Gaming-In-Progress

Running studies is really quite fun..but then again, maybe it's too early to tell.
The novelty hasn't worn off yet maybe?

Very very tempted to take on another RA-ship, now that our studies are mostly done for now.

But I really need to get my priorities right.
Studies first. Studies first. Seriously.
But at the same time, it's just so tempting....

i shall survive this semester.
Over the loneliness, over the stress, over the uncertainty. 

I hope someday that I will find the strength in me to forgive you for what you did.
But until then, I cannot forgive. Neither can I forget.

I'm sorry it has to be this way.
 --

开心就好.
可是有时后要开心不是一个那么简单的事

Money is the root of all evil.
It reveals the foulness of the human psyche.
It uncovers the greed inherent in us.

This sickness, spreads like a disease.
It infects everyone around the table, every person it touches.
Evil thoughts spread like a plague, consuming the group.
It is terrifying to think the effect money could have on us.

Today, I witnessed it first hand.
I'm repulsed and disgusted by what I see.
Instead of being grateful, we yearn for more.
More money, even when the money is not our own.

Today has indeed been an eye-opener.
I am glad I took no part in it.
But at the same time, I cannot ignore everything that has happened.
It grates on me, how ungrateful he is.
How spiteful he is.

Will today be one of the days that changes my life perspective?
I do not know.
But I know that today is a day where I lose a little bit of faith in humanity.

I used to think there is good in everyone, that everyone has kindness in their hearts.
I still do.
But today, I also found out that we are capable of evil, that there is also inherent evil in us.

Treat people with kindness, because that's the least we can all do.
Treat people with sincerity, because that's the least they deserve.
Treat people with respect, because every human's dignity is worth at least that.

conformity used to work against me.
find something to instill guilt and shame upon me, and I'll probably go along with the flow.

I don't want to go somewhere.
Oh why not just call my cousin and beg me to go.
Oh why not just call my aunt to ask me to go instead.
Oh why not just say that everyone will be going and so I should go too.

Yea, that probably worked like a charm countless times.
I probably can't even recall how many times I fell prey to that.


But when you realize that you are accountable to no one but yourself,
when you need no social acceptance from anyone else other than yourself,
when you don't really care what other people thinks about you,

Then conformity no longer has a hold over you.

I know everyone probably has their own stuff to do, but doesn't mean we  can all ignore the work that needs to be done.
 
Didn't expect myself to be frustrated over group work when it's only week 3.

These past few days, I've been thinking of what I wanna have as a career after I graduate.
But as hard as I try, I can't seem to find an answer.

I know what I don't wanna be.
I don't want to be involved in counseling.
I don't want to be involved in social work.
Well, not yet anyway.

I don't want a 8 to 5 job.
I don't want a job with bullshit office politics.
I don't want a job with idiot colleagues.
I don't want a job with an autocratic boss.

I don't want to be in the finance industry.
I don't want to be in the business industry.
I don't want to be in the manufacturing industry.
I don't want to be in the service industry.

I don't wanna work over-time, no matter how much you pay me.
I don't want my boss to call me when I'm on holiday.
I don't want my boss to call me after work hours.

I'm serious.
I want work-life balance.
I want a job where it don't dominate my life.

I want flexible working hours.
I want to be able to work from home.

But at the same time,
I want to earn enough money.
Okay I don't have to be filthy rich, but I don't want to just live in a HDB flat and drive a Toyota.


Heck. When I get married, I don't mind not working and just stay home to care for my kids.
If I ever find a girlfriend in the first place that is.

I miss you.