Dear J,
Today we talked about the future. I don't know why but I like talking about the future with you - our future. Well, that sounded dumb of me because if it were to be our future, you'd definitely be the one to talk to about. :P But I hope you get what I mean. I know that sometimes, thinking about the future may be scary simply because it is so uncertain and vague. What more when we can't exactly manipulate the future to be the way we want it to. However, knowing that you will be a part of it gives me a sense of relief and contentment as it is already besides the fact that I know we want the same things for the future too - to be with one another till the end of time and build our own family.
Speaking of family, this was what we were briefly talking about earlier on. It all started with you telling me that one of our church members had a miscarriage and bam! There I go relating it to me. But in all honesty, it did cross my mind once or twice if not more about the chances of me having a miscarriage next time. Maybe it is because I've heard quite a number of stories about mothers having a miscarriage when they are pregnant with their first child. That is usually the case at least. I have to say that it is a pretty common thing to happen but I am still afraid that it will happen to me in the future. Like I said earlier on that the little soul is meant to be our firstborn and I wouldn't want to risk losing it. Simply because I know you love love love children and I do myself. Nevertheless, you gave me your assurance and I was left fearless then. :) Be sure to know that I will protect and take care of our baby with my life. I'll make you the happiest man on earth and proudest dad in the future. :*
Today, you sang to me a Chinese song for the first time too. I remember you asking me if you should sing to me a Chinese song once before this but I said that I wouldn't understand the meaning behind the song either way. Since my Chinese can be classified as rotten. Heh. Being the you who is full of surprises as you would like to always put it. :P Anyway, I was indeed surprised when you started singing Lee Hom's "Forever Love" earlier on. That is because I really wasn't expecting you to sing a Chinese song to me after you rejected my request to sing a Chinese song not too long ago. *sniffs* Heh. I don't know if I should say this but just as I were to say it before this, I have to say it again this time. I don't actually get the meaning behind the song. :( Well, besides the part where you sang 'Forever Love'. Lol. This is really embarrassing because I have heard this song for so so many times now and yet, I don't get what it means. Nonetheless, I enjoyed your singing. I enjoyed seeing you playing the guitar. I enjoyed seeing you trying your best to transpose the song. I enjoyed seeing you having your mini practice session before singing to me. I enjoyed every single bit of that moment. Though I may not have gotten the meaning to the song, I managed to see your heart through it.
Today, you also pranked me for the millionth if not the billionth time already. Heh. Okay, couldn't help but exaggerate a little there but hey! You do it all the time with all your tricks under you sleeve. Again, as you would always like to phrase it. Hehe. You tricked me by saying that you started taking protein just to build your body. Coming to think of it now, I don't know why did I even fall for that. It sounded a little weird because you never did mention anything about buying protein before this but you dropped the bomb out of no where saying that you started consuming protein. I actually asked myself where did you got it from because I know that you would have told me earlier if you would have bought it. Then again, you sounded really convincing so that explains it. :P Plus, you were so sure that you wouldn't take protein before this so I was slightly taken aback when you told me you started taking it. Like I said before this, I don't have a problem with you taking protein but I would rather you not simply because of the side effects that it may cause alongside the long term effect that it may cause you in the future. It is just not good for health so I do not want you to consume it.
I know that I said that your body frame is smaller now and that you aren't as muscular as before BUT I love you for who you are already. You are perfect to me as it is. Round or square. Fat or thin. Muscular or flabby. Tall or short. Fair or dark. No matter how you are, I will not love you any less or I won't ever stop loving you. That is because I fell for your character and your heart. Not mainly because of how you look. Having someone good looking is a bonus to me. So, you don't have to purposely change for me alright? Cause I am no better myself. I am as round as a ball and have a nicely tanned skin and yet you love me for who I am. Hehe. So, I want you to know that I will love you for who you are no matter what alright.
Today, I finally did some changes to the blog that we were supposed to have. I created it on Thursday but finally managed to do some changes here and there though I am still unsatisfied with the outcome. :( I will do a little alteration again later if not tomorrow so that it will be perfect and pretty. Heh. Speaking of this blog that we created for us, I will start writing to you there from today onwards. That was the main point of us having that blog anyway - for us to write to one another when we have the time to and whenever we feel like it. I honestly love the idea of it because we can look back at it in the future and just reminisce our journey together. Hehe. I am awaiting your first post for me. :D
With all that said, I think I will stop here for today. :) I will mend some things on our little blog and then hit the sack. I hope you are sleeping tight and well in the meantime. Do dream good and sweet dreams tonight.
I love you.
And you alone.
xx
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Letters To You - # 22
Dear J,
A few days has passed since I last wrote to you. I'm sorry I couldn't write to you again these few days because I was really caught up with my assignment as you would have probably known it. But the good news is that I am so over it now, which means that I have all the time in the world to write to you again. Hehehe. In actual fact, I do miss writing to you because like I have said before this that I don't have many talents where I can express to you how much I love you but writing is one of my strengths. With that said, I would write to you simply because it is an expression of my love for you besides me wanting to document all that is happening between the both of us so we could look back and reminisce what we have now. Heh.
Today marks your last day back in Penang and your first day back in KL. Yay! :D In fact, you are actually home already. *grins* I can't help but think that time passed by so fast over the past 12 days. Remember how you were counting down the hours until you board the plane and fly to Cambodia? And before you know it, you are back in Penang. Now, you are back in KL again. Hehe. Speaking of time flying by so quickly, I just hope that time passes by faster so that I would be home and be by your side even before the both of us knows it. Okay, maybe a part of me needs more time too because finals is just around the corner and I am still so unprepared. *sweats profusely* Then again, I would still rather it come by faster so that I can get it done & over it and finally go home. All the things I would do with you - I just can't wait. :)
On another note, this week marks your last week of the mini break you have before your classes resume next week. Yet again, I can't believe that it has been approximately two and a half months since you last stopped going to classes after you decided to change your course. Now, you are about to start your new term and embark on a new journey in university. I must say that you sounded quite disheartened earlier when we were texting and you suddenly said that you have to start going for classes next week. I thought that you were looking forward to it all these while? I actually understand how you feel in actual fact cause I've been through it myself too. :( It's like you've been having so much free time and fun the past few months so much so that the thought of having to start studying again is so discouraging and dejecting. But then again, it is something that you have been excited about before this and it will be something that you enjoy doing so I am sure you will adapt fast to it and you'll be enjoying what you do even though things may get tough. Hee.
Things on my side has been a drag and tiring on the other hand. I am just so sick and tired of uni already. :( You know, the feeling that you get when you feel that something has been going on for far too long and you just want it to come to an end fast? I am in that phase now. I feel that uni term has been too long and I am so lazy & tired of having to do so much work already. I just can't wait for my semester to end and just have a break from studying. As much as time passed by briskly, I just want to get out of this place and go home and spend all the time in the world with you back home. I would opt to stay back in Malaysia and not come back here at all if I can. :( Or maybe I was just too overwhelmed by my assignment that it made me feel this way? I don't know. All I know is I don't want to study anymore at the moment. Oh no, what has become of me? However, it is because of you that I always pull through things.
