Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Failed Plan B
I don't know why; but its one of the few times when I have a sudden compulsive urge to come here and blog aka rant about my life. Okay, so I've been rejected by NUS law which is kinda surprising 'cos I had lots of fun writing my essay on this rich man walking around naked and getting spotted by a little perverse (which leads on to a wierd but questionable case of indecent exposure) and I thought I did okay for my interview with Mr. Harvard and Mdn. Curry-pok hair. Not spectacularly fantastic but good enough to leave an impression. OKAY SO NOW I KNOW I HAVE BEEN WRONG. I guess I don't stand where I always thought I would be, so oh well, whatever, I hope everyone else deserving gets in. >_<I'm getting alot thick-skinned lately with all the rejections coming up; law, LKC , Honors at UMich and blah blah blah. I hate to be judged within a short period of time because that is definitely not one of my strengths. I always need to work my way slowly and steadily, meander past obstacles and climb tons of summits before I get there. But I think stupid admission officers fail to see this all the time. Blinded old fogies that get secretly impressed by fake accents and political views conveniently swopped off some bloggy. Hmpf.
My fugging contact lenses are giving me alot of trouble again. Dr Fu said that parts of my cornea is dying away, thanks to stupid Johnson & Johnson ACUVUE fugging lens that hug my eye too tightly and deprived my poor and breathless cornea of oxygen. Mum and dad are extremely pissed with me too, and I think thats the end of me wearing contacts. I shall wear my spectacles around school next time and be a social misfit + school nerd. SIGHS.
The government should do more to regulate the sales of contact lenses and opticians shouldn't get away just selling unsuspecting kids like me unfitting lenses when they are potential active surgents that can cause us (or rather ME) to go blind. And because of my deteriorating eyesight, I can no longer read newspapers in the evenings. !@#$%%^&
I guess I can officially say goodbye to my act-chio days. =( =( =(
ilovetotwirl at 5:18 AM
Sunday, May 07, 2006
rejuvenate
and so i spent the entire weekend taking in deep breaths and long naps again. its great to be able to live life now at the pace that I have been dreaming of for the last six years. =)went for the capriccio band concert yesterday together with stacy, sam and elaine (as well as pigu!) its great to be able to meet up with people after eons. talking to all of them, especially the long lost ones make me feel... happy. like how everyone is doing well with great scholarships to good schools abroad. my parents are freaking me out though. they've already start making plans to fly with me to US this fall. crap and i am not even 100% sure that there's the school i want to be studying in. and whatever happened to the gungho streak of independance that i had in me-- to fend for myself the moment i leave my family behind at the departure hall. sighs. looks like mama will be tagging along (for good). just not about time to be all so grown up. yet.
the concert was one of the better ones that i've ever attended anyway. usually band concerts are quite a bore to sit still and through, but this one was really entertaining. it wasn't all that great, like some parts the band was going to fall apart and some times things were noisy and stuff, but somehow i couldn't stop smiling throughout the concert. i'd rather watch this kinda concert anyday compared to the perfectly prepared ones that ms chan always made us put up. i think (as always), the percussion ensemble was really the highlight of the entire thing. watching the juniors, especially my favourite rv ones...really gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling right at my seat. i was really glowing, with alot of happiness and pride to watch them put up absolute coolness drumline thingy and carmen. somehow, i miss the camaderie that i had brought away with me when i left the school band..from rv and hc...the people and even the rooms where we spent our afternoon wasted away, never failed to make me feel like home.
anyway, it was a great break from the traumatising past 2 weeks where i was thoroughly scrutinised by 3CEOs, Deans, ex-Deans, a Joseph Wharton scholar, some Harvard graduate-cum-old-fogey. the interviews were definitely hard. i doubt i will be offered the full ride at SMU. oh wells, looks like i am not the tough cookie nor the street-smart lass that i have imagined myself to be. i feel like a small fry all over again in front of these over-qualified people.
this definitely pushes the case to study abroad - the world is too small for the little girl with big dreams here.. i think i want to be brave/daring/gungho and take a leap out of my goldfish-ed bowl.
ilovetotwirl at 8:00 AM
Thursday, May 04, 2006
show hand
After weeks of contemplating, I haven't come up with an ultimate fool-proof choice. To go to US would mean making the family 70K poorer. To go to UK would mean not having the time of my life. To go US would make coming out jobless. To go to UK would mean hanging out with kids I really don't like. To stay in Singapore would mean a quality education, great campus, a possible full-ride for school. BUT to stay here would mean forever living within my comfort zone in a sheltered area.So selecting a university is like playing a game of cards. To keep all of them close to your chest until you're 100% certain that you have made the correct decision and throw all of them out. Now really isn't the time to show hand yet. I'm 50% for Cornell, 30% for LSE, 10% each for NUS Law and SMU double degree. Its strange that I keep changing my mind over and over again. Usually once I've decided, I'd go all out for it... it sucks not knowing whether I'm venturing in the correct direction. Time is running out, and I will probably have to wreck my brains over college again come June. Hopefully everything will disentangle itself; all the loose ends will miraculously fit in somewhere, and I know where EXACTLY I'm heading to.
On an extremely sucky note, I have to pay my parents $1400 bucks for upgrading my Double housing option to a Single room. Besides the fact that I wouldn't want to have a wacko roommate who sleeps while I study and study while I sleep, I think I can definitely do with more private space. Can't imagine having to wake up to a stranger sleeping across me every morning. Life is unfair, how can double rooming actually be a live-able housing option (not to mention triple!)?! Through our entire lifespan, we never need to share our lives , or for that matter, room with anyone. Of course, with the exception of siblings and spouse. The excuse of "learning to get along with others" of course falls through; we never need to learn to breath in each other's body odour or pick up a stranger's filthy laundry until we get married. And when the time comes then, this strangely stupid magical thing called love will make everyone silly and intoxicated with each others' (bad) habits. Okay, I'm saying all these because I am trying to convince myself that I've made the right choice by opting for a single. Bah. I really can't stand myself for being so fickle sometime.
I am in a personal financial crisis now anyway. I dread weekends where I will either end up shopping or eating away the money. Weekdays aren't really any better when I flip open the wallet and realise that I have 2 measly 2 dollars notes to last me through the entire week.
Sighhhs. Time to keep up with reality -- 3 years & 3 months of frugal living ahead. =(
ilovetotwirl at 5:13 AM
