What Can I Say?

I have a lot of things tumbling through my head right now. They mostly make me feel good emotions, thankfully. However, sometimes they make me a little bit confused. Have you ever been surprised when you don't react to something the way you thought you might? It's strange, because you should be able to understand yourself enough, right? Yes, it's strange. Anyway, I'm so beyond excited to start this new semester of classes, move back down to my beloved Provo, and work at a new job! I've anticipated all of this since spring, when I knew for good that this was my plan. All summer, I couldn't wait for the change, because change is so exciting, and it seemed to be all so good, too! Yet... I feel strange. I'm almost scared... a little. I know that this year in Provo can be so much better than my first two years of college were. However, I think I've finally realized that it all depends on me and what I do. A social life, good grades, activity, and stable independence won't come my way unless I'm pursuing them and nurturing them. You have to talk to people and be outwardly friendly to make friends. You have to be responsible and make smart choices to be proud of your independence. You have to maintain that balance on your own. Your place of residence, or the time of year, or the kinds of classes you take don't determine that for you. I think that's why I'm scared. I still think it will be good... mostly because I've recognized that now! (Of course, environmental situations do help with those kinds of things!) I think I can do it. I'm also feeling a bit of... loneliness. Mmmm... maybe not loneliness. I can't think of a good word to epitomize the feeling. I'm just.... very surprised at how much I'm already missing my family, even though I haven't really officially moved in yet. This is also why I think I'm feeling so much gratitude and peace. It is actually overwhelming. You see, the first time I moved away, I was so excited that I was blind to the fact that my family was missing from my everyday activities. I think I neglected their spot in my heart. I feel like this past year I spent living at home in Draper, despite my lack of excitement for the experience, has been one of the best decisions I've made. I think I've learned to appreciate so many things. I've learned so many things about people and life. I've become more responsible and stable with my personal time-management and discipline. It's just so amazing how things work out. I know that my Heavenly Father knew what I needed most, and it is the most satisfying thing in the world to know that you have followed His direction even when you didn't want to. I know that His love blesses me in so many other untraceable ways. I'm just so grateful for the times when I can trace all these tender mercies back to Him. So, I guess the point of this blog is... I'm so ready to go for it and become a better me. (even if it's going to be hard or scary!)

This blog was not my idea. However, I'm pretty excited to dive into the blogosphere! ... but it still was not my idea... So, here is the story: I am still sick today. My dumb sinus infection has decided to wage a full-fledged war on my face and then my tummy decided that it didn't like all of the contention going on inside of me. I will spare you the details of what exactly is going on inside my body. The point is, my mama decided I was staying home from work today. So, I decided to check my email this morning. GMAIL INBOX: Facebook - someone wants to be your friend! Facebook - someone tagged a really unflattering picture of you! Facebook - oh, someone else tagged (2) unflattering pictures of you! Facebook - SOMEONE'S GETTING MARRIED!!!! and you get to decide if they really do want to send you an invite because they just sent you and everyone they know the same message about how they need your addressessssss! BYU - Buy Athletic Tickets!!! Facebook - someone wrote on your wall! Shayne Clarke - Eng 316 Fall Notes/Request oh! I have a real email today! kinda... Yes, so my English teacher has reached out to his beloved students through email to inform us that he would like us to complete a few tasks before classes start and that he thinks we should be super excited for fall semester (which I totally am!). He said I needed to start a blog. So I did!