Top: Marcus; Bottom: Sheridan (who knows he's being photographed:-)

From top to bottom: 1) Marcus takes a break so I can get a picture. 2) Sheridan gets ready to go down the steep hill. The snow was really icy and the boys really went fast. I was just very relieved they didn't hit any of the jumps people had built. Those jumps looked like bone-breakers to me. 3) Looking out over the bowl of Rock Canyon Park at the sunset. 4) Caleb and Marcus hike back up the hill under the rising moon. It was a beautiful night.

Sledding --February 18, 2006 For FHE, we grabbed a last-chance opportunity to go sledding at Rock Canyon Park. These are the first pictures I took, when the light was still pretty good. Mitchell went down with Guy twice and then had had enough. He actually spent most of the evening climbing on the snow-covered playground equipment. The bottom picture shows Caleb and Guy with Mitchell climbing out of the bowl after a run.

When Mitchell came home from the hospital I watched him very closely for any lingering issues. I mentioned before that on Tuesday night he had a difficult time with his fine motor skills, as well as with walking. I also noticed that his left eyelid was droopy. By Wednesday evening, though, Mitchell looked and acted really like his normal little self, which is wonderful and incredible to me. I spent that day pretty much carrying him around or following wherever he went since I was unsure of his balance and coordination. He would take my hand and start running and laughing. He walked down the stairs holding my hand, and when we got to the bottom he clapped his hands and then held his arms straight up like he does when we say "Hooray!" We did lots of cheering like that on Wednesday, since Mitchell seemed really pleased with every little thing he did. He also seemed to have a certain urgency in playing with his toys--he wanted to try out every one of them, as well as all of his brothers' toys. By the end of the day, I could tell by the amount of stuff pulled out of cupboards that Mitchell was back. It was a happy mess for me.

Mitchell slept really horribly on Wednesday and Thursday nights. I tried to help out on Wednesday night, but by Thurs. night I was feeling so ill myself, that Guy bore the brunt of it all. Yesterday, I took Mitchell to see his Pediatrician, and everything checked out fine again. The rest of the day Mitchell was really quite lethargic and just wanted to be held and sleep. Today, Mitchell still has a runny nose, but seems to be doing a lot better. Now, if the rest of us can just get well. . . I think Sheridan and Caleb are about done being sick (I HOPE!), but I'm still feeling pretty crummy, especially at night and in the morning. The main thing is that Guy can't get sick, or our world will come crashing down around us :-). Or we'll just have to call in re enforcements again (ie. Mom and Dad).

In a conversation with Kendra, she mentioned how, especially with digital technology, there is a temptation to alter photos (cutting out the clutter in the background, or using the "thinify" button to make you look skinnier--there actually is such a thing) thereby creating a false impression of a given time or event. I don't think we can ever be completely accurate as we try to document our life experiences--simply our angle of observation will affect what we perceive--but I do think it's important to try and document the beautiful as well as the not-so-beautiful aspects of life.

Personally, I think this little picture is beautiful, but it's an image of our not-so-beautiful experience this week. This was during the EEG, and underneath the wrappings, Mitchell has 23 electrodes taped to his head. You can see the wires at the back of his head. I didn't know it at the time, but Mitchell was running a pretty good fever through this. Guy took the picture with his camera phone.

I do wish we had a picture of the LifeFlight helicopter Mitchell rode in. LifeFlight operates 4 helicopters in the state, two of each that I have pictured here, so Mitchell rode in one of these. It was something, though, to see the helicopter just sitting out on the lawn at Orem Community, where they don't have a helipad. In the ER, I'd seen a security person wandering around and then once we went outside, I saw another security person in a car parked facing the helicopter. Our assumption was that security was there to make sure no one came along and messed with the helicopter since it was just left sitting.

Sunday night, I drove home from the hospital and picked up the other boys at Deren and Liz's house. As I was tucking them into bed, Marcus asked how I'd liked the helicopter ride. I had to explain that Mitchell was the only one of us who got to ride and that he hadn't even been awake for it. I think Marcus was a little disappointed. I've avoided thinking too much about it, but I think any disappointment on my part may be amplified when we get the bill. . .

Guy and Mitchell arrived home from the hospital around 6:30 this evening. The "official" opinion from neurology (which is still just a best-guess since there is no clear evidence in this case) is that M had a complex febrile seizure. Basic febrile seizures usually only last a couple of minutes and present when there is a fever. The lack of fever and the length of the seizure make M's "complex." The Neuro Dr. said that seizures are most common between 6 mos and 6 years and that M has a 50/50 chance of having another one before he's six. We're hoping for the better of those 50's naturally, but we were sent home with an emergency nasal medication for him should he seize again. Now I just have to figure out how to have it with us at all times just in case. I will be doing a follow-up with M's regular pediatrician in the next 3 days or so, and we have an MRI up at Primary Children's scheduled for the 19th of March.

