pre-departure ka-senti-han (long entry)
So I'm leaving for Toronto at 9:10 a.m. this Tuesday the 29th. And I don't think my mind's fully wrapped itself around that fact yet: I'm moving to another country for two years (and won't be home that entire time, because I'm going to be a poor grad student...no, I mean really poor), and I'll be back in the academe working my back off, studying, and fulfilling teaching assistantship duties, and hopefully writing stuff that'll blow us all away.
All I know is I've been extremely lucky. Things have fallen into place, favors have been given and freely accepted, schedules working out... The universe has been kind, and so have relatives and virtual strangers. (And God, my mom would say, don't forget God.) A year ago, on the verge of breaking down from checking too many pitiful freshman papers, I wished for something grand and wonderful to come into my life. This is it, I know, this is the big adventure I've been wanting for years.
And because someday, I'm going to wonder what I did on my last days in Manila, here's a list to help me remember:
Aug 18, Fri
==> On my way to the 3-day Galleria sale, I got a text from Mama: package from can embassy just arrived. A few minutes later: can i open it? I hesitated only because I'd wanted to be the one to open it -- but since I had a despedida that night, knew I couldn't wait til midnight to find out! (Yes, I'd fail that EQ marshmallow test every time.) I ended up praying, for the first time in months (years?), as if prayer could change the results in the envelope. She texted a minute later: hav visa, wil travel!
==> The good news, just 11 days before my intended departure, made shopping for jeans (a real chore for this big bottom) and the despedida with The Design People friends so much sweeter. Mark and I treated them to beer, sisig, tequila, and (gulp) Matador. Also received 2 mixed CD's, a copper bangle bracelet, chopsticks, and more than my daily dose of hugs. Told some of them that their company has made my 5 1/2 months in the office worthwhile.
Aug 19, Sat
==> Javie's birthday. Had dinner at Kamirori with Larry, Em, Peachy, and an almost unrecognizably slimmed down Arkaye, who wanted me to read poems with Ara Mina. Hahaz! The Monday Club and Javie's other friends feasted on quesadillas and drank themselves silly with torohan and pina coladas. The last time I was at his house, I was unbearably sad and frustrated (with my directionless life, not the party) -- this time, it was quite the opposite. Tangina, mami-miss ko ang Monday club,
Aug 20, Sun
==> Ate Nessa came over with Shakey's Friday Special pizzas and we had a last family meeting, recomputing the expenses and loans and (my) debts for Toronto. This is what I love about my family: we're nonchalant and not at all physically affectionate, but the support is...overwhelming. Kuya Zivan gave me his and Agnes' gift: a black and gray secondhand-but-almost-new Compaq laptop, my very first. I'm naming it Toto in the meantime (kasi minsan may to-paq ang network connections), and have been filling it up with beautiful music, almost rivalling TDP's Roomjuice.
Aug 21, Mon
==> Elmo came over to have sinigang and pochero (I've been having my fill of good Pinoy food all week), then we went to the Podium to have the big Samsonite luggage repaired -- all that was wrong was the zipper, which took all of 10 minutes to fix. Ended up buying socks, brown slacks, rechargeable batteries, sneakers, and this beautiful black and gold "squared circles" journal from Powerbooks, its pages ready to be filled up this year. We shared our last bowl of chicken pho from Pho Hoa, and aztec hot chocolate (thick, with chili! i looove it) from Xocolat.
Aug 22, Tues
==> Mama's plane ticket reservation got canceled -- apparently a reservation's valid for a week only -- and the earliest flight we could get to Toronto was on Sept 4. Which means it'll be harder for me and Maita to find an apartment, since most leases begin on the 1st. Worried about this all day, even during dinner with Tebs and Yol at TOSH, where we noticed how "teacherly" we were all getting. We've come a long way from Tuesday afternoons on Rofel's couch, reading and butchering each other's poems.
Aug 23, Wed
==> Called up Elmo's travel agent, a curt Chinese woman named Fanny, who promised to find me a flight to Toronto earlier than Sept 4. Had dinner at Cafe Bola in Gateway (oh adobo flakes with kesong puti, I'm going to miss you) with the Ateneo teacher friends: Larry, Vince, Elmo, Allan, Maita and EJ. Larry greets me with: "O, I hear you're delayed." Haha. And over beers at Istanbul Express (which opened just for us!) we were treated to 2 people's verbal sparring and ideological/attitudinal differences. Hard to tell who won the battle, though we were all (well, maybe not all) amused.
