Sunday, June 17, 2012

Being a Daddy isn't for Wimps



I love this dad (and the sweet little boy on his shoulders)


It's gotta be hard to be a dad. Theoretically, dad's are supposed to be strong and invincible. Somehow, they're supposed to be solid rocks who no matter what happens stand strong, chin tilted up in the air with their capes waving in the wind complete with a tool belt, a ample pay check in one hand and a football in the other saying "No fear! Daddy is here! No one and no thing shall ever penetrate our family!"
That's a pretty lofty expectation to live up to.
No pressure or anything. 
In reality, things do happen that a dad can not protect his family from. In our family that thing is of course Pierson's heart defect. I married a man who can fix and build almost anything -- it's one of his spiritual gifts. No tool in his arsenal could have fixed Pierson's heart.
Dad's are supposed to be strong, stoic and invincible. That being said, on this heart journey the last year, some of the times when Jeff has been the weakest -- he has actually had just the strength Pierson and I needed. That had to have come from the Lord -- no other explanation for that. 
When we sat there in the exam room and Dr. Laird was explaining to us what was wrong with Pierson's heart I looked over at Jeff and there were tears in his eyes. I think our society looks at men crying as weak but that couldn't be further from what I was feeling about my husband in that moment. Being able to see with my own eyes that he was just as devastated as I was - was just what I needed because it made me feel like the cyclone of emotions I was feeling were ok. I wasn't looking at him for answers at that point, just affirmation. 
I can't imagine what a blow finding out there is something wrong with your child is for a father. Dad's have to be not only strong for their child but also for their wives. Moms get it easier, we only have to be strong for our child - and we get to have emotional meltdowns completely guilt free. 
I applaud the dads who don't just walk away from this, or pretend like nothing is wrong. So to all the dads who try to figure out what's on the echo screen - The dads who have set awake by your child's bedside in the hospital -The dads who have cried bitter tears over your child and had snot dripping out your nose - For all the dads who have carried your children because they were too weak to walk - For all of you dads who have felt like your hands were tied to fix the situation - For all the dads who have looked at their hard earned paycheck, then looked at a hospital bill and felt discouraged because the bill is greater than the check you just brought home, take heart. God has already given you all your need!

 1 Corinthians 1:4-10 Every time I think of you—and I think of you often!—I thank God for your lives of free and open access to God, given by Jesus. There's no end to what has happened in you—it's beyond speech, beyond knowledge. The evidence of Christ has been clearly verified in your lives.Just think—you don't need a thing, you've got it all! All God's gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for our Master Jesus to arrive on the scene for the Finale. And not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.
This morning in church we laid hands on all the fathers and prayed over them. Being a dad is a big job and the expectations and responsibilities are huge. I need to pray for Jeff more than I do, and I will start doing that. He's an amazing dad and I need to do that better to honor him. Pray over the dads over your life -- heart dad, special needs dad, or regular dad. They all need it -- they have a really hard job! God is good to us and is the ultimate father and the only father who is perfect. 
I'm thankful that I married a man who gets it: while at the same time knows that there's more to get so he keeps working at it. I'm thankful for how I've seen him be forced to grow over the last year. 
To all the heart dads out there, happy Father's Day!
I leave you with a comical video they showed before our sermon this morning. Classic dad. Enjoy! 






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Saturday, June 9, 2012

Happy Birthday Little Conqueror... And Many More...

