Sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to ask God for anything in prayer because of how many blessings He has already showered my family with. We are healthy, we have a home, we have jobs in an extremely unstable market, we have food, family, opportunity and security. With all of this, how could I possibly ask Him for anything? When there are so many people out there who are cold, alone, scared, confused, battling a disease or fighting for a loved one who is... these are the people who deserve to send a prayer in their own favor. Which is why I feel silly even considering including our sleeping situation with Ethan in my daily prayers. Who am I to ask for guidance and assistance with what may seem to me to be endless frustration? To those who would give everything they have for one more sleepless night with a lost child it would be everything they could ever dream of. I try not to take my blessings for granted.

I normally keep this blog fun and light, but I have to include this story here because of what I witnessed last night. After over four months of waking up all through the night, trying new sleep tactics, retrying old ones and just not getting anywhere, Ethan sleeping well in the near future looked very bleak. The past couple of nights, he has been up and down several times. The only relief we've had - the swing - has broken and we now began to fear the night. I admit, I sent out a prayer to God asking for guidance. I was out of ideas and my health and sanity were beginning to wear thin. I immediately felt silly. I am ridiculously blessed with these two boys. Sleeping or not, they are more than I could ever ask for.

I fell asleep last night laughing to myself that I'd be getting two hours of sleep before I would be woken again. But when I heard Ethan cry, I looked at the clock and it was 4:15am! Now, this in itself is nothing short of amazing. But it didn't end there. He wasn't actually crying, he was just sort of fussing. I didn't run to him, instead, I turned on the video monitor and watched. He laid there for 10 minutes awake, sucking his thumb and looking around.

If you haven't met Ethan, let me explain. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. This is a child who doesn't like to be put down even when you are in the same room. He doesn't do well on his own and I spend most, if not all of my time with him holding and interacting directly with him as this is how he thrives. Of course there are times when I need to move the laundry over or go to the restroom and I have to put him in the jumper or swing. He does okay with that sometimes, and is mad about it other times. But he has never shown any portion of his personality to be okay laying in a dark room alone and being just fine with it.

Then, he did a third amazing, impossible thing. He fell back to sleep. I was stunned. Amazed. I realized in that moment that God was reminding me that I can always come to Him. I admit, I was at that moment completely overwhelmed by His love and grace. Some may believe Ethan fell back to sleep last night because he is getting older and finally learning to be more independant. But I know this child, I've been there each night with him. There is no doubt in my mind that God was with us last night.

Ironically, I was so overwhelmed by this complete 180 change that I had trouble getting back to sleep. But I did. And at 5:00am, Ethan woke again. This time, he cried out. I got out of bed, understanding that I was extremely blessed to have been given this night and that it was time to get Ethan. Understanding that I had just witnessed God's work in the form of a lesson to me that He is always there to hear us, no matter how large or small our needs are. But just as my feet hit the floor, Ethan went back to sleep. And that's where he stayed until I woke him up this morning to change him, feed him and shower him with kisses before I left for work.

I had used Gerber foods with Aden, but on a whim, I purchased Beech Nut for Ethan. This morning as I was pouring out a little oatmeal for Ethan, a dead bug poured out with it. And he's already eaten out of this box a few times!

I'm so grossed out and disgusted that he's had to eat this stuff. The service line opens at 8AM and I plan to call at that time. I took a picture, although it's a little fuzzy. You can't see the little legs and antennae and fuzzy body and all the things that make me want to throw up just thinking about in my baby's food.

This is what I bought:

I can't help myself. He's just so cute and cuddly. This is how he puts himself to sleep. By sucking his thumb and holding a blanket to his cheeks. (love love love).

Bath time is so fun! Ethan laughs and giggles and smiles like this through the entire thing. Someone loves the water! (He's my littlest fishy).