Whilst sitting down now, I am just assimilating and thinking back about all the conversations we had the past few days. There were so many things what we talked about that is just amazes me. I don't know why but I find it really amusing that despite the fact that we may talk to one another every single day, there is still always something new for us to talk about the next day. And our conversations would go on and on and on and on. :) I like how we can talk about anything and everything. Also how the little things we say is enough to make us feel happy and grateful.
Remember when you said that sometimes you feel undeserving to have someone like me? Know that I feel the same way too alright. Simply because of the extra mile that you choose to take just to make me happy and make me feel loved. And all the things you do for me - no one has ever done it to make me feel that special. Besides that, you asked me if I would have ever dreamed to have a guy like you. I would say that I haven't because I will be honest and say that I don't have much of a high expectations as long as I have a guy that has the basic traits. Like, loving me for who I am, able to make me happy, honest, loyal and everything along that line. I remember telling you this when you first asked me a very very very long time ago. Lol. Back to where we were, God gave me you. And you were much more that what I expected so I consider it and you a real blessing to me. :)
Briefly diverting the topic, I still can't get over your nephew's cuteness through the videos you sent me. The intent look that he had when he was playing with his dog and trying to join them together. And his disappointment when it broke apart. And him dividing his attention between his toy and you talking to him. Also, you playing ball with him. I know I said this before but the fact is that it is so so adorable how the both of you get along so well. I remember how you let me listen to the conversation between the both of you on Viber once and I simply still can't get over the fact that he was being such a sweetheart to you by saying "I love you" to you before hanging up. Lol. And since then, we called him your precious. I think it is almost impossible to not be awed to see the both of you together especially now that I have a picture of the both of you. Hehe.
I think I will stop here for today since you are waiting for me to finish writing. Hehe. Being able to see you again after a long time leaves me on cloud nine and I am just so happy you're back. Now, all we can and have to do is wait for another 27 days before we reunite. YAY. *throws a party*
I love you.
Yesterday. Today. Forever.
xx
A few days has passed since I last wrote to you. I'm sorry I couldn't write to you again these few days because I was really caught up with my assignment as you would have probably known it. But the good news is that I am so over it now, which means that I have all the time in the world to write to you again. Hehehe. In actual fact, I do miss writing to you because like I have said before this that I don't have many talents where I can express to you how much I love you but writing is one of my strengths. With that said, I would write to you simply because it is an expression of my love for you besides me wanting to document all that is happening between the both of us so we could look back and reminisce what we have now. Heh.
Today marks your last day back in Penang and your first day back in KL. Yay! :D In fact, you are actually home already. *grins* I can't help but think that time passed by so fast over the past 12 days. Remember how you were counting down the hours until you board the plane and fly to Cambodia? And before you know it, you are back in Penang. Now, you are back in KL again. Hehe. Speaking of time flying by so quickly, I just hope that time passes by faster so that I would be home and be by your side even before the both of us knows it. Okay, maybe a part of me needs more time too because finals is just around the corner and I am still so unprepared. *sweats profusely* Then again, I would still rather it come by faster so that I can get it done & over it and finally go home. All the things I would do with you - I just can't wait. :)
On another note, this week marks your last week of the mini break you have before your classes resume next week. Yet again, I can't believe that it has been approximately two and a half months since you last stopped going to classes after you decided to change your course. Now, you are about to start your new term and embark on a new journey in university. I must say that you sounded quite disheartened earlier when we were texting and you suddenly said that you have to start going for classes next week. I thought that you were looking forward to it all these while? I actually understand how you feel in actual fact cause I've been through it myself too. :( It's like you've been having so much free time and fun the past few months so much so that the thought of having to start studying again is so discouraging and dejecting. But then again, it is something that you have been excited about before this and it will be something that you enjoy doing so I am sure you will adapt fast to it and you'll be enjoying what you do even though things may get tough. Hee.
Things on my side has been a drag and tiring on the other hand. I am just so sick and tired of uni already. :( You know, the feeling that you get when you feel that something has been going on for far too long and you just want it to come to an end fast? I am in that phase now. I feel that uni term has been too long and I am so lazy & tired of having to do so much work already. I just can't wait for my semester to end and just have a break from studying. As much as time passed by briskly, I just want to get out of this place and go home and spend all the time in the world with you back home. I would opt to stay back in Malaysia and not come back here at all if I can. :( Or maybe I was just too overwhelmed by my assignment that it made me feel this way? I don't know. All I know is I don't want to study anymore at the moment. Oh no, what has become of me? However, it is because of you that I always pull through things.
Whilst sitting down now, I am just assimilating and thinking back about all the conversations we had the past few days. There were so many things what we talked about that is just amazes me. I don't know why but I find it really amusing that despite the fact that we may talk to one another every single day, there is still always something new for us to talk about the next day. And our conversations would go on and on and on and on. :) I like how we can talk about anything and everything. Also how the little things we say is enough to make us feel happy and grateful.
Remember when you said that sometimes you feel undeserving to have someone like me? Know that I feel the same way too alright. Simply because of the extra mile that you choose to take just to make me happy and make me feel loved. And all the things you do for me - no one has ever done it to make me feel that special. Besides that, you asked me if I would have ever dreamed to have a guy like you. I would say that I haven't because I will be honest and say that I don't have much of a high expectations as long as I have a guy that has the basic traits. Like, loving me for who I am, able to make me happy, honest, loyal and everything along that line. I remember telling you this when you first asked me a very very very long time ago. Lol. Back to where we were, God gave me you. And you were much more that what I expected so I consider it and you a real blessing to me. :)
Briefly diverting the topic, I still can't get over your nephew's cuteness through the videos you sent me. The intent look that he had when he was playing with his dog and trying to join them together. And his disappointment when it broke apart. And him dividing his attention between his toy and you talking to him. Also, you playing ball with him. I know I said this before but the fact is that it is so so adorable how the both of you get along so well. I remember how you let me listen to the conversation between the both of you on Viber once and I simply still can't get over the fact that he was being such a sweetheart to you by saying "I love you" to you before hanging up. Lol. And since then, we called him your precious. I think it is almost impossible to not be awed to see the both of you together especially now that I have a picture of the both of you. Hehe.
I think I will stop here for today since you are waiting for me to finish writing. Hehe. Being able to see you again after a long time leaves me on cloud nine and I am just so happy you're back. Now, all we can and have to do is wait for another 27 days before we reunite. YAY. *throws a party*
I love you.
