MEANINGLESS RAMBLINGS....

Yay!!! i got my first pay!!!!!....... I should be feeling more excited but i'm not. i mean duh. it's about time. but nonetheless.... YAY cos its the first good thing to come out of this horrible week. more money = more spending power = more retail therapy.....so.... YAY!!! :)))))))

But scarily true... well most of it.
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Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Not this feeling again. i had to literally drag my ass/feet out of that place.... and i even looked back when i was leaving. If not for van who had to work early today, i probably wouldnt have left so early. And then u see your frens busy with getting to know the new pple, u dun wanna go and bother them. And then u ask yourself why are u back in the first place.

I was telling Van how sentimental i get, even as a kid. Before throwing my old shoes away down the rubbish chute, i had to kiss it goodbye... and say sorry. I know, very retarded & very lame. But it seems like i am forsaking them for something newer...

Exactly how long do i need to get over it? Cos this is getting a little borderline sad, pathetic and loserly. Please let it be soon.

and to sidetrack a little. Am i the only human left on this planet to not have watched The Dark Knight? omg.... someone watch it with me pls. cos all the pple i am supposed to watch it with all PANGSEH me.

For most parts of my life, i have been pretty much an angry person. Sometimes, I get angry with my parents for constantly being passive-aggressively controlling... i get angry at my frens for being slow, late and indecisive.... i get angry with people in general who misunderstand and judge me when they dun even know me. Sometimes, i even get angry for reasons unknown.

And then... somehow... today, i woke up with a new sense of clarity. Why so angry all the time? You only get to live once, and i dun wanna be remembered as the grouch when i die... I guess being happy lies in the art of accepting things you cant change and embracing the little quirks and idiosyncrasies of your life that makes you.... you. i dun really know how to explain it, but i feel a need to change. fast.

So help me. Remind me to take a chill pill, take a deep breath.... and most imptly, remind me to smile a little when my emotions show. After all.... i think my smile fucking rocks. No?? hehe.

Resolved. Case Closed. Moving on....

its funny how the people whom i most want to see now are the exact people who betrayed me.

It was a classic situation of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.... or being at the right place at the right time, depending how u look at it.

You think walking into people talking smack about you behind your back only happens in movies. Oh noooo, so wrong. When you tell something intimate about yourself that you have spent your life trying to safeguard, you are basically throwing yourself out there... and hope fully people will respect you for being you. But in this case, the people whom i entrusted obviously doesnt give a rat's ass about that.

In the wee hours of the morning, when u are all intoxicated and you get yourself into this situation. Your mind races with random thoughts and goes into hypermode, "Are these people even my friends anymore"... "Who else have they told"... and then you dun really know what to think.

Seriously guys, next time i'll just give u a loudhailer. And you can just tell the entire world for me. The only consolation--- you get to know who your real frens are. those who lend you a shoulder to cry on when you feel like others just stabbed you in the back, gouged out your heart and shred it into pieces.

by the request of a certain Miss Ong, i have decided to do and update. workload has slowly (but surely) started to increase. my invisibility cloak has lost its power.... i have a new deputy director sitting opposite me.... thank god my laptop is not facing her so i can still do my random surfing....

was told to sit in a super late, last minute meeting yesterday at 530pm. got a little worried i wun be able to make it to meet the rest at cityhall at 7pm.... surprisingly the meeting ended in 30mins so i made it there only slightly late. Had a lot of meetings lately, many of which i dun understand still, but it seems they dun ever get solutions from those meetings... its just working with unknowns, unknowns and more unknowns. And then making assumptions.... cant really go into details.....

YAY its the weekend. i'm shocked at how fast one week passes..... serious. you wake up, go to work, go home.... repeat 5 times, and the weekend is here again!! Finally going to watch movie..... i cant remember when i watched my last movie.... no wait. it was zohan. hahah lame. but tonights going to be RED CLIFF BABY!!!! so exciting. i managed to set up a whole evening of events for 9 pple in less than 24 hours. i think i rocks.... maybe if this current job doesnt work out, i shud become some events planner or something.

ALRIGHTSSSS thats it. THat probably took up 5mins of your time, MIss ong, hope it helps!

Shit, i think my foot just became worse. I was in so much pain i could hardly walk to the mrt. I nearly fainted when i stepped out of the train at Outram, probably cos i was standing up all the way from Kovan. And as if that isnt bad enuff, i only had a seat at Buona Vista. In the end, i had to rest twice while walking to the office... which is only 200m away. I guess i have to see some die da doctor tonight. GG.

