JK. I'm not really back. I mean, I would love to think I'm capable of blogging consistently. But I'm not. I have been dying to share Fletcher's birth story and longer life snippets than Instagram allows for so I'm thinking maybe I'll occasionally pop onto the old bloggity blog.
Want to read Fletcher's birth story?! I think about his birth every.single.day and I think there is this weird need I have to write it all out as part of my processing of it. Plus I REALLY love reading birth stories. There are still some grey spots and confusion surrounding parts of the story and I feel like the more I talk about it, the clearer it all becomes... READY!?
I should preface this with the fact that we had been planning a natural labor and delivery at a birth center in Fort Worth, a stones throw from a great hospital should need arrive to switch plans. We had prepared as much as we could for a natural birth so not every aspect of this was totally unplanned...
On Monday, at 41.0 weeks, I had a checkup with the midwife group I was seeing and had a Biophysical Profile (a very in depth ultrasound since I was post date). I meant to tell the midwife that I didn't want to know the weight they were estimating Fletcher to be, but I forgot. And the next thing I know I hear, "oh, he's measuring 10+ pounds." W.H.A.T. So I immediately began praying and asking God to not let that get in my head and become a big mental thing. Also I was 4 cm dilated... which basically means nothing but at least it encouraged me in the "I won't pregnant forever" department. On Tuesday I woke up, still pregnant, at 41.1 weeks. I really thought that would be the day because I was 41.1 weeks when I went into labor with Millie. I had been much more aggressive with natural labor induction ideas this time around and according to the midwife I saw on Monday, I was “very favorable.” Anyways, I woke up emotionally and physically exhausted since I was going on like month #2 of terrible sleep, like terrible, unsatisfying, exhausting sleep and was so tired of anticipating labor, answering constant questions from family and friends (and strangers). Millie had spent the week testing my patience and pushing boundaries and generally making me feel like I had been conquered by a toddler. I cried lots of hormonal, emotional tears on Tuesday.
Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I woke up at midnight with contractions. They were super inconsistent but painful enough that I couldn’t lay in bed. I got up and labored in the bathroom so I wouldn't wake up Karl. This was the 3rd night since I hit full term that this had happened so in my head there was a 50/50 chance that they would fizzle out and I would go back to sleep. Contractions were all over the place in frequency and duration (still typical of my 2 other false alarms) but at 12:51 I started timing them, which is also when I woke Karl up and requested my traditional labor snack (OJ and string cheese. Which is really weird). As I was eating I felt super nauseated and started shaking, which TOTALLY should've clued me in- those are signs of transition (i.e. birth is imminent. Whoops). At this point contractions were painful enough that I needed Karl's support to work through them and that I felt confident this wasn’t a false alarm. He got up, packed his bag (that I literally had been asking him to pack for the last 3 weeks... eye roll) and helped encourage me and support me physically. The next three contractions went from being 14 minutes apart to 6 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart within 20 minutes. At that point, I couldn’t time them myself and was really starting to second-guess the whole natural birth idea. I got grouchy and nothing we had done to prepare and practice was giving me relief. At 1:44 I texted my doula, she suggested getting in the tub to help even out contractions and maybe relax enough that we could get some rest so Karl started the tub water. At 2:00 I knew we needed to get to the birth center as soon as we could, although I still felt like we had hours to go. I texted my mom to come over to watch Millie, Karl called the sitter and the birth center. At 2:07 I felt the urge to push and my water (exploded) broke. From this point, one giant contraction began and didn't stop. I was out of my head... in so much pain I was just doing anything I could to find relief, pacing, cursing the birth ball (which, obviously. I'm thinking Fletcher was crowning at this point so naturally sitting on the birth ball was not a good idea, but I didn't know!), trying to sway, trying to relax my belly... all things that would only have helped if I was in early labor. The thought that I was about to deliver a baby never even crossed my mind. I labored with Millie for 17 hours so I kept feeling really discouraged that this is what early labor felt like without an epidural and HOW could I survive hours of this and HOW could it possibly get worse?!. I was freaking out. I mean, truly panicking about the level of pain I was in. I got into the tub, even though it only had like 6 inches of water at that point. I really felt SO much pressure and pain very low but didn’t actually think I was about to give birth. The pain was overwhelming. My memory of those minutes is very foggy but I do remember thinking I was dying and we should call 911. And Karl wasn't even in the bathroom with me for a lot of this time because as we realized how quickly this was moving, he was trying to call the sitter to hurry, calling his parents to tell them I was in labor, calling my mom, trying to get a hold of the birth center (which is another story... He didn't know to expect to have to leave a message for the on-call midwife so he kept calling and hanging up. Eventually our doula was able to get a hold of a midwife for us.), updating the doula, putting our bags in the car, etc. I yelled for Karl, and told him that I thought Fletcher was coming and I sat back in the tub. This is when I realized, "holy crap. He is coming and coming now and theres nothing anyone can do to stop him."