Yesterday. Today. Forever.
xx
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Letters To You - # 21
Dear J,
It has been three days since you've been back from your mission trip and at the same time, three days since you've been back home. This time, it is your real home - Penang. I'm sorry I didn't write to you yesterday but I was really struggling to keep my eyes open and I didn't want to risk being late for class again today just as I was late yesterday. Heh. Since I didn't write to you last night although I really wanted to last night, I promised myself that I would write to you today and here I am. :D
I received a very very very good news from you yesterday. Yay! I know that is not confirmed and everything is like at the beginning stage but I would like to hold onto that because it is something I am really looking forward to. I know that you said about not willing to leave KL cause it feels like it is your second home to you now. Technically, it is actually. I think you kinda mean that it is your second home now right? Lol. But anyway, that is the point. I know that a very big part and must I say, a very big and selfish part of me would want you to be here with me but at the same time, I know I would rather see you make a choice that will make you happy instead of making a choice that you will regret and not be happy with. Then again, it does make you happy to be with me right? *puppy eyes* So, I'll just do what I have to do now and at the same time manage my expectations and hope for the best.
On the other hand, you have been showing me a big part of your caring side lately. To be more precise, it is since I told you about the pain I feel in my lower back. It is not that you haven't been caring all these while but it is more obvious since then. I remember how concerned you were about it so much so that you would scold me and be mad at me because I don't listen to you. And since the pain got back a few days back where I went to the gym and me running after the bus not only yesterday but today as well, you've been very persistent about me seeing the doctor too. And as a matter of fact, I had to run after the bus when I wanted to get to uni and also when I wanted to go home. I think I have got to be really unlucky or maybe I should just get my ass out of bed earlier and walk to the bus stop earlier. But my sleep... :( I'll think of a way. Heh. Back to the topic, there is something about the way you deal with me that you constantly get things going your way in the end. I'm not complaining, no but I realise that I have a really soft spot when it comes to you. :)
However, my main point about my previous paragraph is that I am actually afraid. Like, what if it is more than a normal lower back pain that every experiences? What if there is a growth that so happens to be malignant? Or what if there is a growth that is benign because I don't think it will be any better than it being malignant? What if I have to undergo an operation? What if I end up being bed ridden? What if I become paralysed? I know that I may be thinking overboard but as much as I can convince myself that everything will be alright, I can't help but think of the negative side too. And if any of the above really happens, I honestly don't know what I will do. Especially with you. I don't know if I have been watching too much drama as a kid but I don't want to be a burden. Not to anybody and especially not to you. This doesn't really only apply to this but just about any sickness or disease that may arise. Like I told you earlier, I would obviously want you to be by my side all the time but at the same time, I do not want to see you so burdened and heartbroken. I know that I have seen enough of my people around me being so helpless and saddened when any calamity falls upon their loved ones and I wouldn't want you to feel that way. :(
Speaking of dramas, you know how there is always a couple and when one of them falls sick, the one that is ill will just do all sorts of things to break their lovers heart so that they will be separated? Simply because the one who is ill doesn't want to be a burden to their lover and would want them to be happy and also not see their loved one who is ill suffer? Believe it or not, I was telling myself that I might just do the same thing if that ever happens to me when I was younger that is. But I am old enough to think now so I won't deal with things this way. Heh. And I still find it really cute and funny how you were texting like me this evening. You know that I would always want you to be by my side along the way. When you said that I have a very smart guy with me, I really do agree with that.
Okay, enough about that. Hehe. I didn't realise that I wrote so much about that one thing. Anyway, I hope that you are having a good time back home with your friends. I'm pretty sure that they really miss you too considering the fact that you're so close to them and have so much influence on them. Hehe. Did you manage to see your two girlfriends though - Chloe and Chanel? :P I know that you saw your nephew already and I must say that I cannot stand his cuteness. Hee. And the both of you really look so so adorable together. I know that I have said that already but lo and behold because this won't be the last time you hear it. :D Speaking of your nephew, I know that I cannot wait to have our own clan. I know that I will love them so so much and take care of them like treasures because they will be the greatest gift you can ever give me. Okay, that doesn't exclude the other gifts alright. *grins*
Remember my Instagram post from last night too? The one where I say you make me happy. As much as you already know it, I want to remind you again that the "you" is actually you. It has always been and will always be. And remember the question you asked me yesterday? If I would prefer a guy who will tease and make me laugh or in a way do things according to the gentleman's rule? I would say that having both characteristics will be good but yet again, I would be more on the teasing and making me laugh side. I'm pretty sure that was what attracted me to you in the first place. The days where you would always tease me with all sorts of things and just aim everything at me. Those were the days and I miss it and miss you and just can't wait to spend my time with you. I would always think of all the things I want to do with you when I get back and the first thing I'll do when I see you and just about everything every single night and I can't wait for it. Heh.
I think I will stop here for today alright? I could go on and on but I have to finish up my progress report for this week and it is getting late. Heh. I promise to write to you again soon.
I love you.
From the bottom of my heart.
xx
It has been three days since you've been back from your mission trip and at the same time, three days since you've been back home. This time, it is your real home - Penang. I'm sorry I didn't write to you yesterday but I was really struggling to keep my eyes open and I didn't want to risk being late for class again today just as I was late yesterday. Heh. Since I didn't write to you last night although I really wanted to last night, I promised myself that I would write to you today and here I am. :D
I received a very very very good news from you yesterday. Yay! I know that is not confirmed and everything is like at the beginning stage but I would like to hold onto that because it is something I am really looking forward to. I know that you said about not willing to leave KL cause it feels like it is your second home to you now. Technically, it is actually. I think you kinda mean that it is your second home now right? Lol. But anyway, that is the point. I know that a very big part and must I say, a very big and selfish part of me would want you to be here with me but at the same time, I know I would rather see you make a choice that will make you happy instead of making a choice that you will regret and not be happy with. Then again, it does make you happy to be with me right? *puppy eyes* So, I'll just do what I have to do now and at the same time manage my expectations and hope for the best.
On the other hand, you have been showing me a big part of your caring side lately. To be more precise, it is since I told you about the pain I feel in my lower back. It is not that you haven't been caring all these while but it is more obvious since then. I remember how concerned you were about it so much so that you would scold me and be mad at me because I don't listen to you. And since the pain got back a few days back where I went to the gym and me running after the bus not only yesterday but today as well, you've been very persistent about me seeing the doctor too. And as a matter of fact, I had to run after the bus when I wanted to get to uni and also when I wanted to go home. I think I have got to be really unlucky or maybe I should just get my ass out of bed earlier and walk to the bus stop earlier. But my sleep... :( I'll think of a way. Heh. Back to the topic, there is something about the way you deal with me that you constantly get things going your way in the end. I'm not complaining, no but I realise that I have a really soft spot when it comes to you. :)
However, my main point about my previous paragraph is that I am actually afraid. Like, what if it is more than a normal lower back pain that every experiences? What if there is a growth that so happens to be malignant? Or what if there is a growth that is benign because I don't think it will be any better than it being malignant? What if I have to undergo an operation? What if I end up being bed ridden? What if I become paralysed? I know that I may be thinking overboard but as much as I can convince myself that everything will be alright, I can't help but think of the negative side too. And if any of the above really happens, I honestly don't know what I will do. Especially with you. I don't know if I have been watching too much drama as a kid but I don't want to be a burden. Not to anybody and especially not to you. This doesn't really only apply to this but just about any sickness or disease that may arise. Like I told you earlier, I would obviously want you to be by my side all the time but at the same time, I do not want to see you so burdened and heartbroken. I know that I have seen enough of my people around me being so helpless and saddened when any calamity falls upon their loved ones and I wouldn't want you to feel that way. :(
Speaking of dramas, you know how there is always a couple and when one of them falls sick, the one that is ill will just do all sorts of things to break their lovers heart so that they will be separated? Simply because the one who is ill doesn't want to be a burden to their lover and would want them to be happy and also not see their loved one who is ill suffer? Believe it or not, I was telling myself that I might just do the same thing if that ever happens to me when I was younger that is. But I am old enough to think now so I won't deal with things this way. Heh. And I still find it really cute and funny how you were texting like me this evening. You know that I would always want you to be by my side along the way. When you said that I have a very smart guy with me, I really do agree with that.