Aug 24, Thurs
==> Fanny the anonymous travel agent found me a flight on the 29th, from Manila-Tokyo-Toronto in 17 hours. And which was slightly cheaper than the original flight my mom had reserved. Bless Fanny's fanny! To celebrate, I had a haircut, my eyebrows threaded, and had shawarma rice meals at Ababu with 3 of my favorite people in the world, all of whom I love. Listened to the mixed CD's friends gave me. Some definite tearjerkers: Edie Brickell's "Me By the Sea," K.D. Lang's version of Cohen's "Hallelujah," Innocence Mission's "Follow Me," and Wilco's "What's the World Got in Store For You," and especially The Gathering Field's "Blue Sky Song." This is also the first night I've cried over leaving those I love behind.
Aug 25, Fri
==> Saw my recent crush online, and we ended up chatting and admitting that we liked each other. Woohoo! It was sweet and clean and uncomplicated -- totally unlike me, pero nakakatuwa pa rin. So our moment under the umbrella was not all in my head.
==> Despite the sudden downpour and my leaky umbrella, I met up with Robin at Kalye Juan, and talked about her 3 kittens, the condo unit she's saving up for, and, inevitably, B -- who's had an undeniable influence in our lives. She gave me chimes, soap, and a pretty Starry Night print for my room-to-be -- because she once had a dream that my real name was Star.
==> Had dinner at Dencio's with the Manila-based members of college barkada Totaleclipsers, some of whom I haven't seen since December 2004! Biday proudly gave me her gift of "thermal underwear" -- comic-print undies certain to "generate heat." Bwahaha. Over coffee (no beer for this group) at Wheatberry's, we called up Rabbi, who was slumped on his couch in Hong Kong, and bugged him over speaker phone. A true Globe moment. It's wonderful to remember one has a history with a set of friends. Though it boggles the mind how one of our favorite stories/memories involves someone's dad, a santol fruit, a salbabida, and a trip to the emergency room. Haha.
Aug 26, Sat
==> My first day alone in over a week. The daily despedidas, while fun and heartwarming, were starting to wreak havoc on my equilibrium. Began packing, then got overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I had to throw out. I'm a packrat, unlike Mama and Ate Nessa, who came over to watch me find a bra strap on my desk, of a bra I'd thrown out six months ago. She was so horrified she left. Read old journals, old letters, and sealed them in boxes. Hopefully Mama won't paw through them when I go.
Aug 27, Sun
==> Last complete family lunch at Sangkalan. But not before we all attended Mass (Mass! Haven't been to Mass in...years), at Mama's request. The gospel and homily were about the tail end of the Bread of Life discourse, and how Jesus' disciples are asked to believe the unbelievable, and how those who stayed true despite the limitless difficulties were the ones blessed. Be steadfast, I'm being told. Lunch was a feast: kilawing tanigue, Bicol express, and a bilao-ful of inihaw na liempo, bangus, squid, shrimp, and veggies.
==> After lunch, I met up with Elmo, and shopped for last-minute things in Megamall and Shangri-La. Felt nauseous after buying CD spindles -- could have been the amount I'd eaten, or the fact that the first thing I'd eaten was sour kilawin. While walking to the bathroom, I felt like throwing up -- and did! Buti na lang I trapped the vomit in my mouth, and there was time to empty a plastic bag of its contents and transform it into a barf bag. So my memory of my second-to-the-last day in Manila will forever include a blue SM plastic bag 1/4 filled with my vomit, and me nonchalantly carrying it into the bathroom. Haha. I'm glad Elmo was there. I'm going to miss my mall/movie/supermarket buddy.
Aug 28, Mon
==> And in a few minutes, after having lunch with family and finishing my packing, I intend to have a massage and a pedicure (oo na, kakikayan na!), early dinner with Egay, and early inuman with the Monday Club until 9:30 or so -- because Mondays are, and always will/should be, for abandon.
posted by the city reader @ 7:46 PM
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