clinging and movin on.

ms lim IMed today to say that she's putting my name down for chem relief. yay. and ive submitted my resume to MFA for perusal and consideration. shall see which comes along

Relief:

Pros-
Short hours = more time for other things.
get back in touch with sch!!!

Cons-
School's far
Not very exciting.
prolly have to add tuition or something.
Not much value-adding...

MFA:

Pros -
Probably higher pay than relief.
More valuable experience.
YSY's company

Cons-
Long hours = less flexibility.
Inaccessible workplace!!
Like NS...

Too little info at the moment. when can i get more info to make an informed choice? not exactly helping that nobody reads their emails at stat boards and ministries. jus going to go ahead then. heck propriety.

The ORD parade was a surreal experience. The illusion of night masked many of the imperfections, making it seem as if a lot of effort was put into personal turnout and drill. Done in the day, everyone would have looked lackadaisical but in the night, it all seemed soldierly. How clever of them to hold it at night. or perhaps it was a symbolic enough event that people will act for regardless race, langauage and religion? seriously, dont know what they are thinking. since when have symbols or virtues mattered much to those people anyway in an age of instant gratification, hedonism and wanton consumerism.

I'm just happy that it's over.

I had a sudden outbreak of rashes after a run on tuesday. it was such a grotesque transformation or shall i say misfiguration that more than several people were stunned beyond words upon coming across me. I belive for a moment i was the new Medusa. aptly M. back to the pt of the rashes, i was truly despondent that it could have been due to the prawns that i had for dinner. No prawns = no to many foods = a truly hum drum existence for me. truly. and i was pretty dismayed that it could have been due to my own perspiration. not that i'd miss torturing myself but that means no IPPT incentives = min $2000 for 10 ICTs...and the possibility of downgrading:)

Hence, with unwavering determination(okay, slightly) i decided to have fried hokkien mee at the canteen for supper on wednesday. kindly teddy and jianan donated 2 prawns each so that makes a grand total of 6 tantalising crustaceans. thankfully 3 hrs later, i had yet to transmogrify into "the thing" or my OC who came a-visiting would have had a most visible shock of his life. and mz said he would slap me if he saw me if i had transformed during the night. No tight slaps means a prawn for dinner today. :)

After putting off running on wednesday(i slept in to skip SOC and coy run only to be arrowed to clean the veh shed...), i decided to test the perspiration theory today by running around the neighbourhood. No weird tingling, stinging sensations, no misshapen lumps trying to break free of my epidermis to gasp for air. That's a good sign. Half-way through the static i was fatigued beyond believe and still no lumps:) The session concluded with me trying to walk back home in good shape. So the perspiration theory has been...proven wrong. Which was kind of weird since the stinging got worse that night when i rubbed my temples with the beads of excreta rolling down my cheeks in the ambulance that fateful night...

This brings me to conclude that it could have been a mix of many things: dissolved gases, POL from the Ultra servicing when i ran past the veh shed, other weird things in the dinner that night, or simply a case of bed bugs and dirty laundry / bedlinen. Whatever the case, im glad that it's not tasty shrimps nor slimy excreta that has caused the abrupt case of acute urticaria http://www.allergyhospital.co.uk/urticaria.htm: Exercising after eating certain foods such as wheat, celery and shellfish might provoke delayed urticaria now i know). hopefully it's a once-off thing.

need to send in my resume to MFA for a temp position. how wonderful when the recruiter said that," ...it'll not be unlike army." FOOYI didnt reply to my mail so i guess it's ok to go ahead?

Just finished The Devil and Miss Pyrm by Paulo Coelho, in which there were a few rather interesting ideas.

The first was that people in general are cowards, who don't stand up for what's right or who take the easy way out by standing by as things go wrong. It's always easier to live and let live than pick a fight over trivial things or shall i say over principles. but this is like a seed once sown, that will sprout into a seedling and bloom into a tree. if i can condone this, what can i not condone? People want to do things differently but at the cusp of change are afraid and tend to be comforted by the complacency of routine, of which i am guilty but more often than not, am shoved beyond my comfort zone. wadever. and we choose not to see this cowardice but live with it unconsciously. those that are aware choose not to act on it.

The second idea that i discovered was that people are neither good nor evil but instruments of good and evil. The capacity for human benevolence is equivalent to the human capacity for malevolence. That people commit kind or evil deeds not based on their nature but rather circumstances. . Were they evil to want to kill for 10 gold bars that would secure not only the livelihood of generations but also the restitution of their fading settlement, a symbol of hope and achievement? they disarmed their weapons at the last moment as the gold may not be able to be exchanged for money but remained as worthless metal. were they kind to have let off the old woman, for committing the murder would only add to guilt with a certain possibility that the gold cannot be converted to cash? The sacrifice of one for the salvation of many (the greater good) was incited by one but nurtured into action by the agenda of a few.

