Tonight as Holdyn was beginning to succumb to slumber for the very first time in a very long time he gazed so, so deeply into my eyes. I could feel my heart swelling to his beautiful gaze, and then a tender caress of my face by his slender 3 yr old fingers just melted me. Since the day he was born my breast, my arms have been his main source for food & comfort...now at 3 he nurses a few times a day...and I can sense his self weaning will soon lead to just a snuggle in the night. When I take the time right now, to reflect upon the likely 1000's of times he has nursed and we have been so close, loving each other and slowing down to just be together I am so humbled. How darling, how precious, how fortunate to spend this special time together for as long as we both feel the need.
In this nearly 23rd week of pregnancy (surprise!) for the 3rd time...I continue to nurse my toddler, which at times is a challenge due to my own discomfort because my breasts are so sensitive (more at night than in the day!), I still find nursing an older child valuable for so many reasons, but more than anything, at this time and place, it is such a beautiful mothering tool to help check in with my toddler, to help sooth and or smooth some rough feelings and to reset and start over.
Truth be told, I don't know how much milk is present at this stage of pregnancy...but as we discussed at the last local LLL meeting, it's not about the milk anymore (though the antibodies are a huge plus!!!), it's about the relationship that I have with Holdyn...an incredibly close relationship that grows deeper and deeper every day.
I fucking LOVE my boya.
