clinging and movin on.

I still havent got used to the fact that my cousin, 4 yrs older than me, has gotten married. Yesterday was the first time i was called Uncle, as in relative uncle. and somehow it made me feel really old and nostalgic all at once. Some time ago, i was like them, uninhibitedly expressing all my needs, wants, thoughts and fears and giggling at the slightest things. Childlike innocence i'd call it, that has simply but gone from me...or has it? and the adults would either pander to every whim OR give a certain disapproving stare. but they will be forgiven cos they are children. Grown-ups on the other hand are more self-conscious, inhibited by the need to maintain a modicum of decorum as they are seen to be more mature and hence charged with responsibilities. and we are expected to know how to react, or rather, act in certain situations, almost like a TYS to life. TCH! and i dont like that. It's stifling, unnatural, almost like living with Big Brother. or perhaps im just not a person to freely express myself - it's a curse.

Nevertheless i enjoyed the addition of jovis and jovan to the family. Ever since my aunt first died 10 years ago and my grandmother last yr, i've nvr felt like that again, such exuberance and carefree attitude. it's contagious, especially when they were recounting scenes from shrek 3 (which was a million times better than zodiac and i STILL REMEMBER, tyvM). Childlike innocence cant be gotten from many nowadays. When the toys that you play mean so much to you that you'd give a dollar to someone who'd fix it for you, even though a dollar probably means the world to you at a time when pocket money was given in coins or at most purple notes. and the most ironic part is that a dollar could be inconsequential to the adult that you are asking to fix the toy, for he could spend more trying to fix or replace it. and all that is represented by the colossal dollar.

jovis tried to imitate me eating ice and i thought i taught her the bad thing. jovan looked kinda crushed when i said i cant wear the shrek mask into camp, which i put on despite them squealing in fear that the rubber band may break. and jovan asked to come to my house, which i remembered doing too when i met someone that i liked and back then it was my cousins. It's refreshing, such really pure and innocent encounters, unlike the self-proclaimed jian hong-esque ones. but perhaps i havent seen the full story yet. same old cynicism kicking in. wadever.

Went to visit malarial andy yesterday, when i saw bottles of liquid bubbles on display at his shop. Right then i had the urge to pluck out those plastic tips and blow through them, visualising the many bubbles that would form. But propriety got the better of me and i placed back the bottle into its original position... it's been so long since i last blew or saw bubbles. and right after that a little boy walked past, leaving a rainbow bubble in his wake. i miss the bubble-blowing days. life was much simpler and i didnt have 1001 qns all the time. the bubbles break when disturbed, just as quickly and easily as they evolve from the plastic straws.

Zodiac gave pretty bad indigestion fell asleep twice (and i didnt do so in born into brothels, when i had watched pirates 3 earlier that day). I dont know why the reviewers gave it 4.5*s. personally, it wasnt even worth 2 stars. obssessive-compulsive behaviour, infecting both the cartoonist and the serial kliler didnt make for a riveting film. shld have persuaded everyone else to watch infamous...or shrek 3! it's all my fault....or rather the one who believed that 4.5 stars was worth watching, you know who you are stop acting blur! im not retarded, so shut it! =S

enjoyed the light-hearted moments in shrek, even though some themes were pretty much corny and trite but at least they are easier to relate to and real. Nice to relive fairy tales and to know what happens after happily-ever-after. All things nice, cute and cuddly makes such a good break for the "event should diplomacy and deterrence fail, to secure a swift and decisive victory." Cartoons and animations are DifferenT and it's not a waste of money to watch it in the cinema. period. mm, Ratatouille looks gd. Jus like movies, not any ol' animation's gd. for eg, look at "legend of the sea". i shall not bother to elaborate.

who wants to watch infamous? i think the run's ending....:(

After i did the MyORD package, ive come to realise that my NS unit will be different from everyone else. They'll be called back to service even while in the IHL stage while im rotting in faraway land. That basically means i'll be set back by 4 ICTs AND i'll have to know & work with new people...from scratch. and i hate it. not that i mind missing the creatures but then again creatures are the same whereever i go so i'd rather stick to the old ones. at least i have an inkling of what makes them tick....i'll miss all my fellow tamers. i hope i'll be put in the same NS unit. but judging from the absolutely abysmal MyORD, i can only be optimistically pessimistic at best. perhaps OC or S1 can do something abt that? but who am i kidding? we are merely gears in the grand design, which would not malfunction if some of it's parts get chipped or worn out.

Im not ready to leave 20 yrs behind and start elsewhere. i cant bring it all with me so what will i bring? I knew it'd come to this and still i went ahead with it. It'll be stupid to stop everything now cos the only thing between now and that is time. I dont want to come back and see someone from my past and feel the good many years that i missed. or perhaps i wont feel that way becos i'll have a gd 4 years out there. ask the trees which have been plucked from their nurseries and transplanted into our beautifully engineered roads and boulevards. would we really know how they feel? this is my crisis, i'll deal with it, like i always have. i want to do this but i dont know how. someone will tell me. but what, i dont know. someone will bestow me strength but they'll be leeched so dry that there wont be bones left. i feel bound by what has been and what will be. that's why now matters. and im not retarded, so shut it.