Wednesday, April 30, 2008
spring!
So much updates going on in my life -- Spring is finally here! :D Here's a photolog of the entire's month worth of fun. 2 more days of school and then I'm gonna be a senior! woot!
Fashion really excites me. I'm really thinking of joining the Cornell Design League next semester, but we'll see how that goes...
And lastly,
Bedtime! zzZZzz!
ilovetotwirl at 9:49 PM
Monday, April 14, 2008
engulfed
Suddenly, just sitting here in the library (while trying to study), I feel so overwhelmed. I feel so overwhelmed by the sick feeling which is imploding inside me and my heart feels like its racing but it's not because its just a mental response from within and if you look around and check out the rest of the students in the library, I will blend in just like any other sane student working on their laptops in the room.And no, this is not one of those emo entries that every blogger has to write about in pretending that they have tons of layers, or that they are angtsy teenagers or the "no one in the world understands what I'm going through" kind of journal. This feeling is real and its so real its becoming scary. Every Sunday night I don't want to go to bed alone knowing that when I wake up on Monday, I have to face the same anxiety everyday of waiting for phone calls and checking my email plus every other recruiting webpage. And how the entire week flies by so quickly that today my profesoor reminded me in class that finals are coming in 3 weeks and very soon I'm going to be done with Spring semester and junior year.
I can cry now but I think I've been depressed for way too long. I can continue throwing my resume into every single application thinking that perhaps I stand a chance. I have to keep reminding myself that tomorrow will be another better day and for tomorrow, I will keep my spirits and head high today. And tomorrow and another tomorrow comes, and it has been exactly 3 months since I feel that I haven't had my normal life. Everything seems so meaningless to me now because I think I have really lost the motivation to "hang in there" and think that everything will eventually turn out alright. Because it won't; and when I come back to school in August during Fall, everything will replay itself over and over again. And its going to be so heart-wrenching that I even dread thinking about it now.
If I had a wild card to life, I think I will choose to play it now. I would choose to either rewind or fast forward my life so that it doesn't have to keep replaying itself at this same frame over and over again. I have 3 more prelims to go this week and I really need to keep myself focused and ensure that the rest of my life doesn't skid out of control.
When will this ever end?
ilovetotwirl at 11:50 AM
Thursday, April 03, 2008
reload
I don't have a ton of great photos to show this time round from the trip; a whole lot of them were really over exposed because of the strong sunlight everywhere. But when I look at this picture I'm amazed how looking at it now from my laptop screen (amidst the pile of homework), the waters look remarkably green, the sandy beach so pristine, and there's a desire to turn back the clocks and go back to that moment when we could just nua and nua the entire day by the beach.
So anyways, this photo was taken in Cayman Islands along the Carribbean, one of the ports that our cruise docked at. It supposedly famous for its beaches so we did some snorkelling and kayaking while we were at Grand Cayman. Snorkelling was tons of fun as I got to come v v close to fishies that were surrounding us because we were armed with bread. Reminded me of those days when my dad would bring the entire family to Langkawi/Tioman for beachy holidays and how my dad tried to teach me snorkelling (which never materialized since I never understood the method of breathing through my mouth), and those lazy days at Malaysia eons ago where we would catch hermit crabs along the shore.
***
Okay, I'm finally continuing this post after a long hiatus. Spring has finally arrived and I can now stop wearing my furry eskimo gear to school. Things move really fast though; Spring Break is now a 1-month ago stale news. So nothing's coming up in my life now --- still moping around at the bored pace not knowing whats going to happen.
2 weeks ago we drove down to NYC for my interview and to meet up with old friends.
At Kenka, my favorite place downtown for cheap Japanese food
And that was there where I ate nice chilli ramen, grilled mackerel (recalling the juicy drippin' fish really makes me feel hungry now) and other random silly stuff like potato pancakes and takopachis. yums yums. I was amazed but how much spontaniety that was in this meeting though; so unplanned and so original. How I managed to finally decide on Thursday that I wanted to go down and hang out even though NYC was a killer 10 hour drive (to and fro) that we managed to conquer in one day without having to spend (waste) extra money staying overnight in the city. Somehow living overseas have made me carpe diem and have the "okay-lets-do-it-now-attitude". I think having to live with so much craziness over the past 2 months has made me a lil' less sane. Haha. But the trip was definintely worthed it, having the chance to experience less snowy weather and meet up with yuru whom I haven't seen in ages. Plus score that interview even though I was initally hesistant about it.
So in about 5 weeks' time I'm going to be packing up to leave this town. To where; I dont know yet. To do what; thats even a bigger mystery. For now, its time to conquer Japanese and keep my fingers crossed for yet another tomorrow.
ilovetotwirl at 8:08 PM
