Devotional Musings

I was reading Mark 1 again after a long time, and suddenly it dawned upon me.

At the end of the Chapter, the writer details the beginning of the ministry of Jesus. He walked into a town, preached about the Kingdom of God and healed the sick. There was nothing like Him.

That, however, was not the thing that struck me. It was actually the hunger of the people that made the difference. If you would read between the lines, the people who rushed towards Jesus during His time were a hungry bunch of customers. A simple healing of a fever, and the deliverance of a demon-possessed man brought in crowds from the entire town!

If that were to happen today, would we flock towards this 'miracle-worker'?

I realised that if translated into today's psyche, I would rather doubt this 'miracle-worker' and go to a doctor.  

I also realised the hunger that society had at that time for a saviour. You could just imagine the hardships they had in order for them to react as such. It was a land without hope. The people would have not seen anything like that for a long time.

And today, we put our faith and trust on things which are so called scientifically proven. I don't see much of a hunger for miracles today. Even if you see one happening in front of you, you'd probably look for a catch.

That's because we have been hungry for something else - Money.

Money, or the lack of it, has slowly crept into the back of everyone's minds. With the economic situation nowadays, who blames us? The price of owning a house is at such an unaffordable rate that no one who earns a typical salary could actually own a house. Average income is at about RM3,000/month and the monthly instalment for a double-storey intermediate, middle-income house would come up to about RM2,500!

The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer, and this economic trend doesn't seem to be changing any time soon.

Money, has become our God. Just ask yourself: How many of your life's decisions are made based on money? What car to buy, what food to eat, where to go, what job to take on, etc. Then, counter that thought with the same question but base it on God. Not much eh???

Money has caused us to lose our hunger for the reality of life; that Christ has come to seek and save the lost. Even if Christ came today, I think most of us will not even realise that we are lost...

Reading Joshua 1 I was reminded that God's command for His people is sometimes as clear as this. 'Be strong and courageous'.

The Lord is God, He is good, and He is to be praised!

As some know, I am now sitting at the crossroads of my life, looking at a pitchfork on the road in front of me. I went back to my hometown for a much needed holiday and it is no surprise that everyone asks about whether I'll be going back there anytime soon. But that's a musing for another day.

What I am here for today is to give glory back to God for He has been good, and He has been blessing me beyond my expectations.

Just last week, I was struggling to give my tithes. For those who are not familiar with this understanding, tithes are God's provision for those who work for Him and for the daily running of His church. Christians do not donate money to the church, but when they put money into the bag, they are actually doing what is required of them by God.

A tithe used to translate into a tenth of the harvest when the Israelites were into agriculture and farming. Barley, wheat, and whatever that they harvest from the ground, a tenth belongs to God. Now this is something that modern man has forgotten about. During ancient times, it was easier to grasp because it is God who gave them the harvest; a bad spell of drought, and the harvest is gone, too much rain, and everything is washed away. Today, we don't see God as our provider mostly because we don't see the direct co-relation of God with our pay-cheques.

But yes, a tenth of everything that you earn BELONGS to God. That translates to 10% in today's terms. And with forced savings and all that, sometimes, one has to be careful how one calculates the 10%. But anyhow, I always give more, just in case I take anything that belongs to God as mine.

And recently, I haven't been at the best of my financial health. And the previous week, I was struggling with my tithes. But since it was my duty, and I didn't want to take anything away from God, I obeyed. Previously, it was easier cause I had my savings to fall back on, but this month, I have used up all my savings. I am now living solely based on the grace of God. But yet, I still find money in my pockets. And the most wonderful thing happened after the service in which I put in my tithe. God gave me back in full, plus a little more. I thought I would have to survive on about RM1.50 per day for the rest of the month, but God gave back what I gave Him, and I can even afford to splurge a little bit more than usual.

Praise be to Him, my rock, mt redeemer, and my provider. And a special thanks to the aunty who acted out of God's prompting.

Dear God,

I pray that You will be so big in me that I may disappear in Your glory. That when I serve, people will see an image of you, and a shadow of me; Not how much I can do, but how much You have done through me; of Your achievements; of Your strength; of Your everlasting love and never-ending peace; of Your grace; of Your mercy beyond what the world has seen.

Let me worship You and through my worship, people may see You, and bring You the praise that's due Your name.

Be magnified in me, that I may disappear in Your love.

In Christ,

Amen.

I have come to today's devotional article at my utmost for my highest. And just as I struggle with the Lord about my life, I was rebuked by it's first sentence.

You see, I have been wanting to buy my own acoustic guitar that comes with a pick-up. I wanted to use it for the church worship, but it will remain my personal guitar. I wanted this so badly that I feel I must have it. So, out of desperation I told God, "If You give me the exact amount to buy the guitar, then I will know that You have answered my prayer."

