MEANINGLESS RAMBLINGS....

I know people say shit that you go thru in your life will only make u stronger... i believe in that. But right now, i 'd rather have my memory erased, the last 24 hours. 24hrs.... one day... what a difference a day makes.... i went from being the happiest to the saddest person on earth in a mere 24 hours.

Due to some major cosmic joke played on me, i did not manged to get to berlin (you heard that right). And the following accounts are true:

i left for the train station slightly late... and all the way to the train station i was praying that i would be able to make it time for my train to geneva. My train was supposed to leave at 1214pm, i boarded the train at 1154pm. Normally me, the kiasu sporean, would be there at least 10mins in advance, but because i wanted to save money and eat lunch in school, i could only eat at 1130am. Due to some magical thinking i did get to the train station in time...

... BUT the train was late... AGAIN!..... ITS ALWAYS LATE!!! FUCKING FRENCH!!! so all that hurrying for NOTHING. and i was freaking out. Cos i had to make a connection at Bellegarde for my train to Geneva... and the connection time was only 7mins. The announcement said that the train would depart 10mins late... and i was like "OH WHAT THE FUCK"... i had no idea when the next train leaving Bellegarde for Geneva would... so i was majorly freaking out on the train.... i was praying once again that the train would haul ass and make up some lost time...

.... BUT this time, i did not make it for my train connection... Flustered, i was scurrying round the train station trying to find out when the next train to Geneva leaves. I was thinking, worse come to worse, i will just take a cab to the airport directly... cos it looks quite near on the map. Thankfully the next train was only 25mins later... and it was an express train. So i basically i lost only 10 to 15min by the time i reached Geneva.

"Thank God" i was telling myself... "i finally made it to Geneva". Now i only need to make it to the Airport in time. And i did... althou i did overpay for a 3francs ticket because i didnt know the machine didnt issue the overpaid portion. All was fine.... i made it to the airport. I checked in so early i had 1 1/2hrs to kill. I was so excited. i get to meet my frens in less than 2 hours.....that 2 hours turned out to be ETERNITY.

Upon arrival at the German customs, the police told me there is something wrong with my visa. They brought me to their little polizei station in the airport. All i could think at that time was "neh... shudnt be a problem. Singapore passport is king. i can travel to 99% of the countries in the world without a visa anyway"....

i wasnt majorly panicking yet.... until they told me, "no, your visa states that u can ONLY stay in FRANCE for the entire 6months because it is a special visa for students. If you want to travel out, you need to apply for a tourist visa".... You've got to be shitting me right? i paid 100euros for this fucking visa that restricts my travel?

And i told him as a Singaporean, i can travel to the EU for 90 days without a visa anyway, but he said "NO. If you have this visa, you are bounded to it. YOU ARE CONSIDERED A STUDENT, NOT A TOURIST"

i was this close to peeing in my pants. "i am a fucking criminal" i thought to myself. they are going to handcuff me and put me in a cell and deport me back. for 3 hours, no one came to talk to me. Fortunately, the policemen were nice... they didnt strip search me or anything.... but when no one talks to u in a police station for 3 hrs, one gets a little frazzled. I called Siwei, who was in Sttugart. I asked him to explain to the police in german that i only wanted to travel.

"NO"

Siwei asked his German roomate Gabriel to talk to the police as well.

"NO" came the reply

i was freaking out. i was supposed to meet my frens 3 hours ago and i was no where near clearing this shit up. One of the police men was kind enuff and asked me if i wanted to call my embassy. i felt so stupid... i shud have asked them hours ago to let me do that.

I talked to the ambssador (or someone who works for the embassy). He talked to the police. the police handed me back the phone.... APPARENTLY, i had a special 6months passport for students that indeed restricts my travelling.... i told the ambassador no one told me ANYTHING when i made my visa back in Spore. I checked and dbl checked and there was no such ruling i in the French Embassy's website regarding this. I was so FUCKING pissed and felt so helpless at the same time.

he told me "But all is not lost yet.... i will try to contact his superior and try to sort out the situation. In the meantime, the police told me you are allowed to walk about in the transit lounge... and you can eat and go to the toilet. But if they are mistreating you in ANY way, let me know. But i doubt they will since they know i am from the embassy" I LOVE IT when pple use superiority to scare the fucking police. And i LOVE Singaporeans with their never-say-die attitude.

