Realize Your Potential

There is something inspiring and awe inducing about being a place where so much of the history of your church took place. No matter what your feelings about the Mormons are, you have to admire the Pioneers for their amazing courage and dedication to their faith that led them out into the wilderness to walk across the plains with all their belongings and start over in the desert. It is unbelievable what they accomplished here. As I look around at the buildings and look down into the valley from hikes in the mountains I just feel blessed by those who came before me and the opportunity to stand where the Pioneers stood.

We attend church at the Granite Tabernacle. It is a beautiful building. Built in 1930, so not exactly pioneer era, but still when members were donating 40-60% of the cost of buildings and during the Great Depression. Now church buildings are paid for by church funds and we are not asked to donate more than our usual tithe, 10%. And now the buildings are all pretty much the same, very cost effective and utilitarian. But back then...



Deseret News did a story on the history of the building a few years ago. You can find it here if you are interested.

The first Sunday that we attended our new ward (congregation) at church, the Bishop told us that "we prayed you here." The ward is a bit on the small side, with 16 Primary aged (18 months-11) children, including our 4.  Adelle told me she loves the ward. "Everyone here thinks I am amazing Mom!"

The photos above are of the large chapel in our building. The Dai Ichi (Japanese) ward meets here. We actually meet in the small chapel, not really exciting enough to photograph. But this chapel is gorgeous with murals and a large choir loft.

Everyone was excited when we moved in with a quarter of the Primary. After having multiple potential landlords tell me that their home was too small for that many children ("I am sorry if I thought 4 bedrooms and 1800 square feet was big enough for a family of six. My bad. You stinking discriminator!") it was nice to be in a place where people are ecstatic about my four children and even wish I had four more.  On a side note I was biking the other day with my kids and one of the neighbors asked me, "These are all your kids?!?" I just responded with yes. Just as flabbergasted as her that someone in UTAH would be astounded that I have four children?!? I really wish I was quicker with replies and had said instead something about leaving the other half at home.

Anyway the point of my story is that the ward leaders prayed us here, maybe for our children, but man are we excited that they did. Maybe that is one reason why we got this great house in the neighborhood we wanted.

Our local church leadership is all done by laypeople. We believe that the Bishop can pray and receive inspiration on where people should serve in our congregation, we call it a calling, but it is basically a responsibility over something. We believe that after the Bishop asks you to accept this new calling/responsibility you can pray too and receive your own confirmation from God that that particular responsibility is the right place for you right now.

On the morning of our second Sunday in our new ward I was thinking about what my new calling would be. My thinking was that I don't mind leadership responsibilities but what I really like to do is teach, it doesn't really matter the age of the students. 

After church that day I was asked to serve as the Sunday School teacher for the youth in our congregation, ages 12-18. There are 6 of them. :) I am pretty excited about it. God really is aware of us and our desires. On my first day teaching there were 2 girls in attendance. And one of them is SMART. Seriously. I am super excited for the Gospel discussions that are going to take place in our class.

Since that day 8 of the potential 20 students have come. I went around to meet the students on my class list, only to find that one of them wasn't even a member of our church. Her family was very friendly and invited me in to chat for awhile but was a bit surprise that somehow their daughter showed up on my roll.  (Does this kind of thing happen outside of Utah? Not sure. This is the second time it has happened to me. When we lived here before I was asked to go visit a church member on a monthly basis only to be told several months later that she wasn't actually a member of our church. No wonder she thought I was a bit odd when I showed up with cookies every few weeks. :)

This is the cool tiled floor at the bottom of the stairs to the library/material center. It has cool symbols in the tiles like a swastika meaning "all is well" before the Nazis corrupted the symbol for us. This is also the tiled floor that I landed on when I fell down those stairs after getting chalk for my lesson. In front of people. On my third day there. Awesome. 



I was "set apart" as the new teacher. "Setting apart" is a priesthood ordinance performed by the priesthood leaders laying their hands on my head, authorizing me to serve in this church calling. It is usually accompanied by a blessing. In my blessing I was blessed to have the time to prepare my lessons in addition to my responsibilities at home and my own personal endeavors. And was told that I was teaching future leaders who would remember my name and what I taught them. No pressure right :)

Here are more pictures. We didn't get one of the room where the women meet because there was a meeting going on there. But it has a great big fireplace in it with an "R" crest on it, representing the Relief Society, our women's organization. I love the little details. Here are photos of the gymnasium and the overflow area for the large chapel. Come visit!

