Faithrunner....

Weighed my running clothes on the scale before throwing them into the wash, just wanted to know how heavy they were after this morning's run in the pouring rain/thunder/flood!!  Crazy!!

Today was an 8 mile medium long run that needed to be run on a hilly course.  So, instead of running through the mud on the trail, I decided to run the race course for next weekend's 10 mile race.  Found a great parking spot downtown CH (which never happens on a sunny day), and started my very wet, very cold, long, hilly journey through UNC's campus.  Rushing water down the sidewalks, enormous puddles, pouring rain, booms of thunder, cars splashing water (not KIND!), all added to my fabulous run.  Yes, I could have run on the treadmill at the fitness club, but why!  Why would I miss out on the adventures of jumping puddles, dodging cars and pedestrians with huge umbrellas?!  Ahh, the love of nature, love of running, it's all consuming.  Really, this 8 mile run was fabulous minus the few times I had to stop as it felt my heart was pounding right out of my chest.  Other than that, it was simply marvelous.  Laurel Hill was the toughest part.  Though it's a one mile up hill battle, there are actually a few level spots along the way, good to note.

Finally got the water to drain from my ear by mile 3!  My swimming experience yesterday (with all the old men in their speedos) left plenty of water both in my lungs and ears.  Can I just say how much I dislike swimming?!!  I have no idea how far I went, I haven't googled how far 100 yds (or meters) is...so I just count the times I swim across the pool (laps, lengths, no idea).   20 times back and forth, then my own version of "intervals" (since I don't know what those are in a pool), then 20 laps only using upper body, 4 laps backstroke, then 4 laps cool down.  Intervals in my book--swim as fast as possible down and back, 60 sec. rest in between each one.  46-47 seconds to swim down and back. 


Realized AFTER I finished my long, wet run that I forgot to pack a towel in my car!!  Luckily, there's a Walgreens 2 blocks from where I had parked and they happened to have ONE bath towel for sale.  Though I left puddles of water up and down all the isles, I got my towel and took my now freezing cold body back to the car.  You know how hard it is to change out of wet clothes (with frozen hands) while sitting on the floor of your car??  Yep, pretty tough.

Changing up long run this week.  Will run long on Fri, not Sunday since my parent's are flying in Sat. morning.  Get to run with my dad on Sunday though!!!! Yeah! 

It never feels good to have a plan and then not stick with it, but sometimes you just gots to go with da flow.  Was looking forward to a run on Sunday, but....let's see, baby woke up WAY too early, Brazil was playing Scotland on ESPN, went to late service, weather was unpleasant, legs still felt heavy and sore....yep, that about does it, every excuse in the book got to me.

So, today is a new day, a new week and I started it out with a recovery run of just 3 miles.  Had to get it in at 7am, just as the sky was beginning to bring forth some light and the heavens decided to pour down it's hail/sleet/rain.   Perfect time for a run.  Sleet was bouncing off my visor, but it was all good because today I'm sticking with the plan.  Legs felt heavy for the first mile+, but they kept moving like a well oiled machine. 

Even though I decided to give up Coke, today I just needed a little caffeine/sugar to sustain me.  Besides the constant fatigue and headaches that have been plaguing me for several weeks now, I haven't felt much like getting projects done around the house.  I broke down, drove to the drive through at McDonald's, and nearly pleaded with the guy to make sure it was a large regular Coke, not diet! Desperate for sure.  I'm telling ya, I got more done today than I've accomplished all month!  Crazy, but it worked wonders for me today. 

Everything became clear and made more sense by this afternoon when my doctor called.  Apparently,  my iron saturation levels came back today and they have plummeted as well!  Oh thank God!  I shouldn't be excited about that, but I was beginning to think all these symptoms were just in my head.  Last week he told me my numbers had dropped but it wasn't as urgent to have the infusion.  Today he said he wants me in asap.  So good to know it's real!  So, next week is my iron infusion at the cancer center--actually looking forward to it!  This will be round number...6 since my diagnosis, hoping this one lasts a bit longer.  My body, mind, muscles will all celebrate and I'll feel like She-Ra the barbarian once again!!

