Felicia’s Blog

Dear friend, I miss you. I miss your friendship. I miss having someone who listens to me anywhere, anytime.

I often wonder about you. I keep myself updated with you life with the limited resources available to me. I always think of you.

I know you are happy now. You have found friends who are really close to you. And I feel happy for you. However, I’m curious.. Have I flashed through your head in the past few years? Do you miss our friendship? Have you ever thought of rekindling this lost friendship?

There are a million things I want to know. The million things that I have missed out on. Sharing the many joys in our lives. The times of sadness. Times where I need a listening ear but found none.

I really wish to find the courage to speak to you again. To find back our lost friendship. The naïve part of me hopes for things to be restored just like in the good old days. I know it is not easy, but all these questions, wishes, and regrets will only have an answer when I find the courage to speak to you.

As I get older, I have come to understand that friendships forged in the past are the most valuable. In the grown up world, nobody is really your friend. Nobody opens their hearts amd shows you every thought, dirty or nice, that they may have.

You have been on my mind for so many years. And I have finally resorted to penning my thoughts down because no one understands what I’m going through. Sure, I have confided in a few people, but who can give me the courage to open my mouth and speak what I feel?

The only person is me. And I do not have the courage to do so. Hence, you will be another regret in my life.

I wish you all the best in all that you do in life, and I miss you.

Well, everything happened way too fast! There I was, complaining about the exams and the next thing I knew, I was on the plane to Italy. Everything felt So surreal. Six months have passed in the blink of an eye, and very soon, I will be back in Singapore.

Of course all good things will come to an end, and that includes this exchange as well. This experience had been a bittersweet one. It is true when people say that you see the true colours of your companion when overseas. And I’ve experienced it first hand. Well, I guess it just helps me to know what kind of a person my friend is. But I’m sure everything will be back to normal once we’re back in Singapore! 🙂

I left Sweden with mixed feelings. I thought I could leave Sweden without batting an eyelid. But I did feel a tiny pinch while leaving that place. It was, afterall, my second home. And the country was really peaceful and quiet. Away from all the hustle and bustle of city life.

This exchange was really different from the one I had in China. But I will remember both of these experiences as much as I can. It was really rather refreshing to be thrown into a whole new country out of the Asian region.

Till then, I shall leave you guys with a picture of the Trevi fountain while visiting Rome 🙂

Well, I have to make this short because I’m supposed to be studying.

So, something happened to me last evening. You see, they’re renovating the toilets in my corridor, and so, they have installed new locks so that it is more convenient for the construction workers to go into my room.

But the thing about this new lock is, the door automatically locks when the door closes. And being the highly intelligent me, I got locked out of my room. So I had to call for all the help I could get at that point in time, and I spent the night in a friend’s room. And I got the people in the office to open my door for me this morning.

And so here I am, lying contentedly on my bed, and typing this post on my phone without a single worry that the phone will die any moment.

I think I should do a more detailed post when I have the time. But for the time being, this summary will have to do.

Well, update done, and it’s time to get back to the notes!

P.S: Thankfully I brought my phone out of the room with me!
P.P.S: I got a 90% for my english exam! Sorry for bragging, but 90 is really hard to come by at my age. Haha!

Well well, I am finally done with the dreaded report. Actually, it was submitted last week I think.

The past few days have flew by and I really haven’t accomplished much given the fact that I have many things waiting to be completed on my to-do list.

First and foremost, my presentation which is up tomorrow. I just completed my presentation slides. It was rather painless actually. Just an hour of copying from the report and ta-daaa! I get enough slides to put together a presentation. The presenting part is the one that I’d rather not think about. But still, I’ve got to prepare my script and brace myself for tomorrow.

And then there’s the exam which is about to happen in 4 days time, including today. But I guess I’m going to spend a good half of today preparing for tomorrow’s presentation, which means not much studying would be done.

And then another half day would be gone tomorrow because I’ll be in school. Followed by washing of laundry, packing of luggage and cleaning of the room.

Ahhhhh. Time really flies. I still remember the short period of time were I was all depressed and was crying at the smallest things. And now, look! I am less than a week away from leaving this place that has been my home for the past six months. I must say, I really like my room! I should take a few pictures as a momento. But before that, I must first tidy up my home away from home.

Then I’ll be in Italy. Rome, Florence, Pisa, Venice.

Then Taiwan for 10 awesome days. This country, I have always wanted to visit since a long long time ago. Europe is cool with all its buildings and stuff. But great food at affordable prices, plus shopping, is even better! 🙂

And then I’ll be back on the sunny island I call home. Singapore.