Okay, enough about that. Hehe. I didn't realise that I wrote so much about that one thing. Anyway, I hope that you are having a good time back home with your friends. I'm pretty sure that they really miss you too considering the fact that you're so close to them and have so much influence on them. Hehe. Did you manage to see your two girlfriends though - Chloe and Chanel? :P I know that you saw your nephew already and I must say that I cannot stand his cuteness. Hee. And the both of you really look so so adorable together. I know that I have said that already but lo and behold because this won't be the last time you hear it. :D Speaking of your nephew, I know that I cannot wait to have our own clan. I know that I will love them so so much and take care of them like treasures because they will be the greatest gift you can ever give me. Okay, that doesn't exclude the other gifts alright. *grins*
Remember my Instagram post from last night too? The one where I say you make me happy. As much as you already know it, I want to remind you again that the "you" is actually you. It has always been and will always be. And remember the question you asked me yesterday? If I would prefer a guy who will tease and make me laugh or in a way do things according to the gentleman's rule? I would say that having both characteristics will be good but yet again, I would be more on the teasing and making me laugh side. I'm pretty sure that was what attracted me to you in the first place. The days where you would always tease me with all sorts of things and just aim everything at me. Those were the days and I miss it and miss you and just can't wait to spend my time with you. I would always think of all the things I want to do with you when I get back and the first thing I'll do when I see you and just about everything every single night and I can't wait for it. Heh.
I think I will stop here for today alright? I could go on and on but I have to finish up my progress report for this week and it is getting late. Heh. I promise to write to you again soon.
I love you.
From the bottom of my heart.
xx
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Letters To You - # 20
Dear J,
I think that you are very disappointed at me right now. I wouldn't blame you if you are because I am disappointed at myself too. For one, I did not write to you last night and for another, for bringing up another unnecessary fuss again today. I know I said a lot in my text to you just now already and I won't want to rewrite what I wrote and bring things up again because things are not resolved yet as it is and thinking of all the consequences of what I did is scary enough.
As of now, I don't know what is it that you are thinking or how is it that you are feeling about me but all I assume is that you are really very tired of me and you are just plain disappointed at me. I don't now why but the feeling of failing you is overwhelming me again. Even as I am writing to you now, I am listening to the song that you recorded for me before you left and I've been crying for the past half an hour now and I don't think I can stop my tear ducts from producing more tears. Actually, I know why am I crying non-stop now. You want to know why? It is because I feel so undeserving.Thinking of everything that you've done to make me smile, all the times you become so cheeky just to make me laugh, sing to me simply because you know I love it when you do, accompanying me even though you're tired and the so many other things. What makes me even more undeserving now is watching all the videos you made for me and seeing how true you are even as you sing every word, verse, chorus and bridge. It feels as if that you're singing every song whilst storying me or in a way, confessing to me. Yes, our journey together are not always easygoing and of no obstacles but I would like to just look back at the things that make me happy because it is what is worth thinking of.
Then again, I always have to be so oversensitive and have a mind that likes to overthink which results to me ruining what what we have between us all over again. Thinking of it all now makes me feel so remorseful. For bringing up what I did and for making nothing into something. I wish that we could undo everything that has been done, unsay everything that has been said and just be who we were before this but who am I kidding? We all know that words said cannot be unsaid and actions done cannot be taken back. As a result of that, I am where I am now - repentant and feeling so stupid & foolish.
All I can do now is question myself. Nothing but question myself for all the things that I have done. I have been very lost and soulless the whole day. I know that I am where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do but today, I am doing it as if I have been programmed to do it. From church to work to preparing for lunch tomorrow. I know my body is moving about but I am just now there at the same time. Like I said just now, my soul and mind are in the planer of its own. And that caused me to be screwed at work because I was just so unfocused and separated from the world. All I was doing was thinking about you & us. Realising that I am putting our relationship on the line just because of what I did again really makes me feel like an idiot. Nothing but that.
I know that I have been apologising so much now that you might not buy what I say again anymore and you are probably sick of listening it from me again and again. I also know that if you ever feel like you cannot stand me or put up to me, it is also solely my fault. Besides, if you ever have the thought of not wanting to talk to me or just want to put everything on hold, I would understand. It won't make things any easier for me but I would so that you will feel better. After all, I want you to be happy and like I said in my previous post that putting your needs before mine is on of the ways I would want to show you how much I love you.
Even though you may not want to hear this from me or if you are just so tired of hearing the same thing over and over again, I am sorry. I would simply leave it as "I am sorry" today because I might be overdoing things if I were to say more and you probably had enough of me and my crap today. So, I am sorry. Above all things, know that and please believe that my love for you has never ceased or diminished. If there is one thing that I have learnt from the experience of you going to Cambodia it it that I realise how much more I love you and need you. You may find it hard to believe but that is the truth and I hope that you see it. If there is one song I could sing to you right now, it would be Plain White T's "1, 2, 3, 4".
I think that you are very disappointed at me right now. I wouldn't blame you if you are because I am disappointed at myself too. For one, I did not write to you last night and for another, for bringing up another unnecessary fuss again today. I know I said a lot in my text to you just now already and I won't want to rewrite what I wrote and bring things up again because things are not resolved yet as it is and thinking of all the consequences of what I did is scary enough.
As of now, I don't know what is it that you are thinking or how is it that you are feeling about me but all I assume is that you are really very tired of me and you are just plain disappointed at me. I don't now why but the feeling of failing you is overwhelming me again. Even as I am writing to you now, I am listening to the song that you recorded for me before you left and I've been crying for the past half an hour now and I don't think I can stop my tear ducts from producing more tears. Actually, I know why am I crying non-stop now. You want to know why? It is because I feel so undeserving.Thinking of everything that you've done to make me smile, all the times you become so cheeky just to make me laugh, sing to me simply because you know I love it when you do, accompanying me even though you're tired and the so many other things. What makes me even more undeserving now is watching all the videos you made for me and seeing how true you are even as you sing every word, verse, chorus and bridge. It feels as if that you're singing every song whilst storying me or in a way, confessing to me. Yes, our journey together are not always easygoing and of no obstacles but I would like to just look back at the things that make me happy because it is what is worth thinking of.
