Saturday, February 25, 2012
Another Gutter Ball
Really? Ami gets to play and not me?
Gutter Ball # 467
Ami likes the 15 pound ball.
Spare!
Party.
Fries from grandpa equal happiness!
Gutterball # 521
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Man Laws
From the internet - Interested in some humor? Check your score.
Man Rules (in no particular order):
A man must know how to make a fire in any circumstance, with or without accelerant. +80 points.
Under no circumstances shall a man relinquish control of the grill to a woman, if such incident should ever happen, then the party must end and everyone must leave. The same holds true for the remote control and the driver’s seat (sleep deprivation safety gets a pass).
A man must know how to use a knife and own at least three. +40 points.
A man must know how to use a rifle, handgun, shotgun, and bow. +50 points.
A man who deals it, will claim it. +2 points.
A man never washes a lucky baseball cap. He retires it. +10 points.
A man will never use emocons. Those trying to impress a woman get a pass. -20 points.
Men do not share beds. -1000 points.
Men do not call shotgun, it is automatically given to the man with the most man points. -15 points.
No whining. -20 points.
“Bacon” will always be capitalized. +1 point.
Fanny packs: no. -22 points. Those over age 65 get a pass, as do those who are carrying concealed.
Skinny jeans: no. -300 points. Permanent removal of man card until burned and some animal is killed by hand and eaten.
A man will not bully others or try to pick fights. -75 points. Males who try to do this a trying to compensate for their own insecurities. If a man wants to fight, he will go to a cage or a ring. A real man will walk away from a fight unless he must defend women, children, the innocent, etc. at which point he will resolve the issue or end up unconscious trying.
A man must know how to ride a motorcycle by the age of 26 or his man card is reduced to a not-a-girl card and -18 points.
A man should know how to repair any hole he is capable of creating, unless the hole is in a deserving enemy. +40 points.
Men do not get their “feelings” hurt. -40 points.
Men do not put sunscreen on other men. -60 points (Direct descendants of the man get a pass if they are under the age of 14.)
A man will not text, email, tweet, or digitize anything he would not say in person. -800 points.
The word manscaping will not be used. Ever. -32 points.
Men shake hands firmly and with purpose. +10. A limp-wristed-dead-fish handshake should be considered a warning sign that the person you're shaking hands with probably shops at Trader Joe's, drives a Prius, and appreciates things like wheat-grass. -19 points.
A man will not spend more than 30 seconds doing his hair. -60 points.
A man will never touch another man’s remote, radio, stereo, fishing pole, weapons, etc. without express given permission at the time. -49 points.
A man will not communicate with any other individual in any restroom beyond the standard head nod, cell phones included. -13 points.
Two men will not ride a motorcycle together. Life or death situations and children under 14 get a pass. -38 points.
Men are never allowed to skip unless it is with their small children. -8 points.
A man must be prepared at all times for the zombie apocalypse. + 100 points.
A Man should not want/strive to be a vampire or werewolf and should have no idea why he would want to in the first place. - 12 points.
Ball caps must be worn with the bill forward. +15 / -15 points.
A Man has a wallet. +20 points. This should not require further explanation or even mentioning the word "murse", which isn’t even a word, rather its just a way of asking for a good face punch. - 40 points.
If a Man decides to attend an international sporting event, he will cheer for The United States of America... even if we're not competing in said sporting event. + 40 points.
A real man will celebrate March 10th, and know why. +35 points.
A Mans belts should only be two colors. Brown or black. The only exception would be if a Man is working his way through the ranks of a martial art. + 50 (Ones founded by Billy Blanks don't count -75.)
A man must know how to defend himself and his family. +200 points.
Sweat, scars, calluses, broken bones. +20 point per event.
Men open doors for women. +40 points. They walk on the street side. +40 points. They never open a car door for a man. -50 points.
A man will know how to drive a standard transmission and change his car’s fluids, brake pads, and tires. +140 points.
Duct tape supply greater than 100 yards, +100 points. Duct tape supply out, - 200 points.
Man Rules (in no particular order):
A man must know how to make a fire in any circumstance, with or without accelerant. +80 points.
Under no circumstances shall a man relinquish control of the grill to a woman, if such incident should ever happen, then the party must end and everyone must leave. The same holds true for the remote control and the driver’s seat (sleep deprivation safety gets a pass).
A man must know how to use a knife and own at least three. +40 points.
A man must know how to use a rifle, handgun, shotgun, and bow. +50 points.
A man who deals it, will claim it. +2 points.
A man never washes a lucky baseball cap. He retires it. +10 points.
A man will never use emocons. Those trying to impress a woman get a pass. -20 points.
Men do not share beds. -1000 points.
Men do not call shotgun, it is automatically given to the man with the most man points. -15 points.
No whining. -20 points.
“Bacon” will always be capitalized. +1 point.
Fanny packs: no. -22 points. Those over age 65 get a pass, as do those who are carrying concealed.
Skinny jeans: no. -300 points. Permanent removal of man card until burned and some animal is killed by hand and eaten.
