Let me tell you about the joys of getting a passport.
The first step (in what ended up being a terribly long process) was to get my New Jersey drivers license, because it's just easier that way- and, well, probably should have done that a few months ago anyway, because thats the law. But I didn't really feel like it because I still want to be a Utahan (people at work laugh at me when I say Utahan). I guess I'm still a Utahan, but it sure feels more officially Utahan when you've got a thing in your wallet with the words UTAH and your smiling face.
So anyway. I went to the DMV about... four months ago, and they said I needed my birth certificate. So I call up my Utahan mom and asked her to send that thing cross-country. The best part was the note she sent with it
"Keep it secret. Keep it safe"
Love that mom.
Well then I just forgot about it, pretty much. Also, I didn't want our insurance to go up- because NJ drivers are pretty terrible, apparently- since Geico wanted to double our insurance for living out here. Rude.
Well a few months later, smarty PB got accepted to a sweet conference/seminar/class thing in LONDON. And a few days later, he said "Hey, do you want to go to London?" and I said "HECK YA!" Utahan style.
That's where the Passport comes in.
So the second after I said "HECK YA!" I went online and filled out the passport application form, and started planning my hair and outfit for the passport picture. Then I realized a NJ license would make the whole thing easier, but then I thought- wait a sec, I'm going to UTAH! And I have a Utah drivers license, so I can just do it there!
Well then we had way too much fun in Utah, and I totally forgot about it. And even if I had remembered, I didn't bring any important docs with me, so it's a good thing I forgot, right?
Back to New Jersey and I'm realizing that this London thing is coming up quick! But it was Martin Luther King day when I realized that- so everything is closed. (But somehow PB and I both had to work. Boring.)
But I got everything in order and got ready for the DMV. You have to brace yourself for that sort of thing.
Finally, yesterday morning I got up early, did my hair, put on my new cute shirt and headed to that DMV. I got there real early like PB said to, because he had to wait 2 1/2 hours, and he's ADD so that was a bad thing for him. Can't blame him. So I go up to the counter and the mean lady (she probably wasn't mean) and she says that I have to my marriage license. Dang. Because I had left that on my bed at home, because last time they said I didn't need it. But apparently it's too unfathomable that my name was different on my birth certificate, and now I'm married. Even though my Drivers license said both names. Lame.
So I drove home and got that marriage license.
Back to the DMV. They let me through. I am lucky enough to end up at window 5 with a funny, slightly ornery lady, who for some reason liked me even though she kept complaining that all her co-worker did was file her nails all day "WHY do they put me NEXT to the lady!" she says.
Finally she took my pic, and it shows up on the screen, and she asks if it's okay. Well, it was okay- it wasn't fabulous, but I was too embarrassed to have her take another, because we were getting along, and she's slightly ornery- remember? I didn't want to be the needle on her haystack, no siree. (Later, I find out PB had them take another of him. He's more vain than me, just for the record).
The lady says "Well, you sure look happy!". I'm thinking- Is that a compliment or an insult? Still not sure. I make some joke about how the cop will be nicer to me if I get pulled over when he sees my smiling face. I think she just raised her eyebrows at me.
Anyways, I got that NJ drivers license. Phew! (But also I'm crying inside because I don't feel so Utahan anymore. And yes, that's a bad thing.)
Then I rush home and spend about an eternity trying to take a decent passport pic of myself. The number of pictures on my camera is just embarrassing. And it just wasn't working, but I was running out of time, because I had to go to work. I finally choose a not as horrible one, and send it in to Waldamort to get printed.
I bet you want to see that picture, huh? Too bad.
Passport pictures are always bad, apparently. That's what someone told me at work yesterday.
And blogger won't let me upload it anyway. (Phew!)
Well, my printer ran out of ink. I couldn't print the application, so I went to work feeling stressed that I didn't get it taken care of. (I'm thinking, I'll never get to go to London! There's not time! It won't come!) Luckily, I got out of work pretty quick, and tried to finish everything up and get that thing sent in!
(This is the best part of the story). I go to Waldamort to pick up my not-so-beautiful passport pictures. The guy hands me my envelope and says, "Is that how you wanted them?" I look inside.
"Nope."
Good jobWalmart, thanks for cropping the heck out of my passport picture.
But don't worry, because the guy says "We take passport pictures here!" Oh, hurray! How much, I ask. "Just $7.42." BLAH. This was supposed to cost me like 9 cents.
"Okay, take my dang pic," I say. (I don't thing I said the dang in real life though). Remember... I had just gotten off work. I'm wearing a tomato sauce stained white shirt. My hair probably has penne pasta in it. This is NOT WHAT I PICTURED. I wander around the store looking for popsicle sticks while they print the picture, thinking about how rude it is that they printed my picture wrong so they could charge me a ridiculous amount to take a picture and print it out. Rude, rude, rude.
Finally it's ready. I look at it. I hold back tears.... until I get to my car. Great. For the next 10 years, this is the picture that's going to be on my passport. Great. Great. Great. (Aka, not great at all).
After driving in rush hour traffic to pick up my PB and the application he printed off for me (remember, the printer was out of ink!) I finally get to a post office. They closed at 4. It was 4:12. PB and I hurried to another post office. I say hurried, but really, it was stop-and-go traffic in New Brunswick at that point. We get to the other post office. I catch my breath. "Here! Take this!" I yell. (I didn't really yell)."We only accept passport applications between 9 and 11 Tuesday through Friday. Oh yeah, and you have to have an appointment!" they say.
Seriously? How kind of you.
So, I made myself an appointment for the next morning. Also, I made them check to make sure I had everything I needed so I wouldn't be running all over town the next day also.
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This morning comes. I snuggle with PB. (TMI? Sorry.) I realize I have to get up to make it to my important appointment. I take that PB to school. I make it to the post office. I give them all the appropriate documents. "This can't be printed double-sided," they say. (I want to cry.) "Just give me another application! I just want this to be over!," I scream... in my head. Finally, I get it filled out. They process everything. They take my life savings to pay for application fees. They say I'm done.
Hallelujah. That's all I can say. Apparently they're trying to keep Americans in this country because they certainly make it REAL hard to get out of here!
Gosh, if you read all that- you deserve some kind of reward.
Let's see...
How about an ugly passport picture!??!?
(Side note- this was the one Waldamort ruined so they could steal all my money). Think that one is bad? Ohhh...if only you could see the other.
Oh well. I'm going to LONDON, ugly passport pic and all!
The end.