I told myself to wait until Sunday to run again, impatiently I've been waiting until Sunday and it's finally here.  After running 3 on Thurs, plus the weights and therapy, I could hardly move my legs and all felt heavy, must not be fully recovered from the 26.2.  Friday I felt worse, so I decided to take a breather until Sunday. 

Just put together a new 12 week training plan to get me to June 18th's marathon day!  So funny how such a dumb thing as a training plan can get me all geeked out to run, but it really does.  This 12 week plan has me running marathon pace runs, tempo runs with strides, downhill strides, anaerobic threshold runs, track workouts, and strength endurance runs!  It's a little more intense from what I'm used to, but I'm fully ready for it--bring it on!

April 9 is the Tar Heel 10 Miler race which includes a one mile long uphill climb.  I'll attempt a few practice runs this week up that hill, but don't have enough time to really get good at it. 

May 22 is a mini Tri, so I'll need to get to the pool this week as well (dread!!).  It also means I'll need to hop on my bike and PERHAPS take it off the trainer and hit the road???!!  Scary.  Wondering if I should invest in biking shoes that actually fit me since the ones I have are from a friend and they look like bananas on my feet. :)

This week's plan:
M--off---650m swim
T--recovery run 3 mi
W--Medium long (hilly) run 8 miles
Th--recovery run 4 miles--650m swim
F--6.2 mile run + 4x100 strides at a 7:30 pace
Sa--off-
Su--long aerobic run 13.5 mi

After a 3 mile jog, weight lifting at Active Edge, and an hour of massage therapy, I can honestly say that there will be no DC National  Marathon race this weekend.  There is pain, soreness, fatigue, and tightness in every inch of these legs....it's definitely clear that there needs to be a few more days of rest.  I'm glad the answer is so clear, I needed that.

Spent a few hours researching a new 12 week marathon plan for this next race, June 18.  Need to get in more marathon pace runs, a few extra hill workouts, and more biking.  Marathon #4 of this year will be in Duluth, MN with my sister!  I believe these longs runs may need to be spent out in CH and Carrboro to get used to more hills!

The remainder of this week will be rest, rest, rest.  Monday will be day 1 of the 12 week training regime.  Printed out 3 different training plans, will combine them together and put together something that will work for me.  Tar Heel 10 miler is in just two weeks!

Off to the book store to figure out how to do a Tri....

Despite the terrible race on Sunday, my legs are actually feeling great.  My mind, on the other hand, is racing with crazy thoughts.   Since it caught me by surprise that I would feel so good post race, I have half a mind to think that I should run the DC National marathon this Saturday.  Is that crazy?  Is it smart?  Is it okay to do?  I have no idea.  This is where I'm treading on uncharted territory and I need a navigational guide to direct me.  I've done marathons back to back, but there's been a minimum of 3 weeks in between.  This would just be 6 days.  I'm already registered, my sister-in-law was planning on me staying with her, it's an easy drive north, I'm feeling recovered.....so why not?   I'll check all my books.  Tomorrow will be an easy 3-4 mile run followed by an hour of massage therapy.  I think I'll have a better idea then. 

If I don't race this weekend, then June 18th is on my calendar.  Grandma's Marathon!!  Been there, done that one, liked it, set a PR there, weather is usually cold in Duluth in June....   Some how need to get in a 3:40 before Sept. 14th, it's killing me.

Hematology appointment yesterday gave me insights into my recent bouts with fatigue, headaches.  Like usual, hemoglobin has dropped once again.  Next month will be another iron infusion at the cancer center and then I'll feel like She-Ra again!  (old cartoon).  

