Growing Old With You

Ello People,

I can't believed i slacked(*feeling a bit plastic saying this....lol*) for 2 months without giving some attention to this blog...it even loses it's tagboard..haaaa....WATEVER......!?!?!?

I juz happen to be in a shopping mood this week and realised i have been deprieved of it for the past few months.

2 reasons!!!!

1st, the bump is growing week by week,for me to decide what size i would fit into .....

2nd,I wanna so much to buy all the "pinks" and pretty things for my " Sarah" and interestingly, it became "Jude".....Aww.......I seriously walks into Zara the other day,pat Jude on my Tum Tum before i got off from car and tells him happily he gonna have his 1st Xmas gift....but i walk out of ZARA with Baby Clara's (Jude's Cousin) gifts instead....Hilarious....Poor Jude Jude Boy....Mummy Hates Blue!!!Those clothes are all in BLUESSS!!!!!Boring.......Ahhh....i'll get your pressie before X'mas i promise You.......

So i send this prayer to humour myself abit now....haaaa....

I had a nightmare!!!

Yes…one so painful it woke me up from my sleep several times last night.I'm left all alone in that dreadful dream with all my friends walking in some kind of direction and vanishes without me…..noooo!!!!, I told myself !!Not that I’m afraid of being there alone,but, the feeling of not being with everyone and seeing them leaving you behind feels painful.

Ok,I know it’s just a “dream” but this makes me wants to and learns to cherish time and quality conversations more with people.

Recently,I’ve been catching up with a couple of friends and ex colleague for lunch and something in our conversations made me think about how lives unfold before our very eyes and yet intervene in some way or the other with family and close friends. I look forward to the day I look back in twenty years, over a cup of coffee and say "look at us now". So far I've been able to do that with several friends, whom we've been still in contact for 10 years or more now.

We've laughed together, skipped school, got caught throwing toilet paper on the ceiling, got into relationships, dumped the boyfriends/girlfriends, have our hearts broken, went clubbing, got wasted, bought our first LVs together. Some moved overseas to work, some got married, a few had babies. We bought our first car, started our own business, bought our first house. We've made money, lost money, saved money, wasted money. We've been together through thick and thin, sometimes close, sometimes far away. We've met in random places around the world, travelled together, sms-ed each other, read each other's blogs, bought each other massages, talked about facials, make up, skin care and even botox. And some of you are guys!!!Awesome…..

It has only been about ten years or so. What rich lives we will have together for the next twenty to thirty years. How blessed we are that we are able to be in contact much easier than ever before. But it is up to us to use these tools faithfully and to remain faithful to our friendships and ourselves.

May we be friends forever!

I've yet to see some of you change your hair, grow fatter/slimmer, win the lottery, become famous, find that special someone, get married, attend your wedding, watch you squirm during gate crashing. Have kids, bring up our families together, travel together, be tai tais together. We still haven't become Godma and Godpa to one another's children, move next to each other to become neighbours.

I want to do that with you guys till we are old and gray, till we have memory loss and all we can remember is when you first bought me that cup of coffee....and if you didn’t….please do so and gimme a beep soon before I forgets who you are!!!!

Always and forever!Let's laugh our way to heaven!

I thought i may juz wanna drop a note and say hi here though i'm actually @ home now feeling all lethargic from the "terrible" gastric flu again.......argh......no more coldmilk in the morning !!!!!

Just like how others wonder what it is like to be me ("You did your mani’s again?!" "You cut your hair??!" "You seem to be a lady of leisure!" "You are a slacker(duh)!"” oohh…Monday Blues from work??”)

I wonder what it is like to be them.

I see yummy mommies with their new babies, stopped work and others with pregnant bellies soon to follow their foot steps. I see the others far from settling, enjoying the thrills and maybe spills of single-dom, as well as guyfriends trying to knock each other off the ladder as they climb. Some trying to do all things at the same time.

I recently watched an old re-run of Victoria Secret's fashion show on the you-tube where they interviewed all these gorgeous top models about how they grew up and where will they see themselves in 10 years. Most of them said, they can't wait to have children. I think its perfect, they started pursuing their dreams at a young age, get many knocks in life while getting to the top and after they are there, they might have felt they've done it all and now its time to live for another.Yeah….you know,been there done that sort…..!!!!

But what about the rest of us though? Most of us are mid twenties and approaching early thirties and have yet to discover what we really love doing.