We shouldn't have had a cake. We shouldn't have had candles. We never should have been able to send out birthday party invitations. We shouldn't have had phone calls and emails from Pierson's friends' parents telling us they were excited and coming to his birthday party.
But we did.
We shouldn't have been able to do any of this, but because our pediatrician wanted to find a reason for his high blood pressure, Pierson's cardiologist quickly diagnosed his heart defect and Pierson's surgeon corrected it before it was too late we got to.
We got to celebrate Pierson completing his 4th year of life. Because God is gracious and good to us - we got to. 
We are thankful that it was God's plan for Pierson to live a fourth year and not die in it. He really did a lot of living too! 
Pierson and I went on a mommy/son date not too long ago to a play center that housed a giant indoor playground. Pierson decided he for sure wanted to have his party there. I asked multiple times giving him multiple locations and options but he held fast to his original party location. Oh and he has been talking about his birthday party for months now. In March his preschool teacher told me they were talking and he told her she needed to come to his birthday party. Sweet boy.
We got to have Pierson's 4th birthday party last Saturday. It was wonderful and emotional and so so very special. In the past Pierson's birthdays and parties have marked the end of one year and the beginning of another. A new age. This year that couldn't be further from what we were actually celebrating.
This year we celebrated P being alive. He lived another year. This time last year it never would have crossed our minds that P was living on borrowed time or that the next week we would start our heart journey with a scary high blood pressure reading.
I tried to decide what we were really celebrating this year: That he lived? Yes. That he's still here? Yes. That he had another year of life? Yes. Then it dawned on me: What we are celebrating is that Pierson conquered another year of life. Conquered.
He went through more in this year of his life than most people do in their entire lives. We've heard words used to describe heart kids like "hero" and "survivor" and those are very appropriate and very true. But I would like to add another one to that list -- Conquerors.
This year Pierson has taught us what it is to live life and what it means to do so with bravery and gusto. The only thing this kid ever complained about after heart surgery was his catheter (can you blame him?) and once he said that he didn't like the oxygen in his nose. That's it. Pierson (like most heart kids) was up and ready to go on with life while mine and Jeff's emotional scars were still healing. He's had to relearn how to do some things as a complication of the congenital heart disease itself, but he never complains about it -- and occupational therapy is hard work. He tries new things, and is constantly full of joy and laughs. He may be missing some of his aorta but this kid isn't missing any life. He plays HARD -- even if he does get tuckered out a little easier than other kids he still plays with all he has. He tries new things and loves going on adventures. He gets it: Life is a get to situation. Because of that, I dub Pierson and other heart kids conquerors. We could learn from them, we should all conquer life. Instead of just marking getting older we should celebrate being alive and still being here. We should celebrate all we accomplished in the past year and all we will conquer in the coming year.
Pierson's dream cake! Look at all the detail!
P and his bff playing at his birthday party
We have really celebrated Pierson's 4th birthday. Unintentionally, we spread out his celebrated for an entire week. We had his big birthday party last weekend. He had a blast with his friends and it was so great to see them all play together. Pierson also had what might have been world's most wonderful birthday cake. There is an amazing foundation called Icing Smiles that gives kids facing chronic and terminal illness a chance to wish for any cake they can dream of and have a baker make their dream cake come to life -- free of charge to the family. We applied for an Icing Smile for Pierson and his wish was granted. When we asked Pierson what he would want if he could have any kind of cake in the world he said "Mickey Mouse Club House with a blue garbage truck with a red start on it". I sent that description in to Icing Smiles and they matched us with an amazing cake baker/decorator named Cathy. She is a super sweet big-hearted and very talented woman. She made an actual Mickey Mouse Club House out of cake. Every detail was there. It even had an upslide. And she made Pierson a garbage truck (currently residing in our freezer) out of pure fondant. It was so real that Pierson tried to play with it! It was so special to have this as the centerpiece for Pierson's birthday party. He loved it. We were so touched by the gift of this cake. Cathy (the baker) and Icing Smiles blessed P and our family. It was such a special mark of the year he had conquered and was celebrating. One of the kids at his party sang "...and many more..." after he blew out his candles. I had never thought of those words meaning something before. Yes God, please. Many many many more.
Pierson is a sweet kid and instead of presents for himself he told me he wanted to get some books for the hospital. Me:"Instead of presents for you?" P:"Books for the heart kids cart." (Books from that cart were a blessed distraction during his hospital stay) I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. So I asked him again later, still yes. We somehow collected 17 books from 12 guests to be donated to his hospital's congenital heart unit. I thought it special that he was given a cake because he's a heart kid, and that he also chose to give to help other heart kids.
Pierson giving the books to his child life specialist Margarita (she is amazing!)
P bringing in his books and posing in front of his favorite heart 
Later in the week we went to the water park with some friends and had a great time. Pierson and he love for life inspired an adventure of going down the big slide on the little kid side of the water park. I went down with him once then he told me he could do it all by himself. I promise you he went down that slide 100 times in every possible position.

P and Jack laughing and living it up at the water park
 Today we went bowling. P's idea. We're not sure where he came up with it but he decided to go bowling so Jeff, P and I went. We had a really great time! Pierson had bumpers in his lane and totally creamed us during the first game. We came back in the second game though. None of us will be joining a bowling league any time soon -- but we had fun!



Then we drove out to the landfill in  and watched the garbage trucks coming in and out and dumping their loads on top of the mountain of trash. Pierson was in heaven.
We then ended his official birthday day with a nearly 4 hour swim session. Our fingers may never  un-shrivel.
We are all exhausted tonight but our little conqueror has been well celebrated today. We really celebrate him every day. We will never take another birthday for granted again. None of us - heart healthy or not - have any guarantees. We need to get our get to instead of have to attitudes on so we can live each day to its fullest and conquer life.
There's a whole lot we can learn from heart kids.
Happy birthday dear Pierson. And many many more...
4 years ago today just after 3:04pm
Today a just after 4pm

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