I felt huge relief when I was pushing and was doing so with every bit of energy and might. In 2 or 3 pushes Fletcher’s head came out (an estimated FOURTEEN MINUTES after I determined I was in labor) and I felt a lot of relief (and panic and awe and wonder). Karl supported his head and I waited for another contraction when his shoulders came out and literally all the pain stopped (the birth was truly not painful at all- just the labor!). And then I waited again and the rest of his sweet little body was born!
I was strangely calm. I remember thinking, I should be worried, this isn’t normal, something could be wrong. But having total confidence that nothing was wrong, that God was with us in our bathroom and provided us with a perfectly healthy boy through an exciting but totally normal labor and delivery. My assessment skills were working overtime- checking cord, blood in the bath water, thinking through symptoms of hemorrhage and low blood pressure, counting Fletcher's respirations... He was so sweet on my chest, patiently waiting for whatever was next. He let out one small cry when he was born but was just grunting and snorting softly after that- really no big crying! Just content and happy. He was amazingly calm and peaceful. He didn't have any mucus in his mouth and his body was strangely clean- I totally give all the praise and glory for that to God, because we didn't have a suction bulb!
Fletcher stayed on my chest (in my soaking wet shirt) in the bathtub while Karl worked to develop a plan for our next steps. He worked like a madman to get towels and blankets to keep Fletcher warm, get more warm water in the tub, call all the people and simultaneously make sure that Fletcher and I were ok. Within a few minutes, our babysitter, my parents and our doula, Michelle, arrived. I was laughing as my mom and dad came into the bathroom to find Fletcher and I healthy and happy- what a sight!
While I waited for Karl and the doula to figure out what we should do, I got out of the tub and out of my wet shirt and into an oversized bath rob that I have never been more grateful for. At this point, Fletcher and I were still connected so I kind of just awkwardly hung out on the bathroom floor holding him and nursing him for the first time. This is also when Karl got to hold him for the first time.
It was decided that a midwife would come to us. She arrived about 45 minutes after the birth, got me situated on the bed, delivered the placenta and assessed Fletcher and I. The birth team stayed to assess and monitor us for the next 3 hours. It was determined that Fletcher was born at 2:14 AM (by consulting Karl's call log and seeing who he was on the phone with right before and right after, ha!) at 9.2 pounds and 21” long- a big, healthy boy born absolutely perfectly, created in the image of God. I too was healthy with no tears or bleeding and great vitals.
We were on cloud 9! Nobody could believe what happened and it all just felt very sweet and surreal and exciting! There was so much joy and giddiness buzzing in our room- it was amazing. We got to introduce Fletcher in the comfort of our own home to Maddie, Callie and Emma (via Facetime from Arkansas) in the middle of the night. Karl's mom arrived shortly after from San Antonio. And at about 7 am, sweet Millie Kate woke up after having slept through so much noise and chaos and got to meet her baby brother. I'll never forget getting to show her Fletcher. Our baby-obsessed toddler could not have been any sweeter or exceeded any idea I had of their introduction any greater. I honestly felt like my heart would just explode right then and there.
It blows my mind that we never left the house. We enjoyed good food and drink, rest and were totally spoiled by family. Fletcher and I got to enjoy an herbal bath in the comfort of my own home and bathroom. SO different than a hospital experience and just another glimpse into God’s desire to please us with sweet and good gifts. He knows our hearts, our desires, our preferences and likes and dislikes. He knows our fears and our dreams- what a personal and loving God we serve!!
God is so very good. I had felt Him whispering to me throughout this entire pregnancy to trust Him. Trust Him with our finances and the leap into buying/renovating our house at 8 months pregnant, trust Him with the mess that was health insurance (my #1 least favorite part of adulting), trust Him with the decision to have a natural labor and delivery and to do so at the birth center, trust Him with my body and the safe delivery of Fletcher in our home. I see His gentle but firm hand guiding us throughout the past 10 months and I could cry at the glory of His faithfulness. Every piece of Fletcher's story screams that He is living and active- from Karl repairing our tub faucet just days before to the decision to not hire a birth photographer (because, duh, would've lost a lot of money on that) to protecting me from the knowledge that Fletcher was coming quickly (because what if we had gotten in the car to drive to the birth center?! Baby born in car = no thanks.).