The third idea and my favourite, was that our lives are reigned by fear and hence our actions are motivated by fear. Fear of success for the resulting envy; fear of failure for rejection; fear of being a social misfit and thus the desire to socialise, the fear of not being able to provide bread and butter and hence the motivation to work; the fear of being labelled as useless and thus the need to pursue an education. What i really liked was the fear of being punished and hence people follow the rules of society. That people do not behave themselves becos they want to but becos they are afraid of being punished. so what does that make of deviants to the mainstream, of those who refuse to conform? Values are made up to make it easier for us to behave becos we are petrified of the ramifications of potentially socially undesirable behaviour.

Of course for every view there is an opposing viewpt, thanks to Ms V. being ever the cynic, i am more inclined towards coelho's ideas but i guess they were portrayed to the extreme and made the reader want to treat it with caution. i want to belive that humankind is good by nature, that bravery and valour exist and that we do things because we want to not because we dont want something else. but i also realise that the truth is often far from what i want and always somewhere in between. and coelho made it all the more obvious. lofty ideals should be placed in perspective. balance needs to be struck when i decide whether or not the person who just stepped out of line needs to be told off.

***

ORD function was yesterday and over in...quite a while. Sad to say, i came from BMTC and then SISPEC and ATI, so i couldnt really feel the camaraderie of the 7th mono, established thru the gruelling syllabus of BMT and the trade and setion / plt courses. i can easily feel more for my fellow specialists because of a shared history and a common identity (tt's so SS!!)...the rest...we are all nSFs? haha. surprisingly, as i watched the videos, waves of nostalgia did not flood me as when i was in sch, both schs and even aisl. i felt rather detached, as if i were merely an observer. dont get me wrong NS taught me many things and i met many people, some wonderful, others not, and im grateful. but how unifying were the experiences? something that needs to be relooked. maebe cos it's a transition period for the organisation as well. or maybe i jus find it harder and harder to feel...

太愛了...　

所以我...　

沒有哭...　

沒有說...

stef sun is great...and the lyricists...and the composers.

hopefully i dont have the emotional range of a teaspoon at the spec. farewell next wk.

was hving dinner with my aunt and father on saturday when they started discussing joint pain, glucosamine, brisk-walking and taichi. that's quite a change from my dad's heydays of smoking, mahjong and late night supper at 2 to jogging to now...taichi. And the way they kept using the word "youngsters" made me feel awkward, even more so since we were are far east. Imagine listening to horror stories of stiff fingers in the morning or waking up in the middle of the night, not to go pee or because it's too hot or cold but because of acute knee-joint pain due to the airconditioning. With talk of such senescence and greying issues, i guess it puts life more in perspective, especially since ive barely left teenage years. and my heart beats faster with each complain of aches and pains. is it some form of dastardly disease yet to be detected? call me paranoid but the frailty of life is more...palpable? i can understand why qin tshi-huang wanted to attain immortaliy...the fear of growing old and all its related ailments but that was a bit...extreme. Unable to deal with reality perhaps? due to his despotic nature?? i dont know. what i do know is that on the threshold of adulthood, many things are not looking what they used to be as before. lost in innocence results in a gain in wisdom? or are there many side reactions that do not result in 1-for-1 exchange?

education is compulsory. and in formulating the doctrines or rather, syllabi of what we have studied, many problems of non-conformity are cured simply with daily dosages of morality and values cleverly woven into what we see, read, think, write and communicate about every day. Slowly but surely, education moulds our mindsets, values and behaviour, social biases, stereotypes, prejudices. This does not discount external factors such as family and social environment, which are equally influential in shaping the psychological climate of a place. In such a sense, we are self-censoring. but who decides what is right and wrong and who decides what should be inserted or deleted? and who is he to say that? or perhaps it's all based on conventional wisdom or an analysis of a collective will of the people. For some, it is nothing but the mandate of a Higher Being. but again nothing is objective since whatever studies concluded by a person in themselves are tainted with that person's bias. The very challenge to objectivity lies in the word "conclusion". and in the event that there are a myriad of conclusions due to the fact that each individual is unique, which should be considered the prevailing conclusion? and is the prevailing conclusion without flaws?

Notedly, we have one of the best education systems in the world, but does best necessarily mean ideal? Undoubtedly, many revisions have been made to the curriculum to cope with the many inadequecies of the system. That is not to say that the system is without its merits but rather, what is the relevance of the classroon im relation to life? For example, people who perform exceptionally under exam coniditons may be stumped by life slipping thorugh their hands. We can see from our history that education served as a tool to unify, indoctrinate and produce a economy-centric workforce. As society matures, and education becomes redefined as reflecting not only needs but also wants. have the needs changed? if so, have the inadequecies changed as well or expanded and is enough being done to deal with it? we no longer just need to read and write but process apply and create. furthermore, as output increases, the processes get strained and quality is compromised.

