我，喜欢人多的热闹。

但人多，彼此之间的摩擦自然会增加。

摩擦会使人与人之间的关系变得紧张。

关系紧张了，出口伤人的机会也就多了。

最终，导致关系破裂。

我，讨厌因意见不合所导致的摩擦。

如果能选择，那我宁可孤独一人，也不想破坏与家人和亲朋友之间的关系。

I'm very today because I finally get to meet a friend for the first time ever since I came back China. I seriously have no idea how I managed to survive 3 months without hanging out with anyone apart from colleagues at work and my parents.

Anyway, so this friend is Joseph, whom I've know for more than 10 years. Ironically, we went out only 2 times since we knew each other and both times are in China. The first time was in Beijing at the end of his GIP programme and the beginning of mine, and the second time is today. 

He brought me to a nice restaurant that sells authentic Singapore food for dinner. The price is ridiculously high but the taste is really authentic, not to mention that the portion is quite big. The price the comparable to a meal in those average restaurants in Singapore, with a plate of Mee Goreng costing about SGD$9. It's quite acceptable in Singapore, though not very affordable over here in China. But still the taste is good and I'm probably having this for the first and the last time this year.

Before meeting Joseph, I had nothing to do and decided to window shop at 南京路步行街. There are quite a number of guys stopping me in the middle of the road trying to promote e.g. salon or whatever. They would pull me by my arm or follow me for a few meters to talk to me. Seems that they target on girls walking along or groups of girls only. I pretty much dislike this and find it rather annoying. I know people in Europe or USA do this also but at least they are not so thick-skinned to go as far as what these Chinese people do.

Sometimes I hate to show my face despite spending an hour doing my make up because looking pretty in China means attracting unwanted attention, unless you have a guy friend with you. I love dressing up and putting on make up but this is giving me problems. I guess most people will never understand why pretty girls are usually hostile or have bad tempers in public. Because if they don't, there will be too many flies flying around them. 

It's not hard to guess that to me, the worst of all is having ended my first relationship.

I just felt so foolish to think that he would love me enough to marry me at the end of this year. The truth is, I never believed him that he loved me enough to make me happy. I never dared to tell others that he is mine and that he will never leave me. I was never confident about our relationship and our future.

This fear has always been haunting me. Is this the sense of insecurity? Is this insecurity because of him or is there problem with myself?

Somehow I think I was hardly happy from within throughout the past 1 year. There were too many disappointments. I think I was about to lose myself before I decided to go for a change. I believe I was an extrovert in the past and resented negative mentality. I heard there's something called positive energy. If this exist, I think my positive energy had been etched away slowly.

I'm glad I was brave enough to step out for a change. He gave me up twice to pursue his own happiness. I guess he doesn't really need me in his life, which is something I felt even before we started the relationship.

Anyways, cheers to being single again!

Hope I can get a Korean boyfriend next to brush up my Korean, Haha, just joking. But I'm open to the idea ^^

I think I'm going to blog more from now on, since I have no one to talk to and no friends in the city I stay in China.