Her Hillbilly Highness

“And God Said”

I said, “God, I hurt.”
And God said, “I know.”

I said, “I cry a lot.”
And God said, “That is why I gave you tears.”

I said, “God, I am so depressed.”
And God said, “That is why I gave you sunshine.”

I said, “God, life is so hard.”
And God said, “That is why I gave you loved ones.”

I said, “God, my loved one died,”
And God said, “So did mine.”

I said, “God, it is such a loss.”
And God said, “I saw mine nailed to a cross.”

I said, “God, but your loved one lives.”
And God said, “So does yours.”

I said, “God, where are they now?”
And God said, “Mine is on my right and yours is in the light.”

I said, “God, it hurts.”
And God said, “I know.”

September 2003- Beady with Riley

The day after we got home from Disney World my dad called me with the news that my grandmother, Beady, had passed away. I flew down to be with my family and go to the visitation and funeral this week. It was a really hard week!

I loved my Beady! I can't tell you how many times I was and am still called 'Little Bea' and it makes me proud each time.

Beady was a strong, godly woman who was the life of the party. She wasn't afraid to talk to people or speak her mind. She raised five children with a stern hand and had them all up at the church building dressed to the nines each time the doors were opened. There was a time in my life that my family didn't attend church and she would come and pick me up Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening as well. When I sat with her, she would give me juicy fruit gum. She was known for pinching her kids and grandkids really hard if they were acting up in church. When you sat with Beady, you know she meant business! She loved the Lord and her bible was marked on just about every page, every scripture with insight that she received from each lesson. What an example to live up to!

Beady took care of her husband, Pa a lot of years until he died from emphysema. She never remarried but had an active social life up until her mind started to leave her from Alzheimer's. She was always taking a ham or food to someone at church or to a family who needed it and would call people she barely knew just to offer them encouragement. Then came the Wylie Opera. I don't know how that phase came about but she would go out to eat with friends on Saturday night and then go see the Wylie Opera. We heard so much about that Wylie Opera and how good it was! Of course, now I am kicking myself that I didn't go to at least one with her! :(

Then came the tour buses to Branson. She would go to Branson with her Opry friends and usually mom and my aunt Becky would go with her. She had so much fun and most of the entertainers up there (Mickey Gilley, Joey Riley) knew her by name! She was the life of the party but would always make it to church on Sunday morning or have communion in her room if she was on a trip.

Then we started noticing that she was forgetting things and getting confused a lot of the time. Her kids finally decided on a nice assisted living home for her and don't you know that she became very popular with the residents within the first week! Everybody loved Bea! She would encourage everyone to go to the church service at the home on Sunday. We visited her as much as we could and even had parties out there.

Beady lived with Alzheimer's for about eight years. The last couple of years were really hard on her kids/grandkids to watch and I can't even imagine how much pain she endured. I prayed several times for peace for Beady. I knew that if anyone was going to heaven- it was her. She was the only one that didn't think she was good enough to go to heaven. That's why when about a month ago when my parents visited her, she gave my mom the sweetest gift.

She had been totally out of it and sleeping most of the time. She opened her eyes and looked at my mom and said, "I'm going to heaven!" My mom said, "Yes, you are!" And Beady said with her chin quivering, "But you can't come with me." My mom said, "No, I'm not coming right now but you save me a seat."  And just knowing that she is singing and rejoicing in heaven makes me happy. I'm so proud of my grandmother, Bea. I'm going to miss her and have missed her for a while, but I know I will see her some day. She's saving our seats!

We are back from Disney World and are TIRED!! I wrote down what we did each day so I will transfer that to blogs for each day when we settle down and I have time. We made so many sweet memories and had a great time!! The kids are already making plans to go back. ha!

Saturday, April 2 was world autism awareness day and Light it Up Blue. The Light it Up Blue campaign is a global initiative to shine a light on autism and help spread awareness.

Obviously, most know that autism exists and what warning signs to look for, but if you don't know a child with autism, it's hard to know what to expect when you are around a child with autism. I used to think of Rainman when I would hear of autism. Or, I thought about a book I read way back when and the only thing that the child would do was rock back and forth and bang his head against the wall. By the way, we feel lucky that we didn't have this same experience.


I never thought that my Riley could look so normal, but struggle to talk. What? That's so crazy! I am an education major and when we learned Piaget's pre-operational stage of cognitive development, the major component is language development. When a child communicates- not IF a child can communicate.


It was heartbreaking to see Riley unaware of everyone around him. I had no idea that he even knew who I was. It was disturbing to me, a mother who had bonded with her child for the first two years, to not be needed or even wanted in the same room. He didn't need me. If he needed something, he would cry and keep trying to do it himself. He was frustrated and I know that he had to feel so alone. Not knowing that we were there to take care of him and to teach him and love him.


Then one day around 3 years old he learned to use his words. He learned to pull me by the hand if he needed something. He learned that I was "mommy" and we would get him anything that he asked for. Sometimes he didn't know the word that he was looking for and he knew that I could prompt him or give him the word or item that he needed. He learned to say, "I love you" in the sweetest voice in all the world. He learned to share his bed with us and show us pictures that he drew. He learned that when Mommy and Kylie go somewhere and leave him at grandparents, he wanted to go, too. He should go. We are his family.



So, when Riley screams just to scream or gets frustrated because he doesn't understand what we are telling him, an onlooker may think that we let our child misbehave or the child has no respect for those around him. Riley doesn't have a whole lot of awareness of social rules and what not to do in a restaurant or social setting and it is WAY more frustrating when people stare at us and scoff sInce he does look so "normal" .

I have found that tolerance has come a LONG way in just 4 short years and it's getting a little easier to do normal things that would otherwise just make Alan and I want to stay in the house instead of getting out. We still have times where just one of us will go with Kylie because we don't know how Riley (or other people) will handle certain situations but we are really putting ourselves out there by going to Disney World.


One thing that we really hope for the future is to be able to go to church as a family. Yes, church! We had a wonderful church in Dallas with so many loving and caring church friends and we miss that so much. I have discussed before how some of my "church family" (not close church friends) even had a problem with Riley and when someone at CHURCH makes you feel unwanted, um...... where do you go from there? I tried to ignore a lot and just go on with my business and a happy face but there were MANY times that I cried through church service, class, just being up at the building.

But I am learning to give it to God and work through those feelings. This autism thing is no longer a curse. I no longer feel sorry for Riley, or our family, or me. I am learning to embrace my sweet little challenge because God hand-picked Alan and I to be the parents of this sweet, smart, charming little boy. How could I not take that as a compliment? We may be challenged but we are blessed tenfold!!