So wait up, you guys! I’ll be back chattering like how I have always chattered. See you all sooooooon! 

Well, I’ve managed to squeeze out another paragraph for the report, but I’m nowhere near completion!

Got to try and concentrate and do as much as I possibly can before rushing out the rest of the report tomorrow. Really, procrastination is a vicious cycle that never ends. Ever.

Facebook is totally not helping me with this at all.  

Well, hello to the one and only person who reads my blog! I might have a really good idea on who you are, and thanks for the support! Haha.

Anyway, I just got back from Amsterdam a couple of days ago, and well, I’m glad I made the decision to go ahead with the trip even though it was really stretching my budget tight tight tight! The tulips were beautiful. Speaking of which, do you know those fairy tale-like fields that stretches like there’s no end to it? Those rainbow coloured fields of flowers? Well, we didn’t have the privilege to see it. Mostly because we were a little too late, and all the beautiful tulips have already been harvested. But we did see a short stretch of the said field.

And that alone, was an adventure. This field can be seen from the tulip park, Keukenhof. But we were not allowed entry into this field as it was privately run. But since I have a friend that was extremely adventurous, we actually stepped into the field despite the sign which said ‘No entry’. We walked as quickly as we could, adrenaline pumping. And it was a close shave, actually. Because there was this guy that drove a tractor directly past us. And we were really holding our breaths and hoping for the best. But all he did was to stare at us and drove right past. Phew!

So we continued with the photographing of the flowers before making our way back into the park again. Well, I would say this is a crazy thing to do according to my standard.

Regarding that report  that I mentioned in my previous post, it is still untouched. And the deadline’s in 3 days. Sometimes, I really surprise myself with how I manage to hand in my assignments on time given the amount of procrastination done.

I’ll try to start on a sentence or two tonight. Or maybe.. tomorrow. Haha!

Oh, and one more thing before I go. I just found out that another secondary school mate of mine just gave birth at the end of last year. Seriously? What’s with all the people getting married and giving birth to babies? I’m sure 22 is not the new 28. I really can’t wrap my head around this growing ‘norm’.

I have always been a huge procrastinator. And I am sad to say that this bad habit has become a hundred times worse in Sweden.

I can explain. This is because the Swedish people are extremely laid back. They make sure they have their 15 minutes of break between every two hours of lecture. And whenever we have long incubation times during lab sessions, the first word the pops out of their mouth is ‘fika‘. Fika is really popular among the Swedish, and it’s a tea break where each person brings a drink or some light snacks, and then everyone sits together to chat and enjoy the food. Really really laid back culture.

And so, their laid back culture has slowly, but surely, infused itself into my system. I’m always on my bed. Not sleeping, but using the computer all huddled up in my blanket. You can’t exactly blame me for that though. It’s really cold and it’s not fun sitting at the desk feeling all cold and miserable.

Well, I have a report that is due in approximately two weeks time and progress has been, SLOW. There really is no motivation for me to do it. And it is really a drag to have to read so many articles just to retrieve that tiny bit of information. And then the entire cycle repeats again and again till you’re finally finished with the report. And then there’s the PBL that has to to be done every single week. Which is a nightmare, really. 

BLAH.

Just 23 more days before I finish my reports, am done with all the PBL sessions, give a presentation, and complete the exams. Then, I will start travelling before finally returning to my Home Sweet Home. 🙂

But to be happy and stress free, I first have to take the first step. And that is TO START ON THAT DAMNED REPORT. Till then, byebye!

Wow. It has been more than half a year since the last update.

Well, many things have happened between then and now, and I shall list them out for a super quick update before continuing with the main agenda for this post.

1) I can’t remember exactly when, but I’m obviously done with the assignments that I was complaining about in my previous post.
2) I sat for my exams and passed all of them, albeit not faring really well. I guess the grades were acceptable.
3) And between the exam period and before the arrival of 2012, I got attached. Huge shock? But I guess anyone that bothers visiting my blog would have already gotten wind of this ‘old’ news.
4)  2012 came.
5) I flew to Sweden, Linkoping for a six months student exchange programme.

And this is where I shall continue from. You see, I came to Sweden with another two friends from my Uni clique. And all was really nice and dandy until they started contacting me, and told me that they felt like I abandoned them due to the lack of contact. And they asked me if I still wanted the friendship. It was a little bit of an exaggeration, asking me this kind of question. But of course I wanted the friendship! I mean, a lack of contact is my fault, but I am such a person. It is a really bad habit, but I didn’t see the need to kick a big fuss out of nothing.

