Living Loving Larsen

So I thought I would add a fun pretty picture from Korea to get us through the incoming snow and rain mixture. Think bright flowerly thoughts and spring might come.

So I keep putting off blogging about what is going on with me because I want to add pictures and I keep not getting around to it so I figured a blog with no pictures is better than no blog at all. This past weekend we spent the entire weekend with my family since my niece Leah was blessed on Sunday. It was a fun time and it was great to hang out, eat food that I didn't cook and have no dishes to do. Yippee!!! We played Monopoly and Uno, watched Men in Black and ate way too much candy but it was a great weekend.

First I have to apologize for not having any pictures since the evening was great. On Tuesday night we had our Relief Society Birthday party. We ate dinner and watched a skit portraying the organization of Relief Society and some monologues by sisters in our ward right now. We had a great turnout and it was a blast to be able to sit and chat with sisters. We had to herd people out at the end, which to me is a sign of a good evening. I wish I had pictures to show you how beautiful the cultural hall looked with the decorations up. It was a fun evening and was great to have a free meal.

http://heartwalk.kintera.org/desmoines/larsenswalkers

So I know I posted about this earlier but I thought I would give the link to the webpage. I found out that there are two routes for the walk one that is 1 mile and one that is 3 miles. I would love to have you join Eric and myself. I think this is going to be a great fun day. Let me know if you have any questions.

Yesterday the weather was so nice that Eric and I decided to go play tennis. Neither one of us plays tennis but we thought we would try. Eric got me a tennis racket for Christmas and this was the first chance I had to use it. Both of us are pretty equal in our abilities so that also made the afternoon more fun. The weather was perfect for the sport. After about an hour we headed home since Eric needed to study. I wasn't ready to be back in the house after getting reacquainted with the sun so we went to Gray's Lake to be outside while Eric studied and I read my book. We also decided that we would grill out for dinner. For dinner Eric made these really yummy hamburgers and we had our neighbors over who introduced us to hummus (not to be confused with haggis, yes I made that mistake). It was a great day and it felt like Spring was truly here. The only downside was I forgot to take any pictures.

I had to make an appointment this morning to have an outpatient test done and it was one that sometimes doesn't get covered by insurance so I was worried I would have a huge bill to pay but the good news is my insurance does cover it (well mostly, but when does insurance cover everything). That was such a relief that I can go through with test and not have to choose between my health and finding out if Eric and I will be able to conceive or being really in debt. I would have done a happy dance but I was at work so I get to share the good news with all of you. Hope your day is going well.

Yesterday after the church the weather was nice Eric wanted to go for a walk while the coals were getting hot to use our grill. So I decided we were going to go down to Woodland Cemetary. I have wanted to go down there for the last year since we moved in here and never went. It is a very cool place and I get so curious about some of the headstones and the stories behind the people. Eric thought I was bit crazy but I enjoyed myself even if it did turn out to be a longer walk than I thought.

For the past week I have been staying up later and later and then sleeping in later and later. Last night I thought I would really do better and get to bed early. Well we had friends over for games and then we started talking. After they left Eric and I started having a really long gospel centered discussion which we haven't done in a while and it was really good but but I didn't get to sleep until after one. So I am very grateful that I didn't have to work until 11 this morning.

Even though I didn't get to go to bed like I planned the conversations I had with friends and with Eric are more important that trying to live my life on a perfect timetable (Just so you know if at a later date I need to be reminded of that I might deny ever writing this :)).

So I am fighting a cold and not feeling very motivated while at work so I was looking at the KCCI webpage (being aware of current events is part of job ;)) and found a link for Start! Heart Walk. I was wanting to do something like this for a long time but so many are on Sunday or I am working on that Saturday. This one is on a Saturday and I am not working so I signed up to go walk for Heart Health. And now I am asking for your help. I made a goal to have 8 people on my team and to raise $200. Feel free to follow the link to sign up to join me or to donate money or to do both. Look at me trying to be healthy.

http://heartwalk.kintera.org/desmoines/larsenswalkers

In Sacrament meeting yesterday the focus was on fasting and it was one of those sacrament meetings that really touched me. The first two speakers talked about fasting with a purpose and then the Bishop talked about fast offerings. I havne't been that inspiried to try and fast in a long time. To be honest I avoid fasting because 90% of the time I get a killer migraine if I don't eat no matter what I do. After yesterday I am willing to try it again to see if I can try and work on feeling more faithful in my life.

I love it when church really touches me. I know that could happen most weeks if I put more effort into it but yesterday was just really good. I have also tried to be more diligent in the last 24 hours in my prayers and I know I have known this and most of us do but it is so amazing the difference when I truly pray and take the time when I am on my knees.

Yesterday at my counseling session my counselor and I talked about my struggle with feeling like I have enough faith to make miracles happen verse being able to say "thy will be done". I have been thinking a lot about that and this morning read some of Elder Maxwell's book "Not My Will, But Thine" and I was starting to feel a little better. I have also been trying the past couple of weeks to find things to be excited about and happy about and so I started looking into Time Out for Women that was coming to Minneapolis and Kansas City in October. I went ahead and put in for my vacation time but the Iowa Library Association is having a conference in Des Moines that same weekend and so I can't get time off. Everytime I start to make a bit of progress I feel like I end up taking a few backwards steps. Add this with work being a rough day and it ended up not being so much better than it started.

On Monday I had a rough day and when I came home from work Eric had these beautiful flowers with a very sweet card telling me about his love on the table. Eric gets me flowers on random days and I love it so much.

I was looking through some old emails and found this one of me holding Isaac when he was born. I almost deleated it but I am sure glad that I didn't. Isn't he a cutie.

If anyone wants to enter into the inner workings of my mind feel free to read on but for most of you this might be a bit much.

Last night Eric made a very simple honest comment in passing that sent me into a tail spin. He wasn't trying to cause me any pain it was the timing of the comment more than anything. I started thinking about a lot of things-mostly about me need to please people all of the time. I have been talking to my counselor about this and so it has already been on my mind a lot. Then I started thinking about how that really shouldn't matter to me which only made me more upset. I do this a lot- get upset about something only to be upset about the fact that I am upset. But last night I just was so worried about what other people think about me. Plus I feel like half of the time I am hiding the real me from people. I always put on a smiling happy face and act like I am good when sometimes I am screaming on the inside for someone to look a little deeper. The irony being the worse I am feeling on the inside the harder I work to keep people out. I am starting to think that I am not the only one who feels this way. As I have listened to people talk-especially bear testimonies-I think we all do this. I just wonder if I do it more so than most people. Very few people get to see me when I am really down. So today I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up and go to work and forced myself to think about the menial tasks in front of me. It is easier to worry about getting all of the library periodicals in order than whether or not I really have the faith I need to make it.