intriguing

So one of the first things that we learnt in clin psych masters is, some people just have the ability to pick up acutely what another person is feeling inside, even when they are not expressing it outwardly. One of the lecturers shared a time when he was happily chatting with a client, and he felt this sudden wave of sadness coming over him. He wondered aloud if this feeling was his own, or was it from the client, and that was all it took to break down the client’s defenses.

As much as I would like to have this ability, it sometimes scare me much. Perhaps it’s because I am too green, I can’t differentiate between what is mine and what is not mine. And it’s just kind of terrifying when you don’t know how much of this is your own feelings and how much is not. I now know why psychs often drive themselves crazy.

Okay feelings, please let me know the answer soon thank you very much.

Spring is here! Almost. It’s still bloody cold and rainy on some days (Like today. Glad I’m staying home today brr). Whatever the case is, its still lovely to see flowers blooming everywhere! Fields of dainty little flowers accompanying you along the long red brick road to university ❤ I will certainly miss this.

So Semester 2 has begun, placements have begun too for more than a month already. Been seeing many many clients with various of issues, running groups, clinical meetings and supervision, feeling inadequate, feeling satisfied, feeling drained. So much feels in a short month! It has been really tiring trying to juggle both work and studies, I have probably been sleeping 4-5 hours for the past few weeks haha. Despite all the difficulties and busy-ness, I am still loving what I do, feeling challenged by what I do. Working hard to improve, working hard to not feel inadequate haha. Still feel a long way from being an effective therapist, but I will get there!

Really thankful this semester for the wonderful people I have in my life.

Wonderful psych mates who would give useful suggestions for sessions, resources to use, and be my venting machine when I feel like shit after a session (though I must say they are also a reason why I feel so inadequate. They are all too damn good man zz!).

Beautiful EUH girls for the numerous food that they have showered on me when I’m too tired to cook. And of course just for being crazy and ki siao that takes all the stress away haha!

Lovely housemates, who makes the house feel like home. For cooking for me when I’m tired, for making teas, for being caring, FOR ALCOHOL, for being entertaining, for your encouragements and reminders of why I chose the path I chose. Srsly they are the reason I look forward to going home haha.

And of course limmy my eternal support ❤

Coming up in the next month- Oktoberfest (Let’s say it together slowly, “BEEEER!!!”), Perth Royal Show (EXCITEDDDDD!!!), my birthday (turning 18 again!), Halloween (FIRST CELEB EVER). October, I love you already.

I KNOW I TOOK BLOODY LONG BUT HELLOOOO FIRST POST FROM PERTH!

Semester is ending, perfect time to write a nice little post to reflect on my time here in Perth. (Yeah what nonsense, I’m just bored of assignment so I’m lepak-ing here!)

The first few days in Perth were, in one word, crap. Granted that the awesome lim ming xuan was here with me, but the thought of imminent separation, the thought of having to survive on my own in this foreign country with a culture so unlike my own, to find my place and standing again, to look for a whole new group of friends, to be fearful of being stabbed/ raped when going out at night (Horror stories of Bentley)… There were just so many worries and unknowns.

But right now, I am so thankful to be given this opportunity to venture out of my comfort zone, to experience and learn so many things that I wouldn’t have if I had stayed on in Singapore (Thank you NUS for not even giving me an interview!).

#1 A step closer to being a good wife

Before I even left for Singapore, I wondered to myself if this trip is meant to make me learn to take care of myself, to prepare myself for the future. For 23 years of my life, I had barely touched the stove, washing machine, vacuum cleaner (basically anything household related). I am proud to say that I am a pretty okay cook now, my dear friends of little faith! Yes, Miss Siew, who used to be scared of fire and knives, and can barely fry an egg properly, can now feed herself well with pretty good food alright (though I am still scared of fire and knives hahaha). Not to mention all other chores that I do daily, and love doing (sometimes). On top of assignments and all, it is really hectic, but I learnt to appreciate what my wonderful parents have been doing for me all these years so much- To come home all sweaty from work and still have to cook and clean for me. I have always verbally appreciated it yes, but it isn’t until I’ve experienced that I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. 사랑해 우리 아빠 어마 ❤

