First of all . . . the CAT scan results were normal!!! Yeah! We have more tests to do to see if the cancer has spread but this is very good news! Thank you for all of your prayers and support! We are all going to take a breather this next week as James and I decided that since we won't be able to do surgery this week anyway we are bound for Hawaii tomorrow morning!

I have been very nervous to go but I am getting excited to take a break and spend some time with James. More importantly, I am happy that Rachel will be able to take a break for a week, hang out with Grammy and Aunt Britt, and go to preschool! (She has missed the last few times!) She has been so brave. She even watched while they put in her IV and she held perfectly still during the testing. A big thanks to my Mom who stood in for me since I couldn't go into the tests because of the pregnancy. That brings me to my next topic . . . the baby. We had our Ultrasound this afternoon and we will be welcoming another baby . . .
GIRL!!!! We are so excited! James and I were talking the other day about what we thought we were having and James brought up that since Rachel wanted a girl, that is probably what we are going to have because usually, around here, what Rachel wants, Rachel gets. (She is the little queen around here and unfortunately is a little spoiled. I have a feeling it will only get worse with all of these new developments!) We really are excited to have a baby girl but I feel bad for my little boy! He really could have used a brother! So, the Carter's will be taking a little break and when we get home we will do more tests and surgery! Phew! Have a great week!

I want to keep this short. We spoke to the Surgeon today and he felt like the surgery is definately our best shot. He painted a little more graphic picture of the surgery for me than I was expecting. He said that they are going to need to be aggressive with their excision and that they will need plastic surgeons to reconstruct her little foot after they have done their thing! This may involve a skin or muscle graft from another area of her body.
Again, the main concern is that we get all of the cancer out and that it has not spread. That is what we are praying for!!!! No spreading!!! Thank you all for keeping her in your prayers. We are going to continue to be optimistic that things have not spread and that they will be able to have a successful surgery. We need all of the prayers we can get.
I know that the Lord has heard and answered my prayers already and is giving us all strength, especially Rachel. She has been a little trooper spending so much time at MD Anderson. She is a little ray of sunshine in a bleak environment. She is happy and bright and a joy to be around. If nothing else, this has given me a lot of one on one time with my middle child and I have really seen another side of her from all of this attention. I will post again tomorrow. Please know that your faith, prayers, and support are keeping me afloat right now!! Thank you!

First I want to personally thank each of you who have been praying in our behalf. We feel very blessed! We spoke to Rachel's doctor today and received good news. We still have some hurdles to overcome but the future looks much brighter than it did. Dr. Huh said that he did not see any other "lesions" (a physical change in a body part that is the result of illness or injury) in the MRI scan that they did yesterday. However, he said that he did not feel like they have got a "clear margin" around the tumor and that they are probably going to need to go back in for another surgery to take out more of the tissue that was surrounding the tumor so that they can be more confident that they got all of the cancer out. If they can be confident that they have gotten a clear margin then she may not even have to do chemo or radiation!!!!! Yeah!!!!! The only variable is that they have to do a CT scan of her chest to make sure that it has not spread to her lungs (which would change everything). So, I will be praying my heart out that they do not find anything in her chest! I am feeling hopeful because the doctor told me that they really start to worry about the tumors once they are 5 cm or larger. Rachel's tumor was a little less than 1 cm. Due to the size of the tumor the doctor doesn't anticipate finding anything in her chest.
I cannot accurately describe the feelings that I have had or the images I have seen in the last week! This has been the most humbling experience I have ever had! Please continue to keep Rachel in your prayers. We will be meeting with the surgeon on Monday and she will be having her CT scan on Tuesday morning. If that comes back clear then we will be able to schedule the surgery. Obviously the idea of this spreading to her lungs is frightening. It is my greatest hope that this has not happened. Thank you so much for your love and support. We love and appreciate you.



Yesterday . . .

