Princess Barbie's Fairytopia Kingdom!

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if…

• I never meet you

If...

• I never know you

If...

• you never be here...
  

Perhaps my life would still be the same? Would your existence make a difference to my life? Would I still have what I have now? I ask myself a lot of questions just to get one answer, but it just never will show.

Maybe God makes me meet you for a reason; be it good or bad, I am glad to have known you, and I am grateful to have you in my life…

However, there are times when I “hate” you so much wishing that I’ve never known you at all. I remember you used to ask me why is that I despise you this much, but my response to your "why" question was "someday you'll know"..... you'll know that:

• I hate you because you are so important in my life…
• I hate you because you have a strong position in my heart…
• I hate you because you always pop up on my mind when I actually try not to think about you,
• I hate you because you have the magic to make me smile in joys or even to weep in pain…

Yes… I hate you for a lot of reasons… but perhaps you don’t know that at the same time I utter this harsh “I hate you” statement, my heart actually voices out the word “I love you” to you…

I am grateful for a lot of things in my life. Although my family may not be the best family on this planet, but in my heart, they are "loving" and "caring" enough for me to make me feel like for who I am, as long as I exist, I will always be loved and cared for willingly and unconditionally... and for that, I am grateful...

I may not have a prince who is close to me now, but at the faraway La La Land's Kingdom, but I'm glad to know that, through good and bad times, through up and down moments, my prince will always stand by me, willing to listen to everything I need to say, comforting me, cheering me on, and always love me for who I am... and for that, I am grateful...

I may not have the most normal bunch of friends in the world. They are just downright juvenile, freaky, girly, dreamy, and sometimes, clumsy , but I am too, and I am happy to have everyone of them around filling my life with joys and excitements, and I am grateful to have called them "my friends"

I may not belong to the most privileged elitists category who are able to get everything they ‘want’, but I don't bother to care anyhow for I already have all the things I “need” just to live this "modest" life with those whom I love and love me the same way I do... and these should be more than enough for me.

All in all, for everything that I have, though life may seems a little too harsh at times, but I consider myself as a happy princess with a happy life... and yes, for all these, I am truly... grateful...

Life is so funny… Sometimes I just want to laugh as much as I want to cry. Sometimes, I told myself that I have actually taken enough out of life, so even if I died today, I don’t think I would have any regrets... Some of you would utter, perhaps in the weeks, months, or years to come, I would like to be a good ‘wife’ a good ‘mother’, or probably a good ‘ grandma’ … Well, It’s hard to even imagine how a selfish girl like me can be a ‘good’ wife, a ‘good’ mother, or worse yet, a ‘good’ grandmother. Hmm… I don’t think I am good enough to proudly embrace these titles…

In my life, I've always wanted to leave this world with the smile on my face, you know. At least, before I turned invisible, I would like to spend the last day that I have on this planet with my prince Charming gazing at the twinkling stars together, and bid this world goodbye with my head resting on his shoulder and my lifeless body in his embrace…

Anyway, silly as I may sound, I guess I can only come up with such non-sense thoughts when the heartbreaking incident hasn’t actually surfaced. I don’t think I am ‘that’ brave to die ‘young’, and I don’t think I am ‘that’ strong to leave my loved ones, my beloved family, my great friends, and my dear prince behind... I can’t afford to even imagine what it would be like when I suddenly disappeared from this planet... because there are so many things I wish to do, but remain undone, and I would never have the chance to do so, if I really had to depart. Boy, I am still 'young'! Well, I still 'feel' young hehe... [I still watch Barbie movie series :P] Who wouldn't fear of death? the suicide terrorists? hmm..., but I am not them, I am just me, an ordinary girl who is living her life the way she thinks she should.

So, all I want for now is just to continue living my modest life to its fullest and do things that are worth doing while I can. I was born into this planet, and I believe I am meant to be 'here'. If I wasn't, I would have gone to heaven since the time I was in the car accident 3 years back then. In fact, I am not as fearless as I just uttered. I was terrified to the max thinking that I was going to die lol...

I'm glad i am still breathing... I'm grateful that I still have the chance to inhale oxygen like everybody else, and to make it short, I am glad that I am still alive...