So, contemplating, contemplating, contemplating....feeling indecisive.....marathon on Saturday, marathon on June 18, or skipping it altogether and just hope that I can get into Boston.... okay, so option C is not an option. 

Today I'm attempting to get over the negative thoughts about yesterday's race, the race I had been looking so forward to, and now feel so frustrated with.  It's hard to pinpoint exactly what went wrong, why it went wrong, what to do differently, and how to change it all for next time, but I'm working on analyzing it. 

All had gone smoothly leading up to the start, there were no complications.  The gun went off and there I was, right behind the 3:30 balloons (pacer).  Since I was wearing a 3:40 pace tattoo on my arm, I was hoping to stay in sight of the 3:30 pace and not let the 3:45 pacer pass me.  After nearly taking down the dumb photographer who was standing smack dab in the middle of the road in the biggest pack of runners, I was able to keep a nice steady pace that felt comfortable.  I wanted to keep a close eye on my watch, but there were so many half marathon walkers all over the road that I was dodging in and out and around people and had to keep both eyes looking forward.  Still felt great at mile 7.5, the first turn around point, and found myself at a 7:53 pace--I knew this was too fast, but it was also too late to notice.  I purposefully took some deep breaths and tried to slow my pace without feeling uncomfortable, but by mile 10 I was looking for someone with a car that could drive me to the finish line.  At the half way point, I clocked in at 1:46:40--a new PR by 40 seconds!  Though I was thrilled with this PR, I was only half way through the marathon and my legs were already feeling like they were going to cramp up at any moment.  Shortly after, I started having chills from head to toe, so I took in 3 cups of water/gatorade at all the following water stops.  By mile 16 ish, I was having stomach cramps pretty badly.  From this point forward, I walked/ran the remaining miles, struggled with staving off leg cramps, felt the need to hurl, dealt with body chills, and pleaded with my legs to get me to the finish line.  My brain kept saying, "just one step at a time, eventually we'll get there."  That's all I could focus on.  Just one step at a time.  Finally made it to the finish line and crossed in 3:53:32.  Sudden relief, tears, disappointment all consumed me.  Yes, 3:53 is a decent finish time (18th in my age group!)  but it was NOT at all what I had prepared for or planned on getting.  I let myself down, failed miserably, didn't achieve the goal, and now I'm just left feeling the loss. 

I know.  I can give myself all the famous pep talks, "don't worry, there'll be another race...You'll get it next time...It just wasn't a good day....Learn from your mistakes...blah blah blah."  Having run many marathons before, I've learned all those lessons, made all the mistakes, I KNOW BETTER!!  I'm not a newbie, I'm a old veteran.  But yesterday, I made costly mistakes and in the end, I'm just mad at myself for doing that.  Lesson learned....now moving on.

Trying to decide whether I can do the Minneapolis marathon on June 5.  It's a fabulous race, pretty flat, in my favorite city, all my hometown friends.....but it's also only 10 weeks away. 

It's Saturday!  Less than 24 hours away---finally.  Can hardly wait to just get it over with!  Whether I've wanted to be stressed or not, I am.  Lost 3 lbs this week, monthly cycle ALL out of whack, headache this morning, haven't slept through the night yet this week...it's stress (not all race related). 

Thursday's run was a 3 mile loop at the trail, the hills felt like a piece of cake!  Haven't had the time to lift this week, nor much of a desire, so have put that on hold for my peace of mind. 

Friday was the Expo!  Even though I had to take all three kids with, we made it there by 4:30 and were done by 5.  Thank goodness too.  Crowded expo + baby in stroller grabbing everything in sight = tension headache!!!!!!   One crabby teenager who didn't want to be there + one pre-teen who desperately wanted to look through all the cool shoes and learn of their qualities = tension headache.  Let me just say, I should have left them all at home.

Today my plan is to take a 2-3 mile jog at the school track.  Will throw a few sprints in there too.  But, that'll be all for today!