Yesterday I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't read any emails or blog about my day. The day started out great. Rachel and I had received blessings the previous night from our Bishop and I was feeling hopeful and more at peace. When I walked into the Pedi center, I was greeted by familiar faces and warm smiles. There wasn't such a dark cast on the room as there had been the day before. The pedi center is amazing. They have a playroom where they have toys and crafts. They have paints and even get their own play dough that they keep in the closet for when they come (So they don't spread germs.) They even had a music teacher come in today to teach the kids that were there waiting for various treatments and appointments. The music class was great. The teacher brought in a bunch of instruments and let the kids all play together. Rachel was having a great time. Anyway, back to yesterday . . .
We had to wait an excruciatingly long time for her MRI. We were late for our appointment due to the horrendous traffic that is plaguing Houston since the hurricane. What used to take 45 minutes is now taking 2 hours and 45 min! Because we were late, we got bumped and had to wait for two hours! She had to get an IV put in and she was so brave about it! She was a trooper while we waited. We colored and learned letters, told stories, and cuddled while we waited. I was just trying hard to keep her mind off of the fact that she was in a hospital and surrounded by grief and sickness. We finally got her in for her MRI and the nurses were so great. They were very sweet with the way that they interacted with Rachel. They are very good at minimizing the "fear factor" for the children. I was surprised when they actually brought us into the room with the MRI machine before she was put under anesthesia. Rach was pretty freaked out about the MRI machine and said, "mommy, what is that gonna do?" I told her that it was like a giant camera that was going to take her picture. The nurses had her distracted in no time with an oxygen mask with a penguin on the front. I hate watching her go under anesthesia. It is not a fun thing to see your child's eyes roll back! After she was asleep they got started and I headed down to get some lunch.
When I was walking down the hallway I saw two grown men on their cell phones, one on one end of the hall and one on the other and they were both crying! It is not every day that you see a grown man cry. Those are the kinds of things you see every day there! I teared up a little but I was still feeling pretty good about everything. After lunch I headed to the MRI waiting area and that's when everything changed!
I sat down across from a beautiful, seven year old, little girl. She was wrapped in a pink fleece blanket and all I could see was her sweet little face on her pillow and her shaved head. I could see her wincing from pain. Her mom was on her cell phone and I could hear the little girl complaining about her back hurting and her leg. That's when she looked up at me and with the saddest eyes I've ever seen whispered, "I'm in pain." I looked at her and said, "I know, I'm so sorry." Then she closed her eyes and appeared to be going to sleep. After her mom got off of the phone I started talking to her about her daughter's condition and quality of life. She had a tumor in her arm that spread to her muscles, lungs, and then everywhere. She is a terminal patient. I was trying to choke back the tears and then the little girl got up off of her chair and started making her way towards me. Her mom asked her where she was going and she just kept right on moving in my direction. She got close to me and reached out her arms and gave me a giant hug! The instant I felt her frail little arms around my neck the flood gates opened and I could no longer hold back the tears! She then turned around, went back to her chair, and closed her eyes. Her mom then told me that she likes to hug everyone because she thinks she is a healer. Right then they called my name and said that it was time for me to go back to see Rachel. I stood up and felt like I was going to fall right back down into my chair I was so overcome with emotion. When I walked passed the little girls mom she said, "it gets easier." I looked at her with tears streaming down my face and I said, "it looks to me like it just gets harder." Then I walked passed this sweet black woman on my way out the door and she looked at me and said, "just look to Jesus baby." I stood out in the hall and pulled myself together and I was off to get my little Rach.
I did not stop feeling weak for the next two hours. I could not get that image out of my mind. I have been so overcome by the tragedy that people have in their lives. I vowed I will never complain about doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, being pregnant, or any of the other everyday "privilages" that I have as a mother! Our children are so precious and we can get so caught up in selfish, petty concerns that we do not give them the love that they deserve.
I have not been sleeping well and have had virtually no appetite this passed week. When I walked into the clinic this morning to find out the results for Rachel I was so nervous. Even water felt like it was spoiling in my stomach. There were more families, each with another story to tell. While we were waiting everyone in the clinic suddenly started clapping and cheering. I did not know what was going on so I asked a lady who was sitting in front of me and she explained that there was a little boy who had finished his treatments and was in remission. When I looked into the middle of the crowd I saw him clinging to his Mother's leg and crying! Again, I started bawling and couldn't stop. The lady in front of me asked if I was okay and I told her how afraid I was. She got up and put her arm around me as I cried. I was a complete mess inside until we got in to speak with the doctor. James came with me today and I was so grateful to have him there!
I am reluctant to feel so but I am extremely relieved for the time being. I will continue to pray that Rachel will get good news. Please pray for her to get a clear result on her CT scan so that we can go ahead with surgery and have the hope of not undergoing chemotherapy. I feel so blessed and I know that the Lord has heard and answered our prayers.

