The Story of a Girl...

I get this, or similar questions quite often, by well-intentioned, genuinely concerned people. I wish I had a simple answer, but I don't. Here goes my best explanation. I'll try to condense as much as I can, but it's gonna be wordy and probably pretty long. But I figure I owe an explanation to more than a few people, especially after almost passing out at church yesterday. (No biggie, just embarrassing). Here goes...

Simply put, my GI doc has labeled me as "non-celiac gluten-intolerant." However, the path to this diagnosis (almost 10 years in the making), and dealing with it, has been anything but simple. Let me explain.

Growing up, I was one of the healthiest people I knew. I had an amazing immune system and would almost never get sick. Even when a crazy bout of flu was going around and everyone else was getting sick, my trusty immune system would hold strong. I've always been conscious about healthy eating, exercising, and taking care of myself.

Over the past several years however, things started to change. Over time, new seemingly unrelated, but unexplained health issues started to creep into my life. I've been to multiple doctors, each who have found another piece of the puzzle, but each who at one point have also told me something along the lines of "hmm, that's weird.. lets try this... or that." Basically, "I really don't know what to do with you, I'm just guessing at this point."

Years ago, it started with unexplained chronic fatigue and clinical depression. Then years later, we found unexplained iron deficiency anemia. Severe enough that every few months I had to go to the hospital to get iron through an IV. And despite my high dosage of iron supplements, it wasn't getting better.  I was deficient in more vitamins and taking more supplements than I can remember. Turns out I wasn't absorbing it or much of anything. I cringe thinking about how much I must have spent on meds and supplements my body wasn't even using. This balancing act of deficiencies and supplements went on for years before we finally added malabsorption, hypoglycemia, and hormone imbalance to my growing list of unexplained diagnoses.

Then a year ago, May 2012, is when things really started to go downhill. I would get dizzy and nauseous and lightheaded a couple times a week. I would fatigue easily and would feel exhausted all the time no matter how much sleep I got. Even so, I had a few good days where I felt pretty normal. Up until July 28th, 2012. I remember the day because it was the day after my best friend's wedding. For the wedding, I had been running around the whole day helping with things and had been doing fine. I was tired, but feeling ok. Waking up that next day I felt so awful and fatigued. I didn't get out of bed that whole day, and haven't had a completely normal "I feel great!" day since.

Since then, things have been a day to day, up and down, better to worse kind of thing... to today... still trying to figure it out.

Hold tight... we're only half way through the story. If you've maintained interest this long, you're a trooper. If you continue to the end... well then you're a saint. Or maybe just incredibly bored. Maybe you should find a more fulfilling hobby than reading people's medical journals.... :)

Over the following months of severe fatigue, I continued to boggle my doctor, as blood test after test came back negative. Still feeling worse than ever and my doctor didn't know what else to do for me.

At this point, my fatigue became enough of a problem that I was forced to cut back my hours at work. And the days I did work were a real struggle. It wasn't until early Fall 2012 that my stomach problems started to surface. I would feel lightheaded if I didn't eat regularly every 2 hours, but when I did, I would feel nauseous and need to lie down after eating anything. I felt uncomfortable like I had indigestion all the time. Sick if I didn't eat, but sicker if I did eat. It was a problem.

My immune system was also shot. I would get any sickness going around and it would take me a month to recover. Between the 4-5 colds/flu's I got over this past year, I literally spent half the year sick in bed. And when I wasn't sleeping, I felt like I should be.

One fortuitous day, when I was feeling well enough to be at work, I met one of my patients, a nurse practitioner, who changed my life. She was telling me how she specialized in a condition called Adrenal Fatigue. The more she described it, the more it sounded like my situation. I made a consultation appointment with her as soon as I could.

Things changed dramatically after my first appointment with Karsen. (I'm putting a link to her website just in case someone reading this needs her help too) She has a fire inside her and a desire to help her patients like none I've seen before. She gave me hope again that we would figure things out together and that I would get better. I can't tell you how many times I broke down crying in her office, but still left feeling hopeful.

So after a few tests, I was diagnosed with severe adrenal fatigue. Basically, from how I understand it, it is when your adrenal glands stop functioning properly, due to some external stress, physical or mental. Adrenal glands produce all the body's hormones, so when they become overworked, your hormones become unbalanced, leading to a myriad of other problems, including fatigue, hormone imbalance, and depression. (All things I have inexplicably had for years). But something has to cause adrenal fatigue... it doesn't just happen. Karsen also was the one to discover my malabsorption problem. This knowledge along with my adrenal fatigue diagnosis led Karsen to believe that something more serious was going on in my body to cause the adrenal fatigue. So she sent me straight to a GI specialist.

