Ficker Family

I am excited about green smoothies! They are delicious and the kiddos are drinking them which is a really big deal since I can't get Everett to even look at anything green with out him putting both hands over his mouth and acting as if I was just trying to poison. That kid is so weird! I put some kiwi in a fruit salad for dinner and he didn't even want it touching his grapes or cantaloupe. I don't know where he got that from because all three of us, (that is including Brock.) like our greens.




So as I was saying, I'm really excited about these little drinks and I feel like I'm doing something really healthy for myself and my family, right? I wake up, make breakfast for the fam and make a batch of our smoothie drink and I'm feelin' pretty good about myself until around 9 o'clock at night comes around and my sister and I are just hanging out, watching american idol and I get the urge to go on a "maverick" run. (Maverick is a gas station that has everything delicious and wonderful for you to eat but is oh so very bad for the body.) I ask Nickie what she wants me to bring her, and she says, just surprise me. So what do I bring home? Two over sized cups of frozen yogurt and two chocolate chip cookies, the size of my face! It's just like my uncle always says, "Once past the lips, goes straight to the hips. Thanks Uncle Dex!

*At least the day started out well.

I want to be inspired! I just got back from a trip to Portland and I was able to spend some really good time with 3 very special girls who I love very much. I had such a good time and enjoyed the diversity of Portland and the artsy fartsy feel of it there too. I came back thinking about who I want to be in this life. I have found myself getting caught up with looking at peoples blogs online and wishing to be more like them, wishing I knew how to sew, wishing I knew how to craft and be handy like all of these other amazing women I see on this world wide web but what really ends up happening to me is, me left feeling that I am not good enough because I'm not doing what everyone else is doing. Feeling like I'm not good enough because I get super duper overwhelmed with the thought of going to the store with two little "devils", (As I have referred to my twin toddlers lately.) by myself. Also feeling this way because others make me feel this way. I don't think people mean to be rude or to make me feel this way, but it still happens. (I am a sensitive female, right?) So as I was journaling last night, trying to figure out how to sort out my feelings, what I just realized is that I don't want to be selfish. I always want my husband and children, (weather it be the two little devils that I have now, or the factory of babies that are to come. Yeah right.) to feel like I have put them first. I never want my kids to feel heart ache, I never want my husband to feel I don't love him deeply. I know there are up's and down's in life, so my kids will most certainly feel heart ache, and I'm sure my husband will sometimes question how deep my love is for him but what I have come to decide is that I want to be who I am and what I am is my family. With out them, I am nothing. So I guess my conclusion from my journaling last night was that, I just want to make those I love so much, happy. I want to raise children that grow up to be good men who respect, love and serve others and live their lives fully. I think this is what ever mother wants for her family but I just needed to get it out of my mind and on paper. I'm not the best writer or speller but I know one thing, once I get it out of my head, it just makes more sense. I think I get all of these random thoughts going all day in my brain and until I really focus and write them, they are just like jigsaw puzzle that hasn't been put together yet.