Coming Into My Own

i orginally saw this meme on someone's blog (i forget who it was) and said to myself i'd do it as well. then my BH did it yesterday. with school being out and Christmas shopping finished, i got around to doing it as well. i'm driving to Tulsa tomorrow morning and will be there until after the new year. i doubt i'll be able to blog between now and Christmas. so, let me say merry Christmas to everyone! I hope your holiday's great!

10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people

1. Alright, so, you have the worst looking weave i've ever seen. Yet, you have the nerve to tell me how i should wear my hair? Girl, stop!
   
2. You ought to be ecstatic that i still allow you to contact me. if you ever so much as form your mouth to say something like that to me again, i'll never speak to you again. if you don't believe it, try me.
   
3. How are you going to write a letter of recommendation that consists of little more than a paragraph?
   
4. i'm not going! get over it!
   
5. Do you realize how much of a control freak you are?
   
6. Is there a problem with your long term memory? I know for a fact i answered these same questions last week, and the week before that, and the week before that.
   
7. I do something nice and unexpected for you and that's all you have to say?
8. I'm so glad you've been off my back this school year.
   
9. You're a lot more pleasant this year than last year.
   
10. Wow, you're kinda cute!
    

9 Things about yourself

1. this marks the first time in over 5 years that i've worn my hair straight. it's not permanent, though!
   
2. I proof read nearly everything, even text messages.
   
3. i absolutely can not stand the sound of chewing, be it gum or food. it grates me on to no end!
   
4. i absolutely adore wearing stilettos, but don't get to wear them due to my profession. :-(
   
5. i don't know how to swim and don't have plans to learn how anytime soon.
   
6. i don't have a passport. BUT i am planning to get one by the end of next month.
   
7. i very rarely like photos taken of me. but, when i do find one i like, trust that it'll be shown to the word (i.e. my profile pic).
   
8. i learned how to read when i was 4 years old.
   
9. i know how to cook (pretty well, if i so say so myself), but i rarely want to cook.
   

8 Ways to win my heart

1. remember the little things
2. make me laugh
   
3. give me something(s) to think about
   
4. tell me i'm beautiful even on days when i'm looking anything but beautiful
   
5. support me in what i'm working to accomplish
   
6. challenge me when you think i need to stop and re-evaluate whatever i'm doing
   
7. be transparent with me
   
8. don't hesitate to call me out when i'm not being transparent
   

7 Things that cross my mind a lot

1. Lesson plans/lesson preparation
   
2. Sex
3. My next career move
   
4. What city i am going to move to next.
   
5. my happiness
   
6. blogging
7. grad school applications
   

6 Things I do before I go to sleep

1. Turn off the television.
   
2. Put my phone on the charger
   
3. Check and make sure the ringer's on so I'll hear the alarm go off in the morning.
   
4. Wrap or tie my hair with a scarf
5. Say a brief prayer
   
6. Turn off all lights in my apartment
   

5 People I couldn’t live without

1. My sister
   
2. My brother
3. One of my aunts
4. My grandmother
5. ???
   

4 Things I am wearing right now

1. black sweater
   
2. blue jeans
   
3. red polish on my toes
   
4. my glasses
   

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly

1. To Be Young, Gifted and Black- Donny Hathaway
2. I Get So Lonely (remix)- Janet Jackson & Blackstreet
   
3. Sometimes- Bilal (well, minus the part about wishing he was drug free! I'm already there! :-)
   

2 Things I want to do before I die

1. get married
2. become independently wealthy
   

1 Confession

this is something old and i may have mentioned it on my blog before. at any rate, back in high school, i pretended like i didn't understand Pre-Calculus to get my then crush to come to my grandparents' house and "tutor" me. lol... funny thing is my former crush is now one of my best friends. i always wonder if he knew i had a crush on him. i don't have those feelings for him anymore, but i'm afraid to ask him if he knew how i used to feel about him.

until next time...

