Monday, March 22, 2010
♥ 3:46 PM
Friends, Lovers or Nothing -John Mayer
Listen ! Thanks for the suggestion lwei..
Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go
Anything less than I love you is lying
♥ 2:34 PM
According to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, when we are dying, or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through 5 distinct stages of grief. We go into denial, because the loss is so unthinkable; we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves; then we bargain. We beg, we plead, we offer everything we have; we offer up our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed, and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression; despair; until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can. We let go; we let go and move into acceptance. — Grey’s Anatomy
http://hinching.com/greys-anatomy-acceptance
Thanks dear ho gwei...
I hate conceding this but jlow is right.
♥ 1:06 PM
Misread -Kings of Convenience
If you wanna be my friend
You want us to get along
Please do not expect me to
Wrap it up and keep it there
The observation I am doing could
Easily be understood
As cynical demeanour
But one of us misread...
And what do you know
It happened again
A friend is not a means
You utilize to get somewhere
Somehow I didn't notice
friendship is an end
What do you know
It happened again
How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it's up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?
What do you know
It happened again
What do you know
***
Love this song. Two years is much too long to be confused.
♥ 2:04 AM
125216
My high score in tetris. Haven't played it in a long time. Back to playing it to distract myself and tire myself so much so that I can fall asleep.
Phone conversations are the best. Thank God for my friends. No conclusions, as always, haha. Even though you were mostly going 'how how how', love you db. And I think I hit a new awesome in my friendship with lw. Haha, love you too !
Still no clue as to how to proceed. I only know it does not involve slitting wrists nor committing suicide. HAHA. Seriously, in this aspect there is no need to take me seriously. I may be strongly drawn to hurt and people who inflict a fuck load of emotional and mental anguish but I am adverse to physical pain.
Db says to pray. Yes I will.
There is something seriously wrong with me. Really really. I'm sure everyone has guessed that my type is not dashing angmoh older man but weird, screwed up and quite possibly gay.
(Darn, that sounds a lot like too many people I know. Speaking of which, I ignored that condemned person's facebook friend request AGAIN. It's been three years and sorry if I'm being crude but you can go fuck yourself. Okay and now I apologise for not being forgiving enough.)
They all say it's unfair to me. But that's what everyone says to the loser right ? There is a loser in every game. Plus it's my zero sum mentality so I'm at a loss as to what to do. Folks in my support group- db, lw, nessa, nick, gwei, qua, sooks, it's time to rally and brainstorm. And/or distract me. Repeat repeat repeat.
Stupid, naive, deluded. I have a whole vocabulary for myself. It's funny because this is probably the one of the few areas of my life which I totally blame myself for. Utterly pathetic. Makes me believe that dreaming is for fools.
Anemone, clown fish. We are but kings of convenience.
I wish to some extent that it were already honours year and I have tons of readings to do. I need something I can throw myself to. A job. Driving lessons. Gorgeous caucasian man. A puppy.
I really miss Clara. :(
Friday, March 19, 2010
♥ 9:37 AM
Doubt.
Times like these are when I miss the one I need the most- Clara. :'(
Thursday, March 18, 2010
♥ 1:10 PM
Argh. I absolutely detest this waiting.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
♥ 11:13 PM
Paris, July 2009. Taken with agfa slides (I think) with my vivitar uws.
Not only because it's romantic and beautiful. Not only because french is sexy and people love riding their bikes around. Not only because good looking folks are everywhere. But because it was back then. Back before everything became sad and went downhill. Back before I lost Clara. Back when it was beautiful.
I dreamt about her again. It was in my old house. Her back legs were very weak and I had to carry her. For some reason she was sitting on the black cupboard where the huge mirror was, near the kitchen. I carried her and set her on the floor. Somehow she managed to jump up onto our green couch and she sat there, head resting on a couch cushion, calmly, nonchalantly but alertly surveying the scene around her.
I miss her so. I don't want to forget how soft she feels. :(
***
Was just thinking about how touch is so important. And we take it for granted. What if we wake up one day without the tactile sense ? Without being able to feel anything when we are held or hugged. Do memories start to dry up ? Possible idea for short story...
***
Arguably best presentation I've ever given. Not in terms of content though but I liked my subject, was quite at ease and didn't need a script. :) Mostly because I forced myself to semi-memorise it. Recited parts of it in the train, walking to school, walking home from the mrt... Thank God ! :)
Loving my firefox theme. It's glitter but all macro and lens flared. Pretty. :)
Maybe I should embark on the happiness meme thing. May be watching kelly clarkson in concert ! Tons of songs to get high to !!!
