Wednesday, April 28, 2010
♥ 12:13 PM
Wherever, whenever, I love to sing. And the best part is that I get to do it with friends.
I'm uncertain about my future, career prospects yada yada and the scary road that is life after noos but if there's one thing that I'm sure about it's that I want to keep on singing.
Old friends, new friends, old melodies, new melodies.
To love and more music making.
Oh and hopefully we can do Africa again, hurhur.
***
I tell you, Kelly Clarkson's songs are the anthems of my life. HAHA. Although upon scrutiny you'd realize that they're mostly rather melancholic or angsty. I enjoyed the concert even though I wished it were longer. Her old hits really strike a chord and I'll look closely at the lyrics of her new songs. Oh and she's really good performing live ! She can really sing.. It wasn't epic but I enjoyed it. :)))
Is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you
But I can't let you go
These lyrics just stuck. Sucks. Hahaha. Not because when a song gets stuck in my head it keeps me awake at night but because when such lyrics resonate, I'm in trouble.
***
Am looking forward to Chicago ! Looks like I will be unemployed these 3 weeks, meow. Traveling plans seem less and less likely. :( But I saw that Maybank card holders are offered $559 tickets on cathay pacific to various parts of Japan, which is cheaper than the non-sale jetstar fares ! (GERALD ARE YOU READING THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Nando's is opening on the 9th of May ! EXCITE. I hope miss ruby gets back to me soon, am worried about credit transfer and they are bloody slow going about it.
Had an extremely weird dream on monday night. Dreamt that I suspected a friend of mine to be gay and we were trying to find out who was his boyfriend who turned out to be the roommate of this girl called Donna Diamond. (like, wth !?) Then somehow through facebook we found the guy who is this old and muscular dude and for some extremely odd reason we went to where he works, a sewing shop, to stalk him. Damn weird dream. On a related note, I'll be very very sad if latent suspicions/fears of said friend are confirmed. :( (sad face to emphasize great possibility of future sadness)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
♥ 12:38 AM
If you're wondering, they're frames from An Education (2009). One of my favourite scenes, such romance. Paris + camera + watercolour dress + sweet man in suit (I've lowered my expectations from 'handsome') + lying down and watching the clouds = Everything I could ask for. It's a gorgeous movie, watch. ***
Nothing like a Saturday well spent. Practice in the morning (which I always love), KOI bubble tea, watching Kick Ass (which was extremely badass, not really my kind of movie but it was funny enough and violence was fast paced, thank goodness) and an omu rice dinner with good conversation on the side. Thanks to three boys- gpt, xiaokang and lwei ! :)
Due to differences in schedules (and perhaps priorities ?), I've been spending more time lately with those who possess Y-chromosomes. The girls I know are either studying like crazy (I hope !) or abroad and gallivanting across borders (or in xunny's case, getting stranded in barca for 3 weeks or something to the point where mich had to masquerade as her during the classes she missed. HAHAHAHA). It reminds me of those foolish days in 2005 where I was naive and level of male chauvinism was tenfold. Or maybe I was just unfortunate to have fraternized with them as a bunch. But I digress. Bitter bitter me, haha. I don't expect to be 'princessed' by my guy friends as those who know me can attest to. No need to offer me a seat first on the train or carry my bags (although if one is chivalrous, I will be flattered and graciously accept the gesture but this is rare haha). So yes, it makes me balk when people state that I am 'the only girl'. I don't see why it should matter so much. And of course I appreciate female company. Pten and my other girlfriends db, aggie, the stalkers, are irreplaceable. And hell yeah all girls' school ! Boys can be so horrible sometimes. Stone them. But mainly, such statements just hark back to a time of suspicion and embarrassing naivete. Anyway, I'm just saying ! (I know gpt's going to say something like 'why so serious..' haha I've always been serious oh what a handicap of mine..)
That was quite random but yah ick to 2005. Am excited for the days ahead. Concert on monday, Kelly Clarkson on tuesday, possible sleepover over the weekend. Employment in the near future does not seem plausible though, sigh. Still have outstanding things to settle, renewal of passport, noos admin shizzle ergh.
I feel like doing something very unlike me and spontaneous. Like going ahead and booking a round trip to Osaka three months from now with the possibility of no traveling companions. But my parents will never allow it. PBFT.
Oh oh, I am looking for a date(s) for the smoo chamber choir concert ! A friend is performing.. Initially wanted to advertise on facebook but I realize I might attract some volunteers whom I'd rather not watch with. :x Although there are so many things I want to watch ! Queen (the tribute band), the anime/video game concert, axis of awesome, football football, maybe emily of emerald hill..
Okay, that's all for now. If you are reading this and in the midst of studying, I wish you determination and concentration ! Like my father used to say, do your best and God will do the rest. :)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
♥ 11:05 PM
Hello hello. Looks like I haven't been here in close to three weeks. Which most certainly is a record for me. Seeing as how I used to post stuff here everyday and I still am online every day.