a few weeks ago i mentioned how frustrated i was with my relationship with CO. it's not due to the long distance, but more so because of the communication (or lack thereof). like i've shared time and time again, law school is his life. and i get that he has to be on the grind right now so that he'll be set up after graduation in May. but, the selfish part of me is like, you know, you asked me about being in a relationship while you were still in law school. make it work! as we've been together nearly his entire law school career, i know he has no plans to figure out a way to make it work. he always maintains that things will not always be this way. there have been many times i felt like breaking up with him and chalking everything up to experience. but, you know, everytime i would pray about it, God would tell me no, i needed to remain in the relationship as i had more to give and learn. i'm not miserable, but i am... disappointed at times. when i first started talking to CO and he told me he wanted to date me and shared some things with me about loving me, i told him i thought i wasn't ready to experience that kind of love. and he said to me if i expected to experience it when i got old. i told him no and we went on from there. but, right now, i feel like i'm getting a piece of the love i want to experience. i mean, when we get to talk or be in one another's presence, it's amazing. i mean, we have our share of problems and have had some disagreements that hurt me to my core. but, life and relationships are not perfect. when we do get to communicate, i remember all over again why i decided to date him. i looked at some old posts i wrote around the time we started talking over 2 years ago. and, do you know, i read some things he shared with me that literally brought tears to my eyes because they were so beautiful. i had completely forgotten about them. the thing about CO is that when he tells me something, he means it until he tells me otherwise.

anyway, i think what's getting to me is the fact that i feel like i'm just on hold, waiting for him to finish school and take the bar exam. i'm scared that i've waited all this time for nothing. to be perfectly honest, my fear is that once he finishes the bar, things will not change between us. i fear that he won't have time for me and i'll have essentially waited on him for nothing. i know that he said things would be different once he has a regular full time position. but, what if that doesn't prove to be true? i really don't have any reason to believe he would not do what he said he'd do. i think what gets to me is that his actions lead me to believe the relationship's not a major issue to him. but, then we'll have conversations where he'll share with me that he doesn't think the relationship is for play and that if i ever became seriously ill (i.e. i became an invalid), he'd take care of me. so, i'm left to trust his words over his actions (or at least the way i read his actions). and then there's the part of me that says, well, he must see something substantial coming from this relationship or else he's have bounced a long time ago. in fact, something happened last summer that made me think it was the end of our relationship. but, i digress... i've never shared this with anyone, but once or twice in the beginning of the relationship i wondered if he had a girl on the side in Austin. i had no evidence to support this. but, you know, i felt insecure and just assumed he just had to be getting female attention elsewhere, if it wasn't from me. as time went on, i learned this simply wasn't the case.

i also find myself wondering if i'm settling. and in a sense i am. i'm settling for pieces of a relationship with the expectation that i'll have the full thing soon. i guess this is hard for me to deal with because i'm accustomed to managing my personal life in such a way that i get what i want, when i want it. even being a teacher, i have ultimate control in my classroom. but, with this, i don't have much control. of course, i've shared my concern with CO about the way things are moving and he's shared with me that he thinks i work myself up over nothing and makes things unnecessarily hard. i guess there's something to his observation. and truth be told, i don't obsess over the relationship. i just have moments like now where i let myself reflect on how things are going in the relationship. and being as (overly) analytical as i am, i have to dissect every aspect.

anyway, i wrote this post not for comments, but to get my feelings out. my blog is the only place i have where i can share everything about how i feel about my relationship. all my fears, annoyances, loves, etc. can be laid bare. so, i'm sure you can understand why i gotta close comments on this one. :-)

until next time...

so, i have one grad school application out of the way. the application was due by midnight yesterday and i submitted it at exactly 11:59 p.m EST. one day i'll stop being a procrastinator. however, yesterday was certainly not that day. i don't know, i want to go to grad school, of course. i wouldn't be shelling out the money just to apply if i didn't want to attend. however, there's a small part of me that doesn't want to go. i think what's mainly holding me back is that Ph.D. programs all too often run the risk of taking you from the practice side. of course, a doctorate is research based, but i really want to put that research into real practice. i'm not feeling esp. good about the application i submitted. my personal statement articulated why i decided to attend graduate school, but i'm not sure how compelling it was. the school i applied to asked me if i was willing to be considered for a Master's program. I checked yes, not because I necessarily want to earn another Master's degree. but, a Master's from this particular school would go a looong way. and if i'm accepted into the Master's program, it'll give me a leg up if I decide to apply for the doctoral program again. and, yes, i'm purposely not saying what school i applied to. ;-)

like i've mentioned before, i'm considering teaching for a 3rd year. i mean, i do not see myself retiring a teacher. teaching just isn't my best or highest. however, i would like a 3rd year to really tighten up on my instructional practices. this year has been a much better year in terms of classroom management and for that i am thankful to God. but, i know i have a lot more to learn in terms of instruction. but, i know in order to be an effective instructor, i have to leave my school. i won't bore you with the details, but i'll just say it's not the best place to really grow as an instructor. i mean, my kids are learning, but i always wonder if i'm teaching them in the most developmentally appropriate and rigorous way. alright, so last Friday or so I received an e-mail from a recruiter with New Leaders for New School in New Orleans. it was slightly personalized, but it was still a mass e-mail, which is totally understandable. after working in recruitment, i know how initial outreach works. anyway, the e-mail was to let me know about the program and let me know about an information session the following week.