But alas, after 40mins, he called me and said the police wudnt budge.... and i have to be deported back to Geneva the next morning at 7am.... I was shocked. i was in disbelief. I was still in disbelief when i boarded the plane back to Geneva.... what the fuck man.

On the way back on the train, i finally broke down. What was supposed to be an amazing trip turned out to be the worst 24hours of my life. I was still sick, i was hungry, i havent bathed for 24hours and i was tired. i cried in the fucking train during the last 30mins. I was so embarrassed. I dunno how to break the news to my parents... that i wasted 300euros for a fucking trip to nowhere. I was so determined to make the most of out this crap, i took pictures of the berlin airport. SO.PATHETIC.

i called my sister on the tram and i broke down again, in front of everyone. they were going to celebrate my dad's bday. I told her not to tell them yet... i didnt want to ruin the celebrations.

And all this time i was thinking:

i wished i had someone with me at the airport when i was all alone and had to deal with the unknown
i wished i hadnt come to france in the first place
i wished someone at the french embassy told me about the fucking visa
i wished i didnt take french when i was in year 1
i wished Siwei insisted that i took German with him instead of French
i wished someone could erase the last 24hrs of my life...

It was wierd... i left for Geneva at 1225pm on friday, and i arrived today, at 1225pm. i arrived in berlin alomst 7pm last nite, and i took a 7am flight back to Geneva. The powers that be is seriously playing a big joke on me.

Now, i have to call the spore embassy here, i have to go and buy food for the next 2 weeks, i have to find something to do for the next 14days... if not i will go crazy. Maybe i will go to some parts in france... i dunno. its too last minute. Or maybe i will study.

but right now, i just need to rest..... and i would appreciate it if no one asked me "so, how was your Easter trip"..... because there was none.

Finally.... the day has come. I will be away from 30th March till 14th April to the folling places:


guess i wont be around to update this blog so don't bother checking till 2 weeks later. In the meantime to all my final year hall mates, GOOD LUCK FOR COMMAND and to the rest back home, GOOD LUCK FOR THE EXAMS PREPARATION! It sucks ass but it will be over soon! *coughs*

I know my recent posts have been depressing.... Just to prove to u that i am actually having fun, here are the pics to Tytti's 26th Birthday celebration!

i was just celebrating Tytti's birthday at some restaurant at bellecour last nite... i was staring out the window, at the drizzle, the nite lights... and then it suddenly hit me. Like... finally. "oh my god.... i'm in France." I've been in France for almost 3 months now... that's almost a 100 days, almost half my SEP is over...

And then i started to ask myself if i've become a jaded old man.... i cant feel anymore. I'M IN FRANCE!!! Sep should still be exciting! But my friends recently asked me why nowadays i seldom join them, going to parties and stuff and i have become quieter than usual. And i couldn't give them an answer... all i said was i just like to be..... alone. In my own world. I've no problems eating alone... or walking alone.... or going out alone. My roomate asked me if i was depressed last week, becos i went for a walk alone. And i was like "no... i'm not depressed... i just wanna be alone"

And then last nite, Martha said "I'm so glad we got to meet you. You are so diff from other Asians who just hang out alone. We've learnt so much from your sharing..." and i was thinking to myself "hmmm have i made such a big impact? i dun even like to talk now." I'd like to think i did made an impact, but i dun think i have... i dunno

i should be missing my family and friends in Singapore by now. It's been 3 months and i feel... nothing. NOTHING! what is wrong with me??? I am incapable of feeling anymore. And it scares me... because i wasnt like this last time. I've become a hermit and i havent even realised that....

Don't misinterpret this post.... i am in no way depressed, or sad, or whatever. I'm just troubled by the fact that i am a cold-heartless creature with no feelings.... Maybe i've reached my 1/3 life crisis (yes i will die young... fortune teller say one).... or maybe i still dunno who i am.