This is getting lengthy, so I'm gonna try to wrap up here. Gastroenterologist suspected celiac. He did an endoscopy and biopsy and found my stomach lining had some definite damage, but my biopsy was negative, despite having every other symptom of celiac. In January of this year, he recommended I try eating gluten-free anyway and see if that helps. It did help mostly, so in April he gave me the diagnosis of "non-celiac gluten intolerant," which is just a way of saying, "it looks like and responds like celiac, but we can't tell you it's celiac for sure."

At this point, I thought I was out of the woods as long as I kept eating gluten free. Of course it hasn't been that simple. After eating gluten free for 6 months now, I feel tons better than I did before, but I still get sick (fatigue/dizziness/nausea) usually a couple times a week sometimes more. Apparently I should be feeling better by now, so something else is going on. Still looking for the next puzzle piece.

Several of you kind hearted people ask what you can do for me... to be honest, I don't even know what to do for myself. Usually when I'm not feeling well, I just have to sleep for a long time. BUT here are a few things I've thought of:

-Be Patient with Me: I can't remember the last time I felt really great, but I'm trying to live a normal life as best as I can. When I'm out doing things, I'm prob feeling fine that day, but there's a chance that may change quickly. Please be patient if I have to bail out last minute on plans. I can't plan for when I start feeling ill. Also, after a few days of feeling really awful, it gets harder to control my emotions. You've been warned. :)
-Remind me it will get better: For personal reasons I won't explain here, I have faith and full confidence that I will get better and be healthy again, I know it's just going to take time. So on days when I'm feeling discouraged, maybe just remind me that this is temporary.
-If you have a question, ask!: I won't be offended. Your curiosity means you care. :)
-Just keep being the awesome friend that you are!: Good friends like you are what make it worth getting through the tough days. Thanks for being in my life!

Whew! That was long. Thanks for staying strong. :)

Here's a couple links to the videos I've made so far. First one is of my first visit out here in February, when I first fell in love with Hawaii! Second one is Memorial day, kayaking trip out to a couple islands and some cliff jumping. Sorry there's water spots all over... still learning how to use my GoPro cam. :)

Oahu Winter Escape

Memorial Day Kayakaing 2013 

Enjoy!

Hello! Welcome back readers. After a 2 1/2 year hiatus, it's time to dust off the blog. I promised a few of you I'd keep you updated on my Hawaii adventures, but not all of you have facebook/instagram etc. I needed a good excuse to start blogging anyhow, so here we are!

I thought an appropriate first post back would be to address, "What am I doing in Hawaii, anyway?"

That is an excellent question and one I am still trying to find the answer to. Short answer... I was presented with an amazing opportunity I simply couldn't refuse. On mentioning even just the THOUGHT of moving out here for the summer, within 24 hours I was offered a place to live, and two jobs. Everything fell into place so easily and so quickly, I don't think I even had time to think about it. I was able to sublet my Provo housing easily. Job stuff worked out. It was a done deal without even having to push for it. It just kinda happened.

And so here I am. I live with my cousin Blake, and his wife Amanda. Couldn't ask for better housemates. I work two jobs... when I want, IF I want. I still work for my amazing Utah job, but instead of cleaning teeth, I make phone calls and tell people to go get their teeth cleaned. Shout out to Cascade Family Dental! :) My other job is working for Blake at the Tram at Hanauma Bay. Basically I drive a Jurassic Park-like Jeep up and down a hill all day.


The rest of the time... I get to do whatever I want. I have seen some indescribably beautiful places and done some really fun things. (Which I will be posting about later)

It is really amazing and I am super lucky and blessed to be here. But to be honest, it has been an adjustment for me. When it came down to leaving... I didn't want to come. (*Gasp, how can she say that?!) I hate admitting this, but I literally cried all the way to the airport. Why? I was terrified. I like to believe I have an adventurous spirit, and I do in some ways. But when it comes to change (even a temporary change moving to a beautiful tropical island), I struggle. I have a very comfortable life in Utah... amazing job I love, apartment/car I love, friends/family I love. I have NO reason to leave Utah, and was probably getting a little too comfortable, which is probably the biggest reason why I needed to go. But it was hard. I questioned everything.