I also see His hand in things that I would've wished had gone differently... I envisioned wearing a cute nightgown, having my hair fixed and maybe some mascara on, having beautiful pictures and video and having a peaceful labor with Karl by my side reading me the scriptures I had picked out for encouragement while listening to the labor playlist my sister made me. What actually happened was... humbling, ha! Part of me is sad for Karl's experience- not getting to take it all in because he was playing a million different roles as I labored, basically alone. But oh my, how much more I've fallen in love with Karl and Jesus because of that day.
Someday, when I have *slightly* less dignity, I will totally post the audio of our birth video (yes, Karl had the forethought to turn on his video camera!) because it is f.u.n.n.y. and ridiculous and
embarrassing.
If you made it this far you must a) be related to me b) love birth stories as much as I do.
BRB (maybe?),
Hannah
Want to read Fletcher's birth story?! I think about his birth every.single.day and I think there is this weird need I have to write it all out as part of my processing of it. Plus I REALLY love reading birth stories. There are still some grey spots and confusion surrounding parts of the story and I feel like the more I talk about it, the clearer it all becomes... READY!?
I should preface this with the fact that we had been planning a natural labor and delivery at a birth center in Fort Worth, a stones throw from a great hospital should need arrive to switch plans. We had prepared as much as we could for a natural birth so not every aspect of this was totally unplanned...
On Monday, at 41.0 weeks, I had a checkup with the midwife group I was seeing and had a Biophysical Profile (a very in depth ultrasound since I was post date). I meant to tell the midwife that I didn't want to know the weight they were estimating Fletcher to be, but I forgot. And the next thing I know I hear, "oh, he's measuring 10+ pounds." W.H.A.T. So I immediately began praying and asking God to not let that get in my head and become a big mental thing. Also I was 4 cm dilated... which basically means nothing but at least it encouraged me in the "I won't pregnant forever" department. On Tuesday I woke up, still pregnant, at 41.1 weeks. I really thought that would be the day because I was 41.1 weeks when I went into labor with Millie. I had been much more aggressive with natural labor induction ideas this time around and according to the midwife I saw on Monday, I was “very favorable.” Anyways, I woke up emotionally and physically exhausted since I was going on like month #2 of terrible sleep, like terrible, unsatisfying, exhausting sleep and was so tired of anticipating labor, answering constant questions from family and friends (and strangers). Millie had spent the week testing my patience and pushing boundaries and generally making me feel like I had been conquered by a toddler. I cried lots of hormonal, emotional tears on Tuesday.
Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I woke up at midnight with contractions. They were super inconsistent but painful enough that I couldn’t lay in bed. I got up and labored in the bathroom so I wouldn't wake up Karl. This was the 3rd night since I hit full term that this had happened so in my head there was a 50/50 chance that they would fizzle out and I would go back to sleep. Contractions were all over the place in frequency and duration (still typical of my 2 other false alarms) but at 12:51 I started timing them, which is also when I woke Karl up and requested my traditional labor snack (OJ and string cheese. Which is really weird). As I was eating I felt super nauseated and started shaking, which TOTALLY should've clued me in- those are signs of transition (i.e. birth is imminent. Whoops). At this point contractions were painful enough that I needed Karl's support to work through them and that I felt confident this wasn’t a false alarm. He got up, packed his bag (that I literally had been asking him to pack for the last 3 weeks... eye roll) and helped encourage me and support me physically. The next three contractions went from being 14 minutes apart to 6 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart within 20 minutes. At that point, I couldn’t time them myself and was really starting to second-guess the whole natural birth idea. I got grouchy and nothing we had done to prepare and practice was giving me relief. At 1:44 I texted my doula, she suggested getting in the tub to help even out contractions and maybe relax enough that we could get some rest so Karl started the tub water. At 2:00 I knew we needed to get to the birth center as soon as we could, although I still felt like we had hours to go. I texted my mom to come over to watch Millie, Karl called the sitter and the birth center. At 2:07 I felt the urge to push and my water (exploded) broke. From this point, one giant contraction began and didn't stop. I was out of my head... in so much pain I was just doing anything I could to find relief, pacing, cursing the birth ball (which, obviously. I'm thinking Fletcher was crowning at this point so naturally sitting on the birth ball was not a good idea, but I didn't know!), trying to sway, trying to relax my belly... all things that would only have helped if I was in early labor. The thought that I was about to deliver a baby never even crossed my mind. I labored with Millie for 17 hours so I kept feeling really discouraged that this is what early labor felt like without an epidural and HOW could I survive hours of this and HOW could it possibly get worse?!. I was freaking out. I mean, truly panicking about the level of pain I was in. I got into the tub, even though it only had like 6 inches of water at that point. I really felt SO much pressure and pain very low but didn’t actually think I was about to give birth. The pain was overwhelming. My memory of those minutes is very foggy but I do remember thinking I was dying and we should call 911. And Karl wasn't even in the bathroom with me for a lot of this time because as we realized how quickly this was moving, he was trying to call the sitter to hurry, calling his parents to tell them I was in labor, calling my mom, trying to get a hold of the birth center (which is another story... He didn't know to expect to have to leave a message for the on-call midwife so he kept calling and hanging up. Eventually our doula was able to get a hold of a midwife for us.), updating the doula, putting our bags in the car, etc. I yelled for Karl, and told him that I thought Fletcher was coming and I sat back in the tub. This is when I realized, "holy crap. He is coming and coming now and theres nothing anyone can do to stop him."