I'd like to think that i am a complex person.... i think i am, thats why when questionnaires ask me if i'm an introvert or extrovert, i can't even decide, i dun even know.

why am i whining... i should stop. Maybe i should go to sleep....oh no scratch that. time to translate my notes. Fun.

No, this time it has got nothing to do with the french.... i think i am starting to scare future SEP students with all my horror stories.... Nooooo SEP is totally fineeee. I'm just a wuss.

Anyway, the daylight saving hours thing kicked in this Sunday morning.... bascially this DSH is to help conserve energy.... When spring comes, u lose one hour in a day and when autumn comes, you gain one hour.... SOOOOOoooo today, after 159am, it went straight to 3am.... MEANING----- i lose one hour of sleep.... and somehow i just feel to damn lethargic today. I hope its got nothing to do with this. my head hurts and i cant concentrate on ANYTHING. restless...

I got sorethroat walking up this morning... i have NO IDEA where that came from. Probably from the kinder bueno i was eating the past week. i've downed 2 cups of mint tea with honey, 4 cups of chrysanthemum tea with honey and 4 lozenges and its still not better. WELL DONE!!!

But thats not the worse part. Today, the KR Dancers is going to perform in front of a 1000+ audience in UCC tonight singapore time... ARGH... i miss dancing so much. I am JEALOUS. I want to PERFORM.... i quit my salsa class here cos the french organisation sucks so bad, i just HAD to quit. so basically i can only "dance" when i club. Which doesnt occur very frequently nowadays since i prefer to be home on friday nites....

I was missing Dance Uncensored so badly i took out last year's vcd, cooked my lunch, and watched it at exactly 230pm French time.... which is the start time DU in Singapore. OH MAn.... i sound so desperate and very much like such a loser.... i know. But i cant help it. I am a Dance whore.... I am praying VERY VERY hard that i get to perform next year... leave KR with a big fat bang.

The performance shud be over by the time i finish this post. Hope everything went well.

Sidenote:

will post more photos, from Tytti's bday celebrations and stuff when i get my freaking cable back from a fren who is away on ski trip

4 1/2 days more of class before leaving for Berlin! WOOTS! please let this week be over soon... like right......NOW

Just when i was about to complain about not getting any dreams lately, i got bombarded by 2 the past few nites. And they weren't even nice ones....

One was about cockroaches.... my most feared enemy. and there were thousands of them... infested in my room, my toilet, my bathroom.... EVERYWHERE. the wierd thing was i wasnt scared of them in my dream.... i was just indifferent. Like it's something normal.

The other one which i got last nite was worse. My dad was trying to kill me... ok i forgot if i was the trying to kill him or the other way round. Apparently he came out of our house... was mumbling that "you have only one heart, one body.... you BETTER STOP EATING... if not you will eat yourself to death" ......then i was like "oh you're the one to talk.... i'm not the one who drinks every nite and killing my liver" and then he was like chasing after me with a fork trying to stab me.

This is soooo dysfunctional. In the end i think someone got stabbed. i think it was me.... i think i mumbled or screamed in this nightmare cos this morning my roomate was like "hey cheong, did you have a nightmare last nite?" and i was like "oh shit did i wake u?" SO EMBARASSING. But at least he got to be the victim of not being able to sleep well for once.

oh and my Dad's birthday is coming soon. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

MORAL OF THE STORY: the cockroaches are actually french pple and i have gotten used to them... and i should eat less... well, at least thats how i interpret them.

1. Good News!!! After writing an email to Prof Wee, literally BEGGING for help, i finally get to drop some of the modules here! Which means, more time to work on my french, more time to work on my current modules, free-er time slots, all these for the same number of MCs! NOW I CAN BREATHE!

All thanks to desmond who made me realise how unhappy i am, squeezing all those modules, my sis, siwei and skee for making me realise how sucky i am at writing formal letters... yes. Now i noe never to CAPITALIZE my words to emphasize something because it seems rude. (Now why didnt i think of that earlier)

2. Everyone around me tells me to "t'inquiete pas" (Don't Worry).... seems like i am the only one here freaking out most of the time, worrying about nonsense like not being able to do porjects, not knowing where the lab rooms are, apologising to team mates about not being ablt to contribute much.... my mum used to say i am the least stressed person in the family. I BEG TO DIFFER. I was so stressed i dreamt about cockroaches the other nite.... i was THAT stressed.