Nothing much has changed since three weeks ago. Apart from the end of exams. Not that they even felt like exams. Had only two papers and they are each worth 30% of my total grade. They were also 40% closed book which translates to 12% of my whole grade. Not that the open book helped in anyway really. The physical science one was really quite a joke. I don't think I laughed so much (in my head of course) for any exam. And I mean joke in a bad way. I wouldn't recommend her modules. So that's that for exams. Thursday marked the end of the semester, year three and my stay at SMOO. Now academia-wise I am just awaiting results (PLEASE PLEASE LET ME PASS PHYSICAL SCIENCE !) and procrastinating all that admin shizzle. How annoying is it to have to wait FOREVER for ambiguous emails. Admin people should really take a leaf out of that smoo book and learn the art of quick replies. Really hope I can transfer credits man.
Maybe I'm not here because some people, God bless them, actually take the time to read this. And I don't want them to see what is real about me. I don't think all I seem to be is unreal but there is definitely a lot of realness that I prefer to bottle. Instead I use facebook or twitter to find things to distract me. I turn to tumblr for pictures and quotes that embody the things, the feelings I am too embarrassed to admit. It's why I have so many blogs. Not because I want to stay connected but because I want to run away, to always start on a new slate because the past is painfully embarrassing.
I'm not going to leave this entirely though. Perhaps I just lost the momentum a while there, got lazier than usual. Yes I'm so sentimental that I can't even part with the address, crowdkiller. In fact, I was sad that I had to change the hotmail password I've had since 2001. It's a really cool password okay ! Nothing like the one I use now, bah.
On a less depressing note, am reading Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex. My aunt gave it to me, yay. I always see it in kino, never knew it was by the same author who penned The Virgin Suicides. Am excited for our performance, on the esplanade stage rather than behind it ! Speaking of stages, I wasn't assigned football football for the arts fest, haha. Looks like I can't get the shirtless men all the time eh.. I am however, quite excited for Gatz although it's making me miss both football football and axis of awesome. :( Pros and cons of the job, meh.
Okay, already close to two when I intended to sleep by 1230 :S
A very blessed 21st dearest ho gwei ! :)
Saturday, April 03, 2010
♥ 12:23 AM
Haven't been here in a bit and since the last time, classes at smoo have ended. Thirteen weeks (actually 12) of seminars and endless project meetings ! It's really been quite an eye opener.. Don't think I will delve into any details here and so shall make some lists.
Things that I will not miss about smoo:
-utterly pointless project meetings that are inefficient and stretch endlessly or too brisk and thus redundent
-skinny people everywhere well dressed in expensive clothes
-their huuuuge emphasis on presentations and the fluff that comes with it
-stupid project work groupmates (this goes with noos too)
-utterly nonsensical module content (bad choices on my part)
-class participation. URGH.
Thank you smoo for:
-being only about 35minutes away from home
-popcorn chicken, peanut milk toast, plum tea, peach tea, mr bean's cheese pancake
-smoocf ! even though I only went for three bible studies and the very first corporate meeting
-culture identities and the arts which is interesting and quite challenging (and non-examinable)
-creative writing which is pretty laidback and the ever adorable prof yeo (also non-examinable)
-friends I've made in a bunch of really nice people :)
Left with my last short story and two exams, everything will be over by the 15th of this month. By everything I mean this sem in smoo and me being a year three ! Scary.
***
Am extremely broke. With concerts and presents to pay for.. Might as well close my posb account, meh ! Fauziah hasn't gotten back to me about the schedule though hmm.
The weird rash is back. I remember I had it in 2006, around A level time. It was so bad, the pink raised splotches. They were like continents on the map of my back. It makes me toss and turn and scratch the whole night, rather unbearable. Trying as best as I can to lather self with calamine lotion. I smell like poster paint. Really hope it goes away. :( Cause is unknown, possibly an allergy ?
I'm trying to stream 'An Education' but it's hanging every few seconds, roar ! How irksome ! Shall resort to getting a dvd or something..
***
I resent it. I resent what you said, you know. Because you justified my hopes. And not just what you said but also what you did. And I hate that it is nothing to you, that in any and every case, I'm the one who is again, sad and bitter.
And yet
I dislike immensely how weak I am. Sullen, prone to feeling too much. Pathetic.
I just hate it that once more, I am not good enough. I hate not being good enough.
A lot of the time I think it's unfair. Why do other people get a shot (many, even) at dreams whilst I have to wait for things that may or may not happen ? They have everything in their youth.
Lwei says some people are drawn to pain. That's probably true in my case. I am in love with letting myself get bruised and battered. I guess that's all I can ever expect right.
***
I saw a cute corgi on the way to db's house on thursday.. And a week or so ago I dreamt of Clara again. For some reason the vet was teaching me how to give her medicine and operate on her or something. I don't remember blood or anything but it was weird. She kept fussing and refusing to take her medicine which for an odd reason was glittery liquid in a syringe.
Sigh. I miss her so. I need someone else to love. But I don't want anyone else to replace her in any way. I don't know.