I felt huge relief when I was pushing and was doing so with every bit of energy and might. In 2 or 3 pushes Fletcher’s head came out (an estimated FOURTEEN MINUTES after I determined I was in labor) and I felt a lot of relief (and panic and awe and wonder). Karl supported his head and I waited for another contraction when his shoulders came out and literally all the pain stopped (the birth was truly not painful at all- just the labor!). And then I waited again and the rest of his sweet little body was born!
I was strangely calm. I remember thinking, I should be worried, this isn’t normal, something could be wrong. But having total confidence that nothing was wrong, that God was with us in our bathroom and provided us with a perfectly healthy boy through an exciting but totally normal labor and delivery. My assessment skills were working overtime- checking cord, blood in the bath water, thinking through symptoms of hemorrhage and low blood pressure, counting Fletcher's respirations... He was so sweet on my chest, patiently waiting for whatever was next. He let out one small cry when he was born but was just grunting and snorting softly after that- really no big crying! Just content and happy. He was amazingly calm and peaceful. He didn't have any mucus in his mouth and his body was strangely clean- I totally give all the praise and glory for that to God, because we didn't have a suction bulb!
Fletcher stayed on my chest (in my soaking wet shirt) in the bathtub while Karl worked to develop a plan for our next steps. He worked like a madman to get towels and blankets to keep Fletcher warm, get more warm water in the tub, call all the people and simultaneously make sure that Fletcher and I were ok. Within a few minutes, our babysitter, my parents and our doula, Michelle, arrived. I was laughing as my mom and dad came into the bathroom to find Fletcher and I healthy and happy- what a sight!
While I waited for Karl and the doula to figure out what we should do, I got out of the tub and out of my wet shirt and into an oversized bath rob that I have never been more grateful for. At this point, Fletcher and I were still connected so I kind of just awkwardly hung out on the bathroom floor holding him and nursing him for the first time. This is also when Karl got to hold him for the first time.
It was decided that a midwife would come to us. She arrived about 45 minutes after the birth, got me situated on the bed, delivered the placenta and assessed Fletcher and I. The birth team stayed to assess and monitor us for the next 3 hours. It was determined that Fletcher was born at 2:14 AM (by consulting Karl's call log and seeing who he was on the phone with right before and right after, ha!) at 9.2 pounds and 21” long- a big, healthy boy born absolutely perfectly, created in the image of God. I too was healthy with no tears or bleeding and great vitals.
We were on cloud 9! Nobody could believe what happened and it all just felt very sweet and surreal and exciting! There was so much joy and giddiness buzzing in our room- it was amazing. We got to introduce Fletcher in the comfort of our own home to Maddie, Callie and Emma (via Facetime from Arkansas) in the middle of the night. Karl's mom arrived shortly after from San Antonio. And at about 7 am, sweet Millie Kate woke up after having slept through so much noise and chaos and got to meet her baby brother. I'll never forget getting to show her Fletcher. Our baby-obsessed toddler could not have been any sweeter or exceeded any idea I had of their introduction any greater. I honestly felt like my heart would just explode right then and there.
God is so very good. I had felt Him whispering to me throughout this entire pregnancy to trust Him. Trust Him with our finances and the leap into buying/renovating our house at 8 months pregnant, trust Him with the mess that was health insurance (my #1 least favorite part of adulting), trust Him with the decision to have a natural labor and delivery and to do so at the birth center, trust Him with my body and the safe delivery of Fletcher in our home. I see His gentle but firm hand guiding us throughout the past 10 months and I could cry at the glory of His faithfulness. Every piece of Fletcher's story screams that He is living and active- from Karl repairing our tub faucet just days before to the decision to not hire a birth photographer (because, duh, would've lost a lot of money on that) to protecting me from the knowledge that Fletcher was coming quickly (because what if we had gotten in the car to drive to the birth center?! Baby born in car = no thanks.).
Someday, when I have *slightly* less dignity, I will totally post the audio of our birth video (yes, Karl had the forethought to turn on his video camera!) because it is f.u.n.n.y. and ridiculous and
embarrassing.
If you made it this far you must a) be related to me b) love birth stories as much as I do.
BRB (maybe?),
Hannah