Back to the homecoming: M had fallen asleep on the long drive home so was not overly-friendly or excited when he saw his brothers (who had a hard time keeping their hands off him). Almost first thing, he directed me to the fridge and his yogurt. He actually had some difficulty feeding himself--getting his spoon, or even his hand, to his mouth like he wanted--and he got quite frustrated while still managing to eat a bit. He ate some more later and seemed to do a little better. After a while he played with some toys on the carpet, and finally got the idea to get up and run around. I insisted he hold one of my hands since he's just not as steady as he was, but he seemed really excited to be able to go places. Overall, he was a bit Jekyll/Hyde tonight going from complaining and needing consoling to giving me hugs, wanting to play etc.

He started getting very tired and went to bed without any complaint just a short while ago. I've dug out the baby monitor and I'm debating sleeping on the floor of his room or with the monitor taped to my ear. It is going to take a while for me to get comfortable with him walking/running on his own, or for me to let him out of my sight without worrying.

That being said, we are still really happy to have our boy(s) home.

When I wrote yesterday I was kind of on a high of relief. Things are still ok, but yesterday was a tough one, so this morning I'm feeling a little low.

Mitchell was moved from the PICU to a regular room (and much more comfortable for parents) yesterday morning. I spent the afternoon and evening at the hospital yesterday and Guy was able to sleep for about 1 1/2 hours. Mitchell was having a really bad time, though. At first he seemed to just want to get out of there and was very squirmy and hard to distract. He did finally play with some toys for a little while and that helped. After we got a little food in him (I think food and drink haven't felt all that good to him since he had a tube down his throat for about 8 hours, so he was a little reluctant, and swallowing kind of funny), I managed to get him to sleep. He even let me put him in his crib for about an hour (at which point a resident walked in, was really loud and woke him up--I could have strangled her--so he was back in my arms after that). While he was still out of it, someone from neurology came and gave him an EEG--this involved taping 23 electrodes to his head, wrapping his head in gauze and then monitoring him for 30 minutes. I pretty much held my breath the whole time, fearing that he would surely wake up and tear everything off (it took about 10 minutes to get him set up and this gal was working so fast. . .). After the EEG we discovered partly why he'd been sleeping so well. His fever was back and on the rise pretty fast, and once he woke up, he was just miserable. We talked with another Dr. who I really liked, but whose name I couldn't tell you for anything, and he ordered a dose of tamiflu medicine for Mitchell to hopefully decrease the severity and duration of his flu symptoms. The medicine must taste horrible because Mitchell really fought us on that one, and wouldn't take anything after that. The pudding he'd been eating before, he just would spit out. Luckily the motrin finally kicked in and he was able to relax and even reached for his crib. He curled up on his stomach and layed on his "sleepy bear" we brought from home, and was just about asleep when I left at 8:30.

My dad drove up to pick me up and I left the van for Guy with the optimism that he'd need it to bring M home as soon as they discharge him--but that may be a while yet. This morning I talked to Guy and the great news was that M had slept through the night (a vast improvement over the night before) and he woke with no fever, and happier than he'd been at all yesterday. They did another chest x-ray this morning (I think this is to do with the flu now, not so much the seizure, but I don't even know anymore), and Guy was just waiting for someone from Neurology to come by and let us know the results of the EEG and what the next steps, if any, there are. In the mean time, they are also testing his stools, and they did a sweat chloride test. We were hoping to hear from Neurology before I decided if I'm going up today or not. I've definitely got something myself and am feeling worse than I felt yesterday (though I'm not as bad off as Sheridan and Caleb who are laying on the couch today) and I wonder about the wisdom of my being at the hospital. But it kills me not to be there with Mitchell (while I was at the hospital, he was pretty much in my arms the whole time--except for part of his nap--and my arms are quite sore today from wrestling with him), and I worry about the load that Guy has had to carry through all of this because of my being sick. I can't express how much I love him and how incredibly grateful I am for him, for his patience, his caring, his great faith.

This is wearing on the other boys, too. Sheridan and Caleb are sick enough that they are mostly just sleeping, but Marcus was pretty teary this morning when he went to school. He said that he really missed his family when he was at school and that he just wanted to see Mitchell and Dad again. I'm hopeful that school will be good for him and allow him to get his mind off of things a little, but if this drags on anymore and he's still sad, I may let him stay home another day.

This morning I've been making phone calls to get people to take over for the Blue and Gold Banquet I'm in charge of on Thurs. This is when it would have been really nice to have an assistant. . . I need to hear back from a couple of people, and then I'll have it covered and I won't give it another thought. This was my big stress and focus the last week or so, and it's amazing how little I care about it right now.

I've been holding together pretty well--and so far the news is all good, so I have much to be grateful for--but I talked to my visiting teacher this morning and the flood gates kind of opened. She told the that she'd had "so many" calls from people really wanting to help and wondering what they could do for us, and that was all it took. I know that there have been so many prayers offered on our behalf and it means so much to me. It's when I think about all the people who really do love us and care about us that my emotions just take over. I hope to never be in this kind of position again, but there is something absolutely amazing and overwhelming about feeling that love from so many people.

So, after lots of tears, and my confession that I just can't make decisions or see what we need, my VTer said that she'd arrange to have meals brought in for us through Friday--that people would be more than happy to help us in this way. Again, I'm incredibly touched and truly grateful. If nothing else, it's one less thing I'll have to think about, whatever this week may bring.

