new chapter

the airport brings more memories. She has left for real! can't believe how time flew. i was anticipating(/dreading) this moment since eons ago. i don't know if i like the airport or hate the airport. it is a very strange place.

i happened to chance upon this meaningful (in my opinion) quote in Pulau Tekong:

'Love is not onlywhat you have at the beginning; it is, rather, what is built at the end' - anon.

bored, depressed soldiers can get deep too eh.

That pretty much sums up 75% of my philosophy regarding successful relationships. you Don't want to know what i think love is, essentially. hahaha.

- Ben @ 10:47 pm

 
TONY ROYSTER JR
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH gushgushgushgollyme! i'm still in shock. i was at jazz@southbridge, a jazz bar located along boat quay, when i saw this strapping chap stroll in. thinking i was in singapore, i dismissed all possibility that i was in the presence of one of the world's most most most promising young talents. only AFTER going up ONSTAGE for a jam with the musicians 'on duty' did i realise that i was actually playing in front of one of my greatest inspirations. great timing too, on other sundays i would've been already sleeping (trying to sleep, rather) in camp. hahahahahayeeheehee.
- Ben @ 2:11 am

 
chew on this
chew on this! a post by an ex-chc member. lengthy yes, but worth a read!


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Firstly i understand cell leaders and their respective helpers care for eachmember's spiritual coverage.However one must learn to be considerate andunderstanding.the story went when one day after a family outing i was adeadbeat cos we were doing this "expedition" at bukit timah hill...so i camebackdirty ,tired and sweaty and needed to sleep.However there was acell groupgoin on but iwanted to rest.Each time my phone rang igot nervous.Cos i knewwats gonnahappen.Someone would call and tell meloads of stuff on why ishould go to cellgroups.Yes its for my benefitbut please be understandingwhen u genuinely are.Ucan talk to a personand say "i comprehend,iunderstand", when in the firstplace u dont.Itslike asking a mother whosechild was a victim of cholera whohas scoresof hope to be cured tosympathise with a mother whose child died in acar accident.Ok why am italking about death???? lets put it anotherway.Get arock guitarist to talkto a banking and finance officer.Halfthe time bothparties have no ideawats each other talking about.Anyway,Its true thatwhen one of themembers called and told meto come to cell group either way,ihesitated andcouldnt find a stand tosay yes or no.so most of the time i keptsilent.Itmust have irritatedthe person so the phone was passed to the cellleader.And then i got loadsof stuff that told me off saying i pay lipserviceto God only.And iguessed its my indecisiveness that made my cellleader saysuchshockingly rough words.Must have irritated him so i guess itmy fault. Butanyway humans talk in any manner when they are mad.So iforgave both ofthemafter i put down the phone.After all i irritatedthem.And one cantexpecteveryone to be perfect.Secondly i surveyedmost of mymembers aboutcell group relations.Most of them told me theywouldrather prefer to haveanother cell member calling them up to just haveagenuinely heart to heart chatthan to mention church and bible stuff.Thebible says let everything havebalance.Yes we have the mind of christbut wedont have to force the bible oneach other all the time.Unlesssomeone asksfor a revelation.If need be,cut urrevelation short.Dontpreach a longwinded sermon that serves to confuse,andoccasionally,irritate people.Comestraight to the main point.Further more asimpleencouraging word or phraseis strong enough to build someone up. U cantrecite word for word from a 300page novel,let alone a 50 page nove canyou?In arelationship,the mostimpactable phrase is "i love you".Such asimple phrasecauses guys to smileday in day out..girls to be smilingdreamily ..hahah.So itslike feeding ona bite sized nuggte that grow inu like a seed being sown.U donthave to sowso many seeds in a person'ssoul and then have weeds growing allover.Talkabout overcrowdingconditions.AHhaa science project in primary school.Idont mean toto offend anyone but please act in love.coming to churchandstuff is awilling act,not something that people have to push u or to bemonitored.Thatcan make u feel controlled and "cultish",like how cults usemilitaristic andnasty means to make sure u dont stray away.So please.If amember doesntcome..he or she loses out for that day..but it doesnt mean heorshe isstraying away!!people want to be treated nicely.pressuringthem,even ifthey are a believer or not..is obviously not acting in love.Andmost ofmyfellow members agree to this!!.
In a GENERAL perspective,WE all dislike irritating salespeople we meet on the streets or telemarketers who call us up with the intention of pulling us to buy their product and services.And there is absolutely no sincerity or frienship involved.I get calls from my cell members for one thing only."hey we got (event) service this week.Would you like to come?" or "you coming for cell group?" Such statements contian absolutely no friendship.Just an ensuring statement that serves to maintain your prescence at church.Between friends we call one another up to talk about everything under the sun.And between colleagues they do spend 80% of their time talking about non work-related topics.That can help decrease work stress and promote harmony. Try talking to a devout christian.They cant help but spend 80% of their time talking about church matters and GOD and all that stuff.When u try to talk 20% of non church matters,they inevitably center back onto church matters.And getting you to convert and belief.Its a one sided thing. No offense to any followers of any religion,but the main thing is clear :DONT BE A NUISANCE TO OTHER PEOPLE.DONT CALL UR FRENS JSUT FOR THE INTENTION OF ASKING THEM TO GO TO CHURCH.USE THE 80/20 RULE.USE 80% OF YOUR TIME TO TALK ABOUT MUNDANE MATTERS.
personally as a churched person the last time,i spend 80% of my time talking about non church matters to almost about anyone,including cell members.That way they wont feel the pressure or stress all the time,unless they like talking about church matters. (like talking about work on relaxing weekends from work can still bring about that same amount of "nerve wrecking" feeling.it will make no difference from being at the work place.All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.NO LIFE!!!)
Secondly i would like to talk about persecution of christians.I used to think i was being persecuted by my parents for their objection to me going to church.Most new converts would hav gone throug this,something they call "trials and tribulations" OR simply "God given teststo strengthen one's faith". MAny new converts who are teens have tried to ignore parental objections successfully and later apllauded by the cell group for being able to withstand such a harsh trial.In fact,genuine persecution is when your faith is being mugged at for no apparent reason.Like if u are a jew,and hitler has to kill you just for that reason alone,and u cant betray your own race just to keep your own life.
In a general perspective,parental objection is simply the fact that your parents are worried about you going to church and receiving the wrong teachings. Or you go to church all the time but you never change much.so its pointless.Finally its due to your parents feeling that you spent too much time at church and is too obsessed with church stuff that it is unhealthy.Juts explain it to them and clear all misunderstandings.Instead of ignoring it.If they still do not listen,it may be due to the fact that you have been raised a member of another religion and all of a sudden your conversion to a new God ,that seems to betray your current faith.Like a raised buddhist but turned christian later on .And your family memebers ,being advent believers in buddhsim strongly object you to switch to another God.
Lasty,your thoughts can be strong in the bible,but you can still speak in laymen terms to those who do not believe.But your thoughts cannot be to christian.Its very one sided and you will see things in a limited way.Do adopt a wider range of thinking.For example,christians are likely to get more paranoid and start to hold "prayer meetings" to counter a potential faith wrecking cult message being delivered new age speakers who comes to our local ground and holds conventions to promote their ideology.
IF they are so confident that christianity will not be asundered,why the sudden nervousness? Say u built a strong building like the raffles hotel.U wont send the construction workers to keep putting cement and stronger foundations to the walls of the building whenever the wind blows or the rain stops.It will not collapse! you already have put a strong foundation inside.Just believe and trust that it is strong!!You do not have to contact secret spy agents to spy on your spouse or lover 24/7 for fear that day hang out with members of the opposite sex.Because you believe that your spouse or lover is commited to you!!!And u are confident of the fact.
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- Ben @ 3:32 pm

