9:28pm Happy Thanksgiving Eve, Y'ALL!!!! So here is the quick and dirty - for no one reason, my family is not gathering en masse for Thanksgiving this year. Grandma and Grandpa and Auntie Dyna are not trekking up from Florida because it costs too much money and Uncle Erick was already planning on driving them up here in early December to look for a house because....drumroll.....the crazy ass show is coming to Atlanta!!! Yup, the grandparents are moving here in the next several months. I suppose this means the last grandma free Thanksgiving. Yeah, I can't stand her most of the time but where would we be shock and psychological-trauma wise without her? This year, we shall find out.
My sister and her husband are celebrating with one of his not-too-far-from-Atlanta relatives (an aunt). The triplets and I were invited but I politely declined (as in I asked them to convey my sorrow regrets right after I blurted out "Oh helllll the fuck no" to my sister.) Nothing wrong with his relatives that I know of...in fact, the little I DO know makes me believe they are exactly the type of family I would love my children to get used to being forced to be around once or twice a year. But I am 3.5 years into this parenting-of-triplets business and I know many, many things I never would have imagined I had a need to know and one of those things is this: the more people around to oogle and admire your precious sweet babies, the more people around to say things like "uh, what? I thought YOU were watching them!" Large family gatherings and large not-really-family gatherings inevitably means I am left running around playing like-white-on-rice Nanny to my own kids in a house that I am unfamiliar with with markers/knives/dogs/alcoholic beverages hiding in the weirdest fucking places. No thanks!
My brother lives in the Atlanta area but as he is (1) a man, (2) Haitian, and (3) a Republican he can not be counted on to help with cooking, childcare or lighthearted uplifting conversation. Therefore, I have told him that I will not be spending the day with him but he is welcome to come over to where the triplets and I WILL be....his ex-girlfriend's house. Ohhhhhh, SNAP!!!!
10:23pm Our hostess, Lamonique, has cooked the triplets up some eggs and sausage for "snack." It is now three hours after their usual bedtime. This is the reason Lamonique and I had a "serious talk" about what goes on at her house when she watches my kids. When she keeps them for a day or two they come back to me screaming and crying because I am not her. I do NOT have cable. They can NOT watch cartoons all night long. They DO have a reasonable bedtime, etc., etc. SWOOSH said to me one day "I will get a magic wand and turn you to Lamonique so we can have fun!" I have PROMISED Lamonique that when she has a child of her own I will take said child into my home and feed it candy and ice-cream all the fucking day long until they hate her with a burning toddler passion and then she will see what heck it's like. For now, she has been ordered to have age-appropriate bedtime reading and an appropriate bedtime time when the cable tv while be TURNED OFF. I know. I am a mean Mommy.
So one of the things Lamonique did tonight was to show me her stash of coloring books, easy readers, and construction paper for the project that she is intent on leading them through. She does try. She is a really great friend/babysitter. But at some point during this Thanksgiving don't let me forget to tell y'all how she almost got me and the triplets arrested by the Snellville, Georgia police. Oh, THAT was a hoot!!!! Sorta.
11:01pm Crazy sugar high 3 year olds? Asleep. Buttery, fluffy jasmine rice? Cooked. Savory mushroom and cranberry stuffing? Done. Potatoes? Peeled and ready for mashing. Tender, fall of the bone turkey? Seasoned and waiting in fridge. Ice cream, dutch apple pie, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, grapes? Purchased. Raw baby carrots and broccoli? Eaten. Child adoring elderly person? Asleep in recharge mode. Tipsy and slightly lit hostess? Gorgeous as always and lighting up again.
Me? Rollin' with the homies......
4:16am Seasoned turkey now placed in oven. Innards of lasagna now in crockpot. 3-year olds have been awakened and carried to toilet by hostess afraid of what said 3-year olds might do to her mattress. Hopefully most of Thanksgiving dinner will be done by the time they awaken so they can start eating Turkey and dressing for breakfast. We have a boatload of food prepped and only 6 people around to eat. Now, going back to bed.....
7:27am Hostess googled honey glazing and has poured some untested concotion on the ham. Sweet potatoes were sliced and thrown in with the ham. Turkey is done. Turns out, though my hostess is an excellent cook, she has never made turkey. EVER. I happen to me the designated turkey maker in my family. I rock the shit out of turkeys - a food that I abhor so much I absolutely refuse to eat it 364 days of the year. But boy do I make 'em moist and flavorful. So it was not with little horror did I react when I pulled the 2011Turkey out of the oven and discovered hostess has punched a hole in the oven bag. Ay-ya-yah!!! I've done my best turkey CPR and a little voodoo dance. We'll see how it goes.
12:05pm Whoa!!! All I know is that it was just before 9 and I was enjoying my turkey and stuffing breakfast when all of the sudden I was coming to on the couch where I apparently passed out for almost 3 hours. Sweet! This is one of the things that would not have happened had I took my brother-in-law up on his TDay invite. And it turns out the turkey is very tasty and not as dry as I was afraid it would be. Not as moist as my turkeys but edible. In any case, the ham, sweet potatoes, and lasagna are all done so we have plenty options.
Blogger is no longer letting me upload pics so please picture a gorgeously brown 12-pounder right here.
Kids are on the playground out in the backyard. It finally warmed up enough to pull them away from Dora and Diego and Little Einstein.
Hostess is suggesting we bring the party over to my brother's house for a little bit. She is my brother's ex-girlfriend. Did I tell you that ex-girlfriend, the hostess is batshit crazy? Did I tell you my brother is a cop? That ex-girlfriend is a former cop? That the most awfully tense 2 years our family spent was when these two loons were both packing heat while living in the same house? I don't expect a gunfire show if we do decide to go over there but it could be interesting......
2:43pm Man oh man this is turning out to be one tame Thanksgiving. Kids are up from nap and having ice cream while watching some 60s musical. Hostess is sleeping because she happens to work for a certain big box store which shall remain nameless but has decided to open up for black Friday craziness at midnight. Even some of the executive muckety-mucks like her have show up. We may or may not take a plate over to my brother. My little girl woke up from nap with a headache and a fever so we may also just cut the not-really-festive festivities short and head home.....