getting stuff done: creating my life

sharing the joy of spontaneous self expression

which pretty much sums up.  a lot for me.

I am thinking thinking thinking so much at the moment.  things are shifting in all sorts of really interesting and good directions.  I am wondering if some things I thought i wanted a lot are going to actually go sideways or off to the backburner to fizzle out and not be as important as I thought they were, because other things are going to bubble up and become centre stage

I while a go I wrote a on a card, which is stuck up on the wall in front of me right now,

I commit to being an artist

at the moment, this is the calling that is coming through more and more.  Its a pretty broad category to be honest, and has all sorts of spin offs, but its the activity that I am loving most at the moment, and I have this feeling that...... it could work.

And I am a teacher.  Not in a school, but that I feel this, urge to  - share the joy of the doing of the thing.  And the thing is  - spontanious self expression, creative expression.  or art.

So maybe I am an art teacher.  But in the same way I am a yoga teacher and I practice yoga, I am an artist and I practice art.

I have all these little notes on the wall in front of me actually.  Another one which is really strong is

'provide pure magical energy and connection between souls'  which I also feel strongly.  Its bringing people together to share something.  Something real, that is recognised as human and important

I have this thing at the moment about human needs.  And art, and self epression is a human need, as is connection with others.  And feasting, hosting, breaking bread together.

And I have another hurried little note, on a post it. Which says "waiting to implement changes makes you already one step behind; DO IT NOW"

And that bit.  Makes me think of the changes I have been thinking of making and how, i need to do them now.

So, randomly, from that, I am going to give up sugar.  I may even do that very Brighton thing of giving up wheat too, but then I may just cut down on that.  I am also considering being a vegetarian.  I definitely want to do more exercise (it always slips) and I want to paint more.  Do it now people, do it now, whatever it is.

YAY.  I love feeling inspired.  I have lots of things I want to do and create.  I am starting to feel passionately about the notion of 'conveying the joy of the doing of the thing' that creative expression is a human need.  I want art and making art to be joyous, exploratory, experimental, free.  Just the doing of it as being enough as being important and necessary.

oh yeah, bringing creativity back.  f*ck the judgemental critics, f*ck modern art, f*ck the institutions, f*ck what is expected, approved of, admired.

 Just the joy of the doing of it.  Fun is not a dirty word. 

Personally, right now, I want to make paint out of ash and sawdust and food and plants and stuff which isn't paint just now. 

I made earth paint in California.  I want to make more earth paint and ash paint and stick plants all over it and write poetry. 

I am having lots of ideas.  I have now got more ideas on the go.  I am wondering if this, multi projects all on the go at once is my natural way of working.  I was totally happy with 13 canvases on the go.  Maybe I just need lots of projects?

summer summer summer summer summer summer

its hot.  its going to be long.

I am taking a break from attempting to catch up with my admin.  I am thinking about stuff and ambiling around on the internet watching and reading interesting things, ideas.

I feel that an area of work life I am interested in, feels occupied by others.  Others that aren't that interested in me being part of it.  Maybe I am wrong.  no I am not wrong.  I feel that. Though I may be wrong about them, these others.  Perhaps it is just fear

I feel a bit left out, not wanted, slightly annoyed.  I feel slightly anxious that they are cool that I am not.  or........Perhaps it is just fear

Its not a terribly nice feeling.  Its not like a massive thing.  Its just slight.  a little niggle. 

AND THEN.  I am thinking that maybe, this is some other, positive thing.  Maybe these are not my people.

Maybe, my people are different to this.  AND it will be really good to find them.  And hang out there and just NOT CARE at all.

And this feels liberating.   I wonder.  I wonder if it is all like this.  Or if this is imaginary, fearful, hopeful other stuff.  hmmm.  I don't know.......yet.  I wonder.  I feel quite excited by it all now.  That niggly feeling has actually gone.  They do say, fear and excitement feel the same, you know, physically.  hmmmm.  cool.

So, its summer.  Hub has loads of work.  I don't.  I am therefore mainly in charge of Bub.  Although next week them two are off to Belfast and I am in the house alone for 4 days.  I intend to paint it.  The house, make it better.  It kind of needs a bit of attention.  But that is just 4 days,  there are 6 weeks of summer. 

Summer.  Its slow, hot, foot off the pedal time.  Things are happening and they are good, and some of this is going to be subconsious in the background goings on that will consolidate and emerge later.   Perhaps at the end of the summer, I will know more. 

One thing that has happened, which is nice, is that supergroups are back on.  It appears that I have 2 days in late August.  I LOVE supergroups.  This one is about coffee.  I am very happy.  And I may be able to go to the Call of The Wild Soul Art retreat as a worker.  Which would be great.  I am plotting with an art pal about bringing Creative Play to the workplace and that is all good exciting stuff.

fear / excitment

and an old feeling that I maybe about to unravel and solve.  or face.  yes

The last Wild Art Journaling of the season tomorrow.  Or the term, maybe.  Summer Holiday starts after that.  And I guess I really would like for it to somehow continue even though it won't be at the wonderful No 45 until the autumn term begins.

I am sitting in my work room.  Wondering what we can do.  I think I have it.  I think its going to be called

The Unseen Life Dreaming Me

Which is is a line lifted from Mondo Beyondo. 

Its going to be a little bit Mondo Beyondo.  I want to increase their range, get them 'leaning into the whimsy of it'. 

I also watched this Ted talk from Korea.  Be an artist now.  I like how he gets his students to write really really fast.  So that they can escape the 'devils' that stop them being creative.  I like that he calls them devils. 

Escaping the gremlins. 

And I want them to create a dreamscape.  Which is kind of like a landscape but with more scope. 

I am working on little acts of randomness that will loosen up their intentions and get them working with what is and what might be. 

I think I am nearly there with my plan.  Its not so much teaching as nudging.  Pushing people up the edge of the diving board and gently easing them off the edge of it into their own pool of creative play. 

I am really excited too because we have a new mix of people coming.  And I kind of have the feeling they are going to leap right off and swim right into the deep end. 

Or it could all go horribly wrong.  But I kind of like the risk.

I love my art journals.  they are a mess.  I love them.  I love working in them.  I love how random they are.  I love the meanderings in colour texture script splats dots endless lines. 

Its pure joy for me. 

I don't care what anyone thinks.  I love it.

Well, ish. 

Today I got really angry with Yoga.  I was resenting teaching it.  I actually wrote down all the things I was really really cross about.  I didn't, luckily, do anything or tell anyone those things.  It actually just helped to write them all down.

And then I went to teach two classes back to back.  I felt wrong going to teach yoga.  I was in the wrong head space.  I felt kind of fake.  The first class felt (to me) a bit sticky, like people weren't getting me.  I made some, not exactly wise cracks, but light hearted asides and they just didn't smile.  I felt a bit  - self conscious - not hitting the right note with this new (cover) class of people.

But then it sort of clicked in.  And I at least felt it. By the time the next class came in I was most definitely in the right head space.  I felt so much better in my teaching, more confident, it all flowed better, and I totally, utterly enjoyed it. 

Much better

all round

And Hub is going to go to Belfast to visit his brother.  With Bub.  Bub is gagging to go on a plane and we have no abroad trips planned this summer.  And I will paint the house.  Which bizarrely I am gagging to do.

Good stuff