When I think of yeast I think of baking bread. The smell as it rises warms a person's soul. Yeast can also make most women cringe in the form of a nasty infection in the nether regions. One thing I never expected was to strip down to get in the shower and smell a bakery. Yep. I smell like bread. Why? I have yeast infections underneath both of my breasts, between my fat rolls, in the crevices of both of my legs, and even in my belly button. All I can say is fan-freakin'-tastic! Now I have to battle the fat people smell and the bread smell. Oh, the fabulous trials of a fat woman.
In an earlier post I mentioned going to Mexico for a gastric bypass. I have been doing a lot of research and I think I'm leaning more towards a gastric sleeve. There are several companies out there that do medical tourism. It's where they help people, like me, whose insurance won't cover certain surgeries find affordable prices in other countries. The higher end ones make sure their surgeons are internationally certified and their facilities are top of the line. Hmmmm....
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Serious Anxiety
Last night was wretched. I just knew that if I fell asleep I wasn’t going to wake up. My mind raced over the fact that because I’m morbidly obese chances of my having a heart attack are HUGE especially since I have a family history of heart disease. The idea of my kids waking up to a dead mommy seriously stressed me out. That anxiety turned into a minor attack which felt like a heart attack which fed my worries.
You would think worrying so much over my weight would kick start my not-so-tiny hiney into gear, but it doesn’t. I’ll do great for a couple of weeks. I record what I eat and stay within a certain calorie range. I exercise every morning. Then, one day, I’ll sleep in or I’ll splurge on some high fat high calorie treat and I’m off the wagon. Every time I fall off the wagon it’s harder to get back on because I put on 10-15 pounds while I’m off. What is wrong with me? I just want to be healthy. I don’t want to worry about dying before my 2 year old remembers me. I want to be there when my daughter graduates college. It’s not going to happen if I stay the weight I am. I will die early. Ugh.
My aunt and baby sister both think I should get a gastric bypass. I would love to get a surgery to help. The problem is they are EXPENSIVE. I don’t have that kind of money and if I did there are a lot of other things I need before I need weight loss surgery. A friend of mine got her tubes untied in Mexico
Any ideas?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Chocolate...it's good for me, right?!
Everyone has different ways for dealing with stress. My dad rides his bike. I eat chocolate. I wonder if that’s why he’s 9 inches taller than I am and 90 pounds lighter….naw….that can’t be it.
Anyway, there is just something about eating a bar of chocolate that makes me feel better. At least it does temporarily. Once the initial euphoria wears off there’s the feelings of guilt that take its place because I have once again added unneeded calories to my hips. I know that somewhere I read that chocolate is good for me. If it is, then why is it eating a pound of it can make me put on so much weight?
To answer my own question I did some research. Here’s what I found:
Chocolate has quite a few benefits. In fact, dark chocolate has almost eight times the antioxidants that strawberries have and has a lot of the health benefits that dark vegetables have. (Please note that all benefits come from eating dark chocolate. The milk in milk chocolate inhibits the body’s ability to absorb all of the antioxidants and other good stuff the chocolate has to offer.)
Chocolate’s benefits:
- It can help fight the signs of aging.
- It can reduce blood pressure for those suffering from high blood pressure.
- It can reduce LDL cholesterol (bad cholesterol) by up to 10%.
- It stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure.
- It contains serotonin, which acts as an antidepressant.
- It contains theobromine, caffeine, and other substances which are all stimulants.
Nice, right?! It’s no wonder when I’m stressed chocolate helps!! The problem I have is I consume too much of it and the wrong kind. I usually pick up milk chocolate and eat A LOT of it. According to studies, the maximum dark chocolate a person should eat per day is 3.5 ounces. That’s a lot less than the pound I like in my diet. It’s also very important that the chocolate be dark. Chocolate has a lot of fat and calories in it, and although they might not be the type to impact your cholesterol, they can still impact your waistline.
So, if you’re like me and just need a little bit of chocolate to deal with the little surprises life throws at you, reach for a small 3.5 ounce of dark chocolate. Savor it. Then get back on the horse and face what life throws you head on. Good luck! I know I need it.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Portion Sizes
Did you know that a cereal bowl will actually hold almost 3 servings of Special K? It will. When my weight loss is going well I measure everything. Lately, I haven't been. As I filled my cereal bowl I realized I was actually getting a lot more than when I measure it out, so I decided to measure exactly how much more I was getting. It turned out I was getting A LOT more. In fact, I was getting almost three times more. Wow! Plus, because I'm not measuring my milk, I'm getting more milk, and I usually refill my bowl with enough cereal to use up all of my milk, too. Who wants to waste milk, right?