now, i'd already checked out New Schools and was really interested, but was also intimidated because i've had less than 2 years in the classroom. i'd also been following education reform in new orleans. it's fascintaing to witness what unfolds as one of the lowest performing school districts in this country starts over from scratch. so, i e-mailed the recruiter back and told her i was interested in the program, but had doubts about my teaching experience (or lack thereof). i was expecting a brief response. however, what i got back was completely unexpected. she sent me a very detailed response that spoke to my concerns and also told me other areas i should consider as far as determining my readiness for the program. in order to participate in the program in New Orleans, i need 3 years of teaching experience, so i wouldn't be eligible until the fall of next year for the June 2010 cohort. in the meantime, she offered to help me find a great opportunity in new orleans , to get the necessary experience and provide me with the insight as to whether or not new orleans is where i want to be for my next steps professionally. She also offered to be a resource to make sure i had access to all the right opportunities/guidance to ensure i'm ready to apply to the program and a successful applicant when i am ready to apply. i was really surprised that a woman who has never met me was willing to help guide me. needless to say, i'll be in touch with her. i was kinda wary as to whether or not she would make good on her word. then i checked my Facebook account and saw i had a message from the Director of Recruitment from YES Prep. the New Schools recruiter recommended that i apply to teach at YES, but i can't do that since it's serves students in grades 6-12, a grade level that I am not certified to work with. and, if i stay a 3rd year I'd prefer to continue to teach 1st grade in order to really tighten up on instruction and possibly gain more leadership experience. anyway, the YES Prep guy mentioned he'd gotten my name from the New Schools recruiter. it was kinda odd to get a Facebook message from someone i don't know. but, at the same time, i know how the recruitment process works. you use whatever means are necessary. anyway, i say all of that to say, i'm not set on new orleans or new leaders for new schools. i'm still considering graduate school. but, i'm also keeping in mind that an unexpected opportunity may be in the making.

until next time...

well, there are snow flurries. it's funny, because i started teaching my kids about seasons this week and we were just discussing how it hardly ever snows in Houston. while it is cold, it's not as cold as Houstonians seem to think it is. i've seen people with parkas, gloves, hats, and everything else on today. i wore a heavy sweater and a wind breaker, some Timbs, jeans, and was good to go. they're acting like it's 10 below outside! that being said, it is one of those nights you want to be snuggled up with the one you love. too bad the one i love's studying for law school finals.

after work, i stopped by the grocery store to buy elbow macaroni for a lesson i'm teaching tomorrow on contractions. i decided to also get ingredients to make a banana pudding. i'd had a taste for it since my BH mentioned it on his blog recently. i get home, make the filling, and am about to cut bananas when i realize i'd forgotten to buy vanilla wafers. just another reminder to myself that i always need to take a grocery list, no matter how short the list. when i got home, for some reason or another, i decided to watch keyshia cole's show (online). i didn't (and still don't) like "love" when it first came out. it made my ears bleed. but, she seemes to have improved since then. i'm really liking her latest with tupac. (questions: 1) why does neffe have an affinity for wearing booty shorts? 2) why does neffe get into cursing and shouting matches in front of her children? 3) i wonder just how much money Keyshia's spent on her family? they all look fly, but yet none of them appear to be gainfully employed. 4) is the show about keyshia or is it really about neffe and frankie, 5) what kind of name is nefeteria? 6) why does frankie seem to feel that giving birth to someone makes up for 20+ years of not taking care of your kids? despite all the questions, i'll probably watch the next episode. lol...

i haven't done any Christmas shopping. i have yet to purchase the body craft kits i mentioned a few posts ago. i don't know what my problem is. my brother mentioned wanting an Obama t-shirt when i was home last. so, that's going to be his christmas present from me. i've been trying to find one that doesn't look something everyone else has. i'm trying to decide between this one and this one. i'm leaning more towards the former, but i do worry he'll end up ruining the foil on it in the wash. we shall see...