I am already learning a lot about myself and I'm starting to understand why I need to be here for a few reasons, which I will share more as I come to understand them.
Every time I tell someone how well it worked out to come, and how I'm not exactly sure why I'm here, they say... "You're totally gonna meet your husband!!" Haha I'm not banking on it, but I wouldn't complain if that happened either. :)

Thanks for reading. I'm excited to share my adventures with you.

It’s a beauty, eh? Before now I’ve never considered myself an accident-prone person as I’ve never broken a bone. However, after this recent injury, I’ve noticed a pattern that leads me to question my non-accident prone status. Let me illustrate with a few memories…

Age 6: (Plastic toy to face) Just about knocked out both of my own front baby teeth with a plastic snow thrower. Didn’t quite get them out so dentist had to finish them off for me. That Christmas, I really did want my two front teeth

Age 10: (Knee to face) Waiting for dad to pick me up after soccer practice. Practicing drop kicks to my friends… decided to go for ultimate, far, pro-length drop kick to impress my teammates. Instead mastered the ultimate bloody nose. Yes, I knee’d myself in the face. Still impressive.

Age 11: (Head to table) 5^th grade, fainted and slammed my head against a table. That time was fun. Mom took me to the ER where I got a CAT scan to see if I had a concussion. I didn’t… but I sure had some awesome headaches for a few days.

Age 12: (Hammer to Head) Moving a tall ladder in the basement. Didn’t realize a hammer was on top. Tilted the ladder towards me while picking it up… enough said.

Age 14: (Metal bar to face) Girls camp. Spending the day at a Scout camp doing ropes courses. After successfully completing a particularly challenging course high above ground, I was waiting on a platform to zip line down to safety. The young scout friend who was helping out, decided to swing the harness to me with a quite a bit of extra gusto. (Trying to impress me with his strength I’m sure.) Although I was ready to catch it, the heavy metal bar came towards me far too fast for me to stop it with my hands, so my face received the extra force. To this day, whenever I see this kid he apologizes for giving me BLACK EYE #1.

Age 23: In California with bf’s family, playing volleyball. Just as in “Meet the Parents,” the movie, the bf’s sister’s bf spikes the ball, hard, right into (you guessed it) my FACE.

Age 24: (Knee to face) Nov 2010. Snowboarding with roommate. Her knee becomes well acquainted with my chin while gracefully getting off lift. Ooh, there's pictures of this one too...

<---My chin

Her Knee ---->

From the looks of it, it seems my head won this battle...

-------And last but not least… the recent fiasco and resulting BLACK EYE #2. K, we’re gonna have some fun with this one…. A choose-your-own-ending of sorts. Nope! I’m not actually going to tell you which one is real. You get to choose your favorite.

A. So, I was at work, doin’ my thing, when my patient became

nervous and frightened, and then quite combative.

While trying to get out of the dental chair, his flailing arm

collided with my face sending my loupes (my special magnifying

dental glasses) hard into my face.

B. So, I was on a date. I was trying to really impress this guy so I did

a front flip while simultaneously kicking myself in the face.

C. So, I ran into my ex-boyfriend with his fiancé. Seems she didn’t

appreciate my remark about their rebound relationship

and speedy engagement. Funny how those elbows can

be so hard to control sometimes…

(Hint: Choose the one that best resembles my past experiences and you’ll probably be right on… i.e. SELF-inflicted ridiculousness…) Yep… THAT one. Ok, so I guess you wouldn't call it "kicking" myself as my knee was the actual culprit.

Ok, now that you have a nice mental image of me kneeing myself in the face, let’s talk about WHY I GET HIT IN THE HEAD SO OFTEN???

While this is only my second black eye, as you can see it is NOT my first or even second head injury. Seriously, I can’t think of any other injury in my life that didn’t involve my head. And these are just the ones I can think of right now. Who knows, maybe there’s a lot of my life I can’t remember seeing as how’s it’s a definite possibility one of these head traumas has caused BRAIN damage!

It remains a mystery to me as to why hard objects are so attracted to my noggin. Perhaps we will never know. I think I will start wearing a helmet.... everywhere. That is hotttttt.

Listen here, LIFE.

I’m not sure where we got off on the wrong foot this year, but enough is enough already. I’ll admit you’ve put up a good fight. You’ve dealt some pretty impressive blows over that last twelve months. But today was the last straw. With two short days left in the year, could you just take it easy please? Just simmer down alright?

