I believe the message had went into my mind. Glad that I'm able to show my smile again. Well, what's the big deal?

I did something very stupid in school last week and I truely regretted it. An act of childishness. I should have thought twice before that. Or shall I say, I shouldn't have even thought of it at all. I'm still feeling very guilty. But what's done is done. I will make sure this won't happen again. I've learnt from this mistake.

I'm not putting any effort in Econs. I doubt I can still take the subject next year, provided I can be promoted. I feel so helpless. But I think I am not going to let go of the subject until the very last second. One should not give up so easily, especially when he does not know whether he can succeed or not, right?

One of the most important things I must do now is to organise my timetable for weekends. I have wasted so many of them, either sleeping or stoning or simply doing nothing constructive. I have to seek for another source of movitation soon. The current one is almost exhausted. Thank god I have some nice seniors who don't mind me joining them in the library to study. Otherwise, I probably will end up sleeping or stoning at some corner again.

Why not give it some time and meanwhile, cool down? The future is a mystery. Taking a risk is something worth doing. After all, how many opportunities will you have in your life? Just do it.

A message to myself:

Hey Shuyu,
I know it feels very terrible not to get something that you really really wanted very much. But it happens all the time right? This is just one of the failures that you are going to experience through out your entire life. If you cannot stand up this time, what about greater failures that you'll face in the future? Disappointed you are, but please do not take it too hard. Put up a smile soon. I hope you will stay optimistic and look ahead. Learn from your failures. Only then you'll realise your weaknesses and improve. Get over it, move on.
If you had the courage to give it a try, you should have the courage to face the reality. Be strong. I'm sure you can do it =)

With regards,
Shuyu

***
Hope the message will get into my mind. I know what to do. But I don't know if I can do it. I will try.

It wasn't productive at all during the holidays during national day. I merely 'touched' my homework. I must do something about econs. Or else I'll have to drop it. Mr Barber once asked me why I want to take four subjects. I could not come up with an answer. He said that he doesn't understand why students want to stress themselves by taking 4 'A' level subjects, when the requirement for university is only 3.

I really have no idea why I am taking four subjects. What I know is that my mindset has been 'I must take four subjects' all along. Funny.

I realised that I can be a very bad friend. Especially when I want to get certain things done, I can be very harsh on my friends. This is not a good practice. I have to change, or else I am just another insensitive person. Lesson learnt: not everyone can do certain things the way you think they could have been done, give them some time, BE PATIENT.

Learn to admit your mistakes. So what if you make a mistake? Everyone does. People will be glad to see you change for the better.

Even if it takes everything and anything for it to be mended, I'll do it.

oh. I have decided to give up. It's getting us nowhere. I must have sounded very problematic, may be indeed I am problematic. Certain things have changed. No matter what, they can't be undone. Despite this, I did give a try. In fact I think I tried rather hard. The result, however, proves the theory correct.

I'm not the Sun. I can't give you light and warmth. But I hope I can be the grass, the grass that will sway with the wind. And the wind, is you.

Lesson learnt:
It is a very selfish thing to do if you expect others to spend all their time with you. They've got other friends too. Even if you are a close friend of them, please do give them freedom. Being selfish is never the right thing to do.

Many people have teased me and said things such as 'you like him, admit it'. In fact sometimes, I really wonder if I really do like him. I'm very concerned about his emotionals, well-being, social life and even family. I've no idea why I cared so much. There are times when I believe the fact that I undoubtly like him. However, there are also occasions when I swear to myself and the rest of the world that I do not and will not like him. As time passes, the picture become clearer, and I believe I am right about it. It is all about feelings, or what some people call it 'chemistry'. That's the missing element between us I guess. Honestly, I believe I don't like him, but I'm still unsure of it, until recently.

He somewhat has someone in mind now. And surprisingly I do not have the sense of jealousy, at all. These kind of situations are just like testers, it forces one to reveal his or her inner most feelings with little effort.

I know my heart now. [grins =) ]

Being someone ordinary is regarded as extraordinary in the current society.

Rumours can be good or bad. Here I am talking about all the scandals in my class and among those whom I know. Although most of them are purely crap, they indeed spice up your life!! Not say I enjoy having scandals, but I just can't imagine how boring life would be without all those. hahAha. Hmm. Sometimes people might get a little too far, which could cause unwanted loss of friendship. Guess we, the people who are spreading/cooking up the scandals should control ourselves when necessary. It is not nice to break someone's friendship, even if we don't want to or don't mean to.

Hope he won't make fun of us. zz. haha. Teachers can really be very imaginative and kpo sometimes.

I'm blessed. I am one lucky person because I have so many nice people around me.

hmm. I've not put up any photo in my blog yet. haha this shall be the first one, taken with my CT and the rest of the girls in class during class outing at Seoul Garden. (picture taken from XiaoTing's blog.)

1st row(left to right): Ms Chen, me, Xiao Ting, Mitchell
2nd row(left to right): Joyce, Zhijun, Felicia, Kirana, Wing Han

This one is my beloved NJ Track and Field Team 2005.

Time can't stop for you. Just treasure everything around you so that you won't regret later.

And the deadline is around the corner. I've yet to arrive at an answer yet. It's just a yes or a no. But it determines everything.