Today was horrible. I walked into the children clinic in MD Anderson Cancer Center today, with Rachel hand in hand, and I felt like I might fall over from the shock. I looked around me to see the very thing that I had expected to see, children with scarves, hats, or bald heads, masked faces to protect from germs, sad eyes, and long faces. However, I was not prepared for how it would make me feel to see those images now that I am projecting myself and my daughter into that reality. What a nightmare. I was speachless as I took my seat in the waiting room. The veteran mother’s were casually talking to one another about their children’s conditions and I just sat there stone-faced and choosing not to engage in a question and answer session about something about which I would rather be in denial. Rachel was vibrant, happy, and cheerful. She kept to herself, didn’t ask me any questions about why people had no hair or why they were wearing blue masks. She seemed content to sit on my lap and color, eat crackers, and be four. Oh, how I want her to be able to be four!!!!!! We waited for four hours! The only thing that we accomplished was to fill out some paperwork and speak to an anesthesiologist for about 10 minutes. Everyone stares at Rachel as if she is a fish out of water. She is the picture of health with her long flowing dark hair and all of her energy. She is not “sick.” I could feel the heavy burdens of the other mother’s and father’s in the room, worry written all over their faces. There is a “glazed over” look that is becoming all to easy to identify with. The building is incomprehensibly large, filled with sick people in every nook and cranny. I realize that there are those who are victorious in their battle with cancer but their lives are engrossed in that fight and nothing more. I want to go back home and be bored, clean my house, fold my laundry, and listen to my kids fight! I want to run away from this place, take my daughter to some remote island and forget this ever happened but instead I sit in a chair for four hours, pretending for Rachel. I believe in miracles. I need one to happen for her. This cannot be her reality. I still have hope.


She has an MRI tomorrow and we see the doctor on friday . . .

So I am really bummed out today. I think reality just finally hit me this morning. I have spent the last week and a half trying to process this whole thing with Rachel and I think it finally just hit me square in the face. This is not the reality I want! Ugg!

So it finally happened! We actually got hit this time. Since I have lived in Houston we have been bombarded by hurricane warnings. I often have family members call to see if we are experiencing bad weather and I don't even know that there is a hurricane in the gulf. We have become desensitized to the warnings because they are so frequent. Well, this time it happened. Me and the kids (and Britt) left town Thursday to avoid traffic and James stayed behind to "weather the storm." He boarded up our windows and bunkered down. We headed for Dallas and spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with the Logsdons. (Thank you so much Jeremy and Chauntel for opening your home - again!) Once we finally heard from James that we were not going to be able to come home for a while due to power outages, lack of fuel, and groceries, we decided to head for my Aunt Jo's house in Oklahoma! We actually ended up having a great little mini vacation! It was really relaxing to stay at Aunt Jo's. She made us feel so welcome and comfortable! (Thanks again Aunt Jo and Uncle Bill) James stayed safe and dry and we were fortunate to have no damage to any of our properties. We came home on Tuesday and life is back to normal aside from sights like these pictures above. There are a lot of traffic lights that are down or nonworking. Traffic has been worse and there is still a lack of fuel. I have not tried to go to the grocery store yet so I do not know what the situation is there. We have tried to go several places that have been closed. Last night Britt and I tried to go to a movie and the theatre still doesn't have power. We don't have church today because there is no power there either. We got our power back Tuesday so things are normal at home.
As for Rachel and her condition, we are meeting with her new doctor on Wednesday and then we will know how we are going to move forward. I really appreciate the response that we have gotten to the news and the strong support that we have felt from family and friends! Thank you so much! Please keep Rachie in your prayers. We are hoping that the cancer in her foot is the only cancer in her body and that with treatment she will not have to worry about it spreading or coming back. We are handling things fine and trying to have faith. We will keep you posted.