Then we finally met up two months after we arrived in Sweden. And it was really fun! We went to many trips together. Sometimes, I feel like a giant lightbulb because the other two friends are a couple, you see. But being the happy-go-lucky me, I was happy to walk behind them, minding my own business while they carry on with their ‘couple-y business’.

Then, as the number of trips we went on together increased, the friction started to increase as well. But most of the disagreements or unhappiness were easily solved. Or so, I thought.

If you know me well enough, you would know that I am a very trusting person. Too trusting for my own good, sometimes. I mean, what is there not to trust? Isn’t it very tiring to constantly be wary of every person, and trying to decide if what they were telling you were the whole truth, or only part of the truth? That is what I feel, which explains how easily I trust people. Others might not trust me fully, but I do not mind. It can take all the time in the world for them to trust me. But if they are unwilling to share problems with me because they can’t decide if I am trustworthy enough, then I will just share my stories. Easy as that, isn’t it?

But that’s not the main point of this story. Point is, my boyfriend have been telling me that not everyone in this world is good like how I think of them to be. And I always tell him that as long as they have never done anything to harm me, then they are good, and I will trust them. Or so, I thought.

It wasn’t until a couple of days ago when my boyfriend showed me screenshots of what has been happening behind my back. The friends that I have been travelling with has been in contact with him. I have known all along that they have been chatting on Facebook and sometimes, through Whatsapp.

But what I didn’t know was, the girl has been complaining to my boyfriend about me. Well, she started off by asking him if I wasn’t happy during the trip. And after that, she started complaining about all the things that I did during the trip which caused the them to have to push the itinerary back by an hour. Well, I admit I was eating a little slowly, but you could have jolly well told me to eat faster or something? And I totally didn’t make them wait for an hour for me to finish my food. It was 20 minutes at the most.

I can go on and on about all the stuff she said behind my back, but there would be too much to say. I really couldn’t believe it when he showed me what she had said about me, most of it were untruths. Or exaggerated in some way or another. I thought they would just put the friction that happened during the trips behind them, since they weren’t important issues. But nope, they didn’t.

And well, I guess I am started to feel the strain in the friendship.

Maybe, I wouldn’t feel as sore about this incident if that friend didn’t tell me this: “I prefer male friends over female friends because female friends will always bitch behind each other’s back”. Well well, if someone were to say something like this, I would assume that that person doesn’t approve of such practices. But look what that same person just did, behind my back. And that friend actually said that she has ‘given up hope on me’. What in the world have I done wrong by keeping quiet so that they can have their couple time together? This I really do not understand.

I was really disappointed when I found out what happened, but I guess it is better to feign ignorance than to confront the person head on. Besides, we still have two more trips to go on together before we part, and I don’t want things to get ugly.

I really enjoy talking with them during our trips together. But what they just did made me think that maybe they just wanted me to go along so that I can share the travel expenses for them? I don’t know. But one thing I know for sure: the amount of time I spend feeling happy is getting lesser as the number of trips we’re going on together increases.

Well, at least it’s just another month and a few more days before I part with them.
A month and a few more days before we can put an end to the increasing friction between us.
A month and a few more days before I can travel in Taiwan with the boy 🙂

Yea, the title says it all. All the assignment deadlines are coming in fast and furious from next week onwards.

Finished the business elective report at 4am yesterday which resulted in me waking up at 12 pm today. And then it’s editing of my individual assignment, followed by reading of yet another report.

I’m actually feeling rather stressed out right about now. And I kind of vented my anger on my leader for one of the projects. Boy am I glad everything is ending in two weeks time. But in the meanwhile, I guess it’s time to pull up my socks, and bear with the stress!

Agenda:
Complete assignment and reports and more assignments and more reports!

And when everything is finally handed in, IT WILL BE TIME FOR THE EXAMS. Ugggh. This semester has been much heavier as compare to the last. And they say the following two semesters would be the worst.

Ok, now back to yet another assignment. Good luck for all the poor souls struggling to complete their assignments and studying for their exams! I feel you.

Guess this has been the longest that I’ve gone without an update on my blog.

Nothing much has been happening in my life actually.

I’ve started swimming. At least I’m exercising. Once a month still counts right? HAHA! Besides that, school have been really busy. But procrastination just makes everything seem worse cause I’m using up the precious time I have  surfing the net. Boo!

Another thing that has been happening, and it has been making me ask myself the same question over and over again. Peer pressure from school isn’t helping. But oh well, we shall see how it works out in the end 🙂

And fianlly, for my dear friends who still haven’t caught my latest news: I’m going for exchange in Sweden beginning of next year. Guess this space will finally be update regularly by then!

Till the next update, take care, and wish me luck! 😀