Serving sizes are all bigger now than they used to be. That's true in restaurants as well as fast food places. It's no wonder Americans are such chunk-a-monks. We be hungry!! Plus, if they give us all that food it would be rude not to eat it all.
The excuses we give ourselves for why we do things is amazing to me. One of my favorites is how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, so big women have always been sexy. HELLO!! Sizes have changed over the years. A size 14 in her day would be closer to a size 7 today. She was far from being a "big" woman. She was curvy, yes, but she wasn't big.
That's what I want to be...a curvy size 7 or 10. I would definitely be happy a curvy size 10.
Maybe I should try out for the Biggest Loser on NBC. Having a trainer push me and a $250,000 prize dangled in front of me might be the motivation I need to finally achieve my goals. Hmmm...
Serving sizes are all bigger now than they used to be. That's true in restaurants as well as fast food places. It's no wonder Americans are such chunk-a-monks. We be hungry!! Plus, if they give us all that food it would be rude not to eat it all.
The excuses we give ourselves for why we do things is amazing to me. One of my favorites is how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, so big women have always been sexy. HELLO!! Sizes have changed over the years. A size 14 in her day would be closer to a size 7 today. She was far from being a "big" woman. She was curvy, yes, but she wasn't big.
That's what I want to be...a curvy size 7 or 10. I would definitely be happy a curvy size 10.
Maybe I should try out for the Biggest Loser on NBC. Having a trainer push me and a $250,000 prize dangled in front of me might be the motivation I need to finally achieve my goals. Hmmm...
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Battle Continues
During a war the wisdom of a military's leaders, the perseverance of the troops, and luck all play into who comes out victorious at the end of each battle. The battle of the bulge is no different. Each day is a battle, and each one is fought against ourselves.
In the beginning, I was pretty even kiltered. I won some and I lost some. Recently, I have lost more than I have won. In order to change the outcome I need to restrategize. The wisdom I have. Eating healthy and within a certain given calorie intake is a must. Exercising vigorously at least 20 minutes everyday is a must. Knowing is half the battle. Right? Wrong. Knowing is simply preparing for the battle. The battle begins when the decision is made to get up and do something about my weight.
For the last couple of weeks I haven't even bothered. I've simply ignored my body's protests to being so heavy. Now, I need to make the first steps back into getting healthy. Every night I worry I'll die of a heart attack in my sleep and my kids will wake up to a dead mommy. That is my worst fear. To conquer it I need to wage war with myself. I need to be the woman I know I can. So...the strategy...I don't have one yet, but I'm working on it. I'll let you know once I have any idea how to lose the weight. What I've done so far obviously hasn't worked, so I need something else. Hmmm...any ideas?
In the beginning, I was pretty even kiltered. I won some and I lost some. Recently, I have lost more than I have won. In order to change the outcome I need to restrategize. The wisdom I have. Eating healthy and within a certain given calorie intake is a must. Exercising vigorously at least 20 minutes everyday is a must. Knowing is half the battle. Right? Wrong. Knowing is simply preparing for the battle. The battle begins when the decision is made to get up and do something about my weight.
For the last couple of weeks I haven't even bothered. I've simply ignored my body's protests to being so heavy. Now, I need to make the first steps back into getting healthy. Every night I worry I'll die of a heart attack in my sleep and my kids will wake up to a dead mommy. That is my worst fear. To conquer it I need to wage war with myself. I need to be the woman I know I can. So...the strategy...I don't have one yet, but I'm working on it. I'll let you know once I have any idea how to lose the weight. What I've done so far obviously hasn't worked, so I need something else. Hmmm...any ideas?
Friday, May 27, 2011
Bike Riding in the Rain
Bike riding is one of the few physical activities I actually enjoy. It's a little more of a challenge here, in Oklahoma, because there are A LOT of hills whereas in California the areas I rode were mostly flat. Still, both of my kids love it. My two year old son loves getting on his "hat" (helmet) to ride his "bike-cycle." He actually sits in a seat on the back of my bike, but he refers to it as his. That's fine by me.
Today my daughter and her friend asked if we could ride bikes to the park and play. I figured why not, so we helmeted up and headed out. Once we were on the road I had serious doubts if I could make it or not. The hills seemed a lot steeper than the last time we rode. Then again, the last time we rode that far was over six months ago and I was thirty pounds lighter. It's amazing how much difference 30 pounds can make!! I did make it. Yay me!
No sooner did we get off our bikes and head to the swings than the sky darkened up and the heavens let loose with gumball sized rain drops. We were all laughing as we got back on our bikes and headed home. The rain was a powerful motivator when it comes to speed. The trip home took a lot less time than the trip there. Plus, we were laughing the whole way getting soaked! Now, we're enjoying some hot chocolate while we play Blokus (if you've never played it is a must have).