Audrey is playing soccer and has apparently found her "thing!" She LOVES it! This isn't the greatest shot but look at that little athlete! She has been very upset that due to the hurricane she has missed her first two games and three practices! (They were cancelled) She said that "hurricanes ruin everything in the whole world!!)

I had a chance to have some fun with my new camera on our extended vacation at my Aunt Jo's. She has a beautiful property so there were lots of photo ops. Enjoy!

Audrey has been my little model. She is really easy to photograph!

Rachel is harder to photograph than Audrey but she was really hammin' it up for me. Her personality really comes out in these shots, especially the last one.

I tried using photo shop a little on these to take out some of the color.

These first three were taken at home a couple of weeks ago while I was washing my car. This is Adam in his element! He loves to play with the rocks that are supposed to be in our landscaping. I have found them stuffed in flower pots, in the rain gutters, and even in the Honda emblem on the front of my car!




These were taken at Aunt Jo's.



An attempt at getting them all in one shot!

We finally got the results from the biopsy and have been told that Rachel has Synovial Cell Sarcoma. From what I understand, it is a form of cancer that is found in tumors in the soft tissue. I have included some information below to answer all of your questions. I still don't know anything specific about how we are going to move forward with this. Her results are being forwarded to MD Anderson cancer center and they will contact us after they assign someone to her case. I am feeling very overwhelmed and shocked! I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I really wasn't expecting this. I want to thank you for all of your phone calls, prayers and support. Please continue to keep Rachel in your thoughts.


General Info:
Synovial Cell Sarcoma (synovioma): This is an unusual tumor that occurs in the soft tissue, but the exact tissue is not known. These tumors are usually found in the feet, knees, thighs and hands. When this type of cancer spreads, it will usually go to the lungs, bones and lymph nodes. These tumors are more common in males than in females.

What are some of the signs and symptoms of soft tissue sarcoma?
The signs and symptoms of these tumors may vary depending on the location of the tumor and the specific type of tumor. There may be pain and swelling around the affected tissue. If the tumor is located in a muscle or synovial tissue, the child may experience limited and painful movement of an extremity or joint. Sometimes the symptoms may be vague and go undetected for extended periods of time.

What causes soft tissue sarcomas?
There is no known cause for these types of tumors. There is no evidence that recent injury to the affected area is the cause of this disease. It is also known that this disease is not contagious.

Who gets soft tissue sarcomas?
These malignant tumors may occur in both adults and children. These tumors are rare in infants and young children. Soft tissue sarcomas account for approximately three percent of the childhood cancers diagnosed yearly. Rhabdomyosarcoma is the most common type of soft tissue sarcoma diagnosed in children.

Are soft tissue sarcomas inherited?
There is no evidence that these tumors are inherited.

What are metastases?
Metastases refers to the spread of cancer from its original location to other parts of the body. These types of tumors tend to metastasize to the lungs.

What is staging?
Staging is the process of determining the extent of the disease at the time of diagnosis. Staging is necessary to assist the physician in choosing the most appropriate treatment plan for the child. The staging systems may vary depending on the known patterns of metastasis of the sarcoma.