3. There is something freakishly wrong with the weather.... just when i thought i wun ever have to wear my down jacket anymore.... the temperature this week is forecasted to drop to 0degrees AGAIN! and it's going to snow... AGAIN. in fact it snowed ice just now for about 30mins....what in the world is going wrong??! I strongly believe that the world is going to explode. soon.

4. I hate to go out nowadays... even my friends have been asking me why i seldom go out now. i dunno... i just prefer to stay in my room... buy a bottle of wine, watch a movie and go to sleep. i feel so old.... i don't exactly like to go out and party anymore. partly because i have been overspending on food.... but also the latin americans are sometimes to rowdy when they get drunk. and i really hate noise. so. no more big fat parties in the future.

5. I love to cook!!! i just cooked what i think is AGLIO OLIO!!! WOOTS!! ok i used penne instead of the stringy noodles but it turned out to be really quite good! That plus fried sausages, egg, mushrooms and zucchini and you get a FANTASTIC meal! i am such a genius!


6. Random pics from the previous week

remember the birthday celebration of Martha almost 2 months back?? here's a random video i just received, proof that i was drunk, proof that there were erm 1000 pple in my room at 230am in the morning, and why the campus security came and why i got a warning....

One of those i-just-wanna-stay-in-my-room moods again. so it's blogging time again!!!

I finally, FINALLY went for a jog yesterday evening. I always had this image in my mind, me, running in the beautiful woods, wind in my hair, dirt on my feet, me sweating my ass off and glistening in my perpiration looking my sweaty best in the middle of spring.... yes daydreaming got the best of me.

You see I havent ran since.... oh, december?? and i thought genetics would help me run like i did during army days (my mum plays netball and badminton, my dad plays basketball and badminton and my sis, netball and volleyball), BUT of course, i was totally in denial and the truth was the complete opposite....

i got stitch halfway thru the run, i didnt have proper running shoes, my legs itched from what i think were the bugs, and the friggin heatrash made an ominous presence.... i couldnt catch my breath and i basically stopped after probably... 2.4km. THAT SUCKS ASS.

i realised i becoming round... like even my stomach that used to be a tyre for motorcycle has grown to gargantuan proportions (ie. monster truck size). No thanks to the carbo i have been downing since i came here. At least 2 bread a day... and all the pasta shit. I feel so heavy...

And i dunno why but my feet has become really smelly these days.... it wasnt like this when i first came... so i went to google and since this wasnt a problem before, i could only narrow down to 1. Hormonal changes or 2. Stress.... which is really worrying since i dun think i am a woman... and that leads to STRESS!!!!

how can i be stressed??? i self-study barely 4 hours a week!!! IT MUST BE THE FRENCH PPLE WHO ARE STRESSING ME OUT!!!! argh. And after the easter break, i would have mondays and tuesdays 8 to 6pm lessons with 2 hour lunch break and basically no more free days (*gasp*). The timetable is so sick it makes me wanna gag and puke. i really dread going to class now. it's not fun, at all.

Decided to go explore my surroundings a bit... realised that there's a big park just behind my residence but i have been too lazy all these while... so i hauled ass on this beautiful sunny evening to go for a walk, clear my brain, have some "me" time

here's a current update of stuff:

1. Salsa last week was a bit disappointing. There were more girls this time... but the organisation of the club is really really bad. Guys without partners were just left standing there... everyone was talking at the same time... no one was really listening to the person and it was just really messy.

I'll probably go for one more this thursday... if the situation doesnt improve, i may just not go in the future.... 10euros for one free sleeveless and 3 lessons... ok i think i got back my money's worth.

2. Despite the fact that i like my roomate (note the singularity. i dun really care for the french guy. in fact even if he dropped dead in his room i wudnt even have noticed), sometimes the both of them does (or doesnt) do stuff that irks me so bad. They leave their fucking dishes in the basin for like 1000years and not wash them. and its not like i have a Martha Steward sized kitchen. its so puny so i need all the space i can get.

the brazilian guy has been airing his sleeping bag and mattress in the balcony for more than 2 weeks now and unless they are bug infested or something, i really dun get why he hasnt kept them in.