A man will not bully others or try to pick fights. -75 points. Males who try to do this a trying to compensate for their own insecurities. If a man wants to fight, he will go to a cage or a ring. A real man will walk away from a fight unless he must defend women, children, the innocent, etc. at which point he will resolve the issue or end up unconscious trying.
A man must know how to ride a motorcycle by the age of 26 or his man card is reduced to a not-a-girl card and -18 points.
A man should know how to repair any hole he is capable of creating, unless the hole is in a deserving enemy. +40 points.
Men do not get their “feelings” hurt. -40 points.
Men do not put sunscreen on other men. -60 points (Direct descendants of the man get a pass if they are under the age of 14.)
A man will not text, email, tweet, or digitize anything he would not say in person. -800 points.
The word manscaping will not be used. Ever. -32 points.
Men shake hands firmly and with purpose. +10. A limp-wristed-dead-fish handshake should be considered a warning sign that the person you're shaking hands with probably shops at Trader Joe's, drives a Prius, and appreciates things like wheat-grass. -19 points.
A man will not spend more than 30 seconds doing his hair. -60 points.
A man will never touch another man’s remote, radio, stereo, fishing pole, weapons, etc. without express given permission at the time. -49 points.
A man will not communicate with any other individual in any restroom beyond the standard head nod, cell phones included. -13 points.
Two men will not ride a motorcycle together. Life or death situations and children under 14 get a pass. -38 points.
Men are never allowed to skip unless it is with their small children. -8 points.
A man must be prepared at all times for the zombie apocalypse. + 100 points.
A Man should not want/strive to be a vampire or werewolf and should have no idea why he would want to in the first place. - 12 points.
Ball caps must be worn with the bill forward. +15 / -15 points.
A Man has a wallet. +20 points. This should not require further explanation or even mentioning the word "murse", which isn’t even a word, rather its just a way of asking for a good face punch. - 40 points.
If a Man decides to attend an international sporting event, he will cheer for The United States of America... even if we're not competing in said sporting event. + 40 points.
A real man will celebrate March 10th, and know why. +35 points.
A Mans belts should only be two colors. Brown or black. The only exception would be if a Man is working his way through the ranks of a martial art. + 50 (Ones founded by Billy Blanks don't count -75.)
A man must know how to defend himself and his family. +200 points.
Sweat, scars, calluses, broken bones. +20 point per event.
Men open doors for women. +40 points. They walk on the street side. +40 points. They never open a car door for a man. -50 points.
A man will know how to drive a standard transmission and change his car’s fluids, brake pads, and tires. +140 points.
Duct tape supply greater than 100 yards, +100 points. Duct tape supply out, - 200 points.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
One Of Our Children Feels Loved
For Valentine's day, we bought ourselves a Kindle Fire.
Aside from being the best V-day gift ever (because dancing Friday night was painful when you only practice once a year), we unhooked the WI-FI, cleared out our stuff, and passed the iPod on to Maggie as an early birthday present.
We told her about the decision while we purchased the Kindle.
"Maggie, Mom and Dad are getting a Kindle, which does everything that the iPod does, so we will not be needing the iPod anymore."
*Her eyes get big and she smiles*
"So we are looking for what we should do with our iPod. Are there any ideas you have about that?"
At this point, Tim steps in front of Maggie and confidently determines the solution.
"You will pass the iPod on to me, right???"
*Melissa's in tears laughing, Maggie's learned how to give a crusty for the first time in her life, Ami raised her hand for another (obvious) alternative, and David just shook his head.* Not knowing how to respond without crushing Tim, he just said,
"Nice try."
Tim's bewilderment was palpable. He was completely sure - even when we were speaking directly to Maggie - that it would be his.
Sadness ensued.
Except for those with the Kindle or the iPod.
Aside from being the best V-day gift ever (because dancing Friday night was painful when you only practice once a year), we unhooked the WI-FI, cleared out our stuff, and passed the iPod on to Maggie as an early birthday present.
We told her about the decision while we purchased the Kindle.
"Maggie, Mom and Dad are getting a Kindle, which does everything that the iPod does, so we will not be needing the iPod anymore."
*Her eyes get big and she smiles*
"So we are looking for what we should do with our iPod. Are there any ideas you have about that?"
At this point, Tim steps in front of Maggie and confidently determines the solution.
"You will pass the iPod on to me, right???"
*Melissa's in tears laughing, Maggie's learned how to give a crusty for the first time in her life, Ami raised her hand for another (obvious) alternative, and David just shook his head.* Not knowing how to respond without crushing Tim, he just said,
"Nice try."
Tim's bewilderment was palpable. He was completely sure - even when we were speaking directly to Maggie - that it would be his.
Sadness ensued.
Except for those with the Kindle or the iPod.
Interior Decorating
While Melissa's sister was visiting she inquired about our taste in interior decoration.
At that point we noticed Ami took the decoration of the living room into her own hands.
So, picture of the Savior? Check.
Family photos? Check.
My Little Pony find which two match? Check.
At that point we noticed Ami took the decoration of the living room into her own hands.
So, picture of the Savior? Check.
Family photos? Check.
My Little Pony find which two match? Check.