Ficker Family

This summer has been one of the busiest and most fun ever! Our summer started early in May and is now sort of ending in September. I was able to get away for 4 days up to Oregon for one of my dearest friends wedding. Becky Boatwright got married to the love of her life, Kelly Bectell and she asked me to be apart of the wedding. That was really exciting and fun. Joaquin and the babes didn't come along just because it would have been a little hard and much more expensive. This was the first time I have ever been away from the boys and it was wonderful to get away to feel like someone other than just a mom but when the four days was up, I was MORE than ready to get back to being with my family.

Shortly after I got back from Oregon, I had another one of my dearest friends come visit us. Rocky, her husband Tiu and little Jaden. I met Rocky almost 10 years ago while volunteering in Guatemala. She and her family were living in Florida and decided they would move to New Zealand with Tiu's family for a while and on the way there, they made a 2 week stop in Utah and stayed with us while visiting family and friends they have here. It was so much fun and we did a lot! SO just so you know, there is an OVERLOAD of pictures! Seriously! Forgive me.....

We have had a busy summer and this is the reason I haven't been blogging as of late. I apologize for that. Today is Sunday and I wasn't able to make it to Church today. Church has been a real challenge for us as a family since the boys have been born. At first we were so worried about our little babies getting RSV and then it turned into laziness, then it turned into, they are crawling all over now and it's too hard and now it has turned into they don't like sitting still during sacrament and the run away from us the second they get the chance. It's very hard on me emotionally and it's hard on Joaquin physically. Sometimes I feel like giving up, at times I have given up. Leaving the Church building alone with two screaming children, hardly being able to reach those doors to the outside so I could let the tears that were sitting in my eyes stream down my checks! It's so difficult and I have to say my testimony has really suffered because of it. Now this is no one's fault but my own and I realize this but sometimes (or most times) it's just easier not to go. The only problem with that is I know that going to Church has always helped me out spiritually and so for a while now I have been lacking in that department and it makes me feel sad because I think about how important it is to bring the boys to church to get them used to it. Then I have feelings of sadness about not being an emotionally strong enough person to deal with my kids......such frustration all the time.

So now here I sit. Look at some friends blogs, checking my email quickly while the boys take a little nap and I come across an old friend from high schools blog, who also happened to just have twin girls. She is a woman of faith and strength to me. She had some thoughts about being a mother and she also had a quote from a pamphlet someone had given her and it said this:

You were sent here into your mothering role and given the awesome responsibility for the physical, emotional, and spiritual welfare of your children without any experience or expertise. Why do you suppose that Heavenly Father has so decreed that we become parents without any previous experience? I think it is because He wants us to be on our knees where we need to be, seeking Him, pleading for patience and forbearance and understanding.

A little light bulb turned on in my head after I read this. I haven't relied as much as I have needed to on God and this is where the problem begins. I wonder if He just thinks, 'Michelle, I will help you but you just need to ask! It's so simple my girl, just get on those knees and ask.' So here I am writing this to the blogging world with tears floating around in my eyes, wondering why am I divulging this to everyone....I'm not really sure but that little quote gave me some enlightenment so maybe someone else will find as useful as I did.

I think God works in funny little ways and he knows us all so well, better than we know ourselves and I am grateful for that!