my grandmother's really pressuring me to go to the inauguration in january. she called and left me a message about it 2 weeks or so ago. whenever i talked to her, i never brought it up and neither did she. i didn't even look into it because i knew i couldn't swing the cost. anyway, she called me this afternoon and told me how i should really look into because it would be something i could tell my kids, neices and nephews, etc. and how she wanted to go, but of course she couldn't. i have an uncle who lives in d.c. and she told me she'd spoken with him and he said i could stay with him. the thing is, while she was talking to me, i completely agreed with her about the importance of going. but, uhm, since she wasn't talking about helping me with the flight, i won't be going. it was hilarious because she suggested i not purchase Christmas gifts for anyone this year so i could go. i can't figure out if she doesn't know how much the trip would cost me or if she thinks i make more more than i actually make. lol...

i miss Atlanta so much right now. i'm not sure when i'll be able to make it back. i've been making plans for my next steps after my 2nd year of teaching. i want to move back to Atlanta but i've been getting this sense from God that going back to ATL may not be in my plans. i know that there are bigger plans in store for me, but it's kind of hard to swallow that you're meant to go back to a place you love. but, i have to press on. speaking of moving on, i know i won't be moving on to one grad school. i was planning to apply to a school and thought the application deadline was December 5th. i had it set in my mind and written in my planner and everything. i log onto the school website on december 5th and lo and behold, the deadline was december 1st. *sigh* but, you know, i wasn't too upset. yes, i was upset about the money spent on sending transcripts. since the schools require a transcript from each school attended, and i've been to four (between undergrad, grad school, getting teacher certification), it was a pretty penny. but, i wasn't too upset because deep down, i knew that school wasn't for me. granted, it's an excellent school, but not for me.

well, i guess that's all. until next time...

last month's group theme was to write about family gatherings. so, uhm, time got away from me and i didn't get to actually write the post. and i wasn't going to write about a family gathering since it was too late. but, as i was preparing dinner today, my mind went to Sunday dinners at my grandparents' house in Tulsa. rain or shine, sleet or snow, you could always find me, my sister, and brother at our grandparents' house after church. (if my mom wasn't working and before my aunt went to Japan, they were there as well.) me, my sister, and aunt always had a ritual after church: 1) Stop at Quik.Trip for a snack and a "Koolie." My sister was notorious for taking forever and a day to choose her snack. My aunt would tease her and say she was "shopping" for her after church snack, 2) come to my grandparents' house and read the comics (me and my sister oftentimes fought over who got the comics first), do the crossword puzzle in the TV Guide, and read the actual newspaper (well, my aunt read the paper), 3) cook and/or help prepare dinner, 4) eat and then just hang out until about 7 or so, when we'd all go home.

this evening, i started cooking dinner like i was cooking for a family of five, instead of just me. the menu: a whole roasted chicken (it was only my 2nd one, and it turned out great!), mixed vegetables, rice w/ broccoli and cheese, and a sweet potato pie. as i was cooking all of that food, i got a little sad because i was home alone. truth be told, i'd taken the entire weekend to myself to just chill out and de-stress. so, the fact that i was alone was my on doing. but, then i thought about how it wasn't always that way. i thought about all the fun we had at my grandparents' house on Sundays. every time i go home for Christmas, my family and i laugh and crack up about something that happened years ago at--- Sunday dinner, of course. it's funny how at the time those times together seemed run of the mill, but when you look back, you see just how meaningful and important they were.

until next time...