Very tempted to visit europe. Xunny and mich look like they're having a whale of a time.. Also, and I may regret this later, feel like trying ice skating for the 2nd time.
Quite cute, small eyes, got girlfriend already. Hahaha dots. Am missing my friends overseas !
Ray was funny today. Stop picking on me people ! Just because I'm proud to be a geeky noos fass geographer !
I seem to need to grow some balls.
Monday, March 15, 2010
♥ 12:08 PM
Here's me thanking you in advance ! Hurhur. :)
***
It was not a very good monday morning. Actually it wasn't a good sunday night either. I got very worked up over my noah story and my group mate almost screwed us upside down. I tell you that ******* bugger didn't send me his slides after I emailed and sms-ed. He said sunday noon. Then sunday night when he reaches home. I smsed again monday morning. ZILCH NO REPLY. Called him. Said he will send soon, busy. Wait wait wait nervous nervous. FINALLY HE SENDS THE SLIDES. At 315 pm when my class is 330. ******** Okay fine. (actually that wasn't a real expletive, just a row of asterisks) He's supposed to present, lucky we are the last group. 330 he's not there. I send an sms, he said he'll reach in 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES PASS. He said his cab was involved in a bloody accident. #@*I(U#@@*#&(#* When I saw this my heart nearly stopped okay ! And not because I feared for him ! :x It was bad enough that the original presenter is stuck in the hospital. It was bad enough that one group mate who was swamped with work had to take over last minute cos another group mate had an interview. But suddenly I was confronted with the possibility of presenting for a part that I knew nothing about and could hardly understand !? It was a very very good thing that the other group mate with me was so calm about everything. Bloody hell, I really hate group work and presentations. Noos, Smoo, shitty project mates can be found everywhere.
Can't wait for Wednesday to be over. Would be done with 2nd arts presentation (30%) and finished with the arts module ! Next will be my sketchy hybrid car debate, modern mummification presentation and fiction #3. Then two exams. Then the end of smoo experience and year three !
Myself on the line. Again. Hmmm.
Friday, March 12, 2010
♥ 1:36 AM
The little things in life:
- Extra long weekends
- McDonald's ice cream with Sally & Qua
- Magic sushi :x
- HIMYM screencaps
- Actually liking what I have to present on (in this case, Hokusai)
- Awesome lobster boxers :D
- notcouture.com
- You looking out for me as I leave in 161
- Cooking programmes
:)
Monday, March 08, 2010
♥ 2:14 AM
1300th. I'm inspired by Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close to include pictures and stuff in my short story. It's a really sad and beautiful novel, please read it. Anyway, have yet to decide on the plot for my second piece of fiction. Kbox on saturday was fun although I wish everyone knew all the english songs and I knew all the chinese songs. We've started on Africa and I'm quite excited ! Because I like the song. So we'd better not screw it up. Found the score for the Up theme. :))
Have not been too productive. Need to formulate a script for the hybrid cars debate, read up on Hokusai, extract information on optical camouflage (read: invisibility) and plastination (read: modern mummification) and think about fiction 2. Can't believe it's week 10. A month and a half till the summer break, the end of school and the end of smoo.
Love Language Scores:
5 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
4 Receiving Gifts
10 Acts of Service
2 Physical Touch
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter.
From http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/ (granted though that it is worded for husbands and wives)
I underestimate you sometimes. Those are the kinds of surprises I like.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
♥ 11:14 PM
1299th post haha. Just want to say that YAY ! Week 9 submissions done with ! Graffiti individual essay and self-reflexive art piece (total 30%) for my art class and the group project on the kranji war memorial for my creative writing class. Phew !
Also want to say that it's been quite a week of cute guys ! Tibi (guy who always bares his chest and my favourite slovenian) finally got facebook and Deme (pan asian guy) was the one who suggested him as a friend to me, hehe. Then I found out that Mircea (hot flask guy) has facebook as well ! Those were the days.. :D First experience and undoubtedly the best (and hottest). Then on tuesday I had a short chat with the rather cute nick lookalike who is in both my science classes. Today I exchanged words with my cute TA ! Haha ! Why do they all have girlfriends ! Little things that brighten up my sad smoo days..
For always being unselfish when I need help and for being a calming influence when I panic. Thanks rabbit.
One more project meeting and I'm done for the week ! Shall just take each week as it comes. :) As I always do. Want to watch Alice in Wonderland (Alan Rickman, Stephen Fry and Christopher Lee ! The random greats..), Up in the Air and Whip It when it opens. I guess that's where my money will go to instead of the noos choir concert..
Get well soon db ! Had 5+ hours of sleep and have had almost 12 hours straight of madness/school. Time for BED.