Working on figuring out today's meal plan.  This morning started off with pancakes (no syrup) made with mashed bananas and almonds, and a side of scrambled egg whites.  Keeping the water bottle at hand at all times today.  My stomach is already a ball of nerves...

Not much to do now but wait and see, tomorrow will come and we'll just do what we gots to do. :)

Today was a simple day.

One mile warm up, 4 x 400's at a 6:05 min/mi pace, mile cool down and a half mile walk to the car.  That's it.  Can't even remember the last time I had a workout this short, simple, and easy. "Easy" because there wasn't a need to push hard, no 800's to dread, 4 sprints instead of the usual 10, and it went by quickly.  There's only one workout left before race day and that feels amazing.

I find myself already thinking about how I'm going to need to recover quickly from this marathon in order to focus on the next two races....always thinking/planning ahead.
April 9 is a 10 mile hilly race
May 22 a very short/beginner type of triathlon.

So, a week to recover (and have my bike tuned up), then more of a focus will be spent on swimming (which I absolutely despise- and that's putting it nicely), and biking (which I can tolerate).  In college I did mountain biking for a few years and absolutely loved it, but a mountain bike doesn't get you very far when you're road racing!  So why bother?  Because I just can't be satisfied until I try something new, something that stretches my abilities, something that challenges my body.

Today's statistics??
Slowly beginning to carbo load (carefully) and increase water intake
Day 13 of NO peanut M&M's (I think this is a true miracle)
Day 3 -- NO Coca-Cola!!!!!!!  (longest stretch since lord knows when)

Whatever happens will happen, whatever may be may be........

Oh thank God!  Today was a 10-12 mile relaxed run on a portion of the race course, at least that's what my schedule called for.  A "race day practice run" is more like it.  The predicted weather forecast for race day happens to be the same conditions as today, making it a good practice run!  Wore the race day outfit, shoes, visor, fuel belt, iPod.... making sure all is in working order.

Today's run shredded most of the fears that have been dwelling within, canceled some of those jitters, and replaced it with a bit of confidence--thank God!  It was such a perfect run, so serene and beautiful.  Since it's still a taper run, I tried to keep a relaxed pace and positive thoughts flowing.  Me and this trail have become one lately, I know every turn, every bridge, every incline, every great pee spot, every surface, every road to cross.  But today, today in particular, the trail felt so natural to my feet.  It almost seemed as though the trail was calling me and my legs were yearning for it in return, a whole week has passed since our last meeting.  Miles recorded were anywhere between 8:08 and 8:43, in the end, the average pace was an 8:34.  Despite the time/pace, today's run was as comfortable and natural as breathing.  No extra efforts made, no worries about pace, just me and the trail. 

I sure needed today.  I didn't realize how badly I needed today's run until after I had finished.  I chuckled to myself as I walked to my car because really, through all the doubts and wonders, my legs just know what to do and they responded. 

Was reminded in church this morning that sometimes our passions get in the way of letting God show His work through us.  This passion is a gift, it is not mine to own, but rather to use to His glory.

Feels like it's been ages since a good workout, and that scares me.  I'm beginning to doubt my training, doubt my abilities, doubt my fitness level, doubt this marathon all together.  I know, this is "normal" when you're in taper time, but it still feels unsettling and I don't like it. 

Kids were on Spring break this week so we took a much needed family vacation down to Charleston, SC.  It was refreshing to get away, go somewhere new, and spend quality family time.  But with that (just 2 weeks before marathon day) comes a fear that I struggle with....the fear that I'll get off track, eat poorly, won't be able to do the correct workouts, won't know where to run in an unfamiliar place.  I felt that inner struggle of finding peace in the family vacation and a happy medium with my workouts, although I'm not sure I ever came to a sense of stability.   Yes, I ate poorly, struggled to get in a good run, stayed up way too late, and did way too much walking.  Now I'm feeling guilty for those things, but at the same time I'm elated with the ebb and flow of our family.  It was great to get away,  great to re-connect, guess I'll grin and bear it and see what happens next.