My dear friend Beth told me a pretty remarkable story about how their prayers were answered when searching for a home several years ago, despite all her efforts to find one. After many failed attempts by Beth to secure a home, the perfect place was handed to them on a silver platter. She reminded me of how she could have saved all that time and energy had she just listened to the Spirit telling her to be patient. Or at least that is what I learned from her experience.

I thought a lot about her story as I spent the entire summer looking for a place to live. I looked online for several weeks before we moved into my brother's basement, sending my siblings to check out the promising places. We even applied to two places prior to being here. After we got here I lost track of how many homes we looked at. I am sure far more than most people look at when trying to buy a home. Probably around 30+. And we were just looking for a rental?!?

The market in Utah is a bit on the crazy side, like nothing I've experienced before. Several people would be looking at a home at the same time, then racing to get in their application first. Kind of makes you want to go all Tanya Harding on them.

You found yourself in two situations depending on whether it was an individual landlord looking for a tenant or a property management company. If it is the landlord they will collect all the applications (the one that disclosed how many they actually had was 13) and then pick the best one. So a self-employed artist with four children would totally be on the top of your list right?!?

If it was a property management company they would just take the first application that was approved. So if the home had been listed online for more than 6 hours, forget about it. It turns out they don't really care if you are a respective family with great rental history if the 5 college students without jobs got to the house first. I am sure those who are hiring these property managers are thrilled.

Anyway we ended up applying for 6 homes. The entire time God was whispering to me to be patient but I didn't listen. I got all worked up and irritated and generally hard to live with after each rejection.

• One wanted 6 months advanced rent because we are self-employed. We said "no thank you"
• One had 13 applicants and didn't choose us. Their lose. :)
• Another that we really liked had 2 property managers renting the place and the one we weren't working with had already accepted a deposit before it was even shown to us. Frustrating. 
• We were the second applicant on another really nice house, in a not so nice neighborhood. I am pretty convinced it was a previous meth house that had been completely gutted. We actually never saw that place, but my brother did.
• Our fifth application was for a beautiful house in East Millcreek with a stunning view of Mount Olympus from the backyard. As soon as we walked in we knew that we were going to be fighting people off for the house. I prayed all weekend that the owner would choose us. Apparently he chose the first applicant. If I was honest with myself, I knew all along that wasn't the right place for us. Even as I prayed for it to be. 
• And then the place we are living in. 

 The first time I moved to Lawrence, as an 18 year old, I cried for half the flight from Anchorage. It was very traumatic leaving all my friends and family. I hadn't ever lived anywhere but there. My parents weren't kicking me out or anything, I left voluntarily, even happily to join the soccer team at KU, I mean get a college education. But change is hard. After 4 years I left with an education, having met wonderful people who would become life long friends, and a handsome boyfriend.



And then 9 years later I found myself moving back to Lawrence, under similar circumstances. Meaning I came crying, leaving family, a.k.a. my husband, behind. He didn't kick me out either. I came voluntarily. Or as voluntarily as you can when the alternative is being homeless with three children on the beaches of California. (Minus the children that doesn't sound all that bad now).

Needless to say, the last four years have had their tough moments. Just to name a few:

• Living apart from Joel for a year, formally, but basically the last 4 years.
  
  
• Living with my in-laws for a year (Wonderful, kind, generous people -- but who really wants to move in with family when you are 30?)
  
• Being pregnant while living with in-laws. Nothing says irresponsible like getting pregnant with your fourth child while living in your in-law's basement.
  
• Starting graduate school a week after having that fourth child.
  (I had a good, long cry the night I received my scholarship letter from KU. I had been talking with God about this grad school thing that I had started to apply for before I realized I was pregnant. It went like this: "Okay, I'll finish the application just in case this baby thing doesn't work out. But I won't go if it does." Then it was, "okay I'll go if I get in state tuition". Then it was, "okay I'll go if I get a scholarship too." That was when I realized that God really did want me to do this crazy thing.
  
• Finishing graduate school a year later and then spending the next 2 years being a working, practically single, mother. (Thankfully in my own home).
  
• Breaking my collar bone twice and having two children with broken elbows.

So again I leave Lawrence with another degree, life long friends, and the hope of spending more time with Joel. But the last four challenging years have been filled with many great lessons too:

• I learned about birth control. Just kidding. I really learned that sometimes God gives you things that you never knew you needed. Roman kept me grounded, focused on what was most important. He probably wouldn't be a part of our family still if we were better at the family planning thing. And we'd be missing out on so much. Besides having two boys 19 months apart is very entertaining, if you survive the first year.
  