And even before I had finished the line, the page popped up and I begin to read, "Job, in his troubles, was blessed by God as soon as he started praying for the benefit of others."

I have been so stupid to only look at my personal gain sometimes. But I guess that is one of my failings as my human nature takes over. But this, I have learnt, that if I have a complete understanding of what God 's atonement means, then I will know that whatever I do on earth is of no use to me and to my church. This is not to say that we should stop working for the church's ministry or other things, but the understanding that works cannot bring you any closer to God.

That God will not give you anything for personal glory, that God will not let you glorify yourself above Him. So I was rebuked - that I must stop thinking about my own personal glory, start praying for others, live through the grace the God has given me, and when I do the things of God, with God as my sole focus, then all these other things will be given unto me.

It's a profound mystery that a lot of people struggle with. To obtain something from God, you must first disregard it, and run after God, and only then, God will give it to you.

I've been under a lot of stress lately. Bills, future investments, short term pains, long term gains... And all this is because I am in limbo over the will of God for my life. But somehow, through the devotional materials that I have been reading lately, all points to only one thing; total abandonment.

I've been a preacher of this concept to one too many of my friends who are now serving God fulltime in church. But it seems that I have now come full circle back to where I was nearly 2 years ago. At that time, I was called to work in the ministry of the church, with the new building project as the main focus of my calling and employment. I was struggling, at that time, to balance between my love for the church and the job that requires me to compromise this love. Thus, against all odds, with a car loan, housing loan and credit card debts, I agreed to serve God on a lower than minimal wage salary; I accepted God's challenge. I told Him that I would offer 2 years of my life, living in total abandonment, in faith that He will see me through all things.

And in the midst of that He challenged me to give more than I could to the building fund of the new church building. Half of whatever I got from my marriage collections went into the Building Fund. The money was supposed to be used for the repayment of the loans and credit card debts that we incurred during the process of of marriage preparation, but God said to me 50%, so I gave. It even got me into a small fight with my newly wed wife. That week at church, I truly understood the meaning of He giveth and He taketh away, but my heart will have to choose to say, "Blessed be Your name." But now looking at the building that we call our home, it was worth every penny and every tear. To see the new friends who are pouring in, to see more and more lives being changed as they walk in and out of our doors every week, it was all worth it.

But now, I am facing the same challenge. The Lord has challenged me to put my faith unto Him with my finances, I listened, I struggled, and I am still here today. I have not missed a meal because i didn't have any money in my pocket, and I sure haven't gotten any thinner than the day I stepped into the church office.

I feel that I have had breakthroughs in my life for so many times when it comes to the Lord's challenge, and today, I am feeling that the more I gave, the more the Lord demanded of me. And I am on the verge of making the biggest decision of my life for God.

Total abandonment? Can it be truly grasped, or is it a mere fight against the infatuation of my wants versus my calling and what the Lord knows I need?

It's an even bigger challenge for my wife...

This very Thursday, the Christian Calendar looks upon the last supper, the washing of the Disciples' feet, the final temptation of Christ and the journey to the cross.

I've been a very very busy man of late, and serving full-time in the church has never ever taken such a toll on me thus far. I am both physically and mentally and also spiritually tired. The jobs and responsibilities of working both inside and outside the church building is so intense these few months that I literally have no time to sit down and think about why I am doing all these things that I am doing. "For God", is what I always claim in my heart, but how true is that statement? Only God knows. Sometimes I am running on pure adrenaline and out of tiredness, I just switch into auto-pilot.

It is only until this day that I can sit down and try to understand what it really means to give up of yourself, and take up the cross.

I've been so engrossed in the running of the new church building that sometimes I have lost perspective of what's more important than life itself.

And throughout today, there was so much that was onto me that was just waiting for my temper to burst, that wanted a piece of me to fall and only after the whole ordeal, after I have hurt a countless multitude of friends after I have said too much, came out too strongly, did too many things that I realise that all that didn't matter. All that didn't bring anyone closer to the knowledge and love of Christ that was demonstrated in His journey to Calvary.

The passion, the love, the intent of God, coming down from the highest point in creation to come down into the depths of death, the ultimate low point of creation.

The suffering heart of Christ as He contemplated the cross, as He contemplated leaving Gethsamane in order to escape from the men that Judas was bringing, as He contemplated His own fight and flight response versus the will of the Father who sent Him... And I find myself looking at the petty things of minor mistakes of other people?

And the fact that I dared to even think about things from a 'holier than thou' kind of perspective today just brings me down to my knees and wonder if I could ever comprehend such humility, such determination, such obedience, such love...