The last time i was in this much pain was during Rag Dance 3 years ago when i smashed one of my heel against the floor (i forgot which one but i have a nagging feeling that it might have been the right, thats why its so weak now) during one of the rehearsals. Somehow i managed to endure the pain all the way after Rag (ahhh endorphins), and then it became so bad after that i had to wrap my heel for nearly a week.

In other less painful news (but no less troubling), i think i may be heading to Vietnam for some business trip.... nothing is concrete yet. dun have any details. But the word "Vietnam" just brought back so many wonderful memories of my trip..... i definitely dun think i will enjoy this trip as much.... mainly because:

1. i wun be with my frens
2. it is a BUSINESS trip after all
3. i dun really know the pple i am going with, as of now
4. but mainly because------->refer back to point 1

Aye. Just when i tot i was over being emo about everything. they just HAD to send me to Vietnam of all places....

dunno to feel sad, or excited or... what. but at the moment, i am not exactly looking forward to it.....
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and i think i should make my blog private... now that i am working. not very nice to let my colleagues know what i am doing.... or thinking. Maybe over the weekend i will change the settings..... if u want to continue patronising this blog, just let me know i guess.

I have been walking with a limp since Monday. I think was too hiong playing vball on sunday. spike jump spike jump. Think i didnt land properly somehow.... or maybe cos of my slightly flat-footed feet. Very pain.... actually its very very pain. Probably hit a nerve in my right sole. Pain until just now robson commented that i look like i have piles.... :((((((((

I don't understand why my workplace insists on:

1) Blasting the aircondition to arctic freezing temperatures. come on guys 25deg is the way to go. Or maybe even higher.

2) Printing everything one sided. Seriously i think my company kills at least one bukit timah nature reserve in a day. whats wrong with printing on both sides anyway? And why do i need to reprint when its only trival typo mistakes?

3) providing styrofoam cups at every water dispensing machines. (which i am guilty of using. i should start using my own cup/mug)

Yet another monday, yet another 5 days of work. geez. it's already my 4th week. the thought scares me a little. but watever.

Sunday was spent playing vball at Sentosa again. i'm led to think that i MAY have finally found a team game that i actually love and look forward to playing... which i think is a miracle. hahaha. Despite the rain that poured initially (and then halfway thru the afternoon), it was yet another enjoyable day out.... until Mabel's bag got stolen while we were playing the last game. Damn upsetting. but then, shit happens. Felt so sorry for her, cos i think she has been experiencing some major shit in her life right now....The night ended with another circle of trust. ahaha. we are running out of things to say to each other that we resort to digging out each other's dirty laundry.

And while running to catch the train at harbourfront, i RAMMED my left little into the railing of the mrt. FREAK. Super pain. Bled a little. but heng ah. althou the wound seems semi-deep, it didnt hurt so much after, just a lil bit sore.

Looking forward to the next sentosa outing.... but i dun think there wud be one for a very long time... cos FWOC's starting next sunday... and then school will reopen and IBG's going to start and everyone in hall will be busy and would want to go home during weekends. Hopefully that wun happen... but i'm not too optimistic abt the situation.

Oh well, we shall see.
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*UPDATE
Sentosa pple told Mabel that they found her bag!! hahah YAY for her. thou her hp and cash were gone, at least her other valuables like IC were still inside! thats 100bucks saved man. WOOTS

Kup-ed and edited from someone else's blog:

Sometimes, you scroll to a certain name in your phonebook wondering if you should call or message. Sometimes, you find yourself drawn to a certain person's facebook homepage. Sometimes, you go through your MSN contact list, just to see if that someone is online. Sometimes, while doing all of this, the person magically sends you a random MSN message.

And that just made your day.

So after 4 years, i finally graduated!! Commencement was fine i suppose... as boring as i tot it would be... felt so happy and bittersweet at the same time... when they played a video for the graduating class and events of the past year, i caught a glimpse of KR's rag at Padang... and then everything about acad year 08/09 came flooding back and i started to tear again... but this time it was tears of joy.... (haha i should seriously get my tearducts checked out)

Memories of a horrible design project group which i somehow became the de facto leader of.... doing FYP, taking the same module with Robson and Xianhui after one year of taking our own electives, walking back to hall late at nite with Weyling after TP class, then with everything that happened in hall. felt super proud of myself. I HAVE DONE IT!!!! I survived NUS!

Proud Parents
"WOOOOOTS!!!"

i have never felt so vulnerable and helpless in my life. not even when i was all alone in france. i will suddenly be reduced to tears for no reason.... while bathing. when eating. when staring at the computer screen. while thinking random thoughts.

i dunno whats wrong with me. i think i maybe bi-polar. i dun feel like going home. i dun feel like going to work. so i jampack my weekday nites and weekend nites with meeting with frens to fill up my otherwise empty life.