Then again, I always have to be so oversensitive and have a mind that likes to overthink which results to me ruining what what we have between us all over again. Thinking of it all now makes me feel so remorseful. For bringing up what I did and for making nothing into something. I wish that we could undo everything that has been done, unsay everything that has been said and just be who we were before this but who am I kidding? We all know that words said cannot be unsaid and actions done cannot be taken back. As a result of that, I am where I am now - repentant and feeling so stupid & foolish.
All I can do now is question myself. Nothing but question myself for all the things that I have done. I have been very lost and soulless the whole day. I know that I am where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do but today, I am doing it as if I have been programmed to do it. From church to work to preparing for lunch tomorrow. I know my body is moving about but I am just now there at the same time. Like I said just now, my soul and mind are in the planer of its own. And that caused me to be screwed at work because I was just so unfocused and separated from the world. All I was doing was thinking about you & us. Realising that I am putting our relationship on the line just because of what I did again really makes me feel like an idiot. Nothing but that.
I know that I have been apologising so much now that you might not buy what I say again anymore and you are probably sick of listening it from me again and again. I also know that if you ever feel like you cannot stand me or put up to me, it is also solely my fault. Besides, if you ever have the thought of not wanting to talk to me or just want to put everything on hold, I would understand. It won't make things any easier for me but I would so that you will feel better. After all, I want you to be happy and like I said in my previous post that putting your needs before mine is on of the ways I would want to show you how much I love you.
Even though you may not want to hear this from me or if you are just so tired of hearing the same thing over and over again, I am sorry. I would simply leave it as "I am sorry" today because I might be overdoing things if I were to say more and you probably had enough of me and my crap today. So, I am sorry. Above all things, know that and please believe that my love for you has never ceased or diminished. If there is one thing that I have learnt from the experience of you going to Cambodia it it that I realise how much more I love you and need you. You may find it hard to believe but that is the truth and I hope that you see it. If there is one song I could sing to you right now, it would be Plain White T's "1, 2, 3, 4".
"Love someone who leaves so many holes in you that if they were to walk away, half of your soul would go with them"
-Emery Allen
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything."
-Katharine Hepburn
I love you.
Those words are truer than true.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Letters To You - # 19
Dear J,
It is your 4th day in Cambodia today and just like every other day, I miss you. Lets simply put it as there will not be a day that I won't miss you alright. Anyway, I hope that today was a good day for you. You told me that you played with the children there today and you had fun. Knowing the fact that you love & adore kids, I would understand why you had a good time with them and I am happy that you are happy & that they make you happy. Besides that, I guess you did something that you never would have expected or foresee yourself doing at all - eating insects. I wasn't kidding when I said I cringed at the thought of it because I could only imagine how disturbing and disgusting the whole process can be. All that went through my mind is the organs of the insect exploding in your mouth as you have your first bite. I know that it is fried but still... That is just plain distasteful. Then again, like I said before this, at least you can tick doing something like this off your list of things you never thought you'd do or it was in your bucket list all these while? Please say no. Lol
On the other hand, I will tell you how my day went today. I woke up at 0945 hours today as you would have probably known because I replied to your message right after I woke up. Then, I got ready whilst talking to you in between getting ready and I went to uni for my second group meeting for my Management assignment which I am proud to say I've finished. Hehe. One load down. After the meeting was my tutorial and I am done for the day. Yay! I love Mondays and Fridays because they are my most vacant days. Back to where we were, I then took the bus back and went for some grocery shopping thereafter since I had to get down at the stop closer to the shopping centre. I got so much of things today so much so that it was such a pain having to carry that crazy ass 10 kg of load back. I wouldn't have minded the weight but the problem was I had to take a 10 minutes walk home so it was plain tormenting. Before I know it, my hands started to be weak and my back started to hurt a wee bit again. :( It was a good exercise though considering the fact that I haven't been going to the gym for quite some time now. Heh. Once I got home, I unpacked, ate, started a bit of my weekly maths assignment, lazed around, went for dinner with my siblings (which they make me pay for), came home, crocheted, got a FaceTime call from Lynna and the bunch who were at homegroup and so I talked to them for a while, fiddled around the house and room, tidy up my study table, scrolled through Facebook, watch your videos over and over again and here I am writing to you now. What I enjoyed most was talking to you the whole night because I can never get enough of you although we may have some issues being brought up again which I won't labour into now. :) We shall let bygones be bygones for the night alright.
I know I said this earlier on but I didn't think it was legit for someone to miss someone so much and love someone as much I love you. I was just sitting on my couch while figuring my maths questions out when I decided to play your videos again on Skype. The moment I opened it and played it, memories and thoughts of you just started flooding me. All the times we spent together doing all sorts of things, the times spent talking and talking and talking, the time spent going out together & the many others. They just came in like a broken dam and it was not long after that did I realise I actually love you and miss you more than it seems. Even I was taken aback by the feeling I felt right at the speck of that moment. It just hit me hard that you really are the one for me. I would describe how I truly felt at that moment but I guess unless you experience it for yourself, you won't be able to comprehend the exact feeling.
I just wish that you were right here beside me now so that I can embrace you and just lie beside you. I want you to be the first and the last person I see when I get up and before going to bed. I want you to be my bolster so that I can hug you tightly to bed. I want to just hug you and cuddle with you 24/7. I want to keep reminding you verbally that I love you and my love for you is undying. I just want to do every single thing that makes you happy and makes me happy too. Just as you said earlier that you realise selflessness is the one main thing that you learn about having to love, I couldn't agree more than that because it is true. And my way of portraying selflessness would be putting your needs above mine. :)
I know that this is pretty a short post but I think I will stop here for today. I believe that I have said all that I need while whatsapping you earlier as we were trying to resolve our situation at that time too. I hope that it makes you feel better to be reassured and I hope that from now on, we will just strive for the best in all that we do for our relationship and we will continue loving one another unconditionally till the end of time. I just want to say again that you are my priority in life now and you are the most important person to me yesterday, today & forever.
I love you. <3
So so so so very much.
