Thursday, January 26, 2006

soo jaded

one thing i've learnt to discover about owning a blog is that it requires TLC and some form of discipline to ensure that the links work ( haven't reached that stage), the blog is updated, uploading of photographs to entertain everyone etc. I was already planning to slip into my "I-bum-around-after-10pm" mode and probably entertain myself with some thrashy fashion magazines before I took up the painful decision to cut down on bumming time and at least try to keep my blog going. its damn embarassing to admit that "i have a blog, no, i mean i had a blog, which didn't exist past its first entry".
at the back of my brain, i'm trying to capture the stupid/insignificant/happy moments that i had over the past week. it was fun meeting up with the good o' boys again after being isolated from them for eons. finally, after waiting for weeks, i get to interact with people whom i feel so especially comfortable with. [ slight digression; i suddenly recall what really happened over the weekends. i got a director's cut for my hair and did a makeover with clarence lee, the make-up artist to zhang ziyi. AND bought this lancome eye cream. totally reached the epitome of vanity which is really not good. no wonder i felt so sore after the weekend. excessive spending makes a moody monday o_0 ] well, it seems that life has changed very quickly for everyone. one moment we are still dressed as earthlings in lecture theatres counting the seconds to lunch, the next, staying up late to chew on those physics+chemistry+econs TYS for the 'A' levels, and now moving on very reluctantly to our adult life. seems like everyone's never satisfied. i remember how i used to wish that JC life would just end now now now 'cos there wasn't any excitement anymore in all the rote learning and hanging out with smelly classmates that speak in a rhetorical manner that really puzzles my puny brain. ( I can still never understand whats going on with the obessions with muscles and meat) And how so i felt confident and excited about embarking on working life after i completed my 'A' levels because somehow i knew i had the hunger and drive to survive. but guess what? things have seemed to repeat itself: in this strange and odd deja vu manner, where i want to get out and move on to the next phase in my life because i've already had a taste of what i had wished for. i guess i'm never satisfied before getting there...like always curious to find out whether the grass is really greener on the other side (Cliche saying).
today's work was alot more exciting and different. it gave me a slight understanding of how scary life may be next time if whatever i hoped for all along came true. go to a renown university. get accepted to work in a big firm. rub shoulders with head honchos. attending my first ever luncheon was definintely an eye-opener which gave me a peek into what my future may ever be like. all along, i've always been confident enough to think that i was ready to take on anything and everything, which included the world of grown-ups and politicking. but standing there among the crowd of ang moh bosses and splattering mixture of english and german made me realise that i am still a newbie to this world. i do clamp up over the phone talking to polished secretaries, feel like a kid mingling around with the adults, and wished that i could be donning a school uniform again with all my friends.
so what if i'm smarter than 90% of the other kids around my age. so what if i've attended "elite" and "premier" schools(so sick of these stupid labels that promote elitism in this stupid brand-conscious country. as if raffles is gucci and ACS is louis vuitton) i think i can finally understand why the job agency is only willing to pay(exploit) me 6 buckeroos per hour. because no matter how many 'S' papers i take and distinctions i've scored.. i really starting from square one when i come out to work. lotsa people really surprise me: with the level of education they get, they simply carry themselves soooo much more better than me and my other nerdy comrades.
so its cool, even though i'm not attending french school at the moment. i'm happily enrolled in the school of life. there's so much to learn from everyone everyday and it never fails to draw me out of my little world.
i guess i'd enough of being the big girl in the little world and its time for me to be the little girl in the big world for now.
Post note : its fun being the latter because i got to eat good 3-course western meals at conrad today. muahahaha. :D

ilovetotwirl at 7:05 AM

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

resurrection

woah. it seems like forever that i've finally gotten myself a new blog. the very last one entry that i've vaguely scribbled in seems to have been erased together with my theatrics blog at opendiary. i can't believe that i can drag in my lazy ass and my totally wasted brain into doing something that has a slight resemblance to writing -- one of my hobbies-turned-pet peeve. the many perils of GP lessons and terrible marking downs by ms chia has made me somewhat afraid of penning down my ideas on paper, after all i don't really like the idea of correction and restrictive writings that would lead to more rejections (with my standards, lar).
before i digress even further, i guess i better come clean with the real reason that i'm starting to write in stupid (yes, i'm quite a cynic) online diaries again. i have been extremely bored over the past few days, weeks and month. best buddies and acquaintances have both left me for far flung places around the world and not so far flung places like pulau tekong...which has perpetually left me congested inside. my thoughts are all floating around my head; there's so much to gripe and cheer about my new life now, but there's no one to turn to. except myself. so tadda: dear blog, you shall be my THE one to help me reorganise my emotions and feelings, so at the end of the day, i'll be able to tell myself that i'm hellava lucky girl. (that is secretly pathetic, announcing to everyone that she is confiding in something that is non-exsistent.)

ilovetotwirl at 6:36 AM

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