 
ambivalence
its times like these, when you're lacking sleep (woke up at 3.50am in camp), stuck in my (ex)sch lib due to the heavy rain, and unstable (just collected A level results), that make you want to blog. i've not blogged in ages! the last time i logged in i couldnt even see my tagboard (it didnt load up) and thought this was the end of my blog. but no, i believed and.. voila! the tagboard was up! good timing too.

i was just telling my Friend that one of the things i love doing is revisiting places and experiencing them from a new perspective. this is why places like airports (especially airports!) and schools (i now know why i want to teach) are special to me: i get to revisit them and experience them differently. call me a nostalgic but this is something i've learnt about myself.

right now, life is jumbled up for me. i'm in NS but i don't know where to go. Air Force/Commando/SISPEC?! also, with my results, i realise i can suddenly enter a lot of courses. but what i've always wanted to do is to either teach music humbly or fly aircraft. results don't mean much in securing these two vocations. haha.

results:

hist - a
lit - a
econs - b
gp - b3

i know i told everyone that i expected b c c, but i actually (secretly) expected a a a, even tho i predicted a a b (chelsea actually got it right!). oh well life goes on. i'll be checking and possibly updating the blog during the weekend. looking at the rain, i probably won't be going home just yet.

in the meantime, i'd like to thank everyone who shaped my 2 year experience in jc. i think (not confirmed yet!) i've matured since secondary school. my trousers are higher, hair is shorter, but i'm a stronger person. mentally. physically.. perhaps not yet. IPPT silver haha. congrats to all who've finished a levels. 'happy times!' - borat sagdiyev.
- Ben @ 4:01 pm

 
life so far
hello all.

prelims were ok. they went a lot better than i expected them to go. that is not to say that i expect to get fantastic results. no no no. preparation definitely didn't go as planned. but i think i tried my best given my limited resources. haha. at least that's what i'd like to think.

life has been good. now that i'm leaving sajc, i'm actually beginning to treasure the sch a whole lot more. never thought i'd be able to last two years in jc, considering my background. guess i'll just have to contend with 'enjoying it while it lasts', before my Levee en Masse (something i do not necessarily look forward to)!

oh and i've recently discovered the joy of podcasts. they're like personalised cable tv. personal favourites include Purepwnage (since last time) and Ask A Ninja. great stuff. i've also decided to pick up a bit of German, just for fun. figured that if i couldn't do Chinese, i should at least be able to pick up something closer to English. hahaha. its not serious learning! just here and there for fun.
- Ben @ 9:25 pm

 
she's leaving
my piano teacher is leaving with her husband, who is going to be involved in Chemical Engineering research at UC Berkeley. while i wish them all the best, i know i will be quite sad and lost.
- Ben @ 6:37 pm

 
Mr. T: A Beacon of Light In Our Dark World.

Fickle Teenagers! Prom Night is coming. Don't know what to wear? Mr. T has the answer! Remember: 'Table the Label, an' wear ya own name!'. I pity tha' foo' who don't listen.

- Ben @ 8:53 pm