Monday barely managed 40 min on the trainer
Tuesday was a 3.6 mile light jog around the city of Charleston
Wednesday about 6-7 miles of  walking around the town
Thursday 2x400, 2x800, 1 mi warm up/1 mi cool down
Today was a 4 mile hilly run that absolutely sucked... stopped 4 times to catch my breath and struggled through each mile....  this just added to my fear of failure.  At least today was massage therapy so at least I'm feeling 20 lbs lighter.
Saturday will be an off day
Sunday will be 10-12 miles

I'm just not feeling this taper thing.  It really throws me off.  I'd rather just continue running as usual since that's what I'm used to, oh the struggle....

Day 10 of NO peanut M&M's.....I think I'll make it.
9 Days until Marathon day

A little rain never hurt nobody, it sure ain't about to hurt me either.  Despite the rainy, cloudy, windy mix this morning, an 8 mile run on the trail was 100% on my mind.  Can I just say that a rainy run is a fabulous run?!!  Every day running is just that, it's just plain running, but a rainy run is something special!!  Kept an 8:07 pace, felt extremely comfortable, listened to the same song about 15 times, finished with mud all up the backside.

Things I learned on this morning's VERY wet run:

A wet pony tail hitting your face hurts way more than a dry one-
Wet, heavy shoes and socks are not only slippery but very squashy-
You add at least 5 lbs to your body as your clothes begin to get wet-
Watching the shadows of treetops on the wet pavement keeps your mind off the run-
Splattered mud on back of legs, butt, back makes you look tough (and cool)-
Don't need a long sleeve shirt when it's 62 and rainy (too hot, heavy)-
Wet clay doesn't absorb water very well and topped with pine needles, it is very slippery!
Running through puddles only makes your feet feel that much heavier-
I can run rain or shine and keep a good mental game going-
Came up with a list of thoughts I'd like to tell the Tobacco Road marathon officials-
Sometimes a song has a good rhythm that keeps your feet in beat, you must listen to it over and over-
I love running :)

Tonight will be ABS/core DVD with Jillian and Tony Horton--my two favorites

After yesterday's incredibly crabby, irritable, frustrated state of mind (trust me, my entire family was ready to throw me out the door), I was able to get a decent night's sleep followed by a hot bath at 6 am to relieve a terrible tension headache before feeling ready to conquer Friday.

Part of the crabbiness was seriously brought on by this inner voice telling me to train harder, work more, get faster.  Here's the struggle...I add pressure to myself by setting a goal that's just barely within reach with the assumption that I will attain it if I just work hard enough.  Problem is LIFE.  I'm a mother of 2 pre-teen/teenagers and a newly adopted 19 month old.  My life is crazy busy, but who's isn't?!  Training already consumes so much of my time, add to that an intense desire to run harder/faster, and the pressure makes my head spin out of control.  Balance. Balance is the key.  I felt that I needed to run 16 miles of the race course this morning....but others were running with me for parts, didn't get a chance to drop off water bottles yesterday, had time constraints, couldn't figure out where to park and meet people, etc.  This was becoming too all consuming, and that's not what I wanted to have happen.

I was running alone by mile 6 and at peace with my thoughts. I needed this moment.  Needed to push through some inner thoughts that were driving me insane.  My mind was racing, and apparently, so was I.   There was a physical and mental comfort flowing by mile 7,  didn't even realize the 8:15 min/mile pace on this so-called taper run.  I guess that's good.  Good to be in a place where the legs are turning steadily, the mind is busy and distracted, the aches and pains are subdued, and all is quiet.  With the occasional runner going by, I was running solo surrounded by nature.  Miles 10-14 went by quickly and without a hitch.