Anyway, I could go on and on and trying to formulate a conclusion or theory. But in essence, I think its extremely difficult to run a household, bring up children and be a good wife to your husband and having a flying career. (okay don't shoot me feminists!) I don't think IT CAN'T BE DONE, but I just say its an extremely difficult task. And I don't mean just existing so that the bills are paid, there's food in the fridge, the washing done, the kids actually make it to school in one piece(haaa…my mum always tells me my kid will always be late for school coz I’m always late for work too), you and your husband just kinda say goodnight before bed. I mean like you have great communication, your children brought up the best you can, great family time, still be in a job and kicking ass and on top of this, you also have time for quality friendships and you remember your pal's birthdays. And oh, you still get invited to parties (meaning your friends just don't leave you out automatically because you only make it to big time ones like weddings).

It is extremely difficult.

Lots of times, I feel I already have a preview of that although I know nothing can completely prepare you for the real deal.

I feel as though I've got to be efficient because time is running out.

I feel surprised that have I truly chosen this path to marry,ready to start a family…and yes of course to see if I’ll get a chance to be able to be working “unofficially” in any other way…..

I see many dear girlfriends retreat into the home. Yet I've seen my older friends finally released as their last child takes PSLE. They have gone back into the work place, become entrpreneurs, become nannies or taken an administrative role.

Have I unconsciously slipped into the role of being proactive from afar, where its about the big picture, the long term plan.

How long will I last or is this it for me?Is this wat i had wanted to be 10years before?So Wat is it really i wanna do 10years from now??

Though I'm pretty sure I'll never do any of those professions named above!**keeping fingers crossed**

I actually love the idea of 'not officially' working. But at the same time,I can't help but feel like its a waste of efforts for the years I have in networking with the working world. But B, one of my close friends claims its not a waste because its a training of the mind.

Ohhhh my favourite things!

Recently I've been having a lot of conversations with the broken hearted(be it for work,relationships,life…etc etc). For some reason, friends, even if we have just met not terribly long ago, feel comfortable pouring out their innermost sorrows to me.

I should start a Rehab for the broken hearted.Awwww........really,can i??

I guess most of us would have our fair share of broken hearts and it is truly difficult to get over someone, something or a disappointing situation, crushed dreams, and even yourself.

Maybe some of us are blessed with truly busy jobs - we just have no time to dwell upon things. Though sometimes, for a fleeting moment, you are reminded of that someone. Or perhaps in that few empty moments before you go to bed, you think about what you shouldn't have done.

Some meaningful truths and lessons I've learned along the way:

1) Realize it takes time. Don't expect to be happy immediately but don't walk around with a sullen face either.

2) Go for a haircut! Change your image! Its temporal but it forces you to focus on something else.

3) Count your blessings!

4) Go for some personal development plan - cooking, dancing,singing. Also focus your energies on changing something about yourself - just to feel a little buzz, desire to be a better person.

5) Re-brand yourself. If you are a hermit, go out more! Party & Party Real Hard!!! If you are a socialite, try changing the scene altogether, and go on a mission trip to Cambodia,South Africa,Slovakia,...watever.....

6) Plan revenge! This always works to a certain extent. And look fabulous as you do.Sway your hair.....

7) B****! Or rather, vent! Be careful not to overstay your listener's welcome, if you know what I mean. (You don't want to be losing your friends the same time you are getting over your broken heart.) **I wonder if men does them too…but nevertheless,I guess men does them by “bottoms-ing UP**

8) If its over someone whom you had a relationship with, hang out with the best looking people you can find! You'll feel better having adoring male (or female) attention, even if they are not in love with you! If its over yourself, don't feed on negative thoughts but rather give yourself extra pampering! If its over your lost dreams etc, throw out your old journal and get a new one and start writing new dreams/plans/strategy or hibernate for awhile before doing them.

9) Make new friends! Develop existing friendships. Find quality people to hang out with.

10) Honestly, even after doing all these, you'll still find sometimes feeling empty. That means you've got a BIG one on your hands, or in this case, a big crack in your heart. (maybe sometimes you may still wanna rack your brains a little to see if you could win the situation over to start it all over again)

It’s ok, whatever the case, juz move On!!!!We live to look forward to everything beautiful in life…….

Cheers!!!!!

