow 2 thin bags of reactive chemicals and wait till the plane is cruising through the clouds before jumpin in mid air, allowing the bags to burst and blow themselves and the plane up. flying will never be the same again. not that i'd prefer to be blown up but doesnt this deprivation of our little material comforts just mean a victory for the Osamas of the world? somehow ive the feeling that theyve won either way. maebe im jus being stupid here but it is their aim to disrupt the flow of things in the world and inspire fear in innocent people right? I've jus gotten more paranoid than ever! some people will never understand the sanctity of life.

i jus love and hate my section. it's complicated.