Trey and I are in the midst of praying over some pretty Big Decisions. No, I'm not going to tell you what. But, no, we're not pregnant (that I know of...), not divorcing, not separating, not buying a new car, not selling the kids, not going on a diet, not planning a vacation, not volunteering, not opening anymore businesses, or changing cell phone service carriers.
One thing God is dealing with us over is... ugh, money. Good grief, it's in the Bible alot, isn't it? So many people have negative dealings with churches over this issue. It separates families, friends. It fuels depression. It misguides us. On the flip side, having some can be fun. Freely going to Schlitterbahn, out to eat, or getting a new 'do has it's perks. It can provide "security."
What happens when God asks you to sell everything? "Uh, no." I mean, "yes, Lord, I'll do anything for you," I say as I sit in my comfy chair typing on my laptop. He asked it of the Rich Young Ruler. Is it possible that He'd ask it of me? Ok, so I sell everything. I become debt free. No mortgage. No car note. No credit card bills. No student loans. With all that "No" I'm suddenly free to say "Yes."
So all that debtlessness works for a little while. I live minimally, but still have my needs met. However, this is all for the present. What about the future? My education and culture tells me that I should save up for the future. Heaven knows there will be no handy Social Security checks in the mail when I retire. What will I do to prepare for that if all I can do financially each month is meet present needs (food, shelter, etc.)? What about making a downpayment on a larger house to fit my growing family? What about a -gasp- minivan???
Editor's note- I did solemnly swear once that I'd never, never drive a minivan. That was before I had life with three preschoolers. So, I recant my solemn swear.
After a late night talk with friends and a little chat with God, I started to get angry about my concern for the future. Hear me out, it's not that we shouldn't make plans. But, in our Big Decision, it is wrong to not obey in a direction that God is leading based off of "what about the future?" concerns. I told you this is controversial, so here we go. We are taught to save for this and that. Retirement. Bigger houses. Bigger cars. If we sell everything to make a Big Decision work for us, it would only work for us in our present condition (5 mouths to feed). Anything past that, I just don't know. Is God not bigger than that? Why do we trust God for today, but not for tomorrow? For me to worry about the future is to not trust God for it. For me to not say yes to the next step because of the what ifs of life, is to tell God He is not big enough to care for that. Did God not feed 5,000 people at just the right time? Can you imagine how much that would have cost? To relate it to my own circumstance, in the story of Jesus feeding 5,000, it's not like Jesus gave each person little tiny bits of food everyday and that worked it's way up to being enough to feed the 5,000 on one particular day. No, He made provision for the need IN ABUNDANCE at just the right moment. He does/did this time and time again.
In a single second, Abraham reached for a knife to slay his son and the Lord stopped him before he did the unthinkable.
In these three instances alone, God provided the need at the needed moment. Not earlier. Not later. Perfect timing.
Trek with me here... For me, I refer to the "Downpayment" as big questions looming over the future. But, really, what is my future? My life could end tomorrow for all I know. Is it wrong to save up for a Downpayment (whatever that might be)? I don't think so. Is it wrong to not be obedient in the present moment for fear of the future Downpayment/ Grocery trips/ College funds/ Teenage angst/ Tiny bedrooms/ Out of date blue jeans? Absolutely.
I don't think my little journey on this topic is really "about the money." I think it's about my dependency and faith in God to provide (emotionally, physically, spiritually). I trust God with my safety, my soul, my family's health. But, I struggle to trust Him with my needs. I say I know He'll provide, but when I don't do certain things for fear that I won't have something (time to myself, material possessions, other seemingly good stuff), that is WRONG! This is about me saying, "Yes, Lord, I trust You with even the Big Stuff."
I choose to trust in the things unseen. I choose to trust that God can, does, and will provide BIG at the right time, regardless of my careful measures to store up here on earth. I choose to forgo comforts- including future ones- to be apart of His story today.
Will I have to or is this about my willingness to do so? Today, this is just another thing that remains unseen.