#2 Wonderful housemates

Whenever I told people that I am living with 2 Indian Mauritians, an African, an Oman-ian and a Kurd (with 2 Indians coming in and out of our house everyday), a very common response is “Omg I suddenly feel very happy with my housemates.” I will be honest and say sometimes they can really get on my nerves, leaving dirty plates around, blasting Indian music the whole day… But I wouldn’t trade this bunch of lovely people for any other housemates (: The numerous wonderful memories together. Late night drinking sessions, movie nights, strawberries with chocolates, waking up at 3 am and laughing at each other, midnight intellectual debates over religion and culture, walking on campus on cold night just to experience the coldness (4 degrees! And we brought a knife in case anyone sneaked up on us), the numerous cups of teas and blah blah. How can you not love this bunch of nutty people? They are truly like another family here in Perth- you put up with some of their nonsense but get a whole lot of love in return as well 😀

#3 My dear Singaporean friends

Of course, I don’t socialize with other cultures all day. It is wonderful to learn about other cultures every day, but it’s nice to have this group of people to keep me grounded to my own culture as well (Adaptation strategy of acculturation!). Despite them being people just like me, the amount of things that I have learnt from them in this short period of time has also changed my thinking. All along, I have been in the company of extremely guai + shy friends, so much so that certain things have been sort of drilled in me that it is Taboo and Must-Not-Be-Named. I’m glad to find this group of friends who can talk so openly about all sorts of things, and in unconsciously normalizing these ‘Taboo’ things for me as well. Lim Ming Xuan also commented that I seem a lot more open now (: Thanks to my lovelies here!

#4 Psychology

Btw, these are not rank according to importance, because Psychology would definitely not be #4 if it is. Psychology, how do I love thee, let me count the ways. I love the course, period. And I love the interaction in class, the way it is taught, the kooky professors (with crazy eyebags. I have just bought eye cream to prevent myself from looking like this in the future), and just how practical and emotionally stirring some of these cases are. Compared to Australia, Singapore Psych has really really great room for improvement. I am really excited to go back Sg and help develop the psych scene there. If I graduate hahaha. Placement next sem, nervous but excited as well (:

#5 Perth

After living in a concrete jungle for 23 years, Perth is in my eyes, just gorgeous. Wide open spaces (no squeezy MRT), beautiful weather (yes you can actually see the nice blue sky here), just pure nothingness. Drive down to Fremantle, Margaret River; it’s like a holiday by itself. Perth is boring, I wouldn’t deny that. There are just so many places you can go to. But just stepping out of your house, lepak on the grass with nothing taller than you other than trees and lamp-posts, drink coffee and eat croissants, it just slows you down. Not to mention the cheap alcohol, and nice people that you can just randomly talk to without odd glances. Well, not all about Perth is nice and rosy. Travel is a chore for non-drivers like me, too many noisy birds around, and things are freaking expensive here. But still, appreciate each country for what they have. And I am also appreciating what Singapore has in spite of its shortcomings. I am really proud to say I am a Singaporean here, and when people tell me that Singapore is one of the nicest countries in the world. Because I do agree, I AM THERE WHAT OF COURSE NICE LAH.

#6 For who I have become

Not only have I become a maid, I am also learning and building my own self-efficacy about being able to stand on my own feet, about my adaptability. About me as an individual. About not being afraid. About just letting loose of myself once in a while. About not having to be strong all the time. About not being so crazy disciplined. About not basing standards on other people but just myself. –pats self on back-

What a load of learning packed into 4 months! And now the time has come for me to sleep. Goodnight!

And nope I didn’t get any awards, didn’t get mentioned at Graduation for outstanding performance of any sort, nor did I get a standing ovation or what-not. Because there are others who deserve these awards, these mentions, and these acknowledgements more than I do! And they are none other than my dearest friends and family, who have stood by me all this while, laugh with me, go crazy with me and paint my 4 years with rainbow colours! And this is dedicated to every single one of you, without which I wouldn’t have probably had so so so much fun in my four years of university life.

Firstly to my dearest St. Nicks girls! Due to our busy schedules, we only get meet up once in a while! But whenever we do, our meet-ups are always full of silly nonsense and gossips and intelligent (relatively hahaha) talks! St. Nicks is and will always be remembered as the school which had truly made a huge difference in my life. Without a doubt, St. Nicks has definitely molded me into a gentle and demure girl (ahem, no rebutting!) and AT TIMES hyper and crazy. And you girls have definitely played a huge role in letting me become who I am today! 8 years of friendship and going strong ❤

Secondly, WULIAOS! Thank you chongsy for taking time off from work to come for my convocation! And the rest who couldn’t make it, I’m pretty sure you guys would if you could (: that’s how certain I am of our friendship! As I type, traces of you guys are scattered all around my room! Okay that sounded like some gruesome murder haha! Chongsy’s huge bday card with well-wishes in 4 different languages (that I doubt you can read),  Joli’s pop-up card (demanding that I should give her a card back too), jaime’s bday cards (side by side to show how much we have aged x.x) and amelia’s toot-ness in our old class photo! Please stay lame and drama, it’s a major source of entertainment girls (:

Thirdly, my Psych girls! We have so many memories together for the past 4 years, many nonsensical (Journey to the West is forever a classic), many guy-frenzy (우리 오빠 멋있다! And of course the infamous 水性杨花 President Yee), many embarrassing (throwing 豆芽will forever be shadow in my resume), some frustrating (Yes FYP, I was talking about you!), but always entertaining haha! I would have been an absolute loner in Psych without you babes! Now that we are all embarking on different routes, all the best and we will still meet up and be sillies together!

