Just wanted to put down a few things that have been going on around here.  The girls are trying out for Seussical tomorrow.  They are so excited.  I love to hear them practicing their lines from the other room while I prepare dinner.  I also love singing the songs with them in the car really loudly so that they will push themselves while hiding behind my voice.  I love the creative energy buzzing around our house.  I watched them tonight at Jazz dance class and loved every minute.  They look so cute stretching out in the middle splits and concentrating on their pirouettes.  I am really enjoying my time with them.  They are at such fun ages developmentally.  They are so independent and such individuals but I still have influence on them and they still crave my attention and affection.
 
     Adam is just all around enjoyable.  He will literally sit down with "The United States Constitution" and "read" it.  He comes home telling me things like, "Mom, did you know that penguins can only lay one egg?"  Then he proceeds to tell me that he spent all of his free draw time drawing "one fousand penguins" trying to perfect it.  He comes home happy every day and spreads it around to everyone around him.  I really just wish I could freeze him. 

     Claire is FINALLY getting better.  I don't want to speak to soon but she really seems on her way to being healthy.  She has had a couple of good weeks and I am really enjoying it.  She is sleeping soundly through the night and not needing any breathing treatments.  Hurray!  She was so much fun tonight.  She "read" me a story about how the barbies couldn't play "dressupping" until they cleaned their rooms.  She then recited her Birthday list to me as follows:

Ipad
Ipod touch
Barbie Jeep (the ones you can actually drive)
and  Furbie ($50.00)
 . . . and that's all, she said.

     Kids these days!  We blew kisses to one another as I left the room and instead of whining that I stay longer she actually said, "Goodnight, love you."  We made plans to clean out the toys and fold clothes together tomorrow while the girls are at acting class and she was pleased as punch as she actually loves these activities.  She also made a devious plan to play in the girls room with their barbies while they were gone. :)  She is growing up. 

      Truthfully, I am exhausted by the worry that I have felt over these last few months about my kids.  I am concerned about the girls academically and want to make sure that our decision to home school them proves to be beneficial for them.  I have been so concerned for Claire's health.  I don't think I realized how I would take on every concern for each child I had in such a complete and emotional way.  There is no separation between them and me.  However, I am really finding joy and so much love as I serve them.  Watching them develop is to witness something magnificent. 

This year I was very happy to say goodbye to 2012.  It was not a "bad" year, I am just really ready for 2013.  I need a fresh start.  This year brought about a lot of changes in our family.  James and I have been taking on challenges unlike any others that we have before.  There are challenges that come to us and those that we choose and we have had a little bit of both this year.  James has been working hard to build his business.  I am so proud of him for how tirelessly he has worked.  I am blessed to be married to a man that is willing to work hard.  His hard work has meant many late nights at work and I have been managing things at home much more without his help. 
     We chose to bring our girls home from school this year.  It has been a major life change for us.  The first semester was a learning curve for us and I am really looking forward to this next half of the year.  We have definitely had our share of ups and downs with homeschooling.  There has been laughter and tears and frustration and complete and utter exhaustion.  But I have changed as a Mother.  This experience has really taught me about my strengths and limitations and pushing myself far passed my comfort.  I have made mistakes, I have had bad days, but I have made some golden memories. 
     Claire has been sick.  Her sickness has become a part of our daily life.  I wish her well every hour of every day but it has not yet come to be.  Sometimes I feel like I grieve the ease of life if she were healthy and on others, I feel silly to complain when she is so much better off than so many other children with no hope of healing or normality.  The worry of her not getting better and continuing to struggle with chronic infections and asthma really gets me down at times.  I am trying to learn patience. 
     I came across this quote on another friend's blog.  It rang true to me . . .


“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”
-Hugh Mackay


Wholeness is a goal worth achieving.  Happiness is fleeting.  Wholeness can be felt in trial and in triumph.  I will be striving for wholeness this year.