Have you been wondering how we're REALLY doing around here?
From my point of view...
Ben...
is such a sweet baby. He is mostly sleeping and I sometimes wonder if he is sleeping too much. He wakes mostly just to eat. With that said, he does eat a lot more during the day than I remember Owen eating. Owen did nurse every two hours and Ben can actually go 3 and sometimes 4 hours without waking to eat. Just before bedtime, he'll stock pile and eat every 30
mins or so and not wake to eat for most of the night. He has been sleeping through most nights (I never believed moms who told me their babies slept through the night...Owen didn't until he was closer to 15 months old), waking up around 5 am to PLAY. Well, I don't know if he really wants to play, but he is cooing and waving his arms around and I can't sleep. I have been getting up with him and we go into the living room and sit and stare at each other. I love it! I am tired, but I LOVE IT!
Ben is really starting to fill out and his looks are changing everyday. I see a little bit of Owen in his mouth and chin, but other than that, I don't see much resemblance. I really think Ben looks more like Danny than Owen did at this age.
Ben Loves to be held, and I so wish I could hold him ALL day. I feel like I spent so much more time holding Owen and getting down on the floor with him to play. I am so afraid of Owen stepping on Ben, loving him TOO much and hurting him, to just put on a play mat or blanket to play. Owen wants to lie next to or on top of Ben and he wants to give him constant kisses. I am strongly considering getting a sling or wrap so I can "wear" Ben. Does anyone have any suggestions? I was thinking about the
Moby Select.
I am so in love with this baby! I just knew I would have a harder time with the second. There certainly was no way I could have two perfectly happy and content babies, was there???? I was sure he would have colic or something to make life harder for me, but he doesn't, and he's just perfect!
Owen...
is really becoming a toddler. He's so curious and such a little sponge. Just as I am typing this, I can hear him downstairs repeating phrases after Danny ("knock knock.") He is such a good helper! He'll get me diapers for Ben, throw the dirty ones away and although he seems to be "starving" for attention some days, he has become very independent and can entertain himself when I need him to. Not to say he isn't crawling ALL over me when I am trying to nurse Ben, or hanging over the back of the couch or over the upstairs ledge about to fall on his head, but he can sit and do a puzzle or play with his letters by himself. OK, OK and watch countless amounts of TV. Does this make me a bad mother?
We have been trying to get Owen in bed by 9 pm, but it seems more like 9:45 pm and sometimes even after 10 pm. Before we moved, it was no problem to get him down. I would give him a bath, read a few books and he would fall asleep with me on the couch and I would take him to bed. Now, he gets a bath and he might sit still for one book (or pull 15 off his book shelf) and then he wants to play, run, giggle, anything but settle down for bed. The past two nights, I have taken him into his room, locked the door (we have paddle handles and he'll escape) and I put a big blanket on the floor and we read a few books. After we read, I'll turn off the light and we'll talk and sing (I'll talk to him and sing... he just lies there) and then he fall asleep beside me. It's so sweet. He puts his head on my chest and curls up in the fetal position and throws his arm around my neck. I have really enjoyed this time with him and I am hoping we can start including Danny and Ben and making it a nightly family routine. Danny and I are considering setting up a twin bed in his room for this and to help make the transition to a "big boy" bed in the future.
Is Owen JEALOUS?
This question keeps coming up. I think he may have some jealousy? He does pretty good most days, but we did have a rough day a few weeks ago. It was a day of screaming, back arching and just 100% unruly behavior. This was probably the hardest day for me and it really tested me as a mother. Owen is always so good, so I had no idea how to handle him. Thank goodness he's not always like that. Too, I am not sure if this was toddler behavior or jealousy.
Does Owen realize Ben is not going anywhere?
I think so. Every morning he comes downstairs and goes to the swing to look for Ben. If he's not there, he says, "
Where'd he go?"and he runs into our bedroom and looks over the side of the bassinet.
Danny...
seems to be adjusting well. I think the hardest part for him right now, is trying to financially take care of all of us. It has been so stressful having two mortgages; he is really taking on the weight of this burden. We have had to make some major sacrifices and money is definitely tight. With the economy being the way it is, people just aren't spending as much if any money on advertising. This makes Danny's job even harder.
He is such a good father and has been a huge help. Sometimes I have to ask for help, but he is usually willing if I need him to. This has been a good weekend for us. A good balance if you ask me.
Molly & Sam...
oh poor Molly and Sam. Just when they started getting used to having Owen around and being in a new house, we go and through a new baby in the mix and the time we spent with them before is becoming less and less. There are some days I think I pet them each once and if they didn't remind me it was time to eat, I may actually forget to feed them. I should really consider taking Molly for a car ride and letting her hang her head out the window and perhaps I should take Sam for a long walk to let him phantom pee on every one's mailboxes. I know Jon and Kate have been taking each of their kids for a special day where they get to do something they like, perhaps I should do the same with M & S.
The (other)House...
after much discussion and a long few months of just getting by, we have decided to take the house off the market and rent it out. Danny put it on Craig's List and we had several bites right away. We are renting it to a nice couple who will be here from Ohio for 1 year. She is a traveling nurse, he is a landscaper, they have one child and are adopting another, and they have 1 dog.
I have been avoiding going over there because it makes me a little sad. We went over there the other night to turn the air up (to avoid another $100 power bill) and I went in to nurse Ben. I sat in the empty living room and started to tear up. This was our first house and where Owen met so many of his milestones. The house really feels like home to where our new house is simply just a house at this point.
I was telling Danny this and we both feel good about renting the house out rather than selling it for about nothing. We realize sentiment is only valuable to us, but we really feel the house is worth more than the market currently suggests. Hopefully we can hold on to it and try listing again when the market picks back up.
Me...
I am tired (although Ben sleeps through the night, he is sleeping with me, which means I'm not sleeping), moody and probably the worst wife, friend and relative. **Please love me unconditionally until I can get it together** I am really trying to find the right balance of sleep, time with Owen and Ben, Danny and myself. Time to myself seems to take the back burner. I so long for the days of going to the bathroom by myself, taking a shower before 10 pm (when the babies are asleep), actually doing something with myself, eating my food while it's hot, typing an e-mail with more than one hand (usually holding Ben with the other), making a phone call without Owen getting upset that I am on the phone, getting into the car without having a battle over who gets the car keys, actually getting to watch what I want on TV, listen to what I want on the radio, take spontaneous vacations, oh the list could go on. I met Maggie for a kid-free walk yesterday and it was so refreshing. I actually rode to the trail with my windows down and put on Top 40. I felt like I was in college all over again.
Last week I discovered I had early signs of Mastitis. I had a lot of pain in my left breast. It was actually pretty unbearable. I had gone for a walk and when I got home, I jumped in the shower with hopes of relieving some pressure. When I got out of the shower, I fed Ben and then started to feel really sick. I was shaking and couldn't seem to get warm. I took Ben to Danny and crawled in a sheet less bed and rolled up in the comforter. Danny brought Ben back to me and we curled up and fell asleep. Around midnight I woke-up sweating and I couldn't get cool. I talked to several people that day and they all felt I might have Mastitis, and encouraged me to call my doctor, so I did. I spoke with a nurse who felt the symptoms I gave her along with responses to a few questions from her,were indeed signs of Mastitis. She spoke with my doctor and they called in an antibiotic. I started feeling better in a bout 12 hours. Whew! I hope that doesn't happen again.
As difficult as one day can be with little sleep and time to myself, I wouldn't change my life for anything. I have been blessed with two wonderful children, a wonderful husband and two very sweet and neglected dogs.