• Narcotics are pretty amazing. Life is just easier to handle on drugs. And some of my friends say I am funnier when drugged. But it is totally not worth another broken collar bone.
  
• Everywhere I live I meet amazing people who change my life. I planned to come back to Lawrence for 3 months but stayed 4 years and made the most wonderful friends and renewed friendships with awesome people from my first time here. I feel very blessed. 
  
• God has a plan for our family. I felt His hand in my life as I went through graduate school and as I attempted to parent our children alone. The last few years He has helped us get back on our feet, build Joel's career back up, and set our life in the direction we desire again. I am very hopeful. And hope is a beautiful thing.

The irony is not lost on me that the child I prayed the longest and hardest to conceive is now the child that requires the most prayers to parent.

I should be packing but instead I am busy blogging. Total procrastination. It is just that all these weeks as a single parent are giving me such great material for the blog.

You want to know something that is really fun? Taking four children to the dentist, then to the pediatrician back to back because you didn't write the first appointment in your calendar and you are really just lucky that they aren't at the same time. And you couldn't change them because you only have one day off a week and your health insurance ends in two weeks.

The dentist was fun. Roman was an angel through his cleaning and a devil through the dental exam. The dentist checked his teeth each time he opened his mouth to scream. Needless to say I was already a bit frazzled before I even got to the pediatrician.

And Maeve needed a shot.

Apparently hepatitis A is a bigger risk in Utah so the schools require 2 shots there when Kansas requires only one. Go figure. I can't in good faith sign the waiver for religious reasons. Maybe they need a waiver for immunizations simply for the hell they are for parents.

I have a little PTSD regarding them that dates back to Adelle's 5 year shots. She was wearing pink cowboys boots. During the battle of the shot she nailed the nurse right in the shin. The nurse grit her teeth and told me that maybe next time I could have her wear different shoes.

But Maeve wins the contest.

After I held Roman down screaming through his entire exam, the doctor opened the door to exchange places with the nurse who administers the shots. I wasn't quick enough. Maeve saw the open door and took off.

Remember that scene in My Best Friend's Wedding when Cameron Diaz is running away, her fiancee is chasing her, and Julia Roberts is chasing him? We reenacted it in the maze of exam rooms at the pediatrician's office. Maeve booked it, I was chasing her, Roman was chasing me, screaming like a crazy man, and Adelle was chasing Roman. (Did you keep that all straight?) After several turns in the maze I caught Maeve and carried her back to the exam room with my crying banshee behind me. A second nurse held Maeve, because I had to hold Roman, while she received the shot.

As we were leaving one of the nurses suggested that their father comes next time to hold her down. Thanks for the advice lady.

Later that day I received a text from Joel's mom saying sorry Roman was so difficult at the doctors appointment. I thought maybe Joel had called to tell her about it. When I saw her the next morning I asked how she knew. She informed me Maeve had called her and told her all about it, about how bad Roman was, and how good she had been at the doctors, and how the shot hadn't hurt at all.

Either she wanted to make sure Grandma heard her side of the story first or she figured she was good because she actually let them give her the shot. I am not sure which. All I know is that I consumed a lot of chocolate to recover from my day off.

The funny thing about yesterday's post is that I don't feel guilty about embarrassing Adelle by publicly sharing her first bra shopping experience. I feel guilty about throwing the students I work with under the bus, with the phrase "the chance of making it to graduation is pretty slim."

For some students that is true. Some are on track for graduation. And a few graduated this year. But I learned two valuable experiences from working with the families of the most at-risk students in the high schools these last few years.

1. Don't judge. I can't climb inside their minds and without being there I cannot really understand why they make the decisions or behave the way they do. If I was privy to the workings of their brain, I believe I would find their behavior very logical and would realize that they are doing what makes sense to them within their frame of mind.

2. Where much is given, much is required. A few weeks ago I interviewed one of my students asking what she planned to do for employment after high school. She had no answer. I tried to prode a little, asking "when you were little what did you dream about becoming?" and "where do you see yourself in ten years?" Her response, "I've had a pretty crappy life. I didn't dream when I was little. And to be honest I see myself dead." After doing a suicide assessment with her, it was clear she was not currently suicidal, she just didn't expect to really live that long.

She is right. Her life has been extremely difficult. Some of it because of decisions she made, some of it because of the situation she was born into. I went home pondering about,  not so much why people have such hard lives, but more about what God must expect from us that have been so blessed from birth. It was humbling. And motivating. I have much work to do.