Fourthly, 怎么可能少得了 FOC/BOP! I can’t even begin because there are just way too many things that I can thank you all for. Thank you all for ever being so entertaining, for appearing at the notion of drinking with just a call, for always giving suggestions and ideas when I need them, for giving your 101% effort in everything, for being able to laugh at anything and everything, for being able to crap about anything under the sun. My fingers gonna become flat if I type it all. Thank you tanhk, paisq and mingwei for coming to my convocation and being part of the surprise squad! And thank you everyone else for your well-wishes 😀 And, special thanks to Mr Loo! For your vvvv big help with the programme, without which I would have flopped my FYP and be still stuck in Pulau NTU now!

Fifth, my parents ❤ Very seldom would I show my unhappy/ frustrated side to others, so my parents are always the ones who bear with me through my temper, my tears, my pekcek-ness. Which is why also, my graduation definitely meant double the happiness for them. Not just pride that their only daughter made it through, but also relief that I wouldn’t have to slog anymore! Okay I take that back, since there’s still masters to slog for haha. Papa, mama I love you all ❤ thank you for bringing me up in such a sheltered environment, for never letting me doubt your love for me, for always being the strong pillar of support and strength in my life. It’s awesome knowing that someone loves you unconditionally, and I have 2 of you to do that!

Of course, I must also buay paiseh and thank myself for being such a hardworking and clever girl to get First Class Honours! Okay time to run and hide before people throw rotten eggs at me.

And notice that this post was meant to thank friends and family. I did not mention boyfriend Kim Hyun… oops I mean LIM MING XUAN hahaha. Because to me, you are already considered family (: You are really really the bestest bestest bestest boyfriend in the world (okay other boyfriends don’t punch me please). Who else would plan so many different and creative surprises for my birthdays? Who else would specially drive to where I am just to drive me home? Who else would spend so much money on things that I like just to make me happy? Who else would dress up as my Elmo for my convocation just because I wanted an Elmo stuff toy? 6 years and I’ve come to love you even more than what we have started with. My best friend, my boyfriend, my better half! Please always be the Elmo of my life (:

Looking at all these, I must say that Life has truly been very good to me. For bestowing upon me so many beautiful lovely friends, ever doting parents and awesome-beyond-words boyfriend, I thank you ❤

PHP publicity sneak preview!

相片是停住时间的魔法 (: ever since I got my dslr, photog has definitely become a very central part of my life. I like to take photos, but I dislike the responsiblity that comes along with it! The chore of uploading photos, editing, burning yada yada.

I decided to join the PHP PnP team partly to get more oppourtunities to practise taking photos. But I realised that photography to me is seriously meant to only be a hobby. I don’t like taking photos for the sake of taking photos. Photog assignments given often requires me to take photos according to themes and concepts that others have, which may not necessary be my interpretation. For me it’s really difficult to understand other ppl’s requirement and the ‘feel’ they wanna achieve cos err, I think I’ve v weird thinking. Though I must say it has truly been a v enriching experience because sometimes its so challenging that it’s fun (:

To me, photography is a feeling. I know some people can just snap rolls and rolls of things and make them look damn nice and all. but I really can’t be artistic I guess? There are things that speaks to me and I can spend a long time photographing them, but there are just some things that I seriously see no point in taking. haha! Guess that is also why I don’t have an albums dedicated to nice photos. Okay lahh also because I dont have that many nice photos to show off haha!

Still I must say it’s a nice feeling seeing your photos being used for publicity and everything 😀 I should start watermarking my photos as copyright haha!

Photography also gave me a different persepective to things. Before photo-taking has sort of became my responsibility, I’m always in the midst of things, being siao high, participating actively. But photog gave me the oppourtunity to step back out of being the one in action and seeing things from an outside view. Of course, it has also given me the excuse to not participate in activities I dont want to participate in waha!

Okay I can’t believe I wrote such a long post just about photog! I love you darling DSLR! Don’t worry I’ll get more lens to accompany you soooon.