Probably due to the cumulation of events. my sister moving out. working life. missing hall. feeling alone.

i seriously need to climb out of this hole.

The plus point of working: you get your own namecard. exciting!

The bad point: Waking up to a torrential downpour and realise you cant sleep in and nua in bed... and u have to go walk in the freaking rain to get to the MRT.

honestly.... i rather sleep in. GG

i miss being a student.

i miss being able to sleep late at nite at god forbidden hours.... doing nothing but wasting countless hours on msn/facebook/tabloids/youtubing or suppers at fong seng

i miss being able to stay out past midnight without worrying if i can wake up the next morning for work. I have to get home by 1130pm nowadays and sleep by 1am. if not tmr morning at work sure GG.

i miss being able to take afternoon naps whenever i wish, instead of hiding in the toilet... like its some disgraceful thing to do

i miss the convenience of waking up 30mins before lecture time, dress in berms, t shirt and slippers... now i have to wake up at 7am everyday... bua with everyone on the trains for 1hour, and most of the time, without a seat. and then i got to repeat the process another time when i go home. AND i got to do this for probably 300 days a year for the next 40 years. NICE.

i miss having people around me all the time... and i can go to their rooms and nua and talk shit. Now its just me, my 4 walls and my comp at home. so lonely. no one to talk to. very depressing.

shit man i feel so lost

okok i think i wanna cry already. i should not be seen tearing in my office. big boo boo

Jordin Sparks Feat Chris Brown - No Air
Uploaded by FresHipHop

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Ohh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That´s how I feel whenever you ain't there
that's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
there's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That´s how I feel whenever you ain't there
that's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
there's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

So, one week over as a working adult. Got to say, aint lovin it at the moment. The good thing thou, i have my own HUGE desk, my own laptop and a thumbdrive within 5 hours. and i (sort of) decorated the panels with photos from hall.

Some guy dressed as a clown came bursting into office the 2nd day of work, promoting the company DnD which will be on the 18th July.... giving out helium filled balloons which GG-ed the next day. Kinda random but hey... at least it broke the monotony of a lazy Wednesday afternoon.

sorry a bit zi lian... but cant help it. i was too bored.
Friday nite met up with Ak, Kep, ZX and Yukai who came back from French Immersion in Lyon, looking a bit skinnier and darker but otherwise pretty much the same.

Headed over to Gotham Penthouse with ZX to meet Han, Tongdee and JP but the taxi queue was too damn long at Hyatt. Seriously la... waited 30mins for it. Wait until i nearly wanted to VOMIT. pacing up and down. But finally we did arrive at clarke quay and found out we were late for the stupid damn party and our tickets were invalid. Headed over to some bars for drinks as i was too sick to club. Someone must be backstabbing me (or thinking fondly of me... thou seriously i think its the former). Keep sneezing and sneezing. Realised it was already freaking 2am.... left for supper and finally got home at 3am.

There ya go. one week of events all in one shot.

In other bits of randomness.... i discovered a birds nest at my neighbour's house's plant and found 2 baby birdeessss. DAMN CUTE RIGHT!!! but u should have seen it one week ago when it was featherless and humongous eyes. very gross. not a pretty sight.... but now they are as cute as furballs!! like SEBAS! haha watevs. and the parents are always on some nearby railing looking out for the babies. so sweet. AYE

Lastly... quarter life crisis is taking its toll on me. Generally unhappy and moody and prone to bouts of silence-ness.

i have resorted to checking my emails and facebook 100 times a day. SERIOUSLY! my god. shoot me now!

First day at work yesterday. And i can officially say that MORNING TRAFFIC sucks ass. You have to bua so many people on the train... and the worse thing is there is no place to sit.... and i cant imagine going thru this motion for the next 50 years. I am even contemplating taking one station back from Outram to Harbourfront so i can have place to sit when i go home.

The colleagues are nice i supposed. havent really got to know any of them since they all look busy... dun wanna disturb. Had lunch with 2 of them.... and they were still talking work stuff.... SERIOUSLY. lunch also want to talk work la! wth.

I was so bored on my bored day i finish reading my 8days cover to cover from 10am to 3pm. Thank god my laptop came after that... could do some random surfing, even if it meant no youtube (cos they blocked it) and some primitive version of msn that they have installed in the comp. And then when i hear footsteps have to close all msn windows and act busy, even thou i really have nothing to do. AYEEEEE.

Finally met the boss today. Have to sit in a meeting tmr. decorated my board with a couple of pictures. Now still got nothing to do. bumming bumming.....out

all i can say is.... i want to go back to 3rd june.