The Elliott Family

Well, Mama's Big Girl got to go on her 1st school field trip and I got to go!! We went to Oma's Pumpkin Patch and Dairy Farm in Lakeside. It was a day of firsts. First field trip and first ride on a school bus. The look on Julia's face as she was about to get on the bus was just priceless, we sat together and she was holding tight on to my arm and told me she was "so happy that I was with her". It was honestly the sweetest ride to Lakeside I have ever taken.

Well we got to the patch and were getting off the bus only for me to realize that there were WAY too many bees flying around. Being allergic to bees and seeing them EVERYWHERE made my anxiety really bad. I was supposed to be a chaperone on the trip but during lunch I couldn't even be around where the kids were eating at all there were just way too many bees. Luckily there were 3 other Parents on the trip so they could handle it. I didn't get stung and actually nobody did, which was pretty darn amazing because they were everywhere. We got to go on a hay ride though the Dairy farm and that was pretty cool. We almost had an unexpected nature lesson when two cows tried to be "friends".

Julia had so much fun and being with my Big girl made it the best day ever! I am so lucky!! I love my Family!

So much on my mind right now. I feel if I write it out I can move past. This morning started out normal enough until I asked Julia to brush her teeth for school that was going to start shortly. You would have thought I asked her to to do the worst thing in the world. It ended up with lots of screaming and crying for Daddy (Daddy gives in...Mommy doesn't) and me feeling like an out of control lost Mom. What do I do that sets her off so bad and vice versa?!?! She and I have run ins a lot and I am not happy about it. It is not how I pictured being a Mom. Most days are good, some even great but others...OMG it makes me just want to quit. This is a job that for the most part I love but some days want to run out the door. She is so smart and I expect more out of her. I really honestly believe she knows what is right and chooses the other. So, We finally made it out the door to find a nosy neighbor lady in the alley asking Luke if everything was ok?? Are you kidding me? Have you never heard a 4 yr old scream for her way. It really pissed me off that she seems to think there is something going on to be concerned about. Mind your own business lady. Luke and I need to be a united force when it comes to discipline she is walking all over us. I'm over it! And to think that I am driving to Utah in the morning with the kids makes me even more stressed. There is so much going on. I don't even drink but I am thinking I might take it up.

I am so upset with myself tonight. I let my anxiety get the best of me again today and of course it was at the worst place possible. I thought it was resolved. It's been SO long since this happened to me. I can't believe I feel like this again. I thought that part was gone and all to often in the last couple of months it keeps showing up in the most unforgettable, and embarrassing ways. That pounding in my chest and weightlessness in my stomach feeling. That they are all looking at me kind of feeling. The, I just want to escape feeling...the thoughts of is it obvious to everyone feeling? I'm really trying to take a deep breath and move forward from today but I can't help worry if it's back to stay? God, I hope not!

This Christmas we ended up for the very 1st time celebrating at home with just our Family. For many reasons that I wont get in to but I have to say it was really nice to just worry about us. Santa showed up in the morning and the girls were SO surprised! We loved spending the morning as a Family and just watching the girls was the best gift ever! Both girls got vacuums and strollers. I have to say those were the gifts they loved the best at the time anyway. They love to help me vacuum. It is really cute! We...I mean "Santa" also later on in the morning surprised them with a wagon. We took them on a walk to the park to try it out but they both didn't last long in riding in it. It now is collecting dust =( I had hoped they would really dig it and I could pull at least Darby in it but since she is a big girl now. She loves to walk. Oh well, I am sure we will get some good use out of it in the Summer for beach trips. Christmas night I cooked dinner. A great day with our Family =)

Julia writing her letter to Santa before bed







This is my Christmas present...a new digital camcorder!! I LOVE IT!!! Thanks Babe!

Oh my where do I start? It has been WAY too many months since I posted! Darby is now 18 months and Julia just yesterday, turned 4 1/2!! I suppose I will start with August when the girls had their birthdays. We celebrated Darby's 1st Birthday at home and had cake and ice cream. She with help, dug right in to the cake. Julia helped her open her gifts. The 1st year really flew by. I had a bit of a hard time adjusting to having two but I think now that Darby is getting older and doing SO much it is getting easier. Some days easier than others. 4 days later Miss Julia turned 4! I took them to Reuben

H. Fleet Science Center in Balboa Park to have fun there. Julia LOVES that place! We had cake and ice cream that day too. On that weekend we did there party at Shelter Island. Since the girls birthdays are only 4 days apart it looks as though we will continue celebrating them together at least for the next little while. Lots of Family and Friends were able to make it. It was a great day. Darby's 1st year flew by so fast. Julia started preschool in September. I love my girls!

Wow!! Darby is 6 months old! How in the world has half a year already flown by? Darby is such a an amazing spirit! I am so proud to be her Mom!! She just yesterday, started to like baby food. She finally decided she was ready. I was over the moon excited! I had tried many times before and it just finally clicked. She loves to roll around and is so interested in everything that Big Sister has and is doing. Julia loves to make her laugh. It is really fun to get her giggling. She has started to sit up and can do it for a 30 seconds or so with out being propped up but will with no notice fling herself backwards so you have to be right there and prepared. Life is really interesting with two but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love my Girls!!! Here are some pictures of the last 6 months. It is truly amazing how fast they change.