It is your 4th day in Cambodia today and just like every other day, I miss you. Lets simply put it as there will not be a day that I won't miss you alright. Anyway, I hope that today was a good day for you. You told me that you played with the children there today and you had fun. Knowing the fact that you love & adore kids, I would understand why you had a good time with them and I am happy that you are happy & that they make you happy. Besides that, I guess you did something that you never would have expected or foresee yourself doing at all - eating insects. I wasn't kidding when I said I cringed at the thought of it because I could only imagine how disturbing and disgusting the whole process can be. All that went through my mind is the organs of the insect exploding in your mouth as you have your first bite. I know that it is fried but still... That is just plain distasteful. Then again, like I said before this, at least you can tick doing something like this off your list of things you never thought you'd do or it was in your bucket list all these while? Please say no. Lol
On the other hand, I will tell you how my day went today. I woke up at 0945 hours today as you would have probably known because I replied to your message right after I woke up. Then, I got ready whilst talking to you in between getting ready and I went to uni for my second group meeting for my Management assignment which I am proud to say I've finished. Hehe. One load down. After the meeting was my tutorial and I am done for the day. Yay! I love Mondays and Fridays because they are my most vacant days. Back to where we were, I then took the bus back and went for some grocery shopping thereafter since I had to get down at the stop closer to the shopping centre. I got so much of things today so much so that it was such a pain having to carry that crazy ass 10 kg of load back. I wouldn't have minded the weight but the problem was I had to take a 10 minutes walk home so it was plain tormenting. Before I know it, my hands started to be weak and my back started to hurt a wee bit again. :( It was a good exercise though considering the fact that I haven't been going to the gym for quite some time now. Heh. Once I got home, I unpacked, ate, started a bit of my weekly maths assignment, lazed around, went for dinner with my siblings (which they make me pay for), came home, crocheted, got a FaceTime call from Lynna and the bunch who were at homegroup and so I talked to them for a while, fiddled around the house and room, tidy up my study table, scrolled through Facebook, watch your videos over and over again and here I am writing to you now. What I enjoyed most was talking to you the whole night because I can never get enough of you although we may have some issues being brought up again which I won't labour into now. :) We shall let bygones be bygones for the night alright.
I know I said this earlier on but I didn't think it was legit for someone to miss someone so much and love someone as much I love you. I was just sitting on my couch while figuring my maths questions out when I decided to play your videos again on Skype. The moment I opened it and played it, memories and thoughts of you just started flooding me. All the times we spent together doing all sorts of things, the times spent talking and talking and talking, the time spent going out together & the many others. They just came in like a broken dam and it was not long after that did I realise I actually love you and miss you more than it seems. Even I was taken aback by the feeling I felt right at the speck of that moment. It just hit me hard that you really are the one for me. I would describe how I truly felt at that moment but I guess unless you experience it for yourself, you won't be able to comprehend the exact feeling.
I just wish that you were right here beside me now so that I can embrace you and just lie beside you. I want you to be the first and the last person I see when I get up and before going to bed. I want you to be my bolster so that I can hug you tightly to bed. I want to just hug you and cuddle with you 24/7. I want to keep reminding you verbally that I love you and my love for you is undying. I just want to do every single thing that makes you happy and makes me happy too. Just as you said earlier that you realise selflessness is the one main thing that you learn about having to love, I couldn't agree more than that because it is true. And my way of portraying selflessness would be putting your needs above mine. :)
I know that this is pretty a short post but I think I will stop here for today. I believe that I have said all that I need while whatsapping you earlier as we were trying to resolve our situation at that time too. I hope that it makes you feel better to be reassured and I hope that from now on, we will just strive for the best in all that we do for our relationship and we will continue loving one another unconditionally till the end of time. I just want to say again that you are my priority in life now and you are the most important person to me yesterday, today & forever.
I love you. <3
So so so so very much.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Letters To You - # 18
Dear J,
How are you? How are things getting along there? Are you doing well there? Are you adapting well there? Have you been eating and resting well? How are the people there? These are the many few questions that I constantly ask and replay in my mind throughout the day. There are just so much I want to know and ask you but having known that I won't get any answer to my questions can be pretty agonising. Nonetheless, it is nice to hear from you again just now although I wasn't gonna expect to hear anything from you until tomorrow because you said that you wouldn't have an access to wifi at all for two days. But of course it is nicer to hear from you sooner than later.
It is good to know that the people there are treating you well. It is a relieve to know that you are fine though you're left bruised. It is nice to know that you're getting along well with the whole group of people that you went there with. It is consoling to know that you are having fun there. And as much as I wouldn't admit to being jealous or anything, it is cool to know that many girls have an eye for you there. Okay, maybe not cool at all but... Oh well. Though one thing for sure is that you are mine and mine alone. Nobody in the world can have a piece of you. I repeat, nobody. I don't know why but I get touchy about this topic everytime it surfaces. :( Not that I am being insecure but I just don't like the thought of it. *wails like there is no tomorrow* At least I know that everything is going on well on your side and that is good enough for me. To know that you're safe and sound.
My day hasn't been a great one today. It has been a rather long day and I am actually really tired from it all. I had to wake up at 6 something this morning because Thursdays suck and I have to attend an 8 o' clock class. Speaking of which, I have been out since 7 in the morning. Life in uni is pretty much the same old stuff. Though I actually learnt something new today - crocheting. The main reason I had to pick this up is because we are meant to come up with our engineering project prototype in two weeks time and we are no where close to done because 3/4 of the group members are just plainly of no use. With that said, it is only my Vietnamese girl friend and I who are expected to be crocheting the recycled plastic bag which will then be used to build our final prototype. I must say that I am doing a pretty good job because I spent most of my time doing it and I have been progressing quite well since then. Anyway, that was my Workshop Session for Engineering. Soon later, it was my Physics lab and we did some experiment on waves. And nothing much happened after that. Just more Physics classes until it is time for me to pack and go home. However, I was supposed to be working today and so I did. I went to my brother's office to follow him back or rather, for him to drop me at work and in the end hijacking his car for myself. Work was really tiring today. There were a lot of customers considering the fact that it is a weeknight and there were only the four of us so you can imagine how I was running around non-stop. I know I told you this earlier but I nearly slipped and fall. Thank God I didn't but I may have strain my back again. Nothing to worry though cause I'm taking my meds and they're working so far so I'll just have to continue until it is all well. :) Needless to say, I came home after work and I showered (also found myself sitting on the floor of the shower for a good 5 minutes or more with the water running) and soon was plopped in front of my laptop. Finished my part on my Management group assignment and here I am now, writing to you. I hope you didn't fall asleep reading about my day because it tends to get mundane and stereotypical after a while.
Anyway, you were being a little doubtful about us again at some point of our conversation just now. I know that they way I replied you at first probably wasn't what you expected it to be but I was really tired myself actually since I got off work but I was looking forward to you at the same time. So, that pretty much explains my lack of attention in my first few replies. And I am sorry if I sounded uninterested or moody. I just want to take this opportunity to reinstate what I told you earlier. I am not your ordinary girl whom you fall for okay? I will go through the storms with you. I will fight for you. I will reassure you when you're insecure. I will walk by your side through thick and thin. I will comfort you when you're distressed. I will be your extra pair of eyes, ears and hands. I will be whatever it takes for me to be just so you be you. I know that times get tough at times and sometimes our past experiences allows our mind and thoughts to be clouded but please have faith in me? I know that I have been trying my very best to prove to you that I would never leave you under any circumstances or that the feelings I have for you would easily fade away even though we may not talk often and I hope that you won't feel this way anymore. I will blatantly say that it hurts when this happens because it honestly makes me feel as if I haven't done a good job at proving to you and showing you that my feelings for you and all that I have for you will not cease. Once again, I am not forcing you to trust me at one go but one inch of trust a day is good enough for me whilst I play my role in showing that all I have for you is genuine and will not be broken.