How can soft tissue sarcomas be treated?
There are three methods of treatment used for soft tissue sarcomas: chemotherapy, surgery and radiation therapy. Treatment may vary according to the type of sarcoma, the age of the child at diagnosis, location of the tumor and stage of the disease. Frequently more than one treatment method is used to treat these types of malignant tumors.

Chemotherapy is the use of drugs to kill cancer cells. Chemotherapy not only destroys cancer cells but also affects the growth of normal cells and therefore has side effects which will be explained to you.

Surgery involves the complete or partial removal of the tumor. Some normal tissue may also be removed and lymph node sampling performed as part of the staging process.

Radiation therapy is the use of high-powered X-rays to kill cancer cells. The treatment is given in precisely measured amounts by doctors and technicians who are experts in this field.

How long will my child's treatment last?
Treatment will depend upon the specific type of soft tissue sarcoma and the extent of the tumor. At the Aflac Cancer and Bleeding Disorders Service, parents are always included in the decision-making process when the healthcare team develops a treatment plan.

The above information is a brief overview of what you need to know initially about soft tissue sarcoma in children. The nurses and doctors can answer your questions and help you find more information.

For those of you who are waiting to hear about Rachel . . . so are we! We are still waiting to hear back from the pathologist. We hope to hear news any day but they are still "testing." Thank you for your support and your prayers! We will keep you posted.

When you think of a school bus bully, you wouldn't ordinarily think of a little five year old kindergarten girl. But this isn't any old kindergarten girl, this is Walker's sister, the very same Walker that intentionally broke the boards off of our fence one friendly afternoon last Spring.
Exasperated, Audrey climbed in the car those first few days of school and exclaimed, "It isn't even fair!" "Walker's sister is calling me names and calling my teacher names and she sits behind me every day and she won't even leave me alone!" "What kind of names?" I wondered. "Oh, like weeny head." she says with ease. Lovely! "Just kindly ask her to quit calling you bad names," I suggest. "But I already did that and she won't stop!" she adds in disbelief. Oh dear. A few days pass and then she gets into the car, enthusiastically this time. "Mom, I found Walker's sister and asked her to sit by me on the bus." "Why in the world would you ask her to sit by you Audrey?" I ask in shock. "Well, she keeps on bugging everybody now and calling them names and being rude, and I didn't want her to be able to bug anyone else anymore! So, I asked her to sit by me and we made pinky promises that she wouldn't be rude anymore!" Problem solved.

Disclaimer: (You may be wondering why Audrey would be climbing into the car after riding the bus. Let me remind you, it is September in Houston . . . the worste month for heat! I drive my car to the end of the cul-de-sac and patiently wait for the bus in my air conditioning! Only a few more weeks and we can wait outside like normal people!)

As some of you may know, Rachel had foot surgery a couple of weeks ago to remove a "mass" that was growing on the underside of her foot near her arch. She had been in a lot of pain and it took a long time to figure out what was going on. After visits to the pediatrician, two specialists, an X-ray and an MRI later we determined that she needed surgery. The surgery went well and she is recovering really well. Now we come to the part where the "mass" is sent off for a biopsy. It has been determined that it is a tumor and that there are "abnormal" cells that need to be further studied and tested. The Doctor called us yesterday to inform us that this may be a malignant tumor a.k.a. cancer. I am nervous to find out the results. I just can't imagine an outcome where my sweet little Rachel is going to have to undergo Chemothearopy and all that goes along with fighting cancer. I am hopeful that this is just a scare and may amount to nothing. Please keep Rachel in your prayers! We are having a family fast on Thursday if you would like to join in. I will keep you all posted.

I bought a new camera yesterday so I have been shooting some pics and trying to figure it out. I am not very good at it yet. I tried my hand at some editing and I know I didn't get the colors quite right. I will learn eventually. This is so much fun!