Bike riding in the rain made me realize something. I don't hate all exercise. It's only exercise I view as a workout I detest. Hmmm...I wonder if it's possible to lose weight and enjoy doing it?
Today my daughter and her friend asked if we could ride bikes to the park and play. I figured why not, so we helmeted up and headed out. Once we were on the road I had serious doubts if I could make it or not. The hills seemed a lot steeper than the last time we rode. Then again, the last time we rode that far was over six months ago and I was thirty pounds lighter. It's amazing how much difference 30 pounds can make!! I did make it. Yay me!
No sooner did we get off our bikes and head to the swings than the sky darkened up and the heavens let loose with gumball sized rain drops. We were all laughing as we got back on our bikes and headed home. The rain was a powerful motivator when it comes to speed. The trip home took a lot less time than the trip there. Plus, we were laughing the whole way getting soaked! Now, we're enjoying some hot chocolate while we play Blokus (if you've never played it is a must have).
Bike riding in the rain made me realize something. I don't hate all exercise. It's only exercise I view as a workout I detest. Hmmm...I wonder if it's possible to lose weight and enjoy doing it?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Looking Greasy: A Fat Person's Image
Baby powder is my best friend. After I shower I put it in every crevice I can think of. I do the same thing anytime I get dressed. It's not that I want to smell like powder. It's that I don't want to smell like a fat person. Yes, fat has a smell. I'm sure each one of us at some point has been in close proximity to someone grossly overweight who smells fat. The smell is unique, a blend of grease, dirty hair, and body odor.
The fat smell is a constant battle. One I’m not about to lose. My pants might not fit. My chins might have eaten my neck. My belly button might no longer be visible. I might hate all of those things, but they will not be excuses to allow the fat smell to become a part of me.
Another fantastic appearance killer us chunky monkeys have to deal with is the grease effect. The stuff oozes from our pores. Many women try to get around it by layering on foundation and face powder. This can sometimes work. Other times it backfires and they end up with their make-up caked on top of the grease which makes the grease stand out more. My forehead, nose, and chin are the grease traps on my face. During the day I am constantly wiping my face with a paper towel or a Kleenex. It’s not sweat I’m battling…it’s grease oozing from my pores. The fatter I get, the nastier it gets. Before I joined the morbidly obese, I was a sweater. It’s what I attributed my amazing skin to. I figured the sweat kept the impurities out of my skin. Now that my pores drip grease instead of sweat my skin is yucky. I have constant breakouts and blackheads make regular appearances on my nose. It’s great!!
My hair is a different story. Whereas many triple extra medium individuals have grease locks, I usually do not. I could go three days without washing my hair before it began looking grody. I know people, though, who can barely make it through the day without having to wash it again. I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s body chemistry.
Whatever the reasons behind the fat smell, the grease ooze, and the nappy hair, it’s imperative as a large woman to do what I can to counteract the effects until I do something about the cause (my excess body fat).
Johnson’s baby powder, Degree for women, and astringent wipes are my weapons in the battle against the stereotypical fat person’s image!!
The fat smell is a constant battle. One I’m not about to lose. My pants might not fit. My chins might have eaten my neck. My belly button might no longer be visible. I might hate all of those things, but they will not be excuses to allow the fat smell to become a part of me.
Another fantastic appearance killer us chunky monkeys have to deal with is the grease effect. The stuff oozes from our pores. Many women try to get around it by layering on foundation and face powder. This can sometimes work. Other times it backfires and they end up with their make-up caked on top of the grease which makes the grease stand out more. My forehead, nose, and chin are the grease traps on my face. During the day I am constantly wiping my face with a paper towel or a Kleenex. It’s not sweat I’m battling…it’s grease oozing from my pores. The fatter I get, the nastier it gets. Before I joined the morbidly obese, I was a sweater. It’s what I attributed my amazing skin to. I figured the sweat kept the impurities out of my skin. Now that my pores drip grease instead of sweat my skin is yucky. I have constant breakouts and blackheads make regular appearances on my nose. It’s great!!
My hair is a different story. Whereas many triple extra medium individuals have grease locks, I usually do not. I could go three days without washing my hair before it began looking grody. I know people, though, who can barely make it through the day without having to wash it again. I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s body chemistry.
Whatever the reasons behind the fat smell, the grease ooze, and the nappy hair, it’s imperative as a large woman to do what I can to counteract the effects until I do something about the cause (my excess body fat).
Johnson’s baby powder, Degree for women, and astringent wipes are my weapons in the battle against the stereotypical fat person’s image!!
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