• so, i finally took a day off and while i would have liked to have spent in only relaxing, that didn't end up being the case. the plan was to get a personal statement done for a grad school app that's due... uhm, well, tomorrow. but, i decided to go ahead and get my car registered in TX and get that out of the way in the event of another run-in with the police. getting the car taken care of managed to take up literally the entire day. first i had to get the emissions testing, which went quickly. the place i went to was near my house and the inspection took about 10 minutes, if that. the place looked like a hole in the wall and that maybe, just maybe you could pay one of the guys a little extra to say your car passed. lol... ok, maybe not. but, it wasn't the most professional looking place. then it was off to get my new license and pay the registration fees. of course, it's too much like right to have the places near one another. oh, no, i had to drive all over town to get it done. in Texas, you have to get the registration done first and then you apply for your license. well, i somehow managed to get the two turned around, so i had to drive from one place to another and then back again. of course, i got caught in traffic and that added a ridiculous amount of time to the trip. you know, as time goes on, i think i'm ready to move to a smaller city where traffic isn't a beast. i still want to live in a large city, but this living in the 4th largest city business is not the business. anyway, i got it all done and ended up paying a total of $252. it kills me how paying thousands of dollars for a car isn't enough. oh, no, every year, you have to pay for the "privilege" of driving a car in a city that makes having a vehicle an absolute necessity. that being said, i am thankful i had the money to pay for it all. of course, my savings has taken a hit, but that's what a savings is for, right?
• i think i'm going to try some hand-made gifts this year. if i weren't teaching, i'd make bath and body products. i first got into it making things for my hair and body when i was living in California. at that time i was still transitiong from relaxed to natural hair and since there aren't any Black hair salons in Santa Barbara, i had to figure out what to do with my hair in the meantime. it fascinated me that i was able to make the things that were on sale in the store. (well, minus some ingredients and the fancy packaging.) but i rarely make the time to purchase and assemble the ingredients i need and experiment. but, From Nature with Love has these body care craft kits that seem perfect. the ingredients are from a very reputable place and it's all there for me! i'm leaning towards the body butter and bath cookies.
• i need to lose some weight. i looked up and i see i'm inching closer to the weight i was during my senior year of college. and trust me, that was not a good look. funny how most ppl wish they could get back to their college weight and i'm running away from it. i'm not too big on exercising, so i know that's a problem. but, i also know my sugar intake's a major culprit. i love sweets and i'd been good about my intake. i don't eat massive intakes, but a little here and there goes a long way. i'm not planning to go on a diet. i don't believe in diets. but, i know i need to modify and/or return to my old eating habits.
• we have a t.f.a. professional development session on saturday. i don't think i'm going. i know i'll have to make it up, but i'm getting into one of my moods where i want to just have time to myself. i'm feeling overwhelmed (grad school apps, progress reports are due, i have to start preparing my kids for this damned state test they take in January, the holidays are approaching, etc.) and i don't like feeling like this. i'd been doing well with managing my stress, but somewhere along the way i'm letting it get to me. my goal this school year was to be as stress free as possible. i was doing well until now...
• i was in Hobby Lobby this week getting supplies for this art project my class was doing and i spent so much time just wandering the aisles and getting ideas for projects and crafts. i don't know where the inspiration was coming from as i'm not really into arts and crafts stuff. anyway, the project we were working on was a door decoration contest the school was having. at first i had this grand idea to do a Night Before Christmas theme, with a chimney on the door, complete with a 3-D fire, and i was going to have my kids decorate stockings to go on the chimney. and then, i thought about all the work i'd have to do. also, i thought that the door really needed to be student driven. so, my kids made reindeer puppets out of paper bags with their hand prints made out of construction paper to form the antlers. i made a barn out of construction paper and put up their puppets and called it a day. other teachers had nice doors, but my only problem with them is they were done almost primarily by the teacher. maybe i'm just hating, but i'm not impressed by something an adult can do. one teacher across the hall from me had a beautiful display of angels where the students actually made the crafts. so, i have no problem giving her props. on the other hand, another teacher on my hall had a door that was just too busy. i think she thought the more the better. there were lights, and Christmas trees, and more lights, and bells, and shiny red wrapping paper. i'll try to take pics and post them. my words just don't do the doors justice.
• i rarely plug products on my blog, because well, i just don't. but, i think i've finally found products my hair likes! Oyin.Handmade makes fabulous products that are good for your hair and smell heavenly. i swear, they make me want to eat my hair! lol... the only thing i don't like is the ship time, which is about 10 days. since the products are made from scratch and aren't just sitting on a shelf somewhere, i guess i can understand that.
  