BUT the ultimate irksome thing that they do not do is to scoop up the gunk thats trapped by the gulleyhole in the shower. Somehow, the water seems to be flowing away damn slowly.... and there is like gunk EVERYwhere on the floor... hair, mucous, stuff.... and i am always the one who has to scoop them up. I dun even wanna know what is swimming around my feet when i am bathing... i mean i even have to wash one leg at a time and get out of the shower. its that bad.

Maybe i should just get the concierge to dechoke that bloody hole... its just nonsensical. probably only ants can crawl thru them...

3. and speaking of toilet business.... it irks me how the french pple dun wash their hands after going to the toilet...

4. ... and how they write their decimal points with commas and their 9-s like g-s and their tangents as tg. Like seriously. FUCKING ridiculous.

5. but i do love that we get to print stuff for free in the comp lab and get free notes all properly binded, FOC!!

6. I hate that all my tutorials are more like time slots for projects and up till now i have NEVER encountered a SINGLE tutorial question... and apparently there are no past year papers available... erm. ok. this is seriously warped. how am i supposed to study?

7. i like the warm weather now, but i dun like the fact that i may get heat rash out of a sudden and my body starts to itch.

alright this seems more like a whine-fest but really, i am enjoying myself... it's just the french pple i cant stand in general... and that sucks cos i'm in F**king France.

Not wanting to sound like a black, this week, it's all about "REPRESENT"ing who we are as we kick off La Semaine Asiatique (or Asia week in English). And it was a damn good period for holding this event as well because the weather is just nice, everyday it's over 10degree and Flowers....

are....

Wah pengzzzz, it's really such a small world. today in soil mechanics class, the lecturer showed pictures of the Nicoll Highway collapse to the entre lecture hall.... yes i am not shitting you. Bad publicity actually travels halway round the world and bite u back in the ass.... apparently his Singaporean friend in Singapore sent this those images (TRAITOR!!) i could literally hear the collective "gasp" when the french pple saw those pictures.... tsk tsk tsk...

thanks a lot more making my social life here with the french more easy. I'm quite sure the next time i need to do project and i introduce myself, "hi i'm from Singapore", they will all run away from me.....i was this close to digging a hole and hide.

And then for this week's Asia Week, they are actually screening Infernal Affairs.... and i was quite surprised that pple here actually heard of the movie...a french guy i know have actually seen it once and said "it was SO good", like with so much conviction. Ale and Martha also said they would LOVE to see the show.... wow i'm asian but i dun even think it's that great. Am i like the least patriotic person on earth???

And for this wednesday, we have to man the Singapore tent... not that i dun like doing it.... but the french pple have a knack for planning things really last minute.... in the end i asked the china girl (who studies in NTU) to help me sew 5stones beanbags.... with my rag. Cos i couldnt find any cloth. I'll be cooking bak kut teh and green bean soup for the first time in my life....IN MY LIFE!!! i hope i wun make then hate singapore by the end of the day..... tsk tsk. SO mah fun.

After 2 months of salcking, i finally hauled my fat ass and joined a dance club in INSA!!! Joined the beginners class of Salsa.... dancing is so my element.... despite not fully comprehending the instructions, i did understand the counting..."un deux trois.... cinq six sept..." wahwahwah damn happening.

Slight bummer, was that there were obviously more guys than girls... like a gross difference of 8 to 1... so i dunno what will happen when there is a need for partner work.... hopefully those with 2 left feet will be scareded away so there will be lesser guys. whahaha evil!!! hehe, kidding.

But yeah, and i'm quite sure at least one of them is impressed that a friggin chink can follow so fast. The girl with the giant heaving boobs (literally giant... i'm not a professional in bra cup sizes but those jugs at least warrents an F or G) gave me a "thumbs up"... and althou i'm not fullly aware of european sign language, i'm quite sure a thumbs up doesnt mean "oh no you screwed up sooooo bad"... or "up your ass"

Woots! all that for just 10euros plus i get a free sleeveless that i now use as my sleeping attire. All is good now....