Coyne Operated

Eight years ago today I married my best friend.  It was supposed to be the beginning of the best years of our lives, together.  It was supposed to be the beginning of the dance.  Tonight, I sit here alone and without the very person I should be celebrating this day with.  Our dance was cut short.  Despite all my pain, frustration, anger and tears, I know one thing -- I wouldn't trade anything for our short time together.  Some days that logic comforts me.  Most days, not so much.  Regardless, in the words of Garth Brooks, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.

Garth Brooks – The Dance Lyrics with Official Video | musicstop

No words can express what I feel today, on this first anniversary of Mike's passing.  Some may like to look on the positive side and think of it as his homegoing, or his first anniversary in Heaven.  Whatever we call it, there is a void that can never be filled.  Our lives will never be the same.
I put together this video to focus on and celebrate the happy, memorable moments of Mike's years on this earth.  He truly was, and is, a dream come true.

If you browse back over this blog since its beginning, you will find stories and photos of our many trips to North Conway, New Hampshire. North Conway was a favorite place of Mike's growing up, and from the beginning of our relationship it became a favorite place of ours. We visited it during the snowy winters, the picturesque autumns and the warms summers. It was both a romantic getaway spot, as well as a quick escape destination when we'd receive some bad news and needed to clear our heads. Whatever the purpose of our visits, our time there was always special. Mike loved the scenery and the quiet atmosphere and said he'd have no trouble settling in a place like that (I, however, was a little more skeptical about being so far removed from the big city). Many months ago, I decided I wanted to spread some of Mike's ashes in North Conway. Although Mike never specifically requested it, I know he would have approved. Part of me also felt I needed to get away, by myself, and feel all the emotions associated with having now lost this special place we shared. Last Thursday, I began the long trip up north. I felt relatively calm during the drive, until I began to approach the center of town. As soon as I saw the sign of my motel -- a place Mike and I stayed many times, including our first and final trips there -- I began to break down. The anxiety was so strong, but there was no turning back. After I checked into my room (a room that very well could have been the same one we stayed in a few years ago), I collected myself a bit and then went to grab some dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, The Muddy Moose. I was there for quite a while, slowly striking up conversations with a couple people. By the time I left, both the bartender and the man sitting next to me knew why I was up there, and both were sympathetic. The following day, I continued to stop at more favorite spots -- The Met for coffee, Delaney's for lunch, and Ben & Jerry's for a smoothie. I even did some shopping at Zeb's General Store. But the most important part was finding a meaningful place to leave some ashes. The first spot I chose was about 10 minutes north at the Eagle Mountain House in Jackson. The Eagle Mountain House was where Mike took me on our six-month wedding anniversary, and where we went several other times for their incredible Sunday jazz brunch. After some walking around the grounds, I chose a little garden area with an arbor, and spread a small amount of ashes at the base of a group of tall green plants. After I left the hotel, I stopped at the Jackson covered bridge and wrote our initials on the railing, then continued back to the center of North Conway. Once there, I walked to the area between the fire station and the country club, just past the railroad tracks and beyond the golf cart path. I held the ashes and blew them a kiss, which sent them gently falling to the ground below, with the backdrop of the mountains in the distance. That view was one in a million, just like Mike. I can't say the trip was full of joy or peace, but I felt I had to do it. For Mike, I could do it.

Sometimes you just need a girls' night out....

October 14, 2012 marks one year since Mike's passing (a timespan nearly impossible to believe). Please help us remember him, especially on this day, by doing something he either enjoyed doing, wanted to do, or which represents his character and faith. On that day, please share how you remembered Mike by posting a comment below. If you are on Facebook, share your activity either on your wall, Mike's wall, or on the Mike Coyne Remembrance Page. Here are examples of some things you may want to do: ** Tell a joke and make someone laugh ** Blast some Dave Matthews, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, U2, or any other music Mike loved ** Go apple picking ** Go pumpkin picking ** Skip some rocks on the water at the beach ** Spend time with your nieces and nephews ** Tell someone how much you love them ** If you haven't stepped foot in church for a while, go back and give it another try. If you do go, invite a friend ** Root for the New England Patriots (OK, that may be asking a lot of some people) ** Spend some quiet time with God ** Reach out to a friend you've been meaning to call ** Play some Wiffle Ball ** Cook a nice breakfast for your spouse ** Be kind to each other. Whatever you do, do it with all your heart. Cherish your time here. Celebrate Mike. Celebrate life. Let people know about it.

It's a very strange feeling doing something FOR someone WITHOUT someone. But that's what we did on Monday, August 20. That was the day we had the Mike Coyne Charity Golf Tournament in Hingham, MA. Mike's sister, Sue, began putting together the event months ago, and it turned out to be a huge success. Not only was the weather great, but we raised nearly $5,000 for Why Me & Sherry's House in Worcester, MA. Friends and family came out in droves to support the cause and celebrate Mike. It was wonderful. As for the golf itself (besides teeing off at 7:15AM -- and I am NOT a morning person), I lost at least half a dozen golf balls, but still had a ton of fun with my foursome (my friend Rene, my brother, John, and his friend, Ray). John entertained us by taking multiple mulligan's/chasing after his golf balls (videos to come) and swinging a club as if he was on a baseball diamond. John "won" closest to the pin (ahem), and Ray won the longest drive contest, which awarded him Red Sox tickets for the following night. Robyn and Danielle from Why Me came out to support the charity and speak regarding the organization's efforts. John won "best dressed" for sporting his kilt, but word on the street is that I would have won had he dressed normally. Hey, if you have to wear a skirt to get attention.... Coaches from the Rockland Legion baseball team were also on hand, and they spoke about Mike and what he meant to their ballclub. It was a wonderfully touching moment. There were dozens of exciting raffle and silent auction prizes, including a drawing of the Rockland emblem by our nephew, Anthony, which the Rockland guys promptly asked him to autograph. I bid on and won a picture of the Augusta golf course, graciously donated by my Uncle Bob. A bunch of us capped off the day by celebrating with cigars. Mike would have liked that. Each of the attendees received tournament t-shirts, and all the golfers got towels which featured a silhouette of Mike, taken from a photograph I took of him at the driving range three years ago. It was a good day.