• i want to go to the movies tomorrow night, but i don't know what i want to see. that Etta James movie's coming out tomorrow, but i'm not a big Beyonce fan. we'll see...
  

ok, enough rambling. until next time...

i can't believe the holiday weekend's over. it feels like it just began. well, i guess that's what happens when you spend 18+ hours of the holiday in a vehicle. so, i went home to Tulsa for the holiday, as usual. the drive up was cool. well, except for when i was pulled over for speeding when in fact, i was not speeding. now, i will admit that i do have something of a lead foot. but, i knew it was the day before the holiday and the police, esp. in small towns in OK would be out in full force. so, i made it a point to drive at or a little below the limit. the officer said when he "saw me" i was going 61 in a 45. i told him that i didn't agree with him. then he told me that when i saw him i slowed down. *sigh* how about i didn't see him until he pulled behind me seemingly from nowhere while i was at a stop light, paused a few seconds, and turned on his lights? it all seemed suspicious. he let me go and gave me a ticket for expired out of state tags. i wasn't mad about the ticket, because i hadn't take care of that yet and i was in the wrong. however, i was livid at the initial reason for pulling me over. he gave me a warning for the speeding he "clocked me at" and said he wasn't writing down the speed because i was going more than 20 over the limit, he really wasn't supposed to write a warning. uhm, the last time i checked, 61 is 16 more than 45. but, whatever... at any rate, we got to Tulsa fine and the visit was great.

dinner was at my grandmother's house and we (my grandmother, two of my aunts, my brother and I) all cooked a little something and pulled dinner off. my grandmother's house is very old and not really the best for a number of people to cook in, so there's a lot of stop and wait for someone to use the supplies you need or you have to wait for someone's dish to be done before yours can go in. but, it was all good. we sat down to eat at about 4:30 and a few hours later i left to visit my father. i hadn't called on Sunday like i typically do because well, i was coming that week. so, i went by, we got ice cream (not that i needed anymore sweets), stopped by to see a friend of his and then went back to where he lives. i don't know, it's still hard for me to actually see him as my father. i mean, obviously that's who he is, but it just doesn't quite feel that way. i suppose that's not a bad thing. oh, one thing that i found odd was when we visited his friend, the friend asked a few times how many daughters he had. he said two, but i thought i sensed some hesitancy. i started to point blank ask him if he had any other children. but, i decided to leave it alone. truth be told, if he did have other children, i wouldn't really be interested in knowing them. as far as i'm concerned, i have one sister and one brother. then again, maybe i'm just reading into things. i still haven't told my family that i've been in contact with him. when i left to see him, i just told them i'd be out for a while and would be back soon. i still can't articulate why i haven't shared that with them (or anyone else, really) yet. i guess a part of me just wants to keep it to myself if things don't work out. my father seems to think my family only has bad things to say about him. the funny thing is that if they do have bad things to say, they have never said them in the presence of me and my sister. it's like he just doesn't exisist at all. i think that's part of what makes it hard for me to see him as a parent because he's gone from being invisible to visible in a matter of months.

speaking of my brother, last month he told me he was considering applying to this school (hopefully by the time you click on it, the site will be up and running). as soon as he told me that, i vetoed the idea. now, i'm clearly not against HBCUs. i went to one and will represent until my dying day. but, i am against ones that don't seem to promote and foster excellence amongst the student body. the school's just so hood and not where my brother needs to be. (i mean, how are you going to call yourself a major university and not have a functioning website. ugh...) the school annoys me more than anything because HBCUs (for the most part) have to contend with a lot of naysayers. it stands to reason that the only HBCU in the state of Oklahoma wouldn't be a mess. ok, i'll get off my soap box. hopefully, he'll apply to OU or OSU.

on Saturday i spent the afternoon with a friend from high school. we did what we typically do--- eat and shop. i did well, though on the shopping front. i only bought one thing and it was $5. i was tempted by these grey Steve Madden boots at DSW, but alas they were over $100, and well, it doesn't get cold enough in Houston to wear boots that often. i also got to talk to my friend about some frustrations i'd been having with my relationship with CO. like i said before, i rarely tell people i have a boyfriend, let alone tell many people about anything in the relationship. but, i do feel comfortable talking to her, because she's an attorney and thus has been through law school, studied for and passed two bar exams. so, i know she can tell me the real deal on what life is like for a law school student and how that truly impacts one's personal life. i also went over the ultimatum i'm planning to lay down within the next few months, just to make sure the timing is right and that i am being fair. she gave me some peace of mind, and now i feel better about the way things are. this time last year when i was feeling frustrated, i became entangled with DD. so, i'm glad i'm releasing my frustration in a more constructive way. :-)

ok, it's way past my bedtime. i couldn't sleep, so i decided to blog. but, i do need to be ready to face my class tomorrow. until next time...