So, I'm ready for an upswing. I'll hopefully hear from Guy again soon, but I likely won't be able to update again until tomorrow.

Thank you, thank you all again.

(BTW, writing this has opened the flood gates again. I guess it's just going to be a weepy day for me, too. That's ok. I'll probably feel better after some good cry-time)

I'll try to make this brief, but I want to give a report on Mitchell.

Yesterday at about 11:30am, Mitchell started having a seizure, although I didn't recognize it as such initially. I called Guy at Church, he left the big boys in the hands of good neighbors, came home and then we packed up sick Caleb and Mitchell and headed for the pediatrician. Part way there, I made the call that we needed to get to the emergency room because Mitchell had started convulsing more dramatically. We arrived at Orem Community Hospital around 12pm and they began so many processes, I lost track. They put M on Oxygen, gave him meds to stop the seizure, then intibated him to make sure he could get some good air. They sedated him, gave him an anesthetic and I believe they also had to paralyze him in order to get the tube down his throat. After a short while (I really lost track of time) they told us they'd ordered a Life-Flight helicopter to get M to Primary Children's Hospital in SLC because they are best equiped to deal with this sort of thing. Before he left, Guy and one of the techs gave M a blessing. One good thing about living in Utah County is that every hospital has consecrated oil, and people who can help give Priesthood blessings.

Deren and Liz picked up Caleb from the Hospital and then later got the big boys from our neighbor's house. Guy and I went home and changed out of our church clothes, grabbed a few things we could think of and headed up to SLC. At this point we both admitted our fears about this situation, and in a strange way that helped.

We arrived at PCMC just as Mitchell was coming out of his CAT scan. Initial test results and the scan looked good. We sat with Mitchell in the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) while he (still sedated) was poked and proded a bit more, then went and grabbed a late lunch. When we got back, Mitchell had begun running a fever and it was rising very quickly, so more interventions took place (including Tylenol, ibuprofin and more sedation and paralysis and having him lay on a cooling blanket) and finally (after what seemed a very long time to me) his fever began to go down.

At 7pm, they have all parents leave the PICU for an hour so they can do their shift changes. The first thing we did was find the Meditation room, where I was finally able to call my parents (instead of playing phone tag), and have a little bit of an emotional release. After some dinner, we went back to the PICU and found Mitchell in the arms of the nurse--free of the ventilator, catheter and a couple other things I think. He still had monitors on him and the two IV's shunts--all of which he very badly wanted off. He was groggy but he recognized us (which brought me to tears, again), and kept pointing and crying for me to take him out of that room (can you blame him?). A short while later, we were moved to a different (and much more quiet and roomier, and I think a little less "intensive") bed in the PICU. This actually meant that one of us could stay the night with M. At this point, I was not feeling so great and had the nurse take my temp. It was a little over 100 so we decided Guy would stay and I'd go home.

This morning, I've got various family members helping with the kids (Sheridan and Caleb are both a bit under the weather) and I'm dosing up on ibuprofen to go see my baby and hopefully spell Guy off a little.

Mitchell is really grumpy and ornery, but looks very very good. Tests showed that he does have Influenza A but since he was not running a fever when he had the seizure and because it lasted so long, there is still the mystery of why. There is a possibility that we may not find out, but today's menu consists of an eeg to test his brain function and see if the neurologists can better understand what went on. We may be bringing him home tomorrow morning, but we'll see.

I thank everyone for their prayers and concern, and ask that you still keep praying for us. I do believe the worst is behind us, but M may take a while to fully feel better, and with the rest of us under the weather, I anticipate somewhat of a long week. BUT I'm so very happy to be at this point. I am so relieved that initial results are all so good for our little guy. I feel that we've been very blessed.

On this beautiful morning I am grateful for

-Competent and caring medical personnel
-The nurse who kept checking on me while they were getting Mitchell ready to be Life-flighted (although I just about lost it each time).
-That I had thought to fill up the van with gas on Thursday, even though I still had over 1/4 tank left.
-Priesthood blessings
-The many neighbors and friends who called, expressed concern, and offered whatever help we may need
-That Mom and Dad are NOT taking care of Grandma this week, so they can help take care of us
-That Deren and Liz have so many legos at their house :-). I'm so grateful to them for taking the boys yesterday and keeping them so well entertained and happy
-For all our wonderful family and their love and concern for us. It has been an incredible strength
-For cell phones (Although it was very frustrating to not be able to use them in the PICU)
-For the cafeteria and the Meditation room at Primary Children's Medical Center
-That we got moved from bed 1 to bed 28 in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit so that Guy could sleep beside Mitchell last night (although I understand he didn't actually do much sleeping)
-For the prayers of so many. I know that they have helped, and I am so very very grateful for them
-That Mitchell is doing so much better
-That the sun is shining this morning
-That when he finally came out from sedation and I picked him up, Mitchell looked at me with groggy eyes and managed to say "Ah-Me"--his newly-acquired version of Mommy.