That blizzard you pulled out today was pretty crazy to say the least. I commend you for your efforts. You didn’t waste any time showing me you meant business. At the not so bright, but very early hour of 6:30am that Semi truck stunt took me by surprise. I was particularly impressed when the massive truck practically ran me off the freeway with the tidal wave of slush and ice, while simultaneously hydroplaning my tires toward the cement barrier. It made for an exciting morning. But I made it past that hurdle and forged on. Thinking you had done your worst for the day, you surprised me yet again on my way home from work by turning the road into a swirling river of snow and my usual 10 minute commute into an hour. Despite my careful and snail paced driving, you still managed a fender bender within a half mile from home and safety. And after all that, to add insult to injury, you just had to throw in that last insurmountable snow bank.

You really pulled out some big guns today. And you may have squeezed out a few more tears, but what’s a few drops to the ocean you’ve extracted before?

With all you’ve dragged me through this year, haven’t you learned that you can’t keep me down? It’s gonna take more than a measly blizzard to push me over the edge. Sure, you’ve knocked me down HARD several times, but I always get up. Even through all those months of indescribable pain and darkness, I pulled through.

You’ve put me through a LOT, but I get the point, alright? You’re tough. You’re demanding. You are completely unbearable at times. You are extremely painful. Yea, I got all that. But I also know you are beautiful, even more than I can comprehend. How about we see a bit more of that side, huh?

You’ve been an incredible teacher this year. I’ve learned more than I ever wanted to about heartbreak, darkness and depression, abandonment, selfishness, jealously, disappointment, and PAIN. Most of all I understand pain. BUT… it is this same pain that has opened up a place inside me to receive more love, beauty, loyalty and true friendship, and more PEACE than I ever thought possible. It has definitely been a year of extremes.

Good riddance 2010. And LIFE, you better have some ridiculously awesome junk around the corner for me in 2011. You must admit it’s time. However, if you choose to deal out some more of those “lessons” you seem to be so fond of… I am absolutely ready. And I have you to thank for that. In other words… BRING IT.

Yours truly.

-C

When I first created my blog years ago, I, as many people do, struggled with wondering what I would write about as a single person. To me, blogs seemed like a married person thing. Blog about your cute husband. Blog about your adorable children. Blog about your new house. Blah blah blog blog blog. What was I to blog about? "Today I went to school." "Today I went to the gym..." "I ate another bowl of cereal."
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
Obviously I got over that, because I am blogging. Can't say it's much more interesting than the above examples... but hey, that's all I got and I'm not ashamed.

However, I have run into another blogging dilemma. This is it...
As a single person who dates, I find myself being less single at times if you know what I mean. And so... how do I introduce you readers to this new significant part of my life? This is my dilemma. Dating is so fickle. One day you're dating someone. Next day maybe you're not. And what do I tell you.... "Hey world, I have a boyfriend!" "Oh... ok. Just kidding. Not anymore." No. I don't like that. So, do I just start slowing phasing him into my blogging world? Referring to him as if you already know him? Just start posting pics so then you think, "hmm... who is that stranger with Colette?" "Are they dating? Is that her cousin?" And then when/if it ends what do I tell you? Do I just stop referring to him? Stop posting pics? Delete any posts I mentioned him in? Oh dear oh dear...
Do you see my predicament here? Obviously I have thought WAY too much about this. Apparently, my solution to this problem has been to just NOT blog for months on end... and then to write an ambiguous blog post about how I didn't know how to write about this.

And so dear void, this is my way of telling you, ah... yeah. Ooh... why is this so hard for me? (Maybe it has to do with the fact that I HATE the word 'boyfriend.' It makes me feel like I'm 12 years old) Ok, here goes... Maybe if I whisper it'll be easier. I'm dating someone! Aah. There, it's done. Happy now? All you curious people.
I figured after 4 months of this nonsense it was time. Not that I'm forecasting anything about the future of my relationship status by posting this, either way, because I am NOT, so don't even try to read into it. STOP it. Right now... I know you're doing it.
Wow, I'm a spaz. But I'm making progress. Maybe in another 4 months I'll tell you his name.

My all time favorite novel is The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. This short fable is full of beauty and wisdom. Most of my favorite quotes come from here. Whenever I am feeling a little unsure of what's going on in life, I look back to my list of quotes from this book. Here is one of my favorite excerpts.
Santiago, the young hero of the story is talking one night with the Alchemist, and tells of how his heart is afraid that it will have to suffer. The Alchemist's response is absolutely beautiful:

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.