Time goes slowly now in my life
Fear no more of what I'm not sure

Searching to feel your soul
The strength to stand alone
the power of not knowing and letting go

I guess I've found my way it's simple when its right
Feeling lucky just to be here tonight
and happy just to be me and be alive

Love, in and out, of my... my heart,
And though life can be strange I can't be afraid

I guess I've found my way it's simple when its right
Feeling lucky just to be here tonight
and happy just to be me and be alive...

<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3

Was listening to this one *new* song [sarcastic], "Alive" from Jennifer Lopez. Both music and lyric still sound not bad heh heh...

Oh, I guess I should take this chance to say "Hi!" to all my dear friends and constant readers, those who miss me, and would like to know what Barbie is up to right now. I'm still alive and hanging on just fine here. Thank you so much for your continuous support all this while. I'm happy to have you all as my friends. =)

Also, though I fail to reply you all messages, but that doesn't mean I don't see the text you left for me here. So, for those who miss reading my posts, please be patient with me, okay? I know I am slow in updating like a turtle [worse yet a snail?] now =| but I'll try to be more active, and get back to blogosphere real soon, yes, real soon, though I don't know when myself, duh! Silly!

Miss you all,
Take Care,
Barbie

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere...
There's gotta be somebody for me out there...

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebodyelse that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there...

There are times when I feel like I just want to twist back the time to the point where i don't have anything to worry about, but live my life the way I feel like I should. Sometimes, I feel like i am a type of hopeless drama princess who desperately thirsts for love and care from those around me. I began searching outside of my immediate cycle hoping that one day, miracle happens, and I would have the chance to get what I've been looking for. I cherish everyone's love for me, even though it was just a hint because I just can't afford to live my life in the world without love, well, I just can't :( However, as time passes by, I started to realize that I don't need to go and seek for love anymore, because everyone around me actually does loves and cares for me, and for who I am, I will always be loved and cared for as long as I exist. People accept me the way I am, witty, juvenile, extrovert, though a bit too emotional sometimes, or perhaps, most of the time :)

For those who wonder why I can always put a smile on my face even when everything doesn't seem to turn out right, I just wanna say that you are wrong. Who said I am everyday.com, happy? Well, I cry too, and I even admit that I do. I cry a lot, or probably too much till that I just don't want anyone see me crying.

Even now, by the time I was writing this post down, I don't really feel like myself, I meant, i feel like at this point again in life, I just feel like something is missing from my life... something that makes me feel incomplete without it. I just don't know how to explain this feelings, besides saying that I don't like this changes... *sigh*

I keep my head up to the sky, and told myself, Barbie! Be strong, and whatever comes, everything will be going just fine. Hey, I can still give myself a slight comfort smile though deep down inside I could feel my heart weeping... hmm.... ignore my nonsense :)

Alright! I know I'd left my blog obsolete in such a long time! so, here Barbie come today, to bring my magical fairytopia kingdom back to live ^ ^ Nothing much to say here anyhow :) Just want to say hi to everyone, my loyal friends as well as my constant readers ^ ^

Well, I am now on my exam preparatory week break. My final exam for the first semester is just ahead! but it's not such a big deal though! I'll be a free bird after all ^ ^ heh heh... can't wait *grin*

Today, I hanged out with two of my best friends, Ka Ka and Dee Dee ^ ^ We had grilled chicken at Master Grill, and right after we finished our chickens, we rushed down the ground floor of the mall to have ice-cream at Swensen altogether ^ ^ Heh heh.... Yum Yum Yummy ^ ^

Looks good, doesn't it? Want some? :P

and this is the new pink bag I bought for myself today ^ ^ Cute or not? Hmm... My best friend and I grasped this one each for ourselves heh heh... She is just like me, young at heart and so much into pink stuffs :P

How about this lovely purse of mine? I love this one too heh heh... and again, Dee also got this purse for herself as well! ^ ^

So all in all, I had a good day, and I really appreciate the moments spent with those whom I love and love me back the same way I do. Best Friends today, tomorrow, and always...

P.S. I miss all of my princess friends like seriously. Sorry that I fail to reply you all's messages. After my exam is over, Barbie will surely go and spam your tag board, so must get ready keke <3 *hugsss...*

With Love,
Barbie