I guess I will have to put a fullstop here. I might have to get up early again tomorrow and it is currently 0220 hours right now already. I know this is a pretty short post and I'm just bringing up things that you've heard for a million times already but these are the gist of all that is in my mind. And I just want to share my thoughts and mind with you. So yea. I will write to you again soon alright? I hope that you will dream sweet dreams and sleep really soundly tonight. :)
I love you.
xx
How are you? How are things getting along there? Are you doing well there? Are you adapting well there? Have you been eating and resting well? How are the people there? These are the many few questions that I constantly ask and replay in my mind throughout the day. There are just so much I want to know and ask you but having known that I won't get any answer to my questions can be pretty agonising. Nonetheless, it is nice to hear from you again just now although I wasn't gonna expect to hear anything from you until tomorrow because you said that you wouldn't have an access to wifi at all for two days. But of course it is nicer to hear from you sooner than later.
It is good to know that the people there are treating you well. It is a relieve to know that you are fine though you're left bruised. It is nice to know that you're getting along well with the whole group of people that you went there with. It is consoling to know that you are having fun there. And as much as I wouldn't admit to being jealous or anything, it is cool to know that many girls have an eye for you there. Okay, maybe not cool at all but... Oh well. Though one thing for sure is that you are mine and mine alone. Nobody in the world can have a piece of you. I repeat, nobody. I don't know why but I get touchy about this topic everytime it surfaces. :( Not that I am being insecure but I just don't like the thought of it. *wails like there is no tomorrow* At least I know that everything is going on well on your side and that is good enough for me. To know that you're safe and sound.
My day hasn't been a great one today. It has been a rather long day and I am actually really tired from it all. I had to wake up at 6 something this morning because Thursdays suck and I have to attend an 8 o' clock class. Speaking of which, I have been out since 7 in the morning. Life in uni is pretty much the same old stuff. Though I actually learnt something new today - crocheting. The main reason I had to pick this up is because we are meant to come up with our engineering project prototype in two weeks time and we are no where close to done because 3/4 of the group members are just plainly of no use. With that said, it is only my Vietnamese girl friend and I who are expected to be crocheting the recycled plastic bag which will then be used to build our final prototype. I must say that I am doing a pretty good job because I spent most of my time doing it and I have been progressing quite well since then. Anyway, that was my Workshop Session for Engineering. Soon later, it was my Physics lab and we did some experiment on waves. And nothing much happened after that. Just more Physics classes until it is time for me to pack and go home. However, I was supposed to be working today and so I did. I went to my brother's office to follow him back or rather, for him to drop me at work and in the end hijacking his car for myself. Work was really tiring today. There were a lot of customers considering the fact that it is a weeknight and there were only the four of us so you can imagine how I was running around non-stop. I know I told you this earlier but I nearly slipped and fall. Thank God I didn't but I may have strain my back again. Nothing to worry though cause I'm taking my meds and they're working so far so I'll just have to continue until it is all well. :) Needless to say, I came home after work and I showered (also found myself sitting on the floor of the shower for a good 5 minutes or more with the water running) and soon was plopped in front of my laptop. Finished my part on my Management group assignment and here I am now, writing to you. I hope you didn't fall asleep reading about my day because it tends to get mundane and stereotypical after a while.
Anyway, you were being a little doubtful about us again at some point of our conversation just now. I know that they way I replied you at first probably wasn't what you expected it to be but I was really tired myself actually since I got off work but I was looking forward to you at the same time. So, that pretty much explains my lack of attention in my first few replies. And I am sorry if I sounded uninterested or moody. I just want to take this opportunity to reinstate what I told you earlier. I am not your ordinary girl whom you fall for okay? I will go through the storms with you. I will fight for you. I will reassure you when you're insecure. I will walk by your side through thick and thin. I will comfort you when you're distressed. I will be your extra pair of eyes, ears and hands. I will be whatever it takes for me to be just so you be you. I know that times get tough at times and sometimes our past experiences allows our mind and thoughts to be clouded but please have faith in me? I know that I have been trying my very best to prove to you that I would never leave you under any circumstances or that the feelings I have for you would easily fade away even though we may not talk often and I hope that you won't feel this way anymore. I will blatantly say that it hurts when this happens because it honestly makes me feel as if I haven't done a good job at proving to you and showing you that my feelings for you and all that I have for you will not cease. Once again, I am not forcing you to trust me at one go but one inch of trust a day is good enough for me whilst I play my role in showing that all I have for you is genuine and will not be broken.
I guess I will have to put a fullstop here. I might have to get up early again tomorrow and it is currently 0220 hours right now already. I know this is a pretty short post and I'm just bringing up things that you've heard for a million times already but these are the gist of all that is in my mind. And I just want to share my thoughts and mind with you. So yea. I will write to you again soon alright? I hope that you will dream sweet dreams and sleep really soundly tonight. :)
I love you.
xx
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Letters To You - # 17
Dear J,
Today and tomorrow are the days that you won't have an access to wifi over there. I may sound like an overly attached girlfriend or some crazy love maniac or you may find me saying this too often but I miss you a lot. Like a lot a lot. Things are not quite the same now because I would usually get up to a morning text from you or vice versa and we would occasionally text throughout the day until you are home and we would Skype until either one of us wants to go to bed although it is usually you in our case. :P But now, it feels so... Different. My days now are so contrasting to the days where you are back home. It feels like I don't have much to look forward to in my day besides classes and some random conversations with my course mates during class. Maybe some shopping too but that usually fails as well? Lol. It is just so quiet and empty now.
However, I am ever so thankful for the video messages that you've sent me on Skype. It truly does make me feel better and closer to you even though we may be 3157 miles apart. That is really really far okay. :( In fact, it is even further than from Perth and Malaysia. Then again, it doesn't feel as bad because I know that I have your videos to pull me through these two days until you are able to talk to me again. It may not be the whole day but a few hours is just good enough considering our circumstances. Speaking of the videos that you sent me on Skype, you have no idea how many times have I replayed it throughout this day itself. Heh. There are the videos that still makes me tear, and there are the ones that makes me smile so widely as well as the ones that make me laugh (You know what I am talking about. Hehe.) Come to think of it, the things that you do just to make me happy cannot be compared to what others do for me because it is a whole new level. Something that I would like to brag about but there is no need for that on second thoughts because it is good enough for only me to know and be happy about.
