Monday, January 30, 2006

i never knew wat it was like to be admitted into the hospital...
cuz i've never been admitted before even when i was young...
and cuz of dat... i used to wonder...
wat would the feeling be like to have ur loved ones visit u...
loved ones excludes ur family members...
i used to wonder...
how would the other party's reaction be when i get admitted...
will he come and visit me.... will be be very worried... etc...

today i got my answer...
no... i did not get admitted into a hospital....
but someone did...

when i got the news of it....
i actually thot it was a joke...
but i immediately tried to contact him....

the line was engaged.... den i got worried...
perhaps it was true...horrors to horrors...
it was real...

immediately...
i rushed to the hospital...
not caring about anything else...
in my heart...
i felt worried... and depressed...
seriously not knowing wat to do...
i just felt dat i had to be there...
next to him...
i was already prepared to stay over if the need comes...

so now i know the feeling...

r a ! n a _____________*

Sunday, January 22, 2006

i'm feeling much better already...
after those sweet encouragements from nes n missy...

i should be glad for watever i already have...
him who said he is going to wait for me...
nes who will always be there for me... and always my angel...
missy who will gimme many many huggies just to cheer me up...
and many more who will remember me....

for him... though there are no promises...
i know we will be able to get over dis ordeal...
and after dat we will get the happiness that we have always wanted...
it is the trust and confidence that we have in each other dat will bring us thru everything...
Distance will not be a barrier!!

for nes nes...
we can sense each other's presence and have the same kind of mood at the same time...
so i know she will always be there for me....
she is my other half in my previous lifetime...
and cuz we were too xing fu...
we had to get separated and go thru all the different tests....
hee... we will always have each other....

for missy...
though know her for a short period of time...
her views on things makes me respect her....
her determination makes me salute her...
so in whole she is my ke ai de hao peng you....

so will all these little wonders around me...
i'm bound to be happy...
just expect a little less...
trust a little more...
and everything would be fine....

i have the trust and the confidence to do it....
so i'm fine...
(",)












*p/s: i give missy 1000 huggies... cuz she is feeling down.... hope she will get better soon... and smile more at me.... and gimme more huggies too.... SMILE!! =D

r a ! n a _____________*

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

just finished watching "Devil beside you" dat jiawen lent me....
it is such a nice show... (",)

however... it sets me tinking about everything dat is around....
everything dat is happening.... going to happen and all dat has happened...

watever dat has happened...
made me a stronger person...
but if another same situation is to happen...
how am i suppose to take it...
how am i suppose to pick myself up again....
will the same beliefs dat held me strong...
the philosophies dat i held so high regard for...
still function the same way as it did before....

everything dat is happening now....
i'm very satisfied with it...
and wished it will all just stay the same always...
though sometimes there will be things dat makes me upset....
but it all adds up tiny happiness...
the arguments...
the tears...
the feeling of heart pain...
all adds up...

and for watever dat is going to happen...
i hold fear ....

the day it was set dat i'm going overseas for studies till now...
i never felt like the present feeling ever before....
though i predict and know i will feel sad... or perhaps something stronger...
it never occured to me dat it will be like dis...
this feeling... can't be described...
it is much more den sadness...
much more den pain...
much more den anything else...

i thought everything would be so simple like it was years before...
but it isn't...
years before... i was sad... i felt pain...
but now... the feeling is too intense... too uncomfortable...
too much for me to take...

i thot it did not matter...
and it will not affect me so much...
but i was wrong...

" i will wait..." dat is wat he said...
i should be happy enuff...
enuff to last me till the next time i meet him...
but added behind dat sentence...

"but... there will be 2 scenarios... one would be waiting with no change in feelings... still be as close when u come back after 2 years.... and another... waiting also without changes in my feelings... but no longer close to one another like before..."

as much as i dun wan to believe dat the second one will happen...
but the possibility is always there...
and it makes me feel unsafe....
feel afraid...

i take it easy behaving dat i'm not affected...
but inside... who can understand...
when i read missy's blog saying small serene.. i will miss u much much de...
it fell... the tears dat i've been controlling all dis while finally fell...
and it continues...

it is not going to be easy...
but since it is the step i'm going to take...
i've to stay by it....

please dun ask me why i made dis decision...
and please stay by me...

i will miss him... cuz he is 我心里最重要与重视的人...
i will miss my xiao tou... cuz 她是能让我把心里话统统说出来的人...
i will miss missy too... cuz 她是我一个好可爱的好朋友...

too many to mention....
in short...
i will miss everyone...

我怎么还在记忆里徘徊
一个我最爱的人已不在
从没想到你竟然狠心这样
看着最爱你的人选择离开
手机号码还在 随时都开
为了你不能改

总在期盼哪天你真的回得来
爱在我心里面 象个小孩
要呵护要依赖
没有人可以一口气说个明白

it just seems dat he is singing dis song to me...


等待已久的幸福未来一定会实现的...

只要两个彼此相爱的人认定了方向, 就一定不会出差错...

r a ! n a _____________*

Monday, January 09, 2006

i really wan to know...
how fake can a person get...

everything can be very superficial...
and some just put up a show to look nice in front of others....
haha... but no matter how "nice" u act....
sooner or later.... the act will eventually fall apart...
and where are u to put ur face den...

anyway...
on a lighter note...
those who sincerely wan to meet me....
and not just say things for fun....
gimme a call okie...
i'm free!!

and those coming...
or rather those who responded...
thanks...

r a ! n a _____________*

Sunday, January 01, 2006

*`~!~´*`~!~´*`~!~´*
*`~!~´*`~!~´*`~!~´*
,,,
(,")
¿_(')')
Many Showers of blessing fall upon everyone...
Happy 2006 !
()""()
( 'o' )
("")
Praying for happiness to befall everyone...
Especially for my xiao tou...
';;. ' ..... ' ,/;
'';;'; ( ' . ' ) ,/;;''
'';; ( " + " ) ';;''
¯ _ _ ­­­¯
my angel will need an angel in disguise
to alway help her along...
hee... (",)

r a ! n a _____________*

The Ger



~*Serene ` Raina*~

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