Jon and Sarah Jackson Family

This is probably the most bitter-sweet post I have ever authored. We decided this last weekend to accept a job offer down in Southern California with a company Jon interned with a few years back. Jon has been unhappy with the job he has here for quite some time. We had been both actively and casually looking around for other jobs since December that would be a better fit for him, all to no avail. Then, suddenly, we received a call about a wonderful opportunity at the company he will now be joining. He will be getting a promotion as well as a substantial raise. We will be in a much better situation even with the increased cost of living. This is an answer to our prayers and the prayers of my family; I just had no idea it would be answered so suddenly. All this has gone down in the last week and Jon is expected to be at work by the first week in July. That gives us two weeks to pack up, move, get settled, and allow Jon to begin work.

I have to admit that I have been balling my eyes out all weekend. I know this needs to happen, but I am heartbroken. I have grown to love this area and the people in it. It is ironic that Jon's job is what brought us out here in the first place, yet that same job is also what's taking us away. It seems cruel that Heavenly Father allowed us to find so much joy and happiness here, yet is suddenly asking us to let it all go and move on. I don't want to let it all go, and taking the steps toward letting it go has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Now the notifications have been made, our lease has been ended, and we have signed the offer. There is no turning back. However, I know that I will not be able to help a little glance back now and then. The only comfort I find is in knowing that we have a confirmation of the spirit, that we will be going down near my family who misses us very much, and finally the comfort of the delusional thought I have ingrained in my head that we will come back someday and retire.

I know we will be happy down in SoCal. If we could find so much joy in a place as foreign to me as Yugoslavia, a place where we knew no one and nothing about anything, then I am pretty sure we will be able to happily settle in a place overflowing with familiarity.

The following pictures chronicle some of the very things I have loved so very much about Albuquerque. (And these are things we have done just in the last two weeks!)

Last night as I was laying in bed I asked my husband if he wished I was different. Lately I have been thinking about all that I wish I could be, but am not. Sometimes I wish I were more sexy and mysterious. I know that sounds so silly, but sometimes I really want that. People can read me like an open book and sometimes I think that can make me really boring. I am not graceful or elegant. To the contrary, I am clumsy and terrible with hand-eye coordination. If I am playing volleyball, the ball will find my head no matter what. This can get really old after awhile. Sometimes I even wonder if I smile to much. I think I kind of look goofy and overly happy when I smile so much, but I really can't help it. Smiling is like second nature to me. It is almost like a tick that my body has no control over.

I look at all these amazing women around me and sometimes wish I were more like them. I have friends, but I am guarded and don't make close friends very easily, while others seem to have droves of them. Some women seem to have a mystery and elegance about them that I wish I had also. You know those girls that seem to have a secret confidence and a face that never reveals what they are truly thinking? Sometimes I wish I had that also. Almost thinking out loud, I asked my husband if he ever wished I were a little different.

He looked at me with shock on his face. I was confused by his reaction. He asked me what I meant. I shared with him all of the things I had been thinking lately. Then he said probably the most romantic thing he has ever said to me. He looked me in the eyes and said, "What a silly question. I married you for who you were, not what I hoped you would become. I would be very sad if I saw you change those very things about yourself that make me love you." He then went on to tell me about how he loves the fact that I am terrible at sports, but try to do in anyway. He loves the fact that I always have a smile on my face and a soft spot for others. He loves the fact that he always knows what I am thinking and I allow other people to see it as well. I saw these things as flaws, but he saw and still sees them as my greatest strengths.

I am so lucky to have an eternal sweetheart that can keep me grounded. For a minute there, I really wanted to be like all these other women I see around me, but he quickly reminded me that if I tried to change myself, I would be taking the woman he loves away from him. Isn't he the best?

I hope and pray that I am not the only one out there who has wondered this. Perhaps you other women really love who you are. You are better than I, but for those of you still struggling along, think about your fathers, mothers, husbands, and even your Heavenly Father who wouldn't want you to change those unique things that make you who you are.