I don't know why but I would think that my friends who still reads my blog currently would think that I am hopelessly in love and it may seem that I will just die without you but as much as it is quite true, it is not the case either. It is of no doubt that I would choose to be with you all the time if I were given a choice but at the same time, I am willing to let you go and explore the world or even spend as much time as you want with your friends and family while believing and knowing that you would eventually come back to me in the end. As much as my world revolves around you, we both know that we wouldn't forget our friends or the people around us just because we have one another. Which leads us to giving one another the time and space we need to spend time with our friends. Hehe. I know that I wouldn't want you to lose your friends just because of me cause they are your bros after all. :P Besides that, we would be spending the rest of our lives together, right? So, I am not worried about anything because I know that I have you all to myself in the near future where we will be seeing one another day and night for 7 days a week and 356 days a year. :)
Remember how I told you that I will write a little differently while you are away? The thing that I'd like to think that is different is that I would write and tell you about my day because you would know what I am up to on a normal and daily basis but since you are away this time and there is no way for you to know, I would write it up here. Heh. As much as I would like to make my day seem different from any other day, it isn't. So you would most probably know what I was doing the whole day too. Anyway, I would still tell you how my day went. I woke up at 9.30 this morning because my classes are late on Wednesdays which I am sure you know already. And after getting ready and having my breakfast, I went to uni slightly earlier just as it was last week to have my weekly group meeting on my group's final engineering report. As I expected it to be, it was a total waste of time because out of the 2 hours, we spent discussing stuff about our project for only 15 minutes. I don't even know why I bother going for it anymore. Then, I went for my information session which is another waste of time but I don't have a choice but to go because it counts for my participation marks which is a part of my final marks. Which means I don't actually have a choice but to go as much as I was so inclined to skipping it. :( And after classes, I got back, showered, had my dinner, fell asleep on the couch and finally! Here I am writing to you. Hee. That pretty sums up my day. I will have to start and continue on my assignment after this though. *sighs*
I can't wait to hear from you again now so that you can tell me all about your day and what you did throughout your day today. I remember saying in my previous post that I would want you to go on as many adventures as you can in life so that you can share with me your experiences? This is pretty much what I am referring to. I would like to spend the whole night talking to you while you story me just about anything. Thinking about it now, I miss the days where you would be storying me about your friends and your family and your life and everything and anything over dinner or the time we spend together. Though I must say that it happens over our meal time because I tend to be eating way way slower than you so you would just take up the time to story me without stopping. I am not complaining though because I think that is one of the reasons I fell for you. I don't know why but I particularly remember this happening when we were having dinner at Three Little Pigs and The Big Bad Wolf. :) So come back soon and story me about all the things you did for this missions trip okay?
I guess I would stop here for today and I will write to you again soon enough alright? I just want you to know that I miss you dearly and I can't wait to talk to you again. I hope you are having a good time there and I hope that you will be impacting the lives of the youths there as God does His work in you too.
I love you.
Now & forever.
Today and tomorrow are the days that you won't have an access to wifi over there. I may sound like an overly attached girlfriend or some crazy love maniac or you may find me saying this too often but I miss you a lot. Like a lot a lot. Things are not quite the same now because I would usually get up to a morning text from you or vice versa and we would occasionally text throughout the day until you are home and we would Skype until either one of us wants to go to bed although it is usually you in our case. :P But now, it feels so... Different. My days now are so contrasting to the days where you are back home. It feels like I don't have much to look forward to in my day besides classes and some random conversations with my course mates during class. Maybe some shopping too but that usually fails as well? Lol. It is just so quiet and empty now.
However, I am ever so thankful for the video messages that you've sent me on Skype. It truly does make me feel better and closer to you even though we may be 3157 miles apart. That is really really far okay. :( In fact, it is even further than from Perth and Malaysia. Then again, it doesn't feel as bad because I know that I have your videos to pull me through these two days until you are able to talk to me again. It may not be the whole day but a few hours is just good enough considering our circumstances. Speaking of the videos that you sent me on Skype, you have no idea how many times have I replayed it throughout this day itself. Heh. There are the videos that still makes me tear, and there are the ones that makes me smile so widely as well as the ones that make me laugh (You know what I am talking about. Hehe.) Come to think of it, the things that you do just to make me happy cannot be compared to what others do for me because it is a whole new level. Something that I would like to brag about but there is no need for that on second thoughts because it is good enough for only me to know and be happy about.
I don't know why but I would think that my friends who still reads my blog currently would think that I am hopelessly in love and it may seem that I will just die without you but as much as it is quite true, it is not the case either. It is of no doubt that I would choose to be with you all the time if I were given a choice but at the same time, I am willing to let you go and explore the world or even spend as much time as you want with your friends and family while believing and knowing that you would eventually come back to me in the end. As much as my world revolves around you, we both know that we wouldn't forget our friends or the people around us just because we have one another. Which leads us to giving one another the time and space we need to spend time with our friends. Hehe. I know that I wouldn't want you to lose your friends just because of me cause they are your bros after all. :P Besides that, we would be spending the rest of our lives together, right? So, I am not worried about anything because I know that I have you all to myself in the near future where we will be seeing one another day and night for 7 days a week and 356 days a year. :)
Remember how I told you that I will write a little differently while you are away? The thing that I'd like to think that is different is that I would write and tell you about my day because you would know what I am up to on a normal and daily basis but since you are away this time and there is no way for you to know, I would write it up here. Heh. As much as I would like to make my day seem different from any other day, it isn't. So you would most probably know what I was doing the whole day too. Anyway, I would still tell you how my day went. I woke up at 9.30 this morning because my classes are late on Wednesdays which I am sure you know already. And after getting ready and having my breakfast, I went to uni slightly earlier just as it was last week to have my weekly group meeting on my group's final engineering report. As I expected it to be, it was a total waste of time because out of the 2 hours, we spent discussing stuff about our project for only 15 minutes. I don't even know why I bother going for it anymore. Then, I went for my information session which is another waste of time but I don't have a choice but to go because it counts for my participation marks which is a part of my final marks. Which means I don't actually have a choice but to go as much as I was so inclined to skipping it. :( And after classes, I got back, showered, had my dinner, fell asleep on the couch and finally! Here I am writing to you. Hee. That pretty sums up my day. I will have to start and continue on my assignment after this though. *sighs*
I can't wait to hear from you again now so that you can tell me all about your day and what you did throughout your day today. I remember saying in my previous post that I would want you to go on as many adventures as you can in life so that you can share with me your experiences? This is pretty much what I am referring to. I would like to spend the whole night talking to you while you story me just about anything. Thinking about it now, I miss the days where you would be storying me about your friends and your family and your life and everything and anything over dinner or the time we spend together. Though I must say that it happens over our meal time because I tend to be eating way way slower than you so you would just take up the time to story me without stopping. I am not complaining though because I think that is one of the reasons I fell for you. I don't know why but I particularly remember this happening when we were having dinner at Three Little Pigs and The Big Bad Wolf. :) So come back soon and story me about all the things you did for this missions trip okay?
I guess I would stop here for today and I will write to you again soon enough alright? I just want you to know that I miss you dearly and I can't wait to talk to you again. I hope you are having a good time there and I hope that you will be impacting the lives of the youths there as God does His work in you too.
I love you.
Now & forever.
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