I added a new entertainment gadget,Wii, which Liyan Meimei,Lili and Mel got them too and I’m still waiting for that Wii party among us to happen*meimei I hope you read this* though I’m sure it would be without Mel*boohoo,left to freeze in the Brit*.Got a new iphone which was ok,F.O.C(so im not guilty of exactly buying it)…somehow this phone kind of amuse and entertainment me quite abit when I can’t get to sleep, sitting on the car as John drives and most of the time updating myself on FB.**seems like I didn’t exactly do a lot of shopping anyway**

But the G.S.S is here to come and pay day has juz past!!!Wheeee…..(I was writing about this shopping urge at the same time having a MSN dialogue with Nip discussing if we should meet in our dreamzzz to Paragon for a shopping spree…Hehehehe,that hyper hopeless shopoholic Queen!!!!)


I absolutely love and hate it when I have the shopping urges. Sometimes I just want to go out and buy something! I often wonder, with everything going on the cheap and now that everyone is addicted to Cheap, how do people in the past survive with shopping for one pair of shoes a year?*One pair is madness to Girls…kill us.If you watched the new Heineken Ads on TV,awesome!!!*

Why do we consume?

We consume, buy things to add value to our lives, no? At least I think it is so for the most of us, subconsciously. We consume to better our lives or in hopes of increasing our quality of living.

So I ask myself, is shopping just therapy for something empty in my life? Am I trying to express myself by stuff I bring home? Am I expressing some sort of dissatisfaction with the way I live? Perhaps there is some problem I can't solve and therefore this new thing will do it once and for all? How about that I use whatever is in my hand to distract myself from what I should really be doing? Maybe I have no goal in my life, nothing to work towards to, so I work towards an image of myself that I think I like, for instance, carrying the latest gazebo, wearing the latest, reading the latest etc. etc. etc.

But when I look at whatever I am about to buy, does it really solve that problem that I think I need?

"Oh I need this - it is the staple to my life. I always do not have enough of this." What common utter-nonsense I hear myself say.

Maybe I've been programmed to buy when I'm bored. Do I really need to go out to buy something just because I'm bored? Do I really need to appear in some ten thousand dollar outfits? Is it true that people will think I have no clothes just because they saw me in the same outfit twice?

REALLY?

Why do people become shoppaholics?

Is it because they have no identity? Such the need to constantly change their look like Vogue magazine? Why do people talk about shopping all the time? Why do they constantly talk about their loot? Why do people think about material things all the time?

I do believe we need something fresh all the time in our lives. We have to move on, leave the old and stale and embrace newness.

Is shopping a way to cultivate a constance sense of newness and freshness?

Is shopping, and over spending of what we don't really have the cause of this credit crisis right now?Am I a victim too??

It is so interesting about how all of us, especially we who live in cosmopolitan cities where we are surrounded by beautiful man-made materials, things and gazebos. We buy gadgets to solve our problems. We consume entertainment when we are bored. We spend when we socialize. We subscribe to gyms and beauty centers for our health and beauty. We send text messages to communicate. To express ourselves, we wear nice things, do funny things to our hair, wear pretty scarves.

***Disclaimer: this is not an entry to condemn shopping or buying or spending money for I, of all people, is a enthusiast/victim/devotee of such.

I mean, if you didn't bring it? Buy it! If you don't have it, buy it! If you want to look a certain way, buy it! If you like it, buy it! The first thing that comes to our minds everything there is an imperfect situation - buy it!

Recently, in my classes of psychology, we come into “understanding what is the causes to every reason for doing things”.Probably, we should seek our inner soul for the reason why…….

I have not catch the movie "Confessions Of A shopoholic but i guess it must be hilarious...i've read one of the books though.It truly is not your usual trashy chick-lit - it is a work of art.

XOXOXO

Hey what's with the weather recently...global warming?whatever!!!hmph but somehow it makes me not in the mood for any updating....um.....gimme some time alrighty to load up some peektures tomorrow instead.......

SOMEONE,SHOOT THE SUN DOWN!!!!!!!!!

Recently I've been rather quiet because I've been writing a lot internally. Things about the future are still uncertain and I've been feeling rather impatient. Everything's on hold right now and its not even in my hands to decide my own crossroad. Although, it was my choice to allow this to happen prior to that. I stand by it with conviction.

I think there is a time to just enjoy the day as it comes and trust that we can overcome it.

I've been going through several creative periods where I just feel so creative!*singing my tunes in the bathroom and talking to myself before I goes to bed probably has been more of distressing to being creative*

I remember the last periods of quiet time of my life was probably about five years ago when I stayed most times in the room reflecting on myself and the road I should take from then .

It was peaceful.

I was alone often but not lonely because I could feel the many friends waiting to see me moving to a new direction, always with me.

Perhaps I'm in that mode again while preparing me for what is next?