Can't believe how much stronger I feel this time around in comparison to just 5 months ago.  This will be marathon number 3 (besides the two 1/2 marathons, 8 & 5 mile race and a 5K) in the past 5 months, the first of the three was a Boston qualifier.  This time I've added much more weight lifting/core work -- what a difference!

Miles 14-16 made me hurt.  In an attempt to run the last two at a faster pace, I felt the burn in the hip flexors and knees (oops, that may have been due to the 7:40 pace), so took it down to an 8 min/mi and that did the trick.  Finished with a sprint, then cool down jog to my car.  Good finish.  Feel ready to race.  Inner struggle has been tackled.

I will run because I love to run, that's just what I do.  Call me Forest Gump, I just like to run.  :)

I will not set for myself a goal that's barely attainable because that's not where I'm at.  I don't want to push so hard that I end up on the sidelines or lose those around me.  I want to run carefree, run like the wind, run because I enjoy it.  If I set a PR,  then that will just be the icing on the cake and it will simply be because I trained so hard.  No more struggle, no more pressure, no, no, no.  Trust me, I will run harder than I've done before, I will attempt to pass every woman that appears to be in my age group, I will lay it all out there---that's the competitive drive within that I can't rid myself of.

Out 3.1 miles with friends, had to turn around and head back to the car earlier than they did, ended up getting back to the car in 22 min!  Now that felt good!  I love it when the mind and body are getting along in unison, it's such a great thing. 

Drove to Active Edge for an hour workout with Meredith--exactly what I needed today.

Picked up a child from school, drove him to lunch and back to school.

Came home to relieve the babysitter.  Did two core/ab DVD's that left me completely winded and starving.

Took a 30 min nap in the sun on the lawn chair (soaked up some vitamin D).

Felt like a new person.  

Was asked to join another co-ed soccer team tonight.....ugh.....want to join so bad...can't get injured before these next few races....toying with the idea....maybe just be a sub.....they play in Raleigh after 8:30pm, long drive/late nights.  I miss playing. 

Preparing for a 16 mile run in the morning.

Still on a runner's high from Saturday's race results, I had hoped to carry that euphoria with me into Sunday morning's run.  I had been asked to pick up two people from their hotel, take them for an hour "jog" at the ATT, and then take them back.  I willingly obliged.  Before I left my house, I googled a few race results to find out what type of runners I was about to "jog" with.  My heart dropped to my stomach when I read marathon times such as "3:25....3:18...3...3...3..."  With much intimidation now coursing through my veins (along with the Excedrine tablets I took), I headed to their hotel.  Sometimes you just need to get your butt kicked in order to see what you're capable of doing---that's exactly what happened.  Ran 8 miles at about a 7:30-7:40 pace....I honestly thought I was going to puke, die, or just pass out.  Really, Saturday's race was tough after coming off a 24 mile long run, then add this 8 mile sprint to the already fatigued legs and it was more than I had anticipated.  Utterly exhausted but totally satisfied.  The nicest, sweetest people that happened to both be fast runners--I'm hoping to run with them again!

Monday was a much needed OFF day!!  No running, upper body workout only.  Couldn't get into AE, so just did a workout in the basement.  Still felt like I weighed 400lbs, but it was good.

Today called for the last 10 x 800's before marathon day!  First 4 done at 3:22.  Next few at 3:27-3:29. LAST one done at 3:19!!!  Helped having friends at the track to help push me through these.

A runner friend/mentor told me today that I'm holding back.  What?  I'm pushing---hard!  Nope, holding back mentally.  My body is ready, conditioned for a 3:35-3:40 finish time, but my mind is telling me otherwise.  Seriously?  I want to believe he's right, that this is all true and possible, but yet I doubt.  Is that really my problem?  Perhaps it is.  How does one overcome it?  No idea.  His advice was, "push hard, just give it all you got, lay it all on the table."  What have I got to lose?  I done the "I'm gonna puke if I run harder" types of runs so I know that feeling, but this is a race!  I don't want to fail.  Lay it all on the line---okay.