some say that it's not the technicalities that are taught in the classroom but the skills developed along the way that are transferable, but what exactly are those skills? there can be a million and one skills out there but which are the important ones? dont misunderstand me, technical skills are great, refined ones even more so. but how does an education that judges its products based on the technical skills accurately measure the state of skills acquired inadvertently through studying? is it fair to people who,year after year, generation after generation who sit for exams after exams which may not mean anything to them in the end as the grades do not reflect well, in more ways than one? is it then right to condemn dropouts or deviants, even if they are self-motivated and are inspired and ambitious? sim wong hoo is but only 1 in 4 million. so what happens to the other 3.999999999 million? fortunately, ITE has been repackaged and sold as a more appealing dish to the world. but why only when there is a need now and not before when the prevailing mindset was "Is The End"? and how many people still stigmatise the Institute, as a result of pre-conceived notions due to education or shall i say, mis-education? the evils of misconcceptions are many.

As george orwell puts across in 1984, nothing in the world is fair for if everything is fair then why should a majority listen to the a select group of people who govern? structures would collapse and anarchy would result. i say that it's more like an equilibrium, with pressures sometimes causing the forward or backward reaction to go at a greater rate than the other, sometimes at such a perceptible rate that alarms are raised. Vagaries in the weather? it could be just capricious mother nature. who knows, it may be THE natural progression and nothing we can do will reverse it. Protests, sanctions, constructive engagement? it all began with the struggle within onself. Just because i dun subscribe to smoking doesnt mean that i have to tell all whom i see not to smoke. education is good and great. just take away all the subjectivity that has accumulated over the years into a hardened layer at the bottom of the cauldron. oh and always taste the soup regularly to adjust the taste to fit the palate. we never know when a dash of salt or pepper may come in handy.

I was at Yishun stadium today when i saw this uncle in his 50s (i guess...probably older) and he striked a friendly conversation with me. Lo and behold, he has already ran 40 laps(!!!) and claims that he can still hit a timing of 9-10 min for his 2.4km run. nothing to be sceptical about. that's what i call inspiration.

Was happily sauntering towards parco bugis from NLB when my group decided to have dinner. and we walked past Chilli Padi Cafe, the famous Park Lane Fried Wanton Mee and ended up in between Yu Kee Duck Rice and Tong Sheng Coffeeshop. Horror of horrors, i dont know what possessed us to go ahead into tong sheng coffeshop, under the auspices of 2lt ho teck hon, who had dinner there once on the 2nd floor (airconditioned and aptly named "TS Cafe") and even had TV to boot. every dish that we ordered turned out wrong: the minced chicken noodles, fried wanton noodles AND shredded chicken noodles were actually pepper noodles, which were actually more chewy than licorice srings. The only variables were the type of toppings that were added, futile in masking the overpowering taste of pepper and chilli. The lor mee was too watery and the noodles harder than over-baked cookies. and the sliced fish soup was well, fishy. Overall rating: XXXXX out of *****. Never ever in your right mind go there, unless u are trying to impress (in the literal sense) a date whom you know you dont want to see again. FYI, it's just next to Yu Kee Duck Rice opposite parco Bugis MOS burger. No wonder Sir didnt order from the menu. i guess the food there suited the palates of other people, whom apparently didnt order what we ordered but generous helpings of bigger than thou siew mais, which i think would have been wonderful if they came straight from Yum Cha. but no matter, the coffeeshop is officially no.1 on my blacklist and will be for eternity.

A pious man explained to his followers: "It is evil to take lives and noble to save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop and twirl. 'Don't be scared,' i tell those fishes. 'i am saving you from drowning.' Soon enough, the fishes grown calm and lie still. et, sad to say, i am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything, i take those dead fishes to market and i sell them for a good price. With the money i receive, i buy more nets so i can save more fishes." - Anonymous.

Adapted from Saving Fish From Drowning by Amy Tan

At first i didnt make head or tail of that. In fact, i found it quite ludicrous. Only till later on in the book did i find out that it's all about perspectives. Who's saved? Who's not? Be aware of the consequences. Killing as an inevitable consequence of helping. How in your face...

A certain enlistee of mine claimed to have family problems and insisted that he book in the following day. as even my pc couldnt ascertain whether it was a genuine case and IMO i seriously doubted it (so wad if the accused has mentioned it before, i dont care), he was given the benefit of the doubt AND the privilege to book in the next day. conniving slut. i strongly suspected he had a wild nights out and booked in the next day, smug that he had outsmarted the system. even the cos said that he was not at home when called. or perhaps he was indeed at home, consoling his mom. but seriously, too many coincidences make a pattern. too many patterns make a scam! and when he booked in the next day, there was a perfectly orchestrated accident whereby the accused suffered a fall which resulted in swollen feet larger than pigs' trotters, alleged the COS. oh wadever. seems like the confinement will have to wait. or i shld make it